The dogwood tree by the house was now in flower. The blossoms, with their four curved petals11, seemed to spin like tiny white propellers12 in the bright air. When he saw them fluttering Gissing had a happy sensation of movement. The business of those tremulous petals seemed to be thrusting his whole world forward and forward, through the viewless ocean of space. He felt as though he were on a ship—as, indeed, we are. He had never been down to the open sea, but he had imagined it. There, he thought, there must be the satisfaction of a real horizon.
Horizons had been a great disappointment to him. In earlier days he had often slipped out of the house not long after sunrise, and had marvelled13 at the blue that lies upon the skyline. Here, about him, were the clear familiar colours of the world he knew; but yonder, on the hills, were trees and spaces of another more heavenly tint15. That soft blue light, if he could reach it, must be the beginning of what his mind required.
He envied Mr. Poodle, whose cottage was on that very hillslope that rose so imperceptibly into sky. One morning he ran and ran, in the lifting day, but always the blue receded16. Hot and unbuttoned, he came by the curate's house, just as the latter emerged to pick up the morning paper.
“Where does the blue begin?” Gissing panted, trying hard to keep his tongue from sliding out so wetly.
The curate looked a trifle disturbed. He feared that something unpleasant had happened, and that his assistance might be required before breakfast.
“It is going to be a warm day,” he said politely, and stooped for the newspaper, as a delicate hint.
“Where does—?” began Gissing, quivering; but at that moment, looking round, he saw that it had hoaxed17 him again. Far away, on his own hill the other side of the village, shone the evasive colour. As usual, he had been too impetuous. He had not watched it while he ran; it had circled round behind him. He resolved to be more methodical.
The curate gave him a blank to fill in, relative to baptizing the children, and was relieved to see him hasten away.
But all this was some time ago. As he walked the meadow path, Gissing suddenly realized that lately he had had little opportunity for pursuing blue horizons. Since Fuji's departure every moment, from dawn to dusk, was occupied. In three weeks he had had three different servants, but none of them would stay. The place was too lonely, they said, and with three puppies the work was too hard. The washing, particularly was a horrid18 problem. Inexperienced as a parent, Gissing was probably too proud: he wanted the children always to look clean and soigne. The last cook had advertised herself as a General Houseworker, afraid of nothing; but as soon as she saw the week's wash in the hamper19 (including twenty-one grimy rompers), she telephoned to the station for a taxi. Gissing wondered why it was that the working classes were not willing to do one-half as much as he, who had been reared to indolent ease. Even more, he was irritated by a suspicion of the ice-wagon driver. He could not prove it, but he had an idea that this uncouth20 fellow obtained a commission from the Airedales and Collies, who had large mansions21 in the neighbourhood, for luring22 maids from the smaller homes. Of course Mrs. Airedale and Mrs. Collie could afford to pay any wages at all. So now the best he could do was to have Mrs. Spaniel, the charwoman, come up from the village to do the washing and ironing, two days a week. The rest of the work he undertook himself. On a clear afternoon, when the neighbours were not looking, he would take his own shirts and things down to the pond—putting them neatly23 in the bottom of the red express-wagon, with the puppies sitting on the linen24, so no one would see. While the puppies played about and hunted for tadpoles25, he would wash his shirts himself.
His legs ached as he took his evening stroll—keeping within earshot of the house, so as to hear any possible outcry from the nursery. He had been on his feet all day. But he reflected that there was a real satisfaction in his family tasks, however gruelling. Now, at last (he said to himself), I am really a citizen, not a mere26 dilettante27. Of course it is arduous28. No one who is not a parent realizes, for example, the extraordinary amount of buttoning and unbuttoning necessary in rearing children. I calculate that 50,000 buttonings are required for each one before it reaches the age of even rudimentary independence. With the energy so expended29 one might write a great novel or chisel31 a statue. Never mind: these urchins32 must be my Works of Art. If one were writing a novel, he could not delegate to a hired servant the composition of laborious33 chapters.
So he took his responsibility gravely. This was partly due to the christening service, perhaps, which had gone off very charmingly. It had not been without its embarrassments34. None of the neighbouring ladies would stand as godmother, for they were secretly dubious35 as to the children's origin; so he had asked good Mrs. Spaniel to act in that capacity. She, a simple kindly36 creature, was much flattered, though certainly she can have understood very little of the symbolical37 rite30. Gissing, filling out the form that Mr. Poodle had given him, had put down the names of an entirely38 imaginary brother and sister-in-law of his, “deceased,” whom he asserted as the parents. He had been so busy with preparations that he did not find time, before the ceremony, to study the text of the service; and when he and Mrs. Spaniel stood beneath the font with an armful of ribboned infancy39, he was frankly40 startled by the magnitude of the promises exacted from him. He found that, on behalf of the children, he must “renounce the devil and all his work, the vain pomp and glory of the world;” that he must pledge himself to see that these infants would “crucify the old man and utterly41 abolish the whole body of sin.” It was rather doubtful whether they would do so, he reflected, as he felt them squirming in his arms while Mrs. Spaniel was busy trying to keep their socks on. When the curate exhorted42 him “to follow the innocency” of these little ones, it was disconcerting to have one of them burst into a piercing yammer, and wriggle43 so forcibly that it slipped quite out of its little embroidered44 shift and flannel45 band. But the actual access to the holy basin was more seemly, perhaps due to the children imagining they were going to find tadpoles there. When Mr. Poodle held them up they smiled with a vague almost bashful simplicity46; and Mrs. Spaniel could not help murmuring “The darlings!” The curate, less experienced with children, had insisted on holding all three at once, and Gissing feared lest one of them might swarm47 over the surpliced shoulder and fall splash into the font. But though they panted a little with excitement, they did nothing to mar14 the solemn instant. While Mrs. Spaniel was picking up the small socks with which the floor was strewn, Gissing was deeply moved by the poetry of the ceremony. He felt that something had really been accomplished48 toward “burying the Old Adam.” And if Mrs. Spaniel ever grew disheartened at the wash-tubs, he was careful to remind her of the beautiful phrase about the mystical washing away of sin.
Indeed, he was reflecting as he walked in the dusk, Mrs. Spaniel was now his sheet anchor. Fortunately she showed signs of becoming extraordinarily50 attached to the puppies. On the two days a week when she came up from the village, it was even possible for him to get a little relaxation—to run down to the station for tobacco, or to lie in the hammock briefly51 with a book. Looking off from his airy porch, he could see the same blue distances that had always tempted52 him, but he felt too passive to wonder about them. He had given up the idea of trying to get any other servants. If it had been possible, he would have engaged Mrs. Spaniel to sleep in the house and be there permanently53; but she had children of her own down in the shantytown quarter of the village, and had to go back to them at night. But certainly he made every effort to keep her contented54. It was a long steep climb up from the hollow, so he allowed her to come in a taxi and charge it to his account. Then, on condition that she would come on Saturdays also, to help him clean up for Sunday, he allowed her, on that day, to bring her own children too, and all the puppies played riotously55 together around the place. But this he presently discontinued, for the clamour became so deafening56 that the neighbours complained. Besides, the young Spaniels, who were a little older, got Groups, Bunks, and Yelpers into noisy and careless habits of speech.
He was anxious that they should grow up refined, and was distressed57 by little Shaggy Spaniel having brought up the Comic Section of a Sunday paper. With childhood's instinctive58 taste for primitive59 effects, the puppies fell in love with the coloured cartoons, and badgered him continually for “funny papers.”
There is a great deal more to think about in raising children (he said to himself) than is intimated in Dr. Holt's book on Care and Feeding. Even in matters that he had always taken for granted, such as fairy tales, he found perplexity. After supper—(he now joined the children in their evening bread and milk, for after cooking them a hearty60 lunch of meat and gravy61 and potatoes and peas and the endless spinach62 and carrots that the doctors advise, to say nothing of the prunes63, he had no energy to prepare a special dinner for himself)—after supper it was his habit to read to them, hoping to give their imaginations a little exercise before they went to bed. He was startled to find that Grimm and Hans Andersen, which he had considered as authentic64 classics for childhood, were full of very strong stuff—morbid sentiment, bloodshed, horror, and all manner of painful circumstance. Reading the tales aloud, he edited as he went along; but he was subject to that curious weakness that afflicts65 some people: reading aloud made him helplessly sleepy: after a page or so he would fall into a doze66, from which he would be awakened67 by the crash of a lamp or some other furniture. The children, seized with that furious hilarity68 that usually begins just about bedtime, would race madly about the house until some breakage or a burst of tears woke him from his trance. He would thrash them all and put them to bed howling. When they were asleep he would be touched with tender compassion69, and steal in to tuck them up, admiring the innocence70 of each unconscious muzzle71 on its pillow. Sometimes, in a crisis of his problems, he thought of writing to Dr. Holt for advice; but the will-power was lacking.
It is really astonishing how children can exhaust one, he used to think. Sometimes, after a long day, he was even too weary to correct their grammar. “You lay down!” Groups would admonish72 Yelpers, who was capering73 in his crib while Bunks was being lashed74 in with the largest size of safety pins. And Gissing, doggedly75 passing from one to another, was really too fatigued76 to reprove the verb, picked up from Mrs. Spaniel.
Fairy tales proving a disappointment, he had great hopes of encouraging them in drawing. He bought innumerable coloured crayons and stacks of scribbling77 paper. After supper they would all sit down around the dining-room table and he drew pictures for them. Tongues depending with concentrated excitement, the children would try to copy these pictures and colour them. In spite of having three complete sets of crayons, a full roster78 of colours could rarely be found at drawing time. Bunks had the violet when Groups wanted it, and so on. But still, this was often the happiest hour of the day. Gissing drew amazing trains, elephants, ships, and rainbows, with the spectrum79 of colours correctly arranged and blended. The children specially80 loved his landscapes, which were opulently tinted81 and magnificent in long perspectives. He found himself always colouring the far horizons a pale and haunting blue.
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1
solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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2
withered
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| adj. 枯萎的，干瘪的，（人身体的部分器官）因病萎缩的或未发育良好的 动词wither的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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brittle
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| adj.易碎的；脆弱的；冷淡的；(声音)尖利的 | |
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rambled
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| （无目的地）漫游( ramble的过去式和过去分词 )； （喻）漫谈； 扯淡； 长篇大论 | |
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hush
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| int.嘘，别出声；n.沉默，静寂；v.使安静 | |
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twilight
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| n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期 | |
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shrugged
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| vt.耸肩（shrug的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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spine
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| n.脊柱，脊椎；(动植物的)刺；书脊 | |
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eddying
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| 涡流，涡流的形成 | |
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meditate
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| v.想，考虑，（尤指宗教上的）沉思，冥想 | |
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petals
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| n.花瓣( petal的名词复数 ) | |
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propellers
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| n.螺旋桨，推进器( propeller的名词复数 ) | |
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marvelled
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| v.惊奇，对…感到惊奇( marvel的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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mar
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| vt.破坏，毁坏，弄糟 | |
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tint
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| n.淡色，浅色；染发剂；vt.着以淡淡的颜色 | |
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receded
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| v.逐渐远离( recede的过去式和过去分词 )；向后倾斜；自原处后退或避开别人的注视；尤指问题 | |
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17
hoaxed
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| v.开玩笑骗某人，戏弄某人( hoax的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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18
horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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hamper
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| vt.妨碍，束缚，限制；n.(有盖的)大篮子 | |
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uncouth
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| adj.无教养的，粗鲁的 | |
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mansions
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| n.宅第，公馆，大厦( mansion的名词复数 ) | |
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luring
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| 吸引，引诱（lure的现在分词形式） | |
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neatly
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| adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地 | |
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24
linen
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| n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的 | |
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25
tadpoles
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| n.蝌蚪( tadpole的名词复数 ) | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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dilettante
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| n.半瓶醋，业余爱好者 | |
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arduous
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| adj.艰苦的，费力的，陡峭的 | |
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expended
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| v.花费( expend的过去式和过去分词 )；使用（钱等）做某事；用光；耗尽 | |
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rite
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| n.典礼，惯例，习俗 | |
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chisel
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| n.凿子；v.用凿子刻，雕，凿 | |
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urchins
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| n.顽童( urchin的名词复数 )；淘气鬼；猬；海胆 | |
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33
laborious
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| adj.吃力的，努力的，不流畅 | |
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34
embarrassments
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| n.尴尬( embarrassment的名词复数 )；难堪；局促不安；令人难堪或耻辱的事 | |
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35
dubious
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| adj.怀疑的，无把握的；有问题的，靠不住的 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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symbolical
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| a.象征性的 | |
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38
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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infancy
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| n.婴儿期；幼年期；初期 | |
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40
frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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41
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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42
exhorted
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| v.劝告，劝说( exhort的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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43
wriggle
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| v./n.蠕动，扭动；蜿蜒 | |
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44
embroidered
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| adj．绣花的 | |
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45
flannel
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| n.法兰绒；法兰绒衣服 | |
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46
simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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47
swarm
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| n.(昆虫)等一大群；vi.成群飞舞；蜂拥而入 | |
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48
accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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49
bunks
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| n.（车、船等倚壁而设的）铺位( bunk的名词复数 )；空话，废话v.（车、船等倚壁而设的）铺位( bunk的第三人称单数 )；空话，废话 | |
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50
extraordinarily
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| adv.格外地；极端地 | |
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51
briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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52
tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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53
permanently
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| adv.永恒地，永久地，固定不变地 | |
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54
contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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55
riotously
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| adv.骚动地，暴乱地 | |
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56
deafening
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| adj. 振耳欲聋的, 极喧闹的 动词deafen的现在分词形式 | |
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57
distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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58
instinctive
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| adj.(出于)本能的；直觉的；(出于)天性的 | |
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59
primitive
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| adj.原始的；简单的；n.原(始)人，原始事物 | |
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60
hearty
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| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
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61
gravy
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| n.肉汁；轻易得来的钱，外快 | |
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62
spinach
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| n.菠菜 | |
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63
prunes
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| n.西梅脯，西梅干( prune的名词复数 )v.修剪（树木等）( prune的第三人称单数 )；精简某事物，除去某事物多余的部分 | |
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64
authentic
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| a.真的，真正的；可靠的，可信的，有根据的 | |
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afflicts
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| 使受痛苦，折磨( afflict的名词复数 ) | |
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66
doze
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| v.打瞌睡；n.打盹，假寐 | |
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67
awakened
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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68
hilarity
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| n.欢乐；热闹 | |
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69
compassion
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| n.同情，怜悯 | |
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70
innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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71
muzzle
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| n.鼻口部；口套；枪(炮)口；vt.使缄默 | |
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72
admonish
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| v.训戒；警告；劝告 | |
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73
capering
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| v.跳跃，雀跃( caper的现在分词 )；蹦蹦跳跳 | |
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74
lashed
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| adj.具睫毛的v.鞭打( lash的过去式和过去分词 )；煽动；紧系；怒斥 | |
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75
doggedly
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| adv.顽强地，固执地 | |
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76
fatigued
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| adj. 疲乏的 | |
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77
scribbling
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| n.乱涂[写]胡[乱]写的文章[作品]v.潦草的书写( scribble的现在分词 )；乱画；草草地写；匆匆记下 | |
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78
roster
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| n.值勤表，花名册 | |
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79
spectrum
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| n.谱，光谱，频谱；范围，幅度，系列 | |
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80
specially
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| adv.特定地；特殊地；明确地 | |
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81
tinted
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| adj. 带色彩的 动词tint的过去式和过去分词 | |
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meditating
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| a.沉思的，冥想的 | |
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shrill
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| adj.尖声的；刺耳的；v尖叫 | |
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