She had arrived shortly after lunch in the car with the Braythwayt girl. I was introduced to the latter, a tallish girl with blue eyes and fair hair. I rather took to her—she was so unlike Honoria—and, if I had been able to spare the time, I shouldn't have minded talking to her for a bit. But business was business—I had fixed3 it up with Bingo to be behind the bushes at three sharp, so I got hold of Honoria and steered5 her out through the grounds in the direction of the lake.
"You're very quiet, Mr. Wooster," she said.
Made me jump a bit. I was concentrating pretty tensely at the moment. We had just come in sight of the lake, and I was casting a keen eye over the ground to see that everything was in order. Everything appeared to be as arranged. The kid Oswald was hunched6 up on the bridge; and, as Bingo wasn't visible, I took it that he had got into position. My watch made it two minutes after the hour.
"Eh?" I said. "Oh, ah, yes. I was just thinking."
"You said you had something important to say to me."
"Absolutely!" I had decided7 to open the proceedings8 by sort of paving the way for young Bingo. I mean to say, without actually mentioning his name, I wanted to prepare the girl's mind for the fact that, surprising as it might seem, there was someone who had long loved her from afar and all that sort of rot. "It's like this," I said. "It may sound rummy and all that, but there's somebody who's frightfully in love with you and so forth—a friend of mine, you know."
"Oh, a friend of yours?"
"Yes."
[Pg 64]
She gave a kind of a laugh.
"Well, why doesn't he tell me so?"
"Well, you see, that's the sort of chap he is. Kind of shrinking, diffident kind of fellow. Hasn't got the nerve. Thinks you so much above him, don't you know. Looks on you as a sort of goddess. Worships the ground you tread on, but can't whack9 up the ginger10 to tell you so."
"This is very interesting."
"Yes. He's not a bad chap, you know, in his way. Rather an ass11, perhaps, but well-meaning. Well, that's the posish. You might just bear it in mind, what?"
"How funny you are!"
She chucked back her head and laughed with considerable vim12. She had a penetrating13 sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel. It didn't sound over-musical to me, and on the kid Oswald it appeared to jar not a little. He gazed at us with a good deal of dislike.
"I wish the dickens you wouldn't make that row," he said. "Scaring all the fish away."
It broke the spell a bit. Honoria changed the subject.
"I do wish Oswald wouldn't sit on the bridge like that," she said. "I'm sure it isn't safe. He might easily fall in."
"I'll go and tell him," I said.
* * * * *
I suppose the distance between the kid and me at this juncture14 was about five yards, but I got the impression that it was nearer a hundred. And, as I started to toddle15 across the intervening space, I had a rummy feeling that I'd done this very thing before. Then I remembered. Years ago, at a country-house party, I had been roped in to play[Pg 65] the part of a butler in some amateur theatricals16 in aid of some ghastly charity or other; and I had had to open the proceedings by walking across the empty stage from left upper entrance and shoving a tray on a table down right. They had impressed it on me at rehearsals18 that I mustn't take the course at a quick heel-and-toe, like a chappie finishing strongly in a walking-race; and the result was that I kept the brakes on to such an extent that it seemed to me as if I was never going to get to the bally table at all. The stage seemed to stretch out in front of me like a trackless desert, and there was a kind of breathless hush19 as if all Nature had paused to concentrate its attention on me personally. Well, I felt just like that now. I had a kind of dry gulping20 in my throat, and the more I walked the farther away the kid seemed to get, till suddenly I found myself standing21 just behind him without quite knowing how I'd got there.
"Hallo!" I said, with a sickly sort of grin—wasted on the kid, because he didn't bother to turn round and look at me. He merely wiggled his left ear in a rather peevish23 manner. I don't know when I've met anybody in whose life I appeared to mean so little.
"Hallo!" I said. "Fishing?"
I laid my hand in a sort of elder-brotherly way on his shoulder.
"Here, look out!" said the kid, wobbling on his foundations.
It was one of those things that want doing quickly or not at all. I shut my eyes and pushed. Something seemed to give. There was a scrambling24 sound, a kind of yelp25, a scream in the offing, and a splash. And so the long day wore on, so to speak.
I opened my eyes. The kid was just coming to the surface.
[Pg 66]
"Help!" I shouted, cocking an eye on the bush from which young Bingo was scheduled to emerge.
Nothing happened. Young Bingo didn't emerge to the slightest extent whatever.
"I say! Help!" I shouted again.
I don't want to bore you with reminiscences of my theatrical17 career, but I must just touch once more on that appearance of mine as the butler. The scheme on that occasion had been that when I put the tray on the table the heroine would come on and say a few words to get me off. Well, on the night the misguided female forgot to stand by, and it was a full minute before the search-party located her and shot her on to the stage. And all that time I had to stand there, waiting. A rotten sensation, believe me, and this was just the same, only worse. I understood what these writer-chappies mean when they talk about time standing still.
Meanwhile, the kid Oswald was presumably being cut off in his prime, and it began to seem to me that some sort of steps ought to be taken about it. What I had seen of the lad hadn't particularly endeared him to me, but it was undoubtedly26 a bit thick to let him pass away. I don't know when I have seen anything more grubby and unpleasant than the lake as viewed from the bridge; but the thing apparently27 had to be done. I chucked off my coat and vaulted28 over.
It seems rummy that water should be so much wetter when you go into it with your clothes on than when you're just bathing, but take it from me that it is. I was only under about three seconds, I suppose, but I came up feeling like the bodies you read of in the paper which "had evidently been in the water several days." I felt clammy and bloated.
At this point the scenario29 struck another snag.[Pg 67] I had assumed that directly I came to the surface I should get hold of the kid and steer4 him courageously30 to shore. But he hadn't waited to be steered. When I had finished getting the water out of my eyes and had time to take a look round, I saw him about ten yards away, going strongly and using, I think, the Australian crawl. The spectacle took all the heart out of me. I mean to say, the whole essence of a rescue, if you know what I mean, is that the party of the second part shall keep fairly still and in one spot. If he starts swimming off on his own account and can obviously give you at least forty yards in the hundred, where are you? The whole thing falls through. It didn't seem to me that there was much to be done except get ashore31, so I got ashore. By the time I had landed, the kid was half-way to the house. Look at it from whatever angle you like, the thing was a wash-out.
I was interrupted in my meditations32 by a noise like the Scotch33 express going under a bridge. It was Honoria Glossop laughing. She was standing at my elbow, looking at me in a rummy manner.
"Oh, Bertie, you are funny!" she said. And even in that moment there seemed to me something sinister34 in the words. She had never called me anything except "Mr. Wooster" before. "How wet you are!"
"Yes, I am wet."
"You had better hurry into the house and change."
"Yes."
"You are funny!" she said again. "First proposing in that extraordinary roundabout way, and then pushing poor little Oswald into the lake so as to impress me by saving him."
[Pg 68]
I managed to get the water out of my throat sufficiently36 to try to correct this fearful impression.
"No, no!"
"He said you pushed him in, and I saw you do it. Oh, I'm not angry, Bertie. I think it was too sweet of you. But I'm quite sure it's time that I took you in hand. You certainly want someone to look after you. You've been seeing too many moving-pictures. I suppose the next thing you would have done would have been to set the house on fire so as to rescue me." She looked at me in a proprietary37 sort of way. "I think," she said, "I shall be able to make something of you, Bertie. It is true yours has been a wasted life up to the present, but you are still young, and there is a lot of good in you."
"No, really there isn't."
"Oh, yes, there is. It simply wants bringing out. Now you run straight up to the house and change your wet clothes, or you will catch cold."
And, if you know what I mean, there was a sort of motherly note in her voice which seemed to tell me, even more than her actual words, that I was for it.
* * * * *
"Bertie!" he said. "Just the man I wanted to see. Bertie, a wonderful thing has happened."
"You blighter!" I cried. "What became of you? Do you know——?"
"Oh, you mean about being in those bushes? I hadn't time to tell you about that. It's all off."
"All off?"
"Bertie, I was actually starting to hide in those bushes when the most extraordinary thing happened.[Pg 69] Walking across the lawn I saw the most radiant, the most beautiful girl in the world. There is none like her, none. Bertie, do you believe in love at first sight? You do believe in love at first sight, don't you, Bertie, old man? Directly I saw her, she seemed to draw me like a magnet. I seemed to forget everything. We two were alone in a world of music and sunshine. I joined her. I got into conversation. She is a Miss Braythwayt, Bertie—Daphne Braythwayt. Directly our eyes met, I realised that what I had imagined to be my love for Honoria Glossop had been a mere22 passing whim39. Bertie, you do believe in love at first sight, don't you? She is so wonderful, so sympathetic. Like a tender goddess——"
At this point I left the blighter.
* * * * *
Two days later I got a letter from Jeeves.
" ... The weather," it ended, "continues fine. I have had one exceedingly enjoyable bathe."
I gave one of those hollow, mirthless laughs, and went downstairs to join Honoria. I had an appointment with her in the drawing-room. She was going to read Ruskin to me.
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1
hitch
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| v.免费搭(车旅行)；系住；急提；n.故障；急拉 | |
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2
regiment
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| n.团，多数，管理；v.组织，编成团，统制 | |
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3
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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4
steer
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| vt.驾驶，为…操舵；引导；vi.驾驶 | |
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5
steered
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| v.驾驶( steer的过去式和过去分词 )；操纵；控制；引导 | |
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6
hunched
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| （常指因寒冷、生病或愁苦）耸肩弓身的，伏首前倾的 | |
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7
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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8
proceedings
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| n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报 | |
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9
whack
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| v.敲击，重打，瓜分；n.重击，重打，尝试，一份 | |
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10
ginger
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| n.姜，精力，淡赤黄色；adj.淡赤黄色的；vt.使活泼，使有生气 | |
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11
ass
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| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
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12
vim
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| n.精力，活力 | |
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13
penetrating
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| adj.（声音）响亮的，尖锐的adj.（气味）刺激的adj.（思想）敏锐的，有洞察力的 | |
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14
juncture
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| n.时刻，关键时刻，紧要关头 | |
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15
toddle
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| v.（如小孩）蹒跚学步 | |
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16
theatricals
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| n.（业余性的）戏剧演出，舞台表演艺术；职业演员；戏剧的( theatrical的名词复数 )；剧场的；炫耀的；戏剧性的 | |
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17
theatrical
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| adj.剧场的，演戏的；做戏似的，做作的 | |
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18
rehearsals
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| n.练习( rehearsal的名词复数 )；排练；复述；重复 | |
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19
hush
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| int.嘘，别出声；n.沉默，静寂；v.使安静 | |
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20
gulping
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| v.狼吞虎咽地吃，吞咽( gulp的现在分词 )；大口地吸（气）；哽住 | |
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21
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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22
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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23
peevish
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| adj.易怒的，坏脾气的 | |
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24
scrambling
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| v.快速爬行( scramble的现在分词 )；攀登；争夺；（军事飞机）紧急起飞 | |
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25
yelp
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| vi.狗吠 | |
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26
undoubtedly
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| adv.确实地，无疑地 | |
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27
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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28
vaulted
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| adj.拱状的 | |
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29
scenario
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| n.剧本，脚本；概要 | |
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30
courageously
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| ad.勇敢地，无畏地 | |
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31
ashore
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| adv.在(向)岸上，上岸 | |
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32
meditations
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| 默想( meditation的名词复数 )； 默念； 沉思； 冥想 | |
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33
scotch
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| n.伤口，刻痕；苏格兰威士忌酒；v.粉碎，消灭，阻止；adj.苏格兰(人)的 | |
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34
sinister
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| adj.不吉利的，凶恶的，左边的 | |
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35
wrung
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| 绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 )； 握紧（尤指别人的手）； 把（湿衣服）拧干； 绞掉（水） | |
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36
sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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37
proprietary
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| n.所有权，所有的；独占的；业主 | |
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38
festive
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| adj.欢宴的，节日的 | |
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39
whim
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| n.一时的兴致，突然的念头；奇想，幻想 | |
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