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CHAPTER IX—IN THE SPRING
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 The months since her father’s death spread into the second year before Stephen began to realise the loneliness of her life.  She had no companion now but her aunt; and though the old lady adored her, and she returned her love in full, the mere1 years between them made impossible the companionship that youth craves2.  Miss Rowly’s life was in the past.  Stephen’s was in the future.  And loneliness is a feeling which comes unbidden to a heart.
 
Stephen felt her loneliness all round.  In old days Harold was always within hail, and companionship of equal age and understanding was available.  But now his very reticence3 in her own interest, and by her father’s wishes, made for her pain.  Harold had put his strongest restraint on himself, and in his own way suffered a sort of silent martyrdom.  He loved Stephen with every fibre of his being.  Day by day he came toward her with eager step; day by day he left her with a pang4 that made his heart ache and seemed to turn the brightness of the day to gloom.  Night by night he tossed for hours thinking, thinking, wondering if the time would ever come when her kisses would be his . . . But the tortures and terrors of the night had their effect on his days.  It seemed as if the mere act of thinking, of longing5, gave him ever renewed self-control, so that he was able in his bearing to carry out the task he had undertaken: to give Stephen time to choose a mate for herself.  Herein lay his weakness—a weakness coming from his want of knowledge of the world of women.  Had he ever had a love affair, be it never so mild a one, he would have known that love requires a positive expression.  It is not sufficient to sigh, and wish, and hope, and long, all to oneself.  Stephen felt instinctively6 that his guarded speech and manner were due to the coldness—or rather the trusting abated7 worship—of the brotherhood8 to which she had been always accustomed.  At the time when new forces were manifesting and expanding themselves within her; when her growing instincts, cultivated by the senses and the passions of young nature, made her aware of other forces, new and old, expanding themselves outside her; at the time when the heart of a girl is eager for new impressions and new expansions, and the calls of sex are working within her all unconsciously, Harold, to whom her heart would probably have been the first to turn, made himself in his effort to best show his love, a quantité negligeable.
 
Thus Stephen, whilst feeling that the vague desires of budding womanhood were trembling within her, had neither thought nor knowledge of their character or their ultimate tendency.  She would have been shocked, horrified9, had that logical process, which she applied11 so freely to less personal matters, been used upon her own intimate nature.  In her case logic10 would of course act within a certain range; and as logic is a conscious intellectual process, she became aware that her objective was man.  Man—in the abstract.  ‘Man,’ not ‘a man.’  Beyond that, she could not go.  It is not too much to say that she did not ever, even in her most errant thought, apply her reasoning, or even dream of its following out either the duties, the responsibilities, or the consequences of having a husband.  She had a vague longing for younger companionship, and of the kind naturally most interesting to her.  There thought stopped.
 
One only of her male acquaintances did not at this time appear.  Leonard Everard, who had some time ago finished his course at college, was living partly in London and partly on the Continent.  His very absence made him of added interest to his old play-fellow.  The image of his grace and comeliness12, of his dominance and masculine force, early impressed on her mind, began to compare favourably13 with the actualities of her other friends; those of them at least who were within the circle of her personal interest.  ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder.’  In Stephen’s mind had been but a very mustard-seed of fondness.  But new lights were breaking for her; and all of them, in greater or lesser14 degree, shone in turn on the memory of the pretty self-willed dominant15 boy, who now grew larger and more masculine in stature16 under the instance of each successive light.  Stephen knew the others fairly well through and through.  The usual mixture of good and evil, of strength and weakness, of purpose and vacillation17, was quite within the scope of her own feeling and of her observation.  But this man was something of a problem to her; and, as such, had a prominence18 in her thoughts quite beyond his own worthiness19.
 
In movement of some form is life; and even ideas grow when the pulses beat and thought quickens.  Stephen had long had in her mind the idea of sexual equality.  For a long time, in deference20 to her aunt’s feelings, she had not spoken of it; for the old lady winced21 in general under any suggestion of a breach22 of convention.  But though her outward expression being thus curbed23 had helped to suppress or minimise the opportunities of inward thought, the idea had never left her.  Now, when sex was, consciously or unconsciously, a dominating factor in her thoughts, the dormant24 idea woke to new life.  She had held that if men and women were equal the woman should have equal rights and opportunities as the man.  It had been, she believed, an absurd conventional rule that such a thing as a proposal of marriage should be entirely25 the prerogative26 of man.
 
And then came to her, as it ever does to woman, opportunity.  Opportunity, the cruelest, most remorseless, most unsparing, subtlest foe27 that womanhood has.  Here was an opportunity for her to test her own theory; to prove to herself, and others, that she was right.  They—‘they’ being the impersonal28 opponents of, or unbelievers in, her theory—would see that a woman could propose as well as a man; and that the result would be good.
 
It is a part of self-satisfaction, and perhaps not the least dangerous part of it, that it has an increasing or multiplying power of its own.  The desire to do increases the power to do; and desire and power united find new ways for the exercise of strength.  Up to now Stephen’s inclination29 towards Leonard had been vague, nebulous; but now that theory showed a way to its utilisation it forthwith began to become, first definite, then concrete, then substantial.  When once the idea had become a possibility, the mere passing of time did the rest.
 
Her aunt saw—and misunderstood.  The lesson of her own youth had not been applied; not even of those long hours and days and weeks at which she hinted when she had spoken of the tragedy of life which by inference was her own tragedy: ‘to love and to be helpless.  To wait, and wait, and wait, with your heart all aflame!’
 
Stephen recognised her aunt’s concern for her health in time to protect herself from the curiosity of her loving-kindness.  Her youth and readiness and adaptability30, and that power of play-acting which we all have within us and of which she had her share, stood to her.  With but little effort, based on a seeming acquiescence31 in her aunt’s views, she succeeded in convincing the old lady that her incipient32 feverish33 cold had already reached its crisis and was passing away.  But she had gained certain knowledge in the playing of her little part.  All this self-protective instinct was new; for good or ill she had advanced one more step in not only the knowledge but the power of duplicity which is so necessary in the conventional life of a woman.
 
Oh! did we but see!  Could we but see!  Here was a woman, dowered in her youth with all the goods and graces in the power of the gods to bestow34, who fought against convention; and who yet found in convention the strongest as well as the readiest weapon of defence.
 
For nearly two weeks Stephen’s resolution was held motionless, neither advancing nor receding35; it was veritably the slack water of her resolution.  She was afraid to go on.  Not afraid in sense of fear as it is usually understood, but with the opposition36 of virginal instincts; those instincts which are natural, but whose uses as well as whose powers are unknown to us.

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1 mere rC1xE     
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过
参考例句:
  • That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
  • It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。
2 craves dcdf03afe300a545d69a1e6db561c77f     
渴望,热望( crave的第三人称单数 ); 恳求,请求
参考例句:
  • The tree craves calm but the wind will not drop. 树欲静而风不止。
  • Victory would give him a passport to the riches he craves. 胜利将使他有机会获得自己梦寐以求的财富。
3 reticence QWixF     
n.沉默,含蓄
参考例句:
  • He breaks out of his normal reticence and tells me the whole story.他打破了平时一贯沈默寡言的习惯,把事情原原本本都告诉了我。
  • He always displays a certain reticence in discussing personal matters.他在谈论个人问题时总显得有些保留。
4 pang OKixL     
n.剧痛,悲痛,苦闷
参考例句:
  • She experienced a sharp pang of disappointment.她经历了失望的巨大痛苦。
  • She was beginning to know the pang of disappointed love.她开始尝到了失恋的痛苦。
5 longing 98bzd     
n.(for)渴望
参考例句:
  • Hearing the tune again sent waves of longing through her.再次听到那首曲子使她胸中充满了渴望。
  • His heart burned with longing for revenge.他心中燃烧着急欲复仇的怒火。
6 instinctively 2qezD2     
adv.本能地
参考例句:
  • As he leaned towards her she instinctively recoiled. 他向她靠近,她本能地往后缩。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He knew instinctively where he would find her. 他本能地知道在哪儿能找到她。 来自《简明英汉词典》
7 abated ba788157839fe5f816c707e7a7ca9c44     
减少( abate的过去式和过去分词 ); 减去; 降价; 撤消(诉讼)
参考例句:
  • The worker's concern about cuts in the welfare funding has not abated. 工人们对削减福利基金的关心并没有减少。
  • The heat has abated. 温度降低了。
8 brotherhood 1xfz3o     
n.兄弟般的关系,手中情谊
参考例句:
  • They broke up the brotherhood.他们断绝了兄弟关系。
  • They live and work together in complete equality and brotherhood.他们完全平等和兄弟般地在一起生活和工作。
9 horrified 8rUzZU     
a.(表现出)恐惧的
参考例句:
  • The whole country was horrified by the killings. 全国都对这些凶杀案感到大为震惊。
  • We were horrified at the conditions prevailing in local prisons. 地方监狱的普遍状况让我们震惊。
10 logic j0HxI     
n.逻辑(学);逻辑性
参考例句:
  • What sort of logic is that?这是什么逻辑?
  • I don't follow the logic of your argument.我不明白你的论点逻辑性何在。
11 applied Tz2zXA     
adj.应用的;v.应用,适用
参考例句:
  • She plans to take a course in applied linguistics.她打算学习应用语言学课程。
  • This cream is best applied to the face at night.这种乳霜最好晚上擦脸用。
12 comeliness comeliness     
n. 清秀, 美丽, 合宜
参考例句:
  • Your comeliness is law with Mr. Wildeve. 你的美貌,对于韦狄先生,就是律令。
  • Her comeliness overwhelmed him. 她的清秀美丽使他倾倒。
13 favourably 14211723ae4152efc3f4ea3567793030     
adv. 善意地,赞成地 =favorably
参考例句:
  • The play has been favourably commented by the audience. 本剧得到了观众的好评。
  • The open approach contrasts favourably with the exclusivity of some universities. 这种开放式的方法与一些大学的封闭排外形成了有利的对比。
14 lesser UpxzJL     
adj.次要的,较小的;adv.较小地,较少地
参考例句:
  • Kept some of the lesser players out.不让那些次要的球员参加联赛。
  • She has also been affected,but to a lesser degree.她也受到波及,但程度较轻。
15 dominant usAxG     
adj.支配的,统治的;占优势的;显性的;n.主因,要素,主要的人(或物);显性基因
参考例句:
  • The British were formerly dominant in India.英国人从前统治印度。
  • She was a dominant figure in the French film industry.她在法国电影界是个举足轻重的人物。
16 stature ruLw8     
n.(高度)水平,(高度)境界,身高,身材
参考例句:
  • He is five feet five inches in stature.他身高5英尺5英寸。
  • The dress models are tall of stature.时装模特儿的身材都较高。
17 vacillation Oi2wu     
n.动摇;忧柔寡断
参考例句:
  • Vacillation is the cause of his failure.优柔寡断是他失败的原因。
  • His constant vacillation made him an unfit administrator.他经常优柔寡断,这使他不适合当行政官员。
18 prominence a0Mzw     
n.突出;显著;杰出;重要
参考例句:
  • He came to prominence during the World Cup in Italy.他在意大利的世界杯赛中声名鹊起。
  • This young fashion designer is rising to prominence.这位年轻的时装设计师的声望越来越高。
19 worthiness 1c20032c69eae95442cbe437ebb128f8     
价值,值得
参考例句:
  • It'satisfies the spraying robot's function requirement and has practical worthiness. " 运行试验表明,系统工作稳定可靠,满足了喷雾机器人的功能要求,具有实用价值。
  • The judge will evaluate the worthiness of these claims. 法官会评估这些索赔的价值。
20 deference mmKzz     
n.尊重,顺从;敬意
参考例句:
  • Do you treat your parents and teachers with deference?你对父母师长尊敬吗?
  • The major defect of their work was deference to authority.他们的主要缺陷是趋从权威。
21 winced 7be9a27cb0995f7f6019956af354c6e4     
赶紧避开,畏缩( wince的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He winced as the dog nipped his ankle. 狗咬了他的脚腕子,疼得他龇牙咧嘴。
  • He winced as a sharp pain shot through his left leg. 他左腿一阵剧痛疼得他直龇牙咧嘴。
22 breach 2sgzw     
n.违反,不履行;破裂;vt.冲破,攻破
参考例句:
  • We won't have any breach of discipline.我们不允许任何破坏纪律的现象。
  • He was sued for breach of contract.他因不履行合同而被起诉。
23 curbed a923d4d9800d8ccbc8b2319f1a1fdc2b     
v.限制,克制,抑制( curb的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • Advertising aimed at children should be curbed. 针对儿童的广告应受到限制。 来自辞典例句
  • Inflation needs to be curbed in Russia. 俄罗斯需要抑制通货膨胀。 来自辞典例句
24 dormant d8uyk     
adj.暂停活动的;休眠的;潜伏的
参考例句:
  • Many animals are in a dormant state during winter.在冬天许多动物都处于睡眠状态。
  • This dormant volcano suddenly fired up.这座休眠火山突然爆发了。
25 entirely entirely     
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地
参考例句:
  • The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。
  • His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。
26 prerogative 810z1     
n.特权
参考例句:
  • It is within his prerogative to do so.他是有权这样做的。
  • Making such decisions is not the sole prerogative of managers.作这类决定并不是管理者的专有特权。
27 foe ygczK     
n.敌人,仇敌
参考例句:
  • He knew that Karl could be an implacable foe.他明白卡尔可能会成为他的死敌。
  • A friend is a friend;a foe is a foe;one must be clearly distinguished from the other.敌是敌,友是友,必须分清界限。
28 impersonal Ck6yp     
adj.无个人感情的,与个人无关的,非人称的
参考例句:
  • Even his children found him strangely distant and impersonal.他的孩子们也认为他跟其他人很疏远,没有人情味。
  • His manner seemed rather stiff and impersonal.他的态度似乎很生硬冷淡。
29 inclination Gkwyj     
n.倾斜;点头;弯腰;斜坡;倾度;倾向;爱好
参考例句:
  • She greeted us with a slight inclination of the head.她微微点头向我们致意。
  • I did not feel the slightest inclination to hurry.我没有丝毫着急的意思。
30 adaptability 6J9yH     
n.适应性
参考例句:
  • It has a wide range of adaptability.它的应用性广。
31 acquiescence PJFy5     
n.默许;顺从
参考例句:
  • The chief inclined his head in sign of acquiescence.首领点点头表示允许。
  • This is due to his acquiescence.这是因为他的默许。
32 incipient HxFyw     
adj.起初的,发端的,初期的
参考例句:
  • The anxiety has been sharpened by the incipient mining boom.采矿业初期的蓬勃发展加剧了这种担忧。
  • What we see then is an incipient global inflation.因此,我们看到的是初期阶段的全球通胀.
33 feverish gzsye     
adj.发烧的,狂热的,兴奋的
参考例句:
  • He is too feverish to rest.他兴奋得安静不下来。
  • They worked with feverish haste to finish the job.为了完成此事他们以狂热的速度工作着。
34 bestow 9t3zo     
v.把…赠与,把…授予;花费
参考例句:
  • He wished to bestow great honors upon the hero.他希望将那些伟大的荣誉授予这位英雄。
  • What great inspiration wiII you bestow on me?你有什么伟大的灵感能馈赠给我?
35 receding c22972dfbef8589fece6affb72f431d1     
v.逐渐远离( recede的现在分词 );向后倾斜;自原处后退或避开别人的注视;尤指问题
参考例句:
  • Desperately he struck out after the receding lights of the yacht. 游艇的灯光渐去渐远,他拼命划水追赶。 来自辞典例句
  • Sounds produced by vehicles receding from us seem lower-pitched than usual. 渐渐远离我们的运载工具发出的声似乎比平常的音调低。 来自辞典例句
36 opposition eIUxU     
n.反对,敌对
参考例句:
  • The party leader is facing opposition in his own backyard.该党领袖在自己的党內遇到了反对。
  • The police tried to break down the prisoner's opposition.警察设法制住了那个囚犯的反抗。


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