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CHAPTER X—THE RESOLVE
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 The next few days saw Stephen abnormally restless.  She had fairly well made up her mind to test her theory of equality of the sexes by asking Leonard Everard to marry her; but her difficulty was as to the doing it.  She knew well that it would not do to depend on a chance meeting for an opportunity.  After all, the matter was too serious to allow of the possibility of levity1.  There were times when she thought she would write to him and make her proffer2 of affection in this way; but on every occasion when such thought recurred3 it was forthwith instantly abandoned.  During the last few days, however, she became more reconciled to even this method of procedure.  The fever of growth was unabated.  At last came an evening which she had all to herself.  Miss Laetitia was going over to Norwood to look after matters there, and would remain the night.  Stephen saw in her absence an opportunity for thought and action, and said that, having a headache, she would remain at home.  Her aunt offered to postpone4 her visit.  But she would not hear of it; and so she had the evening to herself.
 
After dinner in her boudoir she set herself to the composition of a letter to Leonard which would convey at least something of her feelings and wishes towards him.  In the depths of her heart, which now and again beat furiously, she had a secret hope that when once the idea was broached5 Leonard would do the rest.  And as she thought of that ‘rest’ a languorous6 dreaminess came upon her.  She thought how he would come to her full of love, of yearning7 passion; how she would try to keep towards him, at first, an independent front which would preserve her secret anxiety until the time should come when she might yield herself to his arms and tell him all.  For hours she wrote letter after letter, destroying them as quickly as she wrote, as she found that she had but swayed pendulum8 fashion between overtness9 and coldness.  Some of the letters were so chilly10 in tone that she felt they would defeat their own object.  Others were so frankly11 warm in the expression of—regard she called it, that with burning blushes she destroyed them at once at the candle before her.
 
At last she made up her mind.  Just as she had done when a baby she realised that the opposing forces were too strong for her; she gave in gracefully13.  It would not do to deal directly in a letter with the matter in hand.  She would write to Leonard merely asking him to see her.  Then, when they were together without fear of interruption, she would tell him her views.
 
She got as far as ‘Dear Mr. Leonard,’ when she stood up, saying to herself:
 
‘I shall not be in a hurry.  I must sleep on it before I write!’  She took up the novel she had been reading in the afternoon, and read on at it steadily14 till her bedtime.
 
That night she did not sleep.  It was not that she was agitated15.  Indeed, she was more at ease than she had been for days; she had after much anxious thought made up her mind to a definite course of action.  Therefore her sleeplessness17 was not painful.  It was rather that she did not want to sleep, than that she could not.  She lay still, thinking, thinking; dreaming such dreams as are the occasions of sanctified privacy to her age and sex.
 
In the morning she was no worse for her vigil.  When at luncheon-time Aunt Laetitia had returned she went into all the little matters of which she had to report.  It was after tea-time when she found herself alone, and with leisure to attend to what was, she felt, directly her own affair.  During the night she had made up her mind exactly what to say to Leonard; and as her specific resolution bore the test of daylight she was satisfied.  The opening words had in their inception18 caused her some concern; but after hours of thought she had come to the conclusion that to address, under the circumstance, the recipient19 of the letter as ‘Dear Mr. Everard’ would hardly do.  The only possible justification20 of her unconventional act was that there existed already a friendship, an intimacy21 of years, since childhood; that there were already between them knowledge and understanding of each other; that what she was doing, and about to do, was but a further step in a series of events long ago undertaken.
 
She thought it better to send by post rather than messenger, as the latter did away with all privacy with regard to the act.
 
The letter was as follows:
 
‘Dear Leonard,—Would it be convenient for you to meet me to-morrow, Tuesday, at half-past twelve o’clock on the top of Caester Hill?  I want to speak about a matter that may have some interest to you, and it will be more private there than in the house.  Also it will be cooler in the shade on the hilltop.—
 
Yours sincerely, Stephen Norman.’
 
Having posted the letter she went about the usual routine of her life at Normanstand, and no occasion of suspicion or remark regarding her came to her aunt.
 
In her room that night when she had sent away her maid, she sat down to think, and all the misgivings23 of the day came back.  One by one they were conquered by one protective argument:
 
‘I am free to do as I like.  I am my own mistress; and I am doing nothing that is wrong.  Even if it is unconventional, what of that?  God knows there are enough conventions in the world that are wrong, hopelessly, unalterably wrong.  After all, who are the people who are most bound by convention?  Those who call themselves “smart!”  If Convention is the god of the smart set, then it is about time that honest people chose another!’
 
* * * * *
 
Leonard received the letter at breakfast-time.  He did not give it any special attention, as he had other letters at the same time, some of which were, if less pleasant, of more immediate24 importance.  He had of late been bombarded with dunning letters from tradesmen; for during his University life, and ever since, he had run into debt.  The moderate allowance his father made him he had treated as cash for incidental expenses, but everything else had been on credit.  Indeed he was beginning to get seriously alarmed about the future, for his father, who had paid his debts once, and at a time when they were by comparison inconsiderable, had said that he would not under any circumstances pay others.  He was not sorry, therefore, for an opportunity of getting away for a few hours from home; from himself—from anxieties, possibilities.  The morning was a sweltering one, and he grumbled25 to himself as he set out on his journey through the woods.
 
* * * * *
 
Stephen rose fresh and in good spirits, despite her sleepless16 night.  When youth and strength are to the fore12, a night’s sleep is not of much account, for the system once braced26 up is not allowed to slacken.  It was a notable sign of her strong nature that she was not even impatient, but waited with calm fixity the hour at which she had asked Leonard Everard to meet her.  It is true that as the time grew closer her nerve was less marked.  And just before it she was a girl—and nothing more; with all girl’s diffidence, a girl’s self-distrust, a girl’s abnegation, a girl’s plasticity.
 
In the more purely27 personal aspect of her enterprise Stephen’s effort was more conscious.  It is hardly possible for a pretty woman to seek in her study of perfection the aid of her mirror and to be unconscious of her aims.  There must certainly be at least one dominant28 purpose: the achievement of success.  Stephen did not attempt to deny her own beauty; on the contrary she gave it the fullest scope.  There was a certain triumph in her glance as she took her last look in her mirror; a gratification of her wish to show herself in the best way possible.  It was a very charming picture which the mirror reflected.
 
It may be that there is a companionship in a mirror, especially to a woman; that the reflection of oneself is an emboldening29 presence, a personality which is better than the actuality of an unvalued stranger.  Certainly, when Stephen closed the door and stood in the wainscoted passage, which was only dimly lit by the high window at either end, her courage seemed at once to ooze30 away.
 
Probably for the first time in her life, as she left the shade of the long passage and came out on the staircase flooded with the light of the noonday sun, Stephen felt that she was a girl—‘girl’ standing22 as some sort of synonym31 for weakness, pretended or actual.  Fear, in whatever form or degree it may come, is a vital quality and must move.  It cannot stand at a fixed32 point; if it be not sent backward it must progress.  Stephen felt this, and, though her whole nature was repugnant to the task, forced herself to the effort of repression33.  It would, she felt, have been to her a delicious pleasure to have abandoned all effort; to have sunk in the lassitude of self-surrender.
 
The woman in her was working; her sex had found her out!
 
She turned and looked around her, as though conscious of being watched.  Then, seeing that she was alone, she went her way with settled purpose; with flashing eyes and glowing cheeks—and a beating heart.  A heart all woman’s since it throbbed34 the most with apprehension35 when the enemy, Man, was the objective of her most resolute36 attack.  She knew that she must keep moving; that she must not stop or pause; or her whole resolution must collapse37.  And so she hurried on, fearful lest a chance meeting with any one might imperil her purpose.
 
On she went through the faint moss-green paths; through meadows rich with flowering grasses and the many reds of the summer wild-flowers.  And so up through the path cut in the natural dipping of the rock that rose over Caester Hill and formed a strong base for the clump38 of great trees that made a landmark39 for many a mile around.  During the first part of her journey between the house and the hilltop, she tried to hold her purpose at arm’s length; it would be sufficient to face its terrors when the time had come.  In the meantime the matter was of such overwhelming importance that nothing else could take its place; all she could do was to suspend the active part of the thinking faculties40 and leave the mind only receptive.
 
But when she had passed through the thin belt of stunted41 oak and beech42 which hedged in the last of the lush meadows, and caught sight of the clump of trees on the hilltop, she unconsciously braced herself as a young regiment43 loses its tremors44 when the sight of the enemy breaks upon it.  No longer her eyes fell earthward; they were raised, and raised proudly.  Stephen Norman was fixed in her intention.  Like the woman of old, her feet were on the ploughshares and she would not hesitate.
 
As she drew near the appointed place her pace grew slower and slower; the woman in her was unconsciously manifesting itself.  She would not be first in her tryst45 with a man.  Unconsciousness, however, is not a working quality which can be relied upon for staying power; the approach to the trysting-place brought once more home to her the strange nature of her enterprise.  She had made up her mind to it; there was no use in deceiving herself.  What she had undertaken to do was much more unconventional than being first at a meeting.  It was foolish and weak to delay.  The last thought braced her up; and it was with a hurried gait, which alone would have betrayed her to an intelligent observer, that she entered the grove46.
 

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1 levity Q1uxA     
n.轻率,轻浮,不稳定,多变
参考例句:
  • His remarks injected a note of levity into the proceedings.他的话将一丝轻率带入了议事过程中。
  • At the time,Arnold had disapproved of such levity.那时候的阿诺德对这种轻浮行为很看不惯。
2 proffer FBryF     
v.献出,赠送;n.提议,建议
参考例句:
  • He rose and proffered a silver box full of cigarettes.他站起身,伸手递过一个装满香烟的银盒子。
  • I proffer to lend him one.我表示愿意借他一个。
3 recurred c940028155f925521a46b08674bc2f8a     
再发生,复发( recur的过去式和过去分词 ); 治愈
参考例句:
  • Old memories constantly recurred to him. 往事经常浮现在他的脑海里。
  • She always winced when he recurred to the subject of his poems. 每逢他一提到他的诗作的时候,她总是有点畏缩。
4 postpone rP0xq     
v.延期,推迟
参考例句:
  • I shall postpone making a decision till I learn full particulars.在未获悉详情之前我得从缓作出决定。
  • She decided to postpone the converastion for that evening.她决定当天晚上把谈话搁一搁。
5 broached 6e5998583239ddcf6fbeee2824e41081     
v.谈起( broach的过去式和过去分词 );打开并开始用;用凿子扩大(或修光);(在桶上)钻孔取液体
参考例句:
  • She broached the subject of a picnic to her mother. 她向母亲提起野餐的问题。 来自辞典例句
  • He broached the subject to the stranger. 他对陌生人提起那话题。 来自辞典例句
6 languorous 9ba067f622ece129006173ef5479f0e6     
adj.怠惰的,没精打采的
参考例句:
  • For two days he was languorous and esteemed. 两天来,他因身体衰弱无力,受到尊重。 来自辞典例句
  • Some one says Fuzhou is a languorous and idle city. 有人说,福州是一个慵懒闲淡的城市。 来自互联网
7 yearning hezzPJ     
a.渴望的;向往的;怀念的
参考例句:
  • a yearning for a quiet life 对宁静生活的向往
  • He felt a great yearning after his old job. 他对过去的工作有一种强烈的渴想。
8 pendulum X3ezg     
n.摆,钟摆
参考例句:
  • The pendulum swung slowly to and fro.钟摆在慢慢地来回摆动。
  • He accidentally found that the desk clock did not swing its pendulum.他无意中发现座钟不摇摆了。
9 overtness 07963cf680a3ed0938f8ed6833342c64     
暗示,含意,弦外之音; 暗示,含义,弦外之音( overtone的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • There were political overtones to the point he was making. 他的论点有政治含义。
  • His words were polite, but there were overtones of distrust in his voice. 他的话虽然很礼貌,但话中含有不信任的暗示。
10 chilly pOfzl     
adj.凉快的,寒冷的
参考例句:
  • I feel chilly without a coat.我由于没有穿大衣而感到凉飕飕的。
  • I grew chilly when the fire went out.炉火熄灭后,寒气逼人。
11 frankly fsXzcf     
adv.坦白地,直率地;坦率地说
参考例句:
  • To speak frankly, I don't like the idea at all.老实说,我一点也不赞成这个主意。
  • Frankly speaking, I'm not opposed to reform.坦率地说,我不反对改革。
12 fore ri8xw     
adv.在前面;adj.先前的;在前部的;n.前部
参考例句:
  • Your seat is in the fore part of the aircraft.你的座位在飞机的前部。
  • I have the gift of fore knowledge.我能够未卜先知。
13 gracefully KfYxd     
ad.大大方方地;优美地
参考例句:
  • She sank gracefully down onto a cushion at his feet. 她优雅地坐到他脚旁的垫子上。
  • The new coats blouse gracefully above the hip line. 新外套在臀围线上优美地打着褶皱。
14 steadily Qukw6     
adv.稳定地;不变地;持续地
参考例句:
  • The scope of man's use of natural resources will steadily grow.人类利用自然资源的广度将日益扩大。
  • Our educational reform was steadily led onto the correct path.我们的教学改革慢慢上轨道了。
15 agitated dzgzc2     
adj.被鼓动的,不安的
参考例句:
  • His answers were all mixed up,so agitated was he.他是那样心神不定,回答全乱了。
  • She was agitated because her train was an hour late.她乘坐的火车晚点一个小时,她十分焦虑。
16 sleepless oiBzGN     
adj.不睡眠的,睡不著的,不休息的
参考例句:
  • The situation gave her many sleepless nights.这种情况害她一连好多天睡不好觉。
  • One evening I heard a tale that rendered me sleepless for nights.一天晚上,我听说了一个传闻,把我搞得一连几夜都不能入睡。
17 sleeplessness niXzGe     
n.失眠,警觉
参考例句:
  • Modern pharmacy has solved the problem of sleeplessness. 现代制药学已经解决了失眠问题。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The doctors were puzzled by this strange continuous sleeplessness. 医生们对他的奇异的不眠感到疑惑。 来自英语晨读30分(高三)
18 inception bxYyz     
n.开端,开始,取得学位
参考例句:
  • The programme has been successful since its inception.这个方案自开始实施以来一直卓有成效。
  • Julia's worked for that company from its inception.自从那家公司开办以来,朱莉娅一直在那儿工作。
19 recipient QA8zF     
a.接受的,感受性强的 n.接受者,感受者,容器
参考例句:
  • Please check that you have a valid email certificate for each recipient. 请检查是否对每个接收者都有有效的电子邮件证书。
  • Colombia is the biggest U . S aid recipient in Latin America. 哥伦比亚是美国在拉丁美洲最大的援助对象。
20 justification x32xQ     
n.正当的理由;辩解的理由
参考例句:
  • There's no justification for dividing the company into smaller units. 没有理由把公司划分成小单位。
  • In the young there is a justification for this feeling. 在年轻人中有这种感觉是有理由的。
21 intimacy z4Vxx     
n.熟悉,亲密,密切关系,亲昵的言行
参考例句:
  • His claims to an intimacy with the President are somewhat exaggerated.他声称自己与总统关系密切,这有点言过其实。
  • I wish there were a rule book for intimacy.我希望能有个关于亲密的规则。
22 standing 2hCzgo     
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的
参考例句:
  • After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
  • They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。
23 misgivings 0nIzyS     
n.疑虑,担忧,害怕;疑虑,担心,恐惧( misgiving的名词复数 );疑惧
参考例句:
  • I had grave misgivings about making the trip. 对于这次旅行我有过极大的顾虑。
  • Don't be overtaken by misgivings and fear. Just go full stream ahead! 不要瞻前顾后, 畏首畏尾。甩开膀子干吧! 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
24 immediate aapxh     
adj.立即的;直接的,最接近的;紧靠的
参考例句:
  • His immediate neighbours felt it their duty to call.他的近邻认为他们有责任去拜访。
  • We declared ourselves for the immediate convocation of the meeting.我们主张立即召开这个会议。
25 grumbled ed735a7f7af37489d7db1a9ef3b64f91     
抱怨( grumble的过去式和过去分词 ); 发牢骚; 咕哝; 发哼声
参考例句:
  • He grumbled at the low pay offered to him. 他抱怨给他的工资低。
  • The heat was sweltering, and the men grumbled fiercely over their work. 天热得让人发昏,水手们边干活边发着牢骚。
26 braced 4e05e688cf12c64dbb7ab31b49f741c5     
adj.拉牢的v.支住( brace的过去式和过去分词 );撑牢;使自己站稳;振作起来
参考例句:
  • They braced up the old house with balks of timber. 他们用梁木加固旧房子。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The house has a wooden frame which is braced with brick. 这幢房子是木结构的砖瓦房。 来自《简明英汉词典》
27 purely 8Sqxf     
adv.纯粹地,完全地
参考例句:
  • I helped him purely and simply out of friendship.我帮他纯粹是出于友情。
  • This disproves the theory that children are purely imitative.这证明认为儿童只会单纯地模仿的理论是站不住脚的。
28 dominant usAxG     
adj.支配的,统治的;占优势的;显性的;n.主因,要素,主要的人(或物);显性基因
参考例句:
  • The British were formerly dominant in India.英国人从前统治印度。
  • She was a dominant figure in the French film industry.她在法国电影界是个举足轻重的人物。
29 emboldening d3ea6e0fc1e12939d1f1476adf79f9c9     
v.鼓励,使有胆量( embolden的现在分词 )
参考例句:
30 ooze 7v2y3     
n.软泥,渗出物;vi.渗出,泄漏;vt.慢慢渗出,流露
参考例句:
  • Soon layer of oceanic ooze began to accumulate above the old hard layer.不久后海洋软泥层开始在老的硬地层上堆积。
  • Drip or ooze systems are common for pot watering.滴灌和渗灌系统一般也用于盆栽灌水。
31 synonym GHVzT     
n.同义词,换喻词
参考例句:
  • Zhuge Liang is a synonym for wisdom in folklore.诸葛亮在民间传说中成了智慧的代名词。
  • The term 'industrial democracy' is often used as a synonym for worker participation. “工业民主”这个词常被用作“工人参与”的同义词。
32 fixed JsKzzj     
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的
参考例句:
  • Have you two fixed on a date for the wedding yet?你们俩选定婚期了吗?
  • Once the aim is fixed,we should not change it arbitrarily.目标一旦确定,我们就不应该随意改变。
33 repression zVyxX     
n.镇压,抑制,抑压
参考例句:
  • The repression of your true feelings is harmful to your health.压抑你的真实感情有害健康。
  • This touched off a new storm against violent repression.这引起了反对暴力镇压的新风暴。
34 throbbed 14605449969d973d4b21b9356ce6b3ec     
抽痛( throb的过去式和过去分词 ); (心脏、脉搏等)跳动
参考例句:
  • His head throbbed painfully. 他的头一抽一跳地痛。
  • The pulse throbbed steadily. 脉搏跳得平稳。
35 apprehension bNayw     
n.理解,领悟;逮捕,拘捕;忧虑
参考例句:
  • There were still areas of doubt and her apprehension grew.有些地方仍然存疑,于是她越来越担心。
  • She is a girl of weak apprehension.她是一个理解力很差的女孩。
36 resolute 2sCyu     
adj.坚决的,果敢的
参考例句:
  • He was resolute in carrying out his plan.他坚决地实行他的计划。
  • The Egyptians offered resolute resistance to the aggressors.埃及人对侵略者作出坚决的反抗。
37 collapse aWvyE     
vi.累倒;昏倒;倒塌;塌陷
参考例句:
  • The country's economy is on the verge of collapse.国家的经济已到了崩溃的边缘。
  • The engineer made a complete diagnosis of the bridge's collapse.工程师对桥的倒塌做了一次彻底的调查分析。
38 clump xXfzH     
n.树丛,草丛;vi.用沉重的脚步行走
参考例句:
  • A stream meandered gently through a clump of trees.一条小溪从树丛中蜿蜒穿过。
  • It was as if he had hacked with his thick boots at a clump of bluebells.仿佛他用自己的厚靴子无情地践踏了一丛野风信子。
39 landmark j2DxG     
n.陆标,划时代的事,地界标
参考例句:
  • The Russian Revolution represents a landmark in world history.俄国革命是世界历史上的一个里程碑。
  • The tower was once a landmark for ships.这座塔曾是船只的陆标。
40 faculties 066198190456ba4e2b0a2bda2034dfc5     
n.能力( faculty的名词复数 );全体教职员;技巧;院
参考例句:
  • Although he's ninety, his mental faculties remain unimpaired. 他虽年届九旬,但头脑仍然清晰。
  • All your faculties have come into play in your work. 在你的工作中,你的全部才能已起到了作用。 来自《简明英汉词典》
41 stunted b003954ac4af7c46302b37ae1dfa0391     
adj.矮小的;发育迟缓的
参考例句:
  • the stunted lives of children deprived of education 未受教育的孩子所过的局限生活
  • But the landed oligarchy had stunted the country's democratic development for generations. 但是好几代以来土地寡头的统治阻碍了这个国家民主的发展。
42 beech uynzJF     
n.山毛榉;adj.山毛榉的
参考例句:
  • Autumn is the time to see the beech woods in all their glory.秋天是观赏山毛榉林的最佳时期。
  • Exasperated,he leaped the stream,and strode towards beech clump.他满腔恼怒,跳过小河,大踏步向毛榉林子走去。
43 regiment JATzZ     
n.团,多数,管理;v.组织,编成团,统制
参考例句:
  • As he hated army life,he decide to desert his regiment.因为他嫌恶军队生活,所以他决心背弃自己所在的那个团。
  • They reformed a division into a regiment.他们将一个师整编成为一个团。
44 tremors 266b933e7f9df8a51b0b0795733d1e93     
震颤( tremor的名词复数 ); 战栗; 震颤声; 大地的轻微震动
参考例句:
  • The story was so terrible that It'sent tremors down my spine. 这故事太可怕,它使我不寒而栗。
  • The story was so terrible that it sent tremors down my spine. 这故事太可怕,它使我不寒而栗。
45 tryst lmowP     
n.约会;v.与…幽会
参考例句:
  • It has been said that art is a tryst,for in the joy of it maker and beholder meet.有人说艺术是一种幽会,因为艺术家和欣赏者可在幽会的乐趣中相遇在一起。
  • Poor Mr. Sanford didn't stand a chance of keeping his tryst secret.可怜的桑福德根本不可能会守住自己幽会的秘密。
46 grove v5wyy     
n.林子,小树林,园林
参考例句:
  • On top of the hill was a grove of tall trees.山顶上一片高大的树林。
  • The scent of lemons filled the grove.柠檬香味充满了小树林。


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