Yes, this was what remained of the genial17, kind-hearted, easy-going Frank Churchill. His friends were in despair. His mother, poor old lady, felt that the state of things now was infinitely18 worse than when Barbara was in the home; for then, though she only saw her son occasionally, she believed him to be happy; but now she scarcely ever saw him at all, and knew him to be thoroughly19 wretched. She had no satisfaction in keeping house for him; there was no use in ordering dinner which he did not eat; in "tidying" a house which he did not look at; in hunting up and hustling20 into order servants who might have been as servile as Eastern slaves, or as insolent21 as American helps, for all their master cared. The old lady's occupation was gone, and she knew it; she felt even more than ever that her position was lost, that she could not hope to supply the place of her who was absent now, however well she and her son might have got on before his marriage; and she was proportionably miserable22 and disappointed. George Harding too was greatly annoyed at Frank's conduct. His loyal soul allowed that his friend had been hardly dealt by; but he contended boldly that since Barbara's first false step, Frank had been entirely in the wrong. He contended that the husband should have gone to seek his erring24 wife, and should have endeavoured, by every means in his power, to bring her back to his home. When you talked of pride and that sort of thing to George Harding in a matter of this kind, he snapped his fingers loudly and said, "stuff!" There was no hint at any crime, at even any lightness of conduct, was there? Well then, there was but one course to pursue. When Frank distinctly refused to follow this advice, Harding shrugged25 his shoulders and left him to himself; but when he saw the dreary26, vapid27, aimless life that his friend was pursuing, the change that had come over him in every way, he prayed for an opportunity of once more taking him to task in an affectionate and friendly spirit. This opportunity had not been given, and Harding could find no chance of fault-finding in his friend's work, which, though horribly bitter and slashing28, was cleverer than ever.
The noise of the closing door rang drearily29 through the room, and Barbara keeping silence, Churchill felt it incumbent30 on him to speak. His throat was quite dry, his lips parched32 and quivering; but he made an effort, and the words came out. "You sent for me?" he said.
"I did," replied Barbara, still keeping her head bent31 and her eyes downcast: "I wished to speak with you."
"I am here," said Churchill coldly.
"I wished to tell you that--that I have learned a bitter lesson. I wished to tell you that, only to-night, only within the last few minutes, I have discovered that I have been deceived in--in certain matters that have passed between us--that I have done you--done you wrong."
Churchill merely bowed his head.
"I was present in the next room when what has just passed there took place. I was present, and I heard every word. It was by no chance, by no accident, I heard it; I was there intentionally33 and for the purpose. When that poor girl now lying there sent for you, I felt assured that I should gain the key to that mystery which ruined our married happiness; I felt assured that I should arrive at a solution of that mystery; and now it is solved. You, who know my pride, may judge what fearful interest that question must have had for me when I descended34 to such means to gain my ends."
Churchill bowed again, but said not a word.
"I have heard it," continued Barbara--"heard the story from first to last. That poor stricken creature lying there, on what we both know to be her deathbed, is ignorant even of my name far more of my relationship to you. From her lips I stand convicted of my mistake; from her lips I learn that I have done you an injustice35. I asked you to come in here that I might acknowledge this to you." For the first time during the interview, she raised her eyes; they met those of her husband, which were cold and pitiless.
"You are very good; but don't you think your admission comes rather late? Pardon me one minute,"--Barbara had made a sign as though about to speak,--"I'll not detain you more than one minute. I wooed you as humbly36 as any rightminded man could, more humbly than some would think fit and proper; but let that pass. Before I asked you to share my life, I showed you plainly what that life was; I did not withhold37 one jot38 of its difficulties, its restrictions39, its poverty, if you will. I pointed23 out to you plainly and unsparingly the sacrifices you would have to make, certain luxuries--little perhaps in themselves, but difficult to do without, from constant use--which you would have to give up. I put before you what I knew would prove (as it has proved) the fact, that, if you married me, the set of people amongst whom you had always lived would consider you had demeaned yourself, and would give you up. I pointed all this plainly out to you,--did I not?"
"You did."
"And you, having heard it all, and weighed it as much as women with any thing like heart in them do weigh such matters, agreed to link your lot with mine. Good. We married, and I brought you to your home; not a brilliant home by any means, not a fairy bower40 likely to catch the fancy of a young girl, but still, I make bold to say, a comfortable enough home, and one out of which, mind you, my mother--one of the common-minded, commonplace people so sneered41 at by your superior race--removed, of her own free will, in order that you might be its sole mistress. You follow me?" he asked, for her head had drooped42 again and he could not see her face.
She murmured some indistinct answer, and as he looked across he thought he saw the trace of tears upon her cheeks.
"What was the result?" he continued. "From that time out, you began to change. There were great allowances to be made for you, I grant. The place was dull, the house small, the furniture meagre; the persons amongst whom you were thrown strange and entirely different from any you had previously43 mixed with. But the house was your own; the furniture sufficient for our wants; the people anxious to receive you kindly44 and hospitably45, to make you feel welcome, to do any thing for you for my sake. My mother, in some respects a peculiar46 woman, came out of the semi-seclusion in which she had lived for years, to show her regard for you; she wanted you to share in that wealth of affection which she lavished47 on me; she wanted you to be as much her daughter as I was her son. Did you respond to this in any way? No. Did you try to content yourself with the lot which you had accepted? No. Did you, knowing full well how all were striving for you, endeavour to accommodate yourself to, and make the best of, circumstances? No, no, no! You sit moping and indolent in your house, leaving things to go on as they best can; nursing your grief and disappointment and rage until you see every thing through a distorted medium; you alienate48 my friends by your undisguised contempt; you affront49 my mother by openly spurning50 her proffered51 affection. All this you do, wilfully52 or foolishly ignoring the fact that in each and every act you inflict53 a stab on me--on me, slaving for you, loving you, adoring you!"
"Oh, Frank, Frank!"
"Yet one minute, if you please; I will not detain you longer; I should never have sought this opportunity,"--Barbara winced,--"but having it, I must in self defence avail myself of it to the utmost. Not merely do you pursue the line of conduct I have just described, but you forget yourself and annoy me in a far greater degree. I am told of your constantly receiving visits from a gentleman during the hours of my absence from home. I mention this mildly, and beg you to hint to him to call at some other time. You are offended at this; and after a discussion, I acknowledge I may have been hasty, and the subject is dropped. I take you to a party where you meet some of your old friends; your spirits revive; you are more like your old self than you have been since your marriage; and you walk off; away from all the rest of the party, with this same gentleman, with whom I myself see you in singularly earnest conversation. I again speak to you on this point; you deny that I have any occasion for complaint, and I again give way. And now what return do you make me for my kindness, my trust, my confidence? You accuse me of receiving letters, which as your husband I should not receive: and you demand to know the purport54 of the letters, and the name of the writer. I give a general denial to your suspicions; but as to telling you what you require, my pride--"
"Oh, even you have pride, then?" said Barbara, with a half-sneer.
"Proper pride! my honour, if you will,--for my honour was pledged in the matter--forbade it. Then, acting55 on a wild and miserable impulse,--without one thought or care for me, for yourself, for our name and reputation,--you took a step which has brought misery56 on my life. You left my house, your home,--left it and left me to be the talk, the object of the gossip, and the pity of all who heard the wretched story. Not content with that, you come to this house, and I am given to understand that, since you have been here, you have been constantly visited by the man I have before spoken of--Captain Lyster!"
No drooping57 head now! Barbara is standing erect58 as a dart59. Her cheeks dead white, her lips compressed, her eyes flaming fire.
"You have been told lies!" she said; "lies which, were it not to cure your madness, and to show you how weak you are, and how mercilessly you have been played upon, I would scorn to answer! So these dear delightful60 people have started that story about me, have they; have tried to degrade me in my husband's eyes by such a miserable concoction61 as that; and my husband has believed them. It is only on a par11 with the rest of the generous sympathy they have shown me, and like all the rest of their wretched machinations, it has some slight shadow of a foundation. Captain Lyster has been here; has been here frequently,--oh, you need not raise your eyebrows,--it was not to see me he came. I will tell you, in self-defence, what I would not have mentioned otherwise. Ever since Mrs. Schr?der's trouble, Captain Lyster has been her kindest and most active friend. Before she was married he took the greatest interest in her; and it was only her father's incontrovertible desire that she should marry as she did, that prevented him from proposing for her. More; when you saw us walking together at that garden-party at Uplands, it was of Alice he was speaking; it was to tell me of how her reputation had been imperilled by false and cowardly reports, that he had sought me out; and it was to ask my advice and assistance, to enlist62 me on her side, that he was so urgent."
"How can I be sure of this?"
"How can you be sure of it! Did I ever tell you a falsehood in my life? You know perfectly63 well,--you would know, at least, if you had not been blinded by ridiculous jealousy64, springing from suspicions artfully sown,--that I am incapable65 of deceiving you in any way."
"What brought Captain. Lyster so frequently to my house, in the early days,--before the garden-party at Uplands, I mean,--and why did he always come when I was away?"
"Shall I tell you what I believe brought Captain Lyster so frequently to your house, Frank Churchill? I did not intend to mention it; I intended to have spared you. Mind you, he never said as much to me,--he is too true and too honourable66 a gentleman to cast a slur67 on any one; but I honestly believe that Captain Lyster's visits to me were paid through sheer pity."
"Pity!"
"Ay, pity! He is a keen observer, a shrewd man of the world, for all his vapidity68 and his drawl; and I firmly believe that he pitied me from his soul. He had known me in other days, recollect69; he had seen me when--well, there is no vanity in saying it; you know it as well as I do--when I was thought and made much of; when the world was to me a very light and pleasant place, in which I moved about as one of the favoured ones; when I did not know what it was to be checked or thwarted70, and when all paths were made smooth for me. He found me solitary71, dull, wretched; in a dreary quarter of the town, which was utterly72 unknown to me; my only acquaintance, people with whom I had not one single thing in common,--people looking with horror on all I had been accustomed to enjoy, and enjoying all I had heartily73 detested74. He found me triste and low; he thought I was becoming dejected and unhappy; not that I ever told him so, of course,--my pride is as great as his; but he is, as I have said, no fool, and he found it out. What did he do? In the most delicate manner possible, he tried to rouse me, and to show me what source of happiness I had in my new position and in your love. He was the only link between my old and my new life; the only person I used to see, who went among the people with whom I had formerly75 lived. Was it very extraordinary for a girl to ask news of those with whom the whole of her life had been spent? I used to ask Captain Lyster for such news; and he would give it me, always in the gentlest and most delicate manner; telling me, of course, of gaieties that had taken place, but pointing out how silly they were, and how happy the most fêted girls at them would be to settle down into a calm happy love, such as--such as he thought I possessed76."
"Did he say all this?"
"He did; and more--much more. Since I have been here, Alice Schr?der has told me that on several occasions when your name has been freely commented upon, Captain Lyster has defended you with the utmost warmth, and with a spirit which one can scarcely imagine so naturally indolent a man to be capable of exercising. More than this: when the unhappy story of our separation became public scandal, I, having hitherto refrained from speaking to Captain Lyster about it, but knowing that he must now have heard all, was about one day to ask his advice. He stopped me at once. 'Pardon me, my dear Mrs. Churchill,' he said; 'this is a topic on which I cannot and must not enter. The time will come when--when it will be all happily settled again; and you would then very much regret having discussed the subject with me. If it should ever be my luck to be married, and I had--as undoubtedly77 I should have--a dispute with my wife, I would lock the door until we had settled it, and returned to our usual equable state. Not one living soul should ever be able to jeer78 me about a matrimonial quarrel.'"
"He was right; God knows he was right!" said Churchill, bitterly.
"And yet this is the man whom you have chosen to misrepresent in such a matter. Believe me, that people unfortunately situated79 as we are, could have found very few friends with the kind heart, the tact80, and delicacy81 of Captain Lyster."
And then Barbara, heated and fatigued82 with her defence, stopped, and her head drooped again, and she was silent. There was an awkward pause; then Churchill said,
"You sent for me to--"
"As I have told you--to confess that I had heard the statement made in the next room, and to admit that I was in error in imagining that those letters came from an improper83 source."
Now was Frank Churchill's time. One kind word from him, and the misery of his life was at an end. But with that strange perversity84 which not unfrequently is a characteristic of good and clever men, he fell into the snare85 of saying and doing exactly what he should not.
"And you are prepared to come home--" he commenced, in a hard voice.
"To come home," continued Churchill, not noticing the interruption,--"to come home confessing that you were entirely in the wrong, and that you had no shadow of excuse for leaving as you did. To come home--"
"Stop, Frank!" burst out Barbara, unable any longer to control herself; "this is not the way to win a person of my temperament87 to agree to any measures which you may propose. To come home, confessing this and acknowledging that,--why, you know perfectly that you yourself were equally to blame in the preposterous88 jealousy which you showed of Captain Lyster! I will confess and acknowledge nothing. I will come home to you as your wife,--to be the first in your regard,--to devote myself to you; but I will make no pledges as to accepting other people's interference, or submitting to--"
"In fact," said Frank, "as to being any thing different from what you were. Now that will not do. Much as--as I may have loved you"--his voice broke here--"I would sooner live away from you than undergo the torture of those last few weeks at home again. It would be better for us both that--well, I will not say more about it. God's will be done! One thing, I shall be able to make you now some definite allowance, on which you can live comfortably without being a burden on your relatives or friends. Sir Marmaduke Wentworth is dead; and I understand from his lawyer that I am a legatee, though to what extent I do not yet know. I had hoped that--"
He was interrupted by a soft knock at the door. Presently the door opened, and the nurse put in her head, with an alarmed expression of face. "Come, come!" said she; "quickly! both of you!" and withdrew.
Frank stopped, and motioned Barbara to pass before him.
"Oh, no!" she exclaimed wildly, clasping her hands and looking piteously into his face; "not into the presence of Death!--we cannot go into the presence of Death with these wild words on our lips, this wicked rage at our hearts! Frank, Frank, my darling! fancy if either of us were summoned while feeling so to each other. It is a horrible madness, this; a wild inexplicable89 torture; but let it end--oh, let it end! I will pray for forgiveness; I will be humble90; I will do all you wish! Oh, Frank, Frank, take me once more to yourself!"
His strong arms are round her once again; once more her head is pillowed on his breast; while between his sobs91 he says, "Forgive you, my darling! Oh, ought not I also to implore92 your forgiveness!"
点击收听单词发音
1 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
2 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
3 contrition | |
n.悔罪,痛悔 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
4 reconciliation | |
n.和解,和谐,一致 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
5 ductile | |
adj.易延展的,柔软的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
6 rigid | |
adj.严格的,死板的;刚硬的,僵硬的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
7 cynical | |
adj.(对人性或动机)怀疑的,不信世道向善的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
8 aspirations | |
强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 ); 志向; 发送气音; 发 h 音 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
9 virtues | |
美德( virtue的名词复数 ); 德行; 优点; 长处 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
10 deserted | |
adj.荒芜的,荒废的,无人的,被遗弃的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
11 par | |
n.标准,票面价值,平均数量;adj.票面的,平常的,标准的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
12 rattle | |
v.飞奔,碰响;激怒;n.碰撞声;拨浪鼓 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
13 moody | |
adj.心情不稳的,易怒的,喜怒无常的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
14 vaguely | |
adv.含糊地,暖昧地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
15 retrenchment | |
n.节省,删除 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
16 renown | |
n.声誉,名望 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
17 genial | |
adj.亲切的,和蔼的,愉快的,脾气好的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
18 infinitely | |
adv.无限地,无穷地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
19 thoroughly | |
adv.完全地,彻底地,十足地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
20 hustling | |
催促(hustle的现在分词形式) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
21 insolent | |
adj.傲慢的,无理的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
22 miserable | |
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
23 pointed | |
adj.尖的,直截了当的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
24 erring | |
做错事的,错误的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
25 shrugged | |
vt.耸肩(shrug的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
26 dreary | |
adj.令人沮丧的,沉闷的,单调乏味的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
27 vapid | |
adj.无味的;无生气的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
28 slashing | |
adj.尖锐的;苛刻的;鲜明的;乱砍的v.挥砍( slash的现在分词 );鞭打;割破;削减 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
29 drearily | |
沉寂地,厌倦地,可怕地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
30 incumbent | |
adj.成为责任的,有义务的;现任的,在职的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
31 bent | |
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
32 parched | |
adj.焦干的;极渴的;v.(使)焦干 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
33 intentionally | |
ad.故意地,有意地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
34 descended | |
a.为...后裔的,出身于...的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
35 injustice | |
n.非正义,不公正,不公平,侵犯(别人的)权利 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
36 humbly | |
adv. 恭顺地,谦卑地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
37 withhold | |
v.拒绝,不给;使停止,阻挡 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
38 jot | |
n.少量;vi.草草记下;vt.匆匆写下 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
39 restrictions | |
约束( restriction的名词复数 ); 管制; 制约因素; 带限制性的条件(或规则) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
40 bower | |
n.凉亭,树荫下凉快之处;闺房;v.荫蔽 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
41 sneered | |
讥笑,冷笑( sneer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
42 drooped | |
弯曲或下垂,发蔫( droop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
43 previously | |
adv.以前,先前(地) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
44 kindly | |
adj.和蔼的,温和的,爽快的;adv.温和地,亲切地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
45 hospitably | |
亲切地,招待周到地,善于款待地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
46 peculiar | |
adj.古怪的,异常的;特殊的,特有的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
47 lavished | |
v.过分给予,滥施( lavish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
48 alienate | |
vt.使疏远,离间;转让(财产等) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
49 affront | |
n./v.侮辱,触怒 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
50 spurning | |
v.一脚踢开,拒绝接受( spurn的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
51 proffered | |
v.提供,贡献,提出( proffer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
52 wilfully | |
adv.任性固执地;蓄意地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
53 inflict | |
vt.(on)把…强加给,使遭受,使承担 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
54 purport | |
n.意义,要旨,大要;v.意味著,做为...要旨,要领是... | |
参考例句: |
|
|
55 acting | |
n.演戏,行为,假装;adj.代理的,临时的,演出用的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
56 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
57 drooping | |
adj. 下垂的,无力的 动词droop的现在分词 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
58 erect | |
n./v.树立,建立,使竖立;adj.直立的,垂直的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
59 dart | |
v.猛冲,投掷;n.飞镖,猛冲 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
60 delightful | |
adj.令人高兴的,使人快乐的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
61 concoction | |
n.调配(物);谎言 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
62 enlist | |
vt.谋取(支持等),赢得;征募;vi.入伍 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
63 perfectly | |
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
64 jealousy | |
n.妒忌,嫉妒,猜忌 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
65 incapable | |
adj.无能力的,不能做某事的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
66 honourable | |
adj.可敬的;荣誉的,光荣的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
67 slur | |
v.含糊地说;诋毁;连唱;n.诋毁;含糊的发音 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
68 vapidity | |
n.乏味;无滋味;无生气;无趣 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
69 recollect | |
v.回忆,想起,记起,忆起,记得 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
70 thwarted | |
阻挠( thwart的过去式和过去分词 ); 使受挫折; 挫败; 横过 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
71 solitary | |
adj.孤独的,独立的,荒凉的;n.隐士 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
72 utterly | |
adv.完全地,绝对地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
73 heartily | |
adv.衷心地,诚恳地,十分,很 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
74 detested | |
v.憎恶,嫌恶,痛恨( detest的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
75 formerly | |
adv.从前,以前 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
76 possessed | |
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
77 undoubtedly | |
adv.确实地,无疑地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
78 jeer | |
vi.嘲弄,揶揄;vt.奚落;n.嘲笑,讥评 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
79 situated | |
adj.坐落在...的,处于某种境地的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
80 tact | |
n.机敏,圆滑,得体 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
81 delicacy | |
n.精致,细微,微妙,精良;美味,佳肴 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
82 fatigued | |
adj. 疲乏的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
83 improper | |
adj.不适当的,不合适的,不正确的,不合礼仪的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
84 perversity | |
n.任性;刚愎自用 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
85 snare | |
n.陷阱,诱惑,圈套;(去除息肉或者肿瘤的)勒除器;响弦,小军鼓;vt.以陷阱捕获,诱惑 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
86 abruptly | |
adv.突然地,出其不意地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
87 temperament | |
n.气质,性格,性情 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
88 preposterous | |
adj.荒谬的,可笑的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
89 inexplicable | |
adj.无法解释的,难理解的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
90 humble | |
adj.谦卑的,恭顺的;地位低下的;v.降低,贬低 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
91 sobs | |
啜泣(声),呜咽(声)( sob的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
92 implore | |
vt.乞求,恳求,哀求 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
欢迎访问英文小说网 |