Hope knelt upon the floor, still too much strained and bewildered for tears or even prayer, a little way from Emilia. Once having laid down the unconscious form, it seemed for a moment as if she could no more touch it than she could lay her hand amid flames. A gap of miles, of centuries, of solar systems, seemed to separate these two young girls, alone within the same chamber12, with the same stern secret to keep, and so near that the hem13 of their garments almost touched each other on the soft carpet. Hope felt a terrible hardness closing over her heart. What right had this cruel creature, with her fatal witcheries, to come between two persons who might have been so wholly happy? What sorrow would be saved, what shame, perhaps, be averted14, should those sweet beguiling15 eyes never open, and that perfidious16 voice never deceive any more? Why tend the life of one who would leave the whole world happier, purer, freer, if she were dead?
In a tumult17 of thought, Hope went and sat half-unconsciously by the window. There was nothing to be seen except the steady beacon18 of the light-house and a pale-green glimmer19, like an earthly star, from an anchored vessel20. The night wind came softly in, soothing21 her with a touch like a mother’s, in its grateful coolness. The air seemed full of half-vibrations, sub-noises, that crowded it as completely as do the insect sounds of midsummer; yet she could only distinguish the ripple22 beneath her feet, and the rote23 on the distant beach, and the busy wash of waters against every shore and islet of the bay. The mist was thick around her, but she knew that above it hung the sleepless24 stars, and the fancy came over her that perhaps the whole vast interval25, from ocean up to sky, might be densely26 filled with the disembodied souls of her departed human kindred, waiting to see how she would endure that path of grief in which their steps had gone before. “It may be from this influence,” she vaguely27 mused28 within herself, “that the ocean derives29 its endless song of sorrow. Perhaps we shall know the meaning when we understand that of the stars, and of our own sad lives.”
She rose again and went to the bedside. It all seemed like a dream, and she was able to look at Emilia’s existence and at her own and at all else, as if it were a great way off; as we watch the stars and know that no speculations30 of ours can reach those who there live or die untouched. Here beside her lay one who was dead, yet living, in her temporary trance, and to what would she wake, when it should end? This young creature had been sent into the world so fresh, so beautiful, so richly gifted; everything about her physical organization was so delicate and lovely; she had seemed like heliotrope31, like a tube-rose in her purity and her passion (who was it said, “No heart is pure that is not passionate32”?); and here was the end! Nothing external could have placed her where she was, no violence, no outrage7, no evil of another’s doing, could have reached her real life without her own consent; and now what kind of existence, what career, what possibility of happiness remained? Why could not God in his mercy take her, and give her to his holiest angels for schooling33, ere it was yet too late?
Hope went and sat by the window once more. Her thoughts still clung heavily around one thought, as the white fog clung round the house. Where should she see any light? What opening for extrication34, unless, indeed, Emilia should die? There could be no harm in that thought, for she knew it was not to be, and that the swoon would not last much longer. Who could devise anything? No one. There was nothing. Almost always in perplexities there is some thread by resolutely35 holding to which one escapes at last. Here there was none. There could probably be no concealment36, certainly no explanation. In a few days John Lambert would return, and then the storm must break. He was probably a stern, jealous man, whose very dulness, once aroused, would be more formidable than if he had possessed37 keener perceptions.
Still her thoughts did not dwell on Philip. He was simply a part of that dull mass of pain that beset38 her and made her feel, as she had felt when drowning, that her heart had left her breast and nothing but will remained. She felt now, as then, the capacity to act with more than her accustomed resolution, though all that was within her seemed boiling up into her brain. As for Philip, all seemed a mere39 negation40; there was a vacuum where his place had been. At most the thought of him came to her as some strange, vague thrill of added torture, penetrating41 her soul and then passing; just as ever and anon there came the sound of the fog-whistle on Brenton’s Reef, miles away, piercing the dull air with its shrill42 and desolate43 wail44, then dying into silence.
What a hopeless cloud lay upon them all forever,—upon Kate, upon Harry45, upon their whole house! Then there was John Lambert; how could they keep it from him? how could they tell him? Who could predict what he would say? Would he take the worst and coarsest view of his young wife’s mad action or the mildest? Would he be strong or weak; and what would be weakness, and what strength, in a position so strange? Would he put Emilia from him, send her out in the world desolate, her soul stained but by one wrong passion, yet with her reputation blighted46 as if there were no good in her? Could he be asked to shield and protect her, or what would become of her? She was legally a wife, and could only be separated from him through convicted shame.
Then, if separated, she could only marry Philip. Hope nerved herself to think of that, and it cost less effort than she expected.
There seemed a numbness47 on that side, instead of pain. But granting that he loved Emilia ever so deeply, was he a man to surrender his life and his ease and his fair name, in a hopeless effort to remove the ban that the world would place on her. Hope knew he would not; knew that even the simple-hearted and straightforward49 Harry would be far more capable of such heroism50 than the sentimental51 Malbone. Here the pang52 suddenly struck her; she was not so numb48, after all!
As the leaves beside the window drooped53 motionless in the dank air, so her mind drooped into a settled depression. She pitied herself,—that lowest ebb54 of melancholy55 self-consciousness. She went back to Emilia, and, seating herself, studied every line of the girl’s face, the soft texture56 of her hair, the veining57 of her eyelids58. They were so lovely, she felt a sort of physical impulse to kiss them, as if they belonged to some utter stranger, whom she might be nursing in a hospital. Emilia looked as innocent as when Hope had tended her in the cradle. What is there, Hope thought, in sleep, in trance, and in death, that removes all harsh or disturbing impressions, and leaves only the most delicate and purest traits? Does the mind wander, and does an angel keep its place? Or is there really no sin but in thought, and are our sleeping thoughts incapable59 of sin? Perhaps even when we dream of doing wrong, the dream comes in a shape so lovely and misleading that we never recognize it for evil, and it makes no stain. Are our lives ever so pure as our dreams?
This thought somehow smote60 across her conscience, always so strong, and stirred it into a kind of spasm61 of introspection. “How selfish have I, too, been!” she thought. “I saw only what I wished to see, did only what I preferred. Loving Philip” (for the sudden self-reproach left her free to think of him), “I could not see that I was separating him from one whom he might perhaps have truly loved. If he made me blind, may he not easily have bewildered her, and have been himself bewildered? How I tried to force myself upon him, too! Ungenerous, unwomanly! What am I, that I should judge another?”
She threw herself on her knees at the bedside.
Still Emilia slept, but now she stirred her head in the slightest possible way, so that a single tress of silken hair slipped from its companions, and lay across her face. It was a faint sign that the trance was waning62; the slight pressure disturbed her nerves, and her lips trembled once or twice, as if to relieve themselves of the soft annoyance63. Hope watched her in a vague, distant way, took note of the minutest motion, yet as if some vast weight hung upon her own limbs and made all interference impossible. Still there was a fascination64 of sympathy in dwelling65 on that atom of discomfort66, that tiny suffering, which she alone could remove. The very vastness of this tragedy that hung about the house made it an inexpressible relief to her to turn and concentrate her thoughts for a moment on this slight distress67, so easily ended.
Strange, by what slender threads our lives are knitted to each other! Here was one who had taken Hope’s whole existence in her hands, crushed it, and thrown it away. Hope had soberly said to herself, just before, that death would be better than life for her young sister. Yet now it moved her beyond endurance to see that fair form troubled, even while unconscious, by a feather’s weight of pain; and all the lifelong habit of tenderness resumed in a moment its sway.
She approached her fingers to the offending tress, very slowly, half withholding68 them at the very last, as if the touch would burn her. She was almost surprised that it did not. She looked to see if it did not hurt Emilia. But it now seemed as if the slumbering69 girl enjoyed the caressing70 contact of the smooth fingers, and turned her head, almost imperceptibly, to meet them. This was more than Hope could bear. It was as if that slight motion were a puncture71 to relieve her overburdened heart; a thousand thoughts swept over her,—of their father, of her sister’s childhood, of her years of absent expectation; she thought how young the girl was, how fascinating, how passionate, how tempted72; all this swept across her in a great wave of nervous reaction, and when Emilia returned to consciousness, she was lying in her sister’s arms, her face bathed in Hope’s tears.
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1
armory
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| n.纹章，兵工厂，军械库 | |
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2
disarming
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| adj.消除敌意的，使人消气的v.裁军( disarm的现在分词 )；使息怒 | |
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3
antagonism
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| n.对抗，敌对，对立 | |
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defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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triumphant
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| adj.胜利的，成功的；狂欢的，喜悦的 | |
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outraged
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| a.震惊的，义愤填膺的 | |
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7
outrage
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| n.暴行，侮辱，愤怒；vt.凌辱，激怒 | |
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8
graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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9
revolved
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| v.（使）旋转( revolve的过去式和过去分词 )；细想 | |
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10
pinions
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| v.抓住[捆住]（双臂）( pinion的第三人称单数 ) | |
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11
awakening
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| n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的 | |
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12
chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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13
hem
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| n.贴边，镶边；vt.缝贴边；(in)包围，限制 | |
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14
averted
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| 防止，避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 )； 转移 | |
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15
beguiling
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| adj.欺骗的，诱人的v.欺骗( beguile的现在分词 )；使陶醉；使高兴；消磨（时间等） | |
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16
perfidious
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| adj.不忠的，背信弃义的 | |
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17
tumult
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| n.喧哗；激动，混乱；吵闹 | |
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18
beacon
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| n.烽火，（警告用的）闪火灯，灯塔 | |
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19
glimmer
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| v.发出闪烁的微光；n.微光，微弱的闪光 | |
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20
vessel
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| n.船舶；容器，器皿；管，导管，血管 | |
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21
soothing
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| adj.慰藉的；使人宽心的；镇静的 | |
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22
ripple
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| n.涟波，涟漪，波纹，粗钢梳；vt.使...起涟漪，使起波纹； vi.呈波浪状，起伏前进 | |
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23
rote
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| n.死记硬背，生搬硬套 | |
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24
sleepless
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| adj.不睡眠的，睡不著的，不休息的 | |
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25
interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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densely
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| ad.密集地；浓厚地 | |
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27
vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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28
mused
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| v.沉思，冥想( muse的过去式和过去分词 )；沉思自语说（某事） | |
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29
derives
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| v.得到( derive的第三人称单数 )；（从…中）得到获得；源于；（从…中）提取 | |
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30
speculations
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| n.投机买卖( speculation的名词复数 )；思考；投机活动；推断 | |
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31
heliotrope
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| n.天芥菜；淡紫色 | |
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32
passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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33
schooling
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| n.教育；正规学校教育 | |
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34
extrication
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| n.解脱；救出，解脱 | |
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35
resolutely
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| adj.坚决地，果断地 | |
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36
concealment
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| n.隐藏, 掩盖，隐瞒 | |
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37
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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38
beset
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| v.镶嵌；困扰，包围 | |
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39
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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40
negation
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| n.否定；否认 | |
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41
penetrating
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| adj.（声音）响亮的，尖锐的adj.（气味）刺激的adj.（思想）敏锐的，有洞察力的 | |
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42
shrill
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| adj.尖声的；刺耳的；v尖叫 | |
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43
desolate
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| adj.荒凉的，荒芜的；孤独的，凄凉的；v.使荒芜，使孤寂 | |
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44
wail
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| vt./vi.大声哀号，恸哭；呼啸，尖啸 | |
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45
harry
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| vt.掠夺，蹂躏，使苦恼 | |
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46
blighted
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| adj.枯萎的，摧毁的 | |
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47
numbness
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| n.无感觉，麻木，惊呆 | |
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48
numb
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| adj.麻木的，失去感觉的；v.使麻木 | |
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49
straightforward
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| adj.正直的，坦率的；易懂的，简单的 | |
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50
heroism
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| n.大无畏精神，英勇 | |
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51
sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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52
pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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53
drooped
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| 弯曲或下垂，发蔫( droop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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54
ebb
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| vi.衰退，减退；n.处于低潮，处于衰退状态 | |
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55
melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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56
texture
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| n.(织物)质地；(材料)构造；结构；肌理 | |
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57
veining
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| n.脉络分布；矿脉 | |
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58
eyelids
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| n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 )；眼睛也不眨一下；不露声色；面不改色 | |
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59
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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60
smote
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| v.猛打，重击，打击( smite的过去式 ) | |
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61
spasm
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| n.痉挛，抽搐；一阵发作 | |
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62
waning
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| adj.（月亮）渐亏的，逐渐减弱或变小的n.月亏v.衰落( wane的现在分词 )；（月）亏；变小；变暗淡 | |
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63
annoyance
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| n.恼怒，生气，烦恼 | |
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64
fascination
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| n.令人着迷的事物，魅力，迷恋 | |
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65
dwelling
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| n.住宅，住所，寓所 | |
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66
discomfort
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| n.不舒服，不安，难过，困难，不方便 | |
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67
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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68
withholding
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| 扣缴税款 | |
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69
slumbering
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| 微睡，睡眠（slumber的现在分词形式） | |
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70
caressing
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| 爱抚的，表现爱情的，亲切的 | |
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71
puncture
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| n.刺孔，穿孔；v.刺穿，刺破 | |
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72
tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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