Eliza Thick, a medium-sized but rather powerfully fashioned female, generously busted6 and well furnished with rich brown hair, was washing the dishes. She curtseyed respectfully as Mrs. Kent entered the kitchen.
“Good morning,” said Mrs. Kent. “You are Eliza Thick?”
“Yes, ma'am.”
“You brought a note from Ethel?”
“I worked at Lady Marg'ret 'All, ma'am, where the young lady is studyin'.”
“Why did you leave your place there?”
“If you please, ma'am, my dishes was so tasty that it made the young ladies discontented when they got 'ome. Their parents complained that it gave 'em too 'igh ideas about wittles. The principal said I was pamperin' 'em too much, an' offered to release me.”
Mary, who was listening, gave a loud snort of laughter, which she tried to conceal13 by rattling14 some plates.
“Well, Eliza,” said Mrs. Kent, “that will do. You must get on with the work as best you can. Judging by the coffee this morning, I don't think your cooking will have the same effect on us that it did on the students at Lady Margaret Hall. We were expecting a guest for lunch but I will have to put him off until supper. I have written out the menu for the day. Mary will give you any help she can.”
“If you please, ma'am?” said Eliza.
“Yes?”
“Cook gave me a message for Miss Kathleen, ma'am, which she asked me to deliver in person.”
“A message for Miss Kathleen?”
“Yes, ma'am.”
“Well, you can tell me, I will tell Miss Kathleen.”
“Cook said I was to give it to her personally,” said the persistent15 Eliza.
“How very extraordinary,” said Mrs. Kent. “What did you say was the matter with Ethel—is it anything contagious16?”
“Oh, no, ma'am, I think it's just a touch of—of nervous debility, ma'am—too many white corpuscles, ma'am.”
“Well, I don't think Miss Kathleen can come down now, Eliza; we have just had a very strange telegram which has rather upset us.”
“Yes, ma'am.”
The new cook sat down to peel potatoes and study the mechanics of Kitchencraft. She found much to baffle her in the array of pots and pans, and in the workings of the range. From a cupboard she took out mince-meat choppers, potato mashers, cream whippers, egg-beaters, and other utensils18, gazing at them in total ignorance of their functions. Mrs. Kent had indicated jugged hare and mashed20 potatoes for lunch, and after some scrutiny21 of the problem Eliza found a hammer in the cabinet with which she began to belabour the vegetables. Mary, who might have suggested boiling the potatoes first, was then upstairs.
“Good morning, Eliza.”
“Good morning, Miss,” said the delighted cook. “Oh, I am so happy to see you, Miss!”
“Thank you, Eliza. Did you have a message for me from Ethel?”
“Yes, Miss. Er—Ethel said she hoped you'd give me all the help you can, Miss, because—er, you see, Miss, cooking for a private family is very different from working in a college where there are so many, Miss.”
“I see. Well—what on earth are you doing to those potatoes, Eliza?”
“Mashing 'em, Miss.”
“What, with a hammer!”
“I washed the 'ammer, Miss.”
Kathleen looked more closely, and examined the badly bruised24 tubers. “Good gracious,” she exclaimed, with a ripple25 of laughter. “They haven't been cooked yet!”
Eliza was rather taken aback.
“Well, you see, Miss,” she said, “at the college we used nothing but fireless cookers, and I don't understand these old-fashioned stoves very well. I wanted to get you to explain it to me.”
“It's perfectly26 simple,” said Kathleen. “This is the oven, and when you want to bake anything—Phew!” she cried, opening the oven door, “what have you got in here?”
She took a cloth, and lifted out of the oven a tall china pitcher27 with a strange-looking object protruding28 from it.
Eliza was panic stricken, and for an instant forgot her role.
“My God! I put the hare in there and forgot all about it. What a bally sell!”
“Look here, Eliza,” she said. “They may jug19 hares that way at Maggie Hall, but I doubt it. Now, what can you cook? We've got guests coming to-night. A gentleman from America is going to be here and we must put our best foot forward.”
Eliza's face was a study in painful emotion.
“Excuse me, Miss,” she said, “but is that American gentleman called Mr. Blair?”
“Yes,” said Kathleen. “Really, Eliza, you are most extraordinary. How did you know?”
“I've heard of him,” said Eliza. “I think I ought to warn you against him, miss. He's—he's a counterfeiter30.”
“Nonsense, Eliza. What notions you do have! He's an antiquarian, and he's coming to see my father about archaeology31. He's a friend of Miss Josephine, from Oxford. Now I think you'd better get on with your cooking and not worry about counterfeiters.”
“Miss Kathleen,” said Eliza, “I think I'd better be frank with you. I want to tell you—”
Here Mary came into the kitchen, and although Eliza Thick made frantic32 gestures to her to keep away, the housemaid was too dense33 to understand. The opportunity for confession34 was lost.
“Now, Eliza,” said Kathleen, “Mary will help you in anything you're not certain about. I'll come down again later to see how you're getting on.”
By supper time that night Eliza Thick began to think that perhaps she had made a tactical error by interning35 herself in the kitchen where there was but small opportunity for a tete-a-tete with the bewitching Kathleen. The news that Blair was coming to the evening meal was highly disconcerting, and the worried cook even contemplated36 the possibility of doctoring the American's plate of soup with ratsbane or hemlock37. Once during the afternoon she ventured a sally upstairs (carrying a scuttle38 of coal as a pretext) in the vague hope of finding Kathleen somewhere about the house. Unfortunately she met Mrs. Kent on the stairs, who promptly39 ordered her back to her proper domain40. Here Eliza found a disreputable-looking person trying to cozen41 Mary into admitting him to the house. He claimed to be an agent of the gas company, in search of a rumoured42 leak. Eliza immediately spotted43 Priapus, and indignantly ejected him by force of arms. In the scuffle a dish pan and several chairs were overturned. Mary, whose nerves were rather unstrung by the sustained comedy she was witnessing, uttered an obbligato of piercing yelps44 which soon brought Kathleen to the scene. Eliza received a severe rating, and so admired the angry sparkle in Kathleen's eyes that she could hardly retort.
“One other thing, Eliza,” said Kathleen, in conclusion. “There are to be two guests at supper. Mr. Carter, a curate from Oxford, is coming, too. Please allow for him in your preparations.”
“If you please, Miss,” cried the much-goaded cook, “is that Mr. Stephen Carter?”
“I believe it is,” said Kathleen, “but what of it? Is he a counterfeiter, too?”
“Miss Kathleen, I know you think it strange, but I must warn you against that curate. Dear Miss Kathleen, he is dangerous. He is not what he seems.”
“Eliza, you forget yourself,” said Kathleen, severely45. “Mr. Carter comes with an introduction from the Bishop46 of Oxford. I hope that is satisfactory to you! In any case, we do not need your approval for our list of guests. Mrs. Kent wants you to take great care with the stuffed eggs. Those mashed potatoes made her quite ill.”
“Please, Miss, I'm dreadful worried about those eggs. The book says to make a nest for 'em, and truly I don't know how to go about it. The young ladies at college never ate their eggs in nests, miss. And when I gets nervous I can't do myself justice, Miss. I never can remember which is the yolks and which is the whites, miss.”
“Now, that will do, Eliza,” said Kathleen. “You are a very eccentric creature, but I don't think you are as stupid as all that. What do you want? Do you expect me to come down here and oversee47 all your preparations?”
“Oh, if you only would, Miss, it would be so gratifying!”
Kathleen laughed, a girlish bubbling of pure mirth, which was dreadful torment48 to the jealous masquerader. She departed, leaving the cook a prey49 to savage50 resolve. “Well,” thought Eliza, “if the supper is bad enough I guess she'll just have to come down and help me. Thank goodness Blair and Carter are both coming; they'll cut each other's throats, and perhaps the stuffed eggs will win after all. As for that gas-man, he won't get into this house unless it's over my dead body!”
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1
premises
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| n.建筑物，房屋 | |
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smoothly
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| adv.平滑地，顺利地，流利地，流畅地 | |
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query
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| n.疑问，问号，质问；vt.询问，表示怀疑 | |
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elicited
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| 引出，探出( elicit的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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nominee
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| n.被提名者；被任命者；被推荐者 | |
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6
busted
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| adj. 破产了的，失败了的，被降级的，被逮捕的，被抓到的 动词bust的过去式和过去分词 | |
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7
fumbling
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| n. 摸索,漏接 v. 摸索,摸弄,笨拙的处理 | |
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8
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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9
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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10
crumpled
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| adj. 弯扭的, 变皱的 动词crumple的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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11
scrap
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| n.碎片；废料；v.废弃，报废 | |
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Oxford
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| n.牛津（英国城市） | |
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13
conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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14
rattling
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| adj. 格格作响的, 活泼的, 很好的 adv. 极其, 很, 非常 动词rattle的现在分词 | |
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15
persistent
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| adj.坚持不懈的，执意的；持续的 | |
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16
contagious
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| adj.传染性的，有感染力的 | |
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17
mash
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| n.麦芽浆，糊状物，土豆泥；v.把…捣成糊状，挑逗，调情 | |
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18
utensils
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| 器具，用具，器皿( utensil的名词复数 )； 器物 | |
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19
jug
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| n.(有柄，小口，可盛水等的)大壶，罐，盂 | |
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mashed
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| a.捣烂的 | |
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scrutiny
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| n.详细检查，仔细观察 | |
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22
thumping
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| adj.重大的，巨大的；重击的；尺码大的；极好的adv.极端地；非常地v.重击(thump的现在分词)；狠打；怦怦地跳；全力支持 | |
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23
abide
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| vi.遵守；坚持；vt.忍受 | |
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24
bruised
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| [医]青肿的，瘀紫的 | |
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25
ripple
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| n.涟波，涟漪，波纹，粗钢梳；vt.使...起涟漪，使起波纹； vi.呈波浪状，起伏前进 | |
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26
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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27
pitcher
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| n.(有嘴和柄的)大水罐；(棒球)投手 | |
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28
protruding
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| v.（使某物）伸出，（使某物）突出( protrude的现在分词 )；凸 | |
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29
hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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counterfeiter
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| n.伪造者 | |
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archaeology
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| n.考古学 | |
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32
frantic
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| adj.狂乱的，错乱的，激昂的 | |
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33
dense
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| a.密集的，稠密的，浓密的；密度大的 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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35
interning
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| v.拘留，关押( intern的现在分词 ) | |
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36
contemplated
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| adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
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hemlock
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| n.毒胡萝卜，铁杉 | |
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38
scuttle
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| v.急赶，疾走，逃避；n.天窗；舷窗 | |
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39
promptly
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| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
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domain
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| n.(活动等)领域，范围；领地，势力范围 | |
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41
cozen
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| v.欺骗，哄骗 | |
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42
rumoured
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| adj.谣传的；传说的；风 | |
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spotted
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| adj.有斑点的，斑纹的，弄污了的 | |
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44
yelps
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| n.（因痛苦、气愤、兴奋等的）短而尖的叫声( yelp的名词复数 )v.发出短而尖的叫声( yelp的第三人称单数 ) | |
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45
severely
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| adv.严格地；严厉地；非常恶劣地 | |
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46
bishop
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| n.主教，（国际象棋）象 | |
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47
oversee
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| vt.监督，管理 | |
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48
torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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49
prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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50
savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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