His shirt and his clothes, laid out on the bed by his valet, seemed to be waiting for him in a domestic and obsequious3 attitude. He began to dress himself with a somewhat ill-tempered alacrity4. He was impatient to leave the house. He opened his round window, listened to the murmur5 of the city, and saw above the roofs the glow which rose into the sky from the city of Paris. He scented6 from afar all the amorous7 flesh gathered, on this winter's night, in the theatres and the great cabarets, the café-concerts and the bars.
Irritated by Félicie's denial of his desires, he had decided8 to satisfy them elsewhere, and as he was not conscious of any preference he believed that his only difficulty would be to make a choice; but he presently realized that he had no desire for any [Pg 182] of the women of his acquaintance, nor did he even feel any desire for an unknown woman. He closed his window, and seated himself before the fire.
It was a coke fire; Madame de Ligny, who wore cloaks costing a thousand pounds, was wont9 to economize10 in the matter of her table and her fires. She would not allow wood to be burned in her house.
He reflected upon his own affairs, to which he had so far given little or no thought; upon the career he had embraced, and which he beheld11 obscurely before him. The Minister was a great friend of his family. A mountaineer of the Cévennes, brought up on chestnuts12, his dazzled eyes blinked at the flower-bedecked tables of Paris. He was too shrewd and too wily not to retain his advantage over the old aristocracy, which welcomed him to its bosom13: the advantage of harsh caprices and arrogant14 refusals. Ligny knew him, and expected no favours at his hands. In this respect he was more perspicacious15 than his mother, who credited herself with a certain power over the dark, hairy little man, whom every Thursday she engulfed16 in her majestic17 skirts on the way from the drawing-room to the dinner-table. He judged him to be disobliging. And then something had gone wrong between them. Robert, as ill luck would have it, had forestalled18 his Minister in his intimacy19 with a [Pg 183] lady whom the latter loved to the verge20 of absurdity21: Madame de Neuilles, a woman of easy virtue22. And it seemed to him that the hairy little man suspected it, and regarded him with an unfriendly eye. And, lastly, the idea had grown upon him at the Quai d'Orsay that Ministers are neither able nor willing to do very much. But he did not exaggerate matters, and thought it quite possible that he might obtain a minor23 secretaryship. Such had been his wish hitherto. He was most anxious not to leave Paris. His mother, on the contrary, would have preferred that he should be sent to The Hague, where a post as third secretary was vacant. Now, of a sudden, he decided in favour of The Hague. "I'll go," he said. "The sooner the better." Having made up his mind, he reviewed his reasons. In the first place, it would be an excellent thing for his future career. Again, The Hague post was a pleasant one. A friend of his, who had held it, had enlarged upon the delightful24 hypocrisy25 of the sleepy little capital, where everything was engineered and "wangled" for the comfort of the Diplomatic Corps26. He reflected, also, that The Hague was the august cradle of a new international law, and finally went so far as to invoke27 the argument that he would be giving pleasure to his mother. After which he realized that he wanted to leave home solely28 on account of Félicie.
[Pg 184]
His thoughts of her were not benevolent29. He knew her to be mendacious30, timorous31, and a malicious32 friend. He had proof that she was given to falling in love with actors of the lowest type, or, at all events, that she made shift with them. He was not certain that she did not deceive him, not that he had discovered anything suspect in the life which she was leading, but because he was properly distrustful of all women. He conjured33 up in his mind all the evil that he knew of her, and persuaded himself that she was a little jade34, and, being conscious that he loved her, he believed that he loved her merely because of her extreme prettiness. This reason seemed to him a sound one; but on analysing it he perceived that it explained nothing; that he loved the girl not because she was exceedingly pretty, but because she was pretty in a certain uncommon35 fashion of her own; that he loved her for that which was incomparable and rare in her; because, in a word, she was a wonderful thing of art and voluptuousness36, a living gem37 of priceless value. Thereupon, realizing how weak he was, he wept, mourning over his lost freedom, his captive mind, his disordered soul, the devotion of his very flesh and blood to a weak, perfidious38 little creature.
He had scorched39 his eyes by gazing at the coke fire behind the bars of the grate. He closed them in pain and, under his closed eyes, he saw negroes [Pg 185] leaping before him in an obscene and bloody40 riot. While he sought to remember from what book of travel, read in boyhood, these blacks emerged, he saw them diminish, resolve themselves into imperceptible specks41, and disappear into a red Africa, which little by little came to represent the wound seen by the light of a match on the night of the suicide. He reflected.
"That fool of a Chevalier! Why, I was scarcely thinking of the fellow!"
Suddenly, against this background of blood and flame; appeared the slender form of Félicie, and he felt lurking42 within him a hot, cruel desire.
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1
retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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attic
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| n.顶楼，屋顶室 | |
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3
obsequious
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| adj.谄媚的，奉承的，顺从的 | |
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alacrity
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| n.敏捷，轻快，乐意 | |
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murmur
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| n.低语，低声的怨言；v.低语，低声而言 | |
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6
scented
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| adj.有香味的；洒香水的；有气味的v.嗅到(scent的过去分词) | |
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7
amorous
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| adj.多情的；有关爱情的 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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wont
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| adj.习惯于；v.习惯；n.习惯 | |
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economize
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| v.节约，节省 | |
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beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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12
chestnuts
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| n.栗子( chestnut的名词复数 )；栗色；栗树；栗色马 | |
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13
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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arrogant
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| adj.傲慢的，自大的 | |
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perspicacious
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| adj.聪颖的，敏锐的 | |
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16
engulfed
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| v.吞没，包住( engulf的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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majestic
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| adj.雄伟的，壮丽的，庄严的，威严的，崇高的 | |
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forestalled
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| v.先发制人，预先阻止( forestall的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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verge
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| n.边，边缘；v.接近，濒临 | |
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absurdity
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| n.荒谬，愚蠢；谬论 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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minor
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| adj.较小(少)的，较次要的；n.辅修学科；vi.辅修 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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hypocrisy
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| n.伪善，虚伪 | |
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corps
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| n.(通信等兵种的)部队；(同类作的)一组 | |
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invoke
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| v.求助于(神、法律)；恳求，乞求 | |
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solely
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| adv.仅仅，唯一地 | |
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29
benevolent
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| adj.仁慈的，乐善好施的 | |
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mendacious
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| adj.不真的，撒谎的 | |
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31
timorous
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| adj.胆怯的，胆小的 | |
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malicious
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| adj.有恶意的，心怀恶意的 | |
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33
conjured
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| 用魔术变出( conjure的过去式和过去分词 )； 祈求，恳求； 变戏法； （变魔术般地） 使…出现 | |
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34
jade
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| n.玉石；碧玉；翡翠 | |
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uncommon
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| adj.罕见的，非凡的，不平常的 | |
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36
voluptuousness
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| n.风骚，体态丰满 | |
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37
gem
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| n.宝石，珠宝；受爱戴的人 [同]jewel | |
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38
perfidious
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| adj.不忠的，背信弃义的 | |
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39
scorched
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| 烧焦，烤焦( scorch的过去式和过去分词 )； 使（植物）枯萎，把…晒枯； 高速行驶； 枯焦 | |
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40
bloody
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| adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染 | |
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41
specks
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| n.眼镜；斑点，微粒，污点( speck的名词复数 ) | |
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42
lurking
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| 潜在 | |
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