Leonard’s love was all of the flesh; and as such had power at present to disturb him, as it would later have power to torture him. Again, he was disturbed by the fear of losing Stephen, or rather of not being able to gain her. At first, ever since she had left him on the path from the hilltop till his interview the next day, he had looked on her possession as an ‘option,’ to the acceptance of which circumstances seemed to be compelling him. But ever since, that asset seemed to have been dwindling2; and now he was almost beginning to despair. He was altogether cold at heart, and yet highly strung with apprehension3, as he was shown into the blue drawing-room.
Stephen came in alone, closing the door behind her. She shook hands with him, and sat down by a writing-table near the window, pointing to him to sit on an ottoman a little distance away. The moment he sat down he realised that he was at a disadvantage; he was not close to her, and he could not get closer without manifesting his intention of so doing. He wanted to be closer, both for the purpose of his suit and for his own pleasure; the proximity4 of Stephen began to multiply his love for her. He thought that to-day she looked better than ever, of a warm radiant beauty which touched his senses with unattainable desire. She could not but notice the passion in his eyes, and instinctively5 her eyes wandered to a silver gong placed on the table well within reach. The more he glowed, the more icily calm she sat, till the silence between them began to grow oppressive. She waited, determined6 that he should be the first to speak. Recognising the helplessness of silence, he began huskily:
‘I came here to-day in the hope that you would listen to me.’ Her answer, given with a conventional smile, was not helpful:
‘I am listening.’
‘I cannot tell you how sorry I am that I did not accept your offer. If I had know when I was coming that day that you loved me . . . ’ She interrupted him, calm of voice, and with uplifted hand:
‘I never said so, did I? Surely I could not have said such a thing! I certainly don’t remember it?’ Leonard was puzzled.
‘You certainly made me think so. You asked me to marry you, didn’t you?’ Her answer came calmly, though in a low voice:
‘I did.’
‘Then if you didn’t love me, why did you ask me to marry you?’ It was his nature to be more or less satisfied when he had put any one opposed to him proportionally in the wrong; and now his exultation7 at having put a poser manifested itself in his tone. This, however, braced8 up Stephen to cope with a difficult and painful situation. It was with a calm, seemingly genial9 frankness, that she answered, smilingly:
‘Do you know, that is what has been puzzling me from that moment to this!’ Her words appeared to almost stupefy Leonard. This view of the matter had not occurred to him, and now the puzzle of it made him angry.
‘Do you mean to say,’ he asked hotly, ‘that you asked a man to marry you when you didn’t even love him?’
‘That is exactly what I do mean! Why I did it is, I assure you, as much a puzzle to me as it is to you. I have come to the conclusion that it must have been from my vanity. I suppose I wanted to dominate somebody; and you were the weakest within range!’
‘Thank you!’ He was genuinely angry by this time, and, but for a wholesome10 fear of the consequences, would have used strong language.
‘I don’t see that I was the weakest about.’ Somehow this set her on her guard. She wanted to know more, so she asked:
‘Who else?’
‘Harold An Wolf! You had him on a string already!’ The name came like a sword through her heart, but the bitter comment braced her to further caution. Her voice seemed to her to sound as though far away:
‘Indeed! And may I ask you how you came to know that?’ Her voice seemed so cold and sneering11 to him that he lost his temper still further.
‘Simply because he told me so himself.’ It pleased him to do in ill turn to Harold. He did not forget that savage12 clutch at his throat; and he never would. Stephen’s senses were all alert. She saw an opportunity of learning something, and went on with the same cold voice:
‘And I suppose it was that pleasing confidence which was the cause of your refusal of my offer of marriage; of which circumstance you have so thoughtfully and so courteously13 reminded me.’ This, somehow, seemed of good import to Leonard. If he could show her that his intention to marry her was antecedent to Harold’s confidence, she might still go back to her old affection for him. He could not believe that it did not still exist; his experience of other women showed him that their love outlived their anger, whether the same had been hot or cold.
‘It had nothing in the world to do with it. He never said a word about it till he threatened to kill me—the great brute14!’ This was learning something indeed! She went on in the same voice:
‘And may I ask you what was the cause of such sanguinary intention?’
‘Because he knew that I was going to marry you!’ As he spoke15 he felt that he had betrayed himself; he went on hastily, hoping that it might escape notice:
‘Because he knew that I loved you. Oh! Stephen, don’t you know it now! Can’t you see that I love you; and that I want you for my wife!’
‘But did he threaten to kill you out of mere16 jealousy17? Do you still go in fear of your life? Will it be necessary to arrest him?’ Leonard was chagrined18 at her ignoring of his love-suit, and in his self-engrossment answered sulkily:
‘I’m not afraid of him! And, besides, I believe he has bolted. I called at his house yesterday, and his servant said they hadn’t heard a word from him.’ Stephen’s heart sank lower and lower. This was what she had dreaded19. She said in as steady a voice as she could muster20:
‘Bolted! Has he gone altogether?’
‘Oh, he’ll come back all right, in time. He’s not going to give up the jolly good living he has here!’
‘But why has he bolted? When he threatened to kill you did he give any reason?’ There was too much talk about Harold. It made him angry; so he answered in an offhand21 way:
‘Oh, I don’t know. And, moreover, I don’t care!’
‘And now,’ said Stephen, having ascertained22 what she wanted to know, ‘what is it that you want to speak to me about?’
Her words fell on Leonard like a cold douche. Here had he been talking about his love for her, and yet she ignored the whole thing, and asked him what he wanted to talk about.
‘What a queer girl you are. You don’t seem to attend to what a fellow is saying. Here have I been telling you that I love you, and asking you to marry me; and yet you don’t seem to have even heard me!’ She answered at once, quite sweetly, and with a smile of superiority which maddened him:
‘But that subject is barred!’
‘How do you mean? Barred!’
‘Yes. I told you yesterday!’
‘But, Stephen,’ he cried out quickly, all the alarm in him and all the earnestness of which he was capable uniting to his strengthening, ‘can’t you understand that I love you, with all my heart? You are so beautiful; so beautiful!’ He felt now in reality what he was saying.
The torrent23 of his words left no opening for her objection; it swept all merely verbal obstacles before it. She listened, content in a measure. So long as he sat at the distance which she had arranged before his coming she did not fear any personal violence. Moreover, it was a satisfaction to her now to hear him, who had refused her, pleading in vain. The more sincere his eloquence24, the larger her satisfaction; she had no pity for him now.
‘I know I was a fool, Stephen! I had my chance that day on the hilltop; and if I had felt then as I feel now, as I have felt every moment since, I would not have been so cold. I would have taken you in my arms and held you close and kissed you, again, and again, and again. Oh, darling! I love you! I love you! I love you!’ He held out his arms imploringly25. ‘Won’t you love me? Won’t—’
He grew purple in the face; his hands were still outstretched. The few seconds seemed like hours.
‘Forgive me!’ she said in a polite tone, suddenly growing grave. ‘But really you looked so funny, sitting there so quietly, and speaking in such a way, that I couldn’t help it. You really must forgive me! But remember, I told you the subject was barred; and as, knowing that, you went on, you really have no one but yourself to blame!’ Leonard was furious, but managed to say as he dropped his arms:
‘But I love you!’
‘That may be, now,’ she went on icily. ‘But it is too late. I do not love you; and I have never loved you! Of course, had you accepted my offer of marriage you should never have known that. No matter how great had been my shame and humiliation27 when I had come to a sense of what I had done, I should have honourably28 kept my part of the tacit compact entered into when I made that terrible mistake. I cannot tell you how rejoiced and thankful I am that you took my mistake in such a way. Of course, I do not give you any credit for it; you thought only of yourself, and did that which you liked best!’
‘Oh, I do not want to hurt you unnecessarily; but I wish there to be no possible misconception in the matter. Now that I have discovered my error I am not likely to fall into it again; and that you may not have any error at all, I tell you now again, that I have not loved you, do not love you, and never will and never can love you.’ Here an idea struck Leonard and he blurted30 out:
‘But do you not think that something is due to me?’
‘For false hopes raised in my mind. If I did not love you before, the very act of proposing to me has made me love you; and now I love you so well that I cannot live without you!’ In his genuine agitation32 he was starting up, when the sight of her hand laid upon the gong arrested him. She laughed as she said:
‘I thought that the privilege of changing one’s mind was a female prerogative33! Besides, I have done already something to make reparation to you for the wrong of . . . of—I may put it fairly, as the suggestion is your own—of not having treated you as a woman!’
‘Damn!’
‘As you observe so gracefully34, it is annoying to have one’s own silly words come back at one, boomerang fashion. I made up my mind to do something for you; to pay off your debts.’ This so exasperated35 him that he said out brutally36:
‘No thanks to you for that! As I had to put up with the patronage37 and the lecturings, and the eyeglass of that infernal old woman, I don’t intend . . . ’
Stephen stood up, her hand upon the gong:
‘Mr. Everard, if you do not remember that you are in my drawing-room, and speaking of my dear and respected aunt, I shall not detain you longer!’
He sat down at once, saying surlily:
‘I beg your pardon. I forgot. You make me so wild that—that . . . ’ He chewed the ends of his moustache angrily. She resumed her seat, taking her hand from the gong. Without further pause she continued:
‘Quite right! It has been Miss Rowly who paid your debts. At first I had promised myself the pleasure; but from something in your speech and manner she thought it better that such an act should not be done by a woman in my position to a man in yours. It might, if made public, have created quite a wrong impression in the minds of many of our friends.’
There was something like a snort from Leonard. She ignored it:
‘So she paid the money herself out of her own fortune. And, indeed, I must say that you do not seem to have treated her with much gratitude38.’
‘What did I say or do that put you off doing the thing yourself?’
‘I shall answer it frankly39: It was because you manifested, several times, in a manner there was no mistaking, both by words and deeds, an intention of levying40 blackmail41 on me by using your knowledge of my ridiculous, unmaidenly act. No one can despise, or deplore42, or condemn43 that act more than I do; so that rather than yield a single point to you, I am, if necessary, ready to face the odium which the public knowledge of it might produce. What I had intended to do for you in the way of compensation for false hopes raised to you by that act has now been done. That it was done by my aunt on my behalf, and not by me, matters to you no more than it did to your creditors44, who, when they received the money, made no complaint of injury to their feelings on that account.
‘Now, when you think the whole matter over in quietness, you will, knowing that I am ready at any time to face if necessary the unpleasant publicity45, be able to estimate what damage you would do to yourself by any exposé. It seems to me that you would come out of it pretty badly all round. That, however, is not my affair; it entirely46 rests with yourself. I think I know how women would regard it. I dare say you best know how men would look at it; and at you!’
Leonard knew already how the only man who knew of it had taken it, and the knowledge did not reassure47 him!
‘You jade48! You infernal, devilish, cruel, smooth-tongued jade!’ He stood as bespoke49. She stood too, and stood watching him with her hand on the gong. After a pause of a couple of seconds she said gravely:
‘One other thing I should wish to say, and I mean it. Understand me clearly, that I mean it! You must not come again into my grounds without my special permission. I shall not allow my liberty to be taken away, or restricted, by you. If there be need at any time to come to the house, come in ceremonious fashion, by the avenues which are used by others. You can always speak to me in public, or socially, in the most friendly manner; as I shall hope to be able to speak to you. But you must never transgress50 the ordinary rules of decorum. If you do, I shall have to take, for my own protection, another course. I know you now! I am willing to blot51 out the past; but it must be the whole past that is wiped out!’
She stood facing him; and as he looked at her clear-cut aquiline52 face, her steady eyes, her resolute53 mouth, her carriage, masterly in its self-possessed poise54, he saw that there was no further hope for him. There was no love and no fear.
She struck the gong; her aunt entered the room.
‘Oh, is that you, Auntie? Mr. Everard has finished his business with me!’ Then to the servant, who had entered after Miss Rowly:
‘Mr. Everard would like his carriage. By the way,’ she added, turning to him in a friendly way as an afterthought, ‘will you not stay, Mr. Everard, and take lunch with us? My aunt has been rather moping lately; I am sure your presence would cheer her up.’
‘Yes, do stay, Mr. Everard!’ added Miss Rowly placidly56. ‘It would make a pleasant hour for us all.’
Leonard, with a great effort, said with conventional politeness:
‘Thanks, awfully57! But I promised my father to be home for lunch!’ and he withdrew to the door which the servant held open.
He went out filled with anger and despair, and, sad for him, with a fierce, overmastering desire—love he called it—for the clever, proud, imperious beauty who had so outmatched and crushed him.
That beautiful red head, which he had at first so despised, was henceforth to blaze in his dreams.
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收听单词发音
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1
disturbance
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| n.动乱，骚动；打扰，干扰；(身心)失调 | |
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2
dwindling
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| adj.逐渐减少的v.逐渐变少或变小( dwindle的现在分词 ) | |
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3
apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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4
proximity
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| n.接近，邻近 | |
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5
instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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exultation
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| n.狂喜，得意 | |
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8
braced
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| adj.拉牢的v.支住( brace的过去式和过去分词 )；撑牢；使自己站稳；振作起来 | |
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9
genial
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| adj.亲切的，和蔼的，愉快的，脾气好的 | |
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10
wholesome
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| adj.适合；卫生的；有益健康的；显示身心健康的 | |
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11
sneering
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| 嘲笑的，轻蔑的 | |
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12
savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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13
courteously
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| adv.有礼貌地，亲切地 | |
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14
brute
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| n.野兽，兽性 | |
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15
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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16
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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17
jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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18
chagrined
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| adj.懊恼的，苦恼的v.使懊恼，使懊丧，使悔恨( chagrin的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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19
dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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20
muster
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| v.集合，收集，鼓起，激起；n.集合，检阅，集合人员，点名册 | |
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21
offhand
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| adj.临时，无准备的；随便，马虎的 | |
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22
ascertained
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| v.弄清，确定，查明( ascertain的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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23
torrent
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| n.激流，洪流；爆发，(话语等的)连发 | |
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24
eloquence
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| n.雄辩；口才，修辞 | |
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25
imploringly
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| adv. 恳求地, 哀求地 | |
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26
amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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27
humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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28
honourably
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| adv.可尊敬地，光荣地，体面地 | |
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29
cynical
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| adj.(对人性或动机)怀疑的，不信世道向善的 | |
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30
blurted
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| v.突然说出，脱口而出( blurt的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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31
puckered
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| v.（使某物）起褶子或皱纹( pucker的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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32
agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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33
prerogative
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| n.特权 | |
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34
gracefully
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| ad.大大方方地；优美地 | |
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35
exasperated
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| adj.恼怒的 | |
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36
brutally
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| adv.残忍地，野蛮地，冷酷无情地 | |
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37
patronage
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| n.赞助，支援，援助；光顾，捧场 | |
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38
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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39
frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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40
levying
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| 征（兵）( levy的现在分词 )； 索取； 发动（战争）； 征税 | |
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41
blackmail
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| n.讹诈，敲诈，勒索，胁迫，恫吓 | |
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42
deplore
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| vt.哀叹，对...深感遗憾 | |
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43
condemn
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| vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑 | |
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44
creditors
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| n.债权人，债主( creditor的名词复数 ) | |
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45
publicity
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| n.众所周知，闻名；宣传，广告 | |
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46
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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47
reassure
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| v.使放心，使消除疑虑 | |
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48
jade
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| n.玉石；碧玉；翡翠 | |
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49
bespoke
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| adj.（产品）订做的；专做订货的v.预定( bespeak的过去式 )；订（货）；证明；预先请求 | |
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50
transgress
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| vt.违反，逾越 | |
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51
blot
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| vt.弄脏（用吸墨纸）吸干；n.污点，污渍 | |
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52
aquiline
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| adj.钩状的，鹰的 | |
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53
resolute
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| adj.坚决的，果敢的 | |
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54
poise
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| vt./vi. 平衡，保持平衡；n.泰然自若，自信 | |
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55
hissed
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| 发嘶嘶声( hiss的过去式和过去分词 )； 发嘘声表示反对 | |
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56
placidly
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| adv.平稳地，平静地 | |
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57
awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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