The Whitechapel monster has once more startled and horrified1 London, and again he has left absolutely no clue to his identity. He is the mystery of mysteries. He comes and goes like a ghost. Murder marks his appearance, but that is all we know of him. The rest is silence. The police, the vigilance societies, and the private detectives are all baffled. They can only stare at each other in blind dismay, as helpless as the poor victims of the fiend's performances. All sorts of theories are started, but they are all in the air—the wild conjectures2 of irresponsible imaginations. All sorts of stories are afloat, but they contradict each other. As for descriptions of the monster, it is easy enough to say that the police have advertised for nine or ten "wanted" gentlemen, of various heights, dimensions, colors, and costumes, who are all the very same person.
We have no desire to dabble3 in murder, nor do we aspire4 to turn an honest penny by the minute description of bodily mutilations. But while the Whitechapel atrocities5 are engaging the public attention, we are tempted6 to contribute our quota7 of speculation8 as to the monster's identity. We thought of doing so before, but we reflected that it was perfectly9 useless while such a pig-headed person as Sir Charles Warren was at the head of the police. Now, however, that he is gone, and there is a chance of common-sense suggestions being fairly considered, we venture to propound10 our theory, in the hope that it will at least be treated on its merits.
Well now, to the point. Our theory is that the Whitechapel murderer is——— "Whom?" the reader cries. Wait awhile. Brace11 up your nerves for the dread12 intelligence. The East-end fiend, the Whitechapel devil, the slaughterer13 and mutilator of women, is—Jehovah!
"Blasphemous14!" is shouted from a million throats. But science is used to such shriekings. We pause till the noise subsides15, and then proceed to point out that our theory fulfils the grand condition of fitting in with all the facts.
The Whitechapel murderer is shrouded16 in mystery. So is Jehovah. The Whitechapel murderer comes no one knows whence and goes no one knows whither. So does Jehovah. The Whitechapel murderer appears in different disguises. So does Jehovah. The Whitechapel murderer's movements baffle all vigilance. So do Jehovah's. The Whitechapel murderer comes and goes, appears and disappears, with the celerity and noiselessness of a ghost. So does Jehovah, who is a ghost. Thus far, then, the similarity is marvellously close, and a prima facie case of identity is established.
It will very likely be objected that Jehovah is incapable17 of such atrocities. But this is the misconception of ignorance or the politeness of hypocrisy18. Jehovah has written his autobiography19, and on his own confession20 his murderous exploits were very similar to those of the Whitechapel terror. Appealing to that incontrovertible authority, we propose to show that he has every disposition21 to commit these enormities.
According to his own history of himself, Jehovah is passionately22 fond of bloodshed. The sanguine23 fluid which courses in our veins24 is the only thing that appeases25 him. "Without shedding of blood," he tells us through the pen of St. Paul, "there is no remission" of any debts owing to him. He called on Abraham, his friend, to stick a knife into his own son. He slew26 the first-born of every family in Egypt in a single night. He accepted the blood of a young virgin27 offered him by Jephthah. He slew 50,070 men at Beth-Shemesh for looking into his private trunk. He ordered his "chosen" friends, a famous set of banditti, to exterminate28, men, women, children, and even animals, and to "leave alive nothing that breatheth." He massacred 70,000 citizens of Palestine because their king took a census29, a social experiment to which he has a rooted antipathy30. He had a house especially built for him, and gave orders that it should daily be drenched31 with blood. According to one of his candid32 friends, Archdeacon Farrar, "the floor must literally33 have swum with blood, and under the blaze of Eastern sunlight, the burning of fat and flesh on the large blazing altar must have been carried on amid heaps of sacrificial foulness—offal and skins and thick smoke and steaming putrescence." On one occasion, when in a state of murderous frenzy34, he cried out, "I will make mine arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour35 flesh."
Jehovah's passion for bloodshed is proved out of his own mouth. Let us now see his love of mutilation. He generally did this by proxy36, and enjoyed the spectacle without undergoing the trouble. Some of his friends took a gentleman named Adoni-bezek, and "cut off his thumbs and his great toes." Wishing to kill a certain Eglon, the king of Moab, he sent an adventurer called Ehud with "a present from Jehovah." The present turned out to be an eighteen-inch knife, which Ehud thrust into Eglon's belly37; a part of the body on which the Whitechapel murderer is fond of experimenting. Jehovah's friend David, a man after his own heart, mutilated no less than four hundred men, and gave their foreskins to his wife as a dowry. Incurring38 Jehovah's displeasure and wishing to conciliate him, he attacked certain cities, captured their inhabitants, and cut them in pieces with saws, axes, and harrows.
Jehovah is particularly savage39 towards females. He cursed a woman for eating an apple, and instead of killing40 her on the spot, he determined41 to torture her every time she became a mother. A friend of his—and we judge people by their friends—cut a woman up into twelve pieces, and sent them to various addresses by parcels' delivery. Another of his friends, called Menahem, made a raid on a certain territory, and "all the women therein that were with child he ripped up." Jehovah himself, being angry with the people of Samaria, promised to slay42 them with the sword, dash their infants to pieces, and rip up their pregnant women. No doubt he fulfilled his promise, and he would scarcely have made it if he had not been accustomed to such atrocities. It appears to us, therefore, that he is fully43 entitled to the name of Jehovah the Ripper.
We have not exhausted44 our evidence. Far more could be adduced, but we hope this will suffice. It may, of course, be objected that Jehovah has reformed, that he is too old for midnight adventures, that he has lost his savage cunning, and that his son keeps a sharp eye on the aged45 assassin. But the ruling passion is never really conquered; it is even, as the proverb says, strong in death. We venture, therefore, to suggest that the Whitechapel murderer is Jehovah; and although keen eyes may detect a few superficial flaws in our theory—for what theory is perfect till it is demonstrated?—we protest that it marvellously covers the facts of the case, and is infinitely46 superior to any other theory that has hitherto been broached47.
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1 horrified | |
a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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2 conjectures | |
推测,猜想( conjecture的名词复数 ) | |
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3 dabble | |
v.涉足,浅赏 | |
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4 aspire | |
vi.(to,after)渴望,追求,有志于 | |
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5 atrocities | |
n.邪恶,暴行( atrocity的名词复数 );滔天大罪 | |
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6 tempted | |
v.怂恿(某人)干不正当的事;冒…的险(tempt的过去分词) | |
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7 quota | |
n.(生产、进出口等的)配额,(移民的)限额 | |
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8 speculation | |
n.思索,沉思;猜测;投机 | |
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9 perfectly | |
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地 | |
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10 propound | |
v.提出 | |
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11 brace | |
n. 支柱,曲柄,大括号; v. 绷紧,顶住,(为困难或坏事)做准备 | |
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12 dread | |
vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧 | |
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13 slaughterer | |
屠夫,刽子手 | |
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14 blasphemous | |
adj.亵渎神明的,不敬神的 | |
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15 subsides | |
v.(土地)下陷(因在地下采矿)( subside的第三人称单数 );减弱;下降至较低或正常水平;一下子坐在椅子等上 | |
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16 shrouded | |
v.隐瞒( shroud的过去式和过去分词 );保密 | |
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17 incapable | |
adj.无能力的,不能做某事的 | |
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18 hypocrisy | |
n.伪善,虚伪 | |
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19 autobiography | |
n.自传 | |
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20 confession | |
n.自白,供认,承认 | |
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21 disposition | |
n.性情,性格;意向,倾向;排列,部署 | |
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22 passionately | |
ad.热烈地,激烈地 | |
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23 sanguine | |
adj.充满希望的,乐观的,血红色的 | |
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24 veins | |
n.纹理;矿脉( vein的名词复数 );静脉;叶脉;纹理 | |
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25 appeases | |
安抚,抚慰( appease的第三人称单数 ); 绥靖(满足另一国的要求以避免战争) | |
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26 slew | |
v.(使)旋转;n.大量,许多 | |
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27 virgin | |
n.处女,未婚女子;adj.未经使用的;未经开发的 | |
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28 exterminate | |
v.扑灭,消灭,根绝 | |
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29 census | |
n.(官方的)人口调查,人口普查 | |
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30 antipathy | |
n.憎恶;反感,引起反感的人或事物 | |
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31 drenched | |
adj.湿透的;充满的v.使湿透( drench的过去式和过去分词 );在某人(某物)上大量使用(某液体) | |
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32 candid | |
adj.公正的,正直的;坦率的 | |
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33 literally | |
adv.照字面意义,逐字地;确实 | |
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34 frenzy | |
n.疯狂,狂热,极度的激动 | |
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35 devour | |
v.吞没;贪婪地注视或谛听,贪读;使着迷 | |
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36 proxy | |
n.代理权,代表权;(对代理人的)委托书;代理人 | |
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37 belly | |
n.肚子,腹部;(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分,膛 | |
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38 incurring | |
遭受,招致,引起( incur的现在分词 ) | |
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39 savage | |
adj.野蛮的;凶恶的,残暴的;n.未开化的人 | |
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40 killing | |
n.巨额利润;突然赚大钱,发大财 | |
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41 determined | |
adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
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42 slay | |
v.杀死,宰杀,杀戮 | |
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43 fully | |
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地 | |
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44 exhausted | |
adj.极其疲惫的,精疲力尽的 | |
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45 aged | |
adj.年老的,陈年的 | |
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46 infinitely | |
adv.无限地,无穷地 | |
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47 broached | |
v.谈起( broach的过去式和过去分词 );打开并开始用;用凿子扩大(或修光);(在桶上)钻孔取液体 | |
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