With weary eyes and pale cheeks she took the letters from her maid’s hand. She was almost too tired to open them, but as the letters fell loosely on the coverlet, she saw one in Colin’s handwriting. With her heart beating fast, she picked it up and tore it open. For a moment she forgot that it had probably been posted before he brought her home from the studio.
A letter and some printed matter fell out. She picked up the printed matter first. It was a page proof of a book, containing a dedication2 to herself. She read it with a queer feeling, but her apathy3 had gone.
“To my Friend, Claudia Currey,
whose sympathy and friendship have inspired me to put down on paper some facts I have been able to[291] gather, together with some purely4 personal views on that most baffling and fascinating of all subjects—sociology. I beg her to accept the dedication of this book, with all its faults and shortcomings, of which the author is painfully aware, in memory of our many talks about ‘humans.’”
Her eyes filled with tears, and she could hardly read the letter that accompanied the page.
“My dear Claudia,” it ran, “I was horribly disappointed, childishly disappointed the other day when you told me you had heard about my forthcoming book. I think you must have got it from some inside source, for it is not yet announced to the public. I wanted the enclosed to be a surprise to you, and now the squib won’t go off! I asked and obtained Gilbert’s permission to put in this little dedication, because you really did inspire it. You always liked people who ‘did things,’ and your interest in life and ‘humans’ quickened mine. How dare you say you will order a copy as soon as it is out? You know you’ll get an advance copy, the very first. I do hope you will like it, at least, a little. Now it is in print, I realize what a little I have been able to say on a vast subject. All I can say in extenuation5 is, I’ve done my best, though perhaps I don’t deserve any marks for that. But it’s such a huge field to try and cover. Do you remember when you asked me for a book on the subject and I gave you Lecky’s ‘History of European Morals’? I’ve always been cheered by your remark after reading it. ‘Only a Methusaleh could hope to come to any definite conclusions, and then he might be ready to lie down and die!’
“There are no definite conclusions in my book, because I try hard to keep my mind plastic. Some day, when I’m a greybeard with stooping shoulders and several deaf ears, perhaps I’ll do something better.
[292]
“I’m sending you a new ‘Lear Nonsense’ book. Rather jolly, I think. Do look at the picture of the German and the baby who is gedroppen.
“Always your admiring friend,
“Colin Paton.”
The other letters lay unheeded. She dropped back among the pillows, and there was no movement of the head, or even the hand in which lay the letter. She might have been asleep.
But when her maid, whose face betokened6 hesitation7 and perplexity, came in quietly, Claudia turned and opened her dark eyes. There were no tears in them, only a burning, unfathomable look which, though it envisaged8 Johnson clearly, did not notice her perturbed9 face.
“Madam, I——” began Johnson, clearing her throat. “Did the master tell you he would not be coming home last night?”
Claudia came back from a remote distance.
“Last night? No. He was only going to his club, I believe. Why, has he not slept in the flat?”
“No, madam, and he did not say anything about stopping out to Marsh10, and he didn’t have his bag packed. He thought he had told Marsh to pack it for him to go down to Wynnstay, but Marsh says——”
“Yes, I remember. Perhaps he went down to Wynnstay, after all, rather late.” It had never happened before that Gilbert had been away from the flat without informing her or the servants; but Claudia saw nothing remarkable11 in the oversight12.
“Marsh thought so too, madam, and he got a trunk call through to Wynnstay, but he has not been there, and then he telephoned the club and—and they told him Mr. Currey was there last night and left about twelve o’clock. I—we thought we had better mention it, madam.”
Claudia was roused to attention this time. Where[293] could Gilbert have got to after he left the club? There were some wives, she knew, who would have dismissed the matter with a shrug13 of their shoulders, but she had no complaint of Gilbert on that score. Perhaps he would have been more human and companionable had he had some of the weaknesses of the flesh.
She looked at the clock. It was half-past nine. He was generally down at his chambers14 soon after nine.
“Was he in evening-dress, Johnson, when he went out last night?”
“Yes, madam; Marsh said he changed before he went out, and told him he was going to bed early, as he had a big case on to-day and wanted to be fresh for it.”
Johnson looked at her for instructions, but Claudia knit her brows in perplexity. It was very curious, but it did not occur to her that there was anything seriously wrong. He must have gone home with some friend and turned in for the night. And yet—he had never done any such thing. He was essentially15 a man of routine and order.
“I don’t think there is anything to be done, Johnson,” said Claudia, after a little thought. “Probably they will ring up from his office to say he has arrived all right. Ring them again and ask them to telephone immediately Mr. Currey comes in. And bring my coffee, please.”
But when she had finished her coffee and toast there was still no word from the office, except that they had rung up rather agitatedly16 to know if Mrs. Currey had any idea where he could be found. By this time Claudia had become impressed with the idea that something was wrong. One was always hearing of motor accidents nowadays. Could anything of the kind have happened to Gilbert?
Instinctively17 she turned to Colin Paton in the emergency. After they had silently bade one another good-bye last night she had thought she could never face[294] him again, for if he did not think the worst of her he must have guessed that there had been some kind of a scene that had upset her. And on the top of it all his charming letter.
But this happening made her put her own affaires du c?ur on one side. If anything had happened to Gilbert, Colin would be able to find it out. She hardly realized how blind her faith in Colin was. She went to the telephone in her dressing18-gown and called him up.
“Colin! Oh! I am so glad you are there. I don’t know whether I ought to be alarmed or not, but Gilbert has not been home since eight o’clock last night, and he is not at the office. He took no suit-case out with him, and he was seen to leave the club at twelve o’clock. What ought I to do?”
He answered her quite quietly, asking a few more questions; but she knew his voice so well by now that she realized that he did not consider her an alarmist in ringing him up.
“Don’t worry. I’ll go to the club and make some inquiries19, and telephone you later. Leave it to me.”
“What do you think——?” she began timidly.
“I don’t know. But we must find him. I’ll keep in touch with you. Don’t be alarmed, Claudia.”
There was a slight pause at the other end. “Don’t talk nonsense. When will you learn the meaning of friendship?”
She went back to her dressing feeling more comforted, for the mere21 fact of having confided22 a trouble to him always seemed to halve23 it. He was essentially a man who inspired confidence, and Claudia wondered vaguely24, as she brushed her hair, why some men were like that and others were not. His opinion was always sought after by his friends and acquaintances, and yet he never gave[295] it in any ponderous25 spirit. Sometimes he replied with a joke, or a happy allusion26, but he gave an answer all the same. This reminded her of Patricia, who had said enthusiastically a few days previously27, “He’s the most helpful man I ever knew.” Lately Pat had seen a good deal of him, and one or two people had remarked on it to Claudia, saying, “Is Pat going to settle down at last?”
Was Colin Paton in love with Pat? What else could be the meaning of their frequent meetings and that seclusion28 in the library? She, Claudia, was only a great friend, and the little prick29 of jealousy30 she acknowledged to her self that she felt was natural to women where their men friends were concerned. All women hated losing their men friends by marriage. And—yes—Pat would make a charming wife if she fell in love.
It was eleven o’clock—Gilbert’s case was on—and he had made no appearance. This much had just been telephoned from his office. Claudia was sure now that something was seriously amiss. For Gilbert to neglect his work, some accident must have happened.
She felt a restless desire to do something, to search for him herself; but what could she do? Where could he be? Could he be lying in one of the great hospitals, unable to give an account of himself?
Johnson came hurrying in. “Madam, Mr. Paton is on the telephone and wants to speak to you.”
Claudia flew to the receiver.
“Claudia, is that you? It’s all right, I’ve got him safe and sound. No, he’s not hurt. I’ll tell you more when I see you. I am bringing him back now. It’s a case of complete loss of memory; spent the night in the police cells as a drunk and disorderly—he must have been very excited. He is still dazed and suspicious of everyone. Don’t show there is anything amiss. Keep quite calm, and telephone Dr. Neeburg.”
[296]
Gilbert locked up in the police-cells as drunk and disorderly! It was unbelievable! It was too ironic31! Though she no longer loved him, her heart was touched by pity for him. He must have known where he was, although he could not remember his name. What an awful time he must have had!
But she immediately rang up Fritz Neeburg, who, she noted32, did not seem startled at the news. He said he would come immediately. “I was afraid of something like this, Mrs. Currey,” he concluded.
The strong constitution of which Gilbert had always boasted had given way. His pride would be in the dust. It would mean giving up work for some time. It meant a very bad break.
Claudia was appalled33 when she saw the man who got out of the taxi with Colin. No man looks well after a night spent in his clothes, but Gilbert’s appearance had a wildness and dishevelment which was as much due to the brain as the body. His eyes were bloodshot, there was a strong growth of hair on his chin which showed conspicuously34, his shirt-front was rumpled35 and crushed as she had never seen any front, his mouth kept twitching36 and his walk was unsteady. But Claudia controlled her alarm and went forward with a smile.
“You’ll like some breakfast, won’t you, Gilbert? Marsh has got some nice hot coffee for you in the dining-room.”
Neeburg had not arrived, and she had not known what preparations to make, but she wanted to appear natural.
Gilbert looked at her with a curious indifference37; she could not make out if he knew her or not.
“I think you’d like a bath first, old man, wouldn’t you?” said Colin cheerfully. “And some fresh clothes. This garb38 is unseemly in the morning.”
He allowed Colin to lead him up the stairs, and in a few minutes Neeburg arrived and went after him.
[297]
In half an hour the two men came down together. “We’ve put him to bed, Mrs. Currey,” said Neeburg, “with a sleeping-draught. He’ll probably sleep twelve hours or so. That’s the best thing for him at present. He may wake up with his mind quite clear. It’s a case of mental aphasia39, due to nerve-strain. I’ve given him the clearest warnings time after time. I’m very sorry, but he has brought it on himself.”
“He had made up his mind to go to Le Touquet next week,” said Claudia. She looked at Colin. “You were going with him, were you not?”
“He asked me, and I was trying to make arrangements. Can he go, doctor, as soon as he recovers a little?”
“The sooner the better. I’m glad you’re going with him. Keep him out in the open all day, and don’t let him talk or think about his work. Let him play golf, and keep him out of doors until he falls asleep directly he gets into bed. No stimulants40 whatever. Has he been sleeping badly lately, Mrs. Currey?”
“Yes, he told me he seldom got to sleep till late in the morning.”
“Madness! Sheer madness to neglect such warnings. Paton, I’ll have a talk with you before he goes. How did you find him?”
“I got Carey Image to go the rounds of the hospitals in case it was an accident, and I went myself to all the police-stations. As a matter of fact, someone had just recognized him as I arrived at Bow Street. As far as I can make out, he took a stiff hot whiskey at the club before leaving—he told the waiter he thought he had a cold coming on—and went out into the night air. Owing to the taxi strike there were no cabs about, and after waiting a few minutes, Gilbert said he would walk.”
“And the fresh air on top of the hot whiskey finished him,” commented Neeburg. “Was he very violent?”
“So the policeman said. He thought it was an ordinary[298] case of drunk and disorderly. He could hardly articulate, and couldn’t say where he lived or his name. The policeman says the more he tried to say it the more violent he became, and, as it happens, there was nothing in his pockets to identify him. He spent the night in an ordinary lock-up. It wasn’t the fault of the police.”
“I hope this won’t get in the papers,” said Claudia thoughtfully. “You know how Gilbert would feel that, Colin; can you——?”
“I’ll try. I must go now. Ring up Pat and ask her to come and be with you. Good-bye, Neeburg; I’ll ring you up and fix an appointment....” He turned to Claudia. “You were splendid when he came in. It must have been rather a shock to you.”
“Splendid! Colin, don’t laugh at me. I’m the least splendid of women. I ought not to accept that dedication. Take it out. I’m not worth it. If—if I don’t break all the sins in the Decalogue, it’s because—yes, I suppose it’s because I’m a coward.”
She lifted her eyes miserably41 to his, and at what she read in his some of the anguish42 and self-abasement in her heart was softened43. For a few moments they stood silent, only their eyes speaking.
“Colin,” she whispered, her finger-tips playing with his coat, “do you still believe in me—after—last night?”
“If you told me with your own lips that you had committed all the sins in the Decalogue, I should not believe you. I think I know you, Claudia, better than you know yourself, and I believe in you more than you believe in yourself.... I shall be back in the afternoon, in case you want me.”
He was gone, but Claudia went upstairs with a load taken off her heart. She did not try to analyse the meaning of it, she only knew that the sting had been taken out of her folly44.
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1
crouching
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| v.屈膝，蹲伏( crouch的现在分词 ) | |
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dedication
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| n.奉献，献身，致力，题献，献辞 | |
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apathy
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| n.漠不关心，无动于衷；冷淡 | |
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purely
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| adv.纯粹地，完全地 | |
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extenuation
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| n.减轻罪孽的借口；酌情减轻；细 | |
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betokened
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| v.预示，表示( betoken的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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hesitation
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envisaged
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| 想像，设想( envisage的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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perturbed
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marsh
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| n.沼泽，湿地 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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oversight
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| n.勘漏，失察，疏忽 | |
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shrug
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| v.耸肩(表示怀疑、冷漠、不知等) | |
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chambers
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| n.房间( chamber的名词复数 )；（议会的）议院；卧室；会议厅 | |
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essentially
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| adv.本质上，实质上，基本上 | |
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agitatedly
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| 动摇，兴奋； 勃然 | |
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instinctively
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dressing
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| n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料 | |
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inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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humbly
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| adv. 恭顺地，谦卑地 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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confided
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| v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等） | |
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halve
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| vt.分成两半，平分；减少到一半 | |
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vaguely
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ponderous
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allusion
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previously
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seclusion
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| n.隐遁，隔离 | |
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prick
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| v.刺伤，刺痛，刺孔；n.刺伤，刺痛 | |
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jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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ironic
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| adj.讽刺的，有讽刺意味的，出乎意料的 | |
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noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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appalled
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| v.使惊骇，使充满恐惧( appall的过去式和过去分词)adj.惊骇的；丧胆的 | |
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conspicuously
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| ad.明显地，惹人注目地 | |
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rumpled
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| v.弄皱，使凌乱( rumple的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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twitching
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| n.颤搐 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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garb
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| n.服装，装束 | |
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aphasia
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| n.失语症 | |
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stimulants
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| n.兴奋剂( stimulant的名词复数 )；含兴奋剂的饮料；刺激物；激励物 | |
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miserably
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| adv.痛苦地；悲惨地；糟糕地；极度地 | |
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42
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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43
softened
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| （使）变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 )； 缓解打击； 缓和； 安慰 | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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