"It may be," he thought, "that she is incapable7 of feeling a sentiment which can at all approach that which once she has felt; but still she may be happy and serene8, and may pass many joyous9 hours as the wife of another."
He did not positively10 make these reflections as applicable to himself, although they had a tendency that way, and he was fast verging11 to a state of mind which might induce him to give them a more actual application. He did not tell himself that he loved her—no, the word "admiration" took the place of the more powerful term; but then, can we not doubt that, at this time, the germ of a very pure and holy affection was lighted up in the heart of Colonel Jeffery for the beautiful creature who suffered the pangs13 of so much disappointment, and who loved one so well, who, we almost fear, if he were living, was scarcely the sort of person fully14 to requite15 such an affection. But we know so little of Mark Ingestrie, and there appears to be so much doubt as to whether he be alive or dead, that we should not prejudge him upon such very insufficient16 evidence. Johanna Oakley did think of taking Arabella Wilmot with her to this meeting with Colonel Jeffery, but she abandoned the idea, because it really looked as if she was either afraid of him or afraid of herself, so she resolved to go alone; and when the hour of appointment came, she was then walking upon that broad gravelled path, which has been trodden by some of the best, and some of the most eminent17, as well as some of the worst of human beings. It was not likely that with the feelings of Colonel Jeffery towards her, he would keep her waiting. Indeed, he was then a good hour before the time, and his only great dread18 was, that she might not come. He had some reason for this dread, because it will be readily recollected19 by the reader, that she had not positively promised to come; so that all he had was a hope that way tending and nothing further. As minute after minute had passed away, she came not, although the time had not yet really arrived; his apprehension20 that she would not give him the meeting had grown in his mind almost to a certainty, when he saw her timidly advancing along the garden walk. He rose to meet her at once, and for a few moments after he had greeted her with kind civility she could do nothing but look inquiringly in his face, to know if he had any news to tell her of the object of her anxious solicitude21.
"I have heard nothing, Miss Oakley," he said, "that can give you any satisfaction concerning the fate of Mr. Thornhill, but we have much suspicion—I say we, because I have taken a friend into my confidence—that something serious must have happened to him, and that the barber, Sweeney Todd, in Fleet-street, at whose door the dog so mysteriously took his post, knows something of that circumstance, be it what it may."
He led her to a seat as she spoke22, and when she had recovered sufficiently the agitation23 of her feelings to speak, she said in a timid, hesitating voice—
"Had Mr. Thornhill fair hair, and large, clear, grey eyes?"
"Yes, he had such; and, I think, his smile was the most singularly beautiful I ever beheld24 in a man."
"Heaven help me!" said Johanna.
"Have you any reason for asking that question concerning Thornhill?"
"God grant I had not; but, alas25! I have indeed. I feel that in Thornhill, I must recognise Mark Ingestrie himself."
"You astonish me."
"It must be so, it must be so; you have described him to me, and I cannot doubt it; Mark Ingestrie and Thornhill are one! I knew that he was going to change his name, when he went out upon that wild adventure to the Indian Sea. I was well aware of that fact."
"I cannot think, Miss Oakley, that you are correct in that supposition. There are many things which induce me to think otherwise; and the first and foremost of them is, that the ingenuous26 character of Mr. Thornhill forbids the likelihood of such a thing occurring. You may depend it is not—cannot be, as you suppose."
"The proofs are too strong for me, and I find I dare not doubt them. It is so, Colonel Jeffery, as time, perchance, may show; it is sad, very sad, to think that it is so, but I dare not doubt it, now that you have described him to me exactly as he lived."
"I must own, that in giving an opinion on such a point to you, I may be accused of arrogance27 and presumption28, for I have had no description of Mark Ingestrie, and never saw him; and although you never saw certainly Mr. Thornhill, yet I have described him to you, and therefore you are able to judge from that description something of him."
"I am indeed, and I cannot—dare not doubt. It is horrible to be positive on this point to me, because I do fear with you that something dreadful has occurred, and that the barber in Fleet-street could unravel29 a frightful30 secret, if he chose, connected with Mark Ingestrie's fate."
"I do sincerely hope from my heart that you are wrong; I hope it, because I tell you frankly31, dim and obscure as the hope that Mark Ingestrie may have been picked up from the wreck32 of his vessel33, it is yet stronger than the supposition that Thornhill has escaped the murderous hands of Sweeney Todd, the barber."
Johanna looked in his face so imploringly34, and with such an expression of hopelessness, that it was most sad indeed to see her, and quite involuntarily he exclaimed—
"If the sacrifice of my life would be to you a relief, and save you from the pangs you suffer, believe me, it should be made."
She started as she said—
"No, no: Heaven knows enough has been sacrificed already—more than enough, much more than enough. But do not suppose that I am ungrateful for the generous interest you have taken in me. Do not suppose that I think any the less of the generosity35 and nobility of soul that would offer a sacrifice, because it is one that I would hesitate to accept. No, believe me, Colonel Jeffery, that among the few names that are enrolled36 in my breast—and such to me will ever be honoured—remember yours will be found while I live, but that will not be long—but that will not be long."
"Have I not cause for despair?"
"Cause have you for great grief, but yet scarcely for despair. You are young yet, and let me entertain a hope that even if a feeling of regret may mingle38 with your future thoughts, time will achieve something in tempering your sorrow; and if not great happiness, you may know yet great serenity39."
"You may well assure yourself that they are so."
"You alarm me by those words, as well as by your manner of uttering them. Let me implore42 you, Miss Oakley, to attempt nothing rash; remember how weak and inefficient43 must be the exertions44 of a young girl like yourself, one who knows so little of the world, and can really understand so little of its wickedness."
"Affection conquers all obstacles, and the weakest and most inefficient girl that ever stepped, if she have strong within her that love which, in all its sacred intensity45, knows no fear, shall indeed accomplish much. I feel that, in such a cause, I could shake off all girlish terrors and ordinary alarms; and if there be danger, I would ask, what is life to me without all that could adorn46 it and make it beautiful?"
"This, indeed, is the very enthusiasm of affection, when, believe me, it will lead you to some excess—to some romantic exercise of feeling, such as will bring great danger in its train, to the unhappiness of those who love you."
"Those who love me—who is there to love me now?"
"Johanna Oakley, I dare not and will not utter words that come thronging47 to my lips, but which I fear might be unwelcome to your ears; I will not say that I can answer the question that you have asked, because it would sound ungenerous at such a time as this, when you have met me to talk about the fate of another. Oh! forgive me, that, hurried away by the feeling of a moment, I have uttered these words, for I meant not to utter them."
Johanna looked at him in silence, and it might be that there was the slightest possible tinge48 of reproach in her look, but it was very slight, for one glance at that ingenuous countenance49 would be sufficient to convince the most sceptical of the truth and single-mindedness of its owner: of this there could be no doubt whatever, and if anything in the shape of a reproach was upon the point of coming from her lips, she forbore to utter it.
"May I hope," he added, "that I have not lowered myself in your esteem50, Miss Oakley, by what I have said?"
"I hope," she said gently, "that you will continue to be my friend."
He laid an emphasis on the word "friend," and he fully understood what she meant to imply thereby51, and after a moment's pause said—
"Heaven forbid that ever, by word or by action, Johanna, I should do aught to deprive myself of that privilege. Let me be yet your friend, since—"
He left the sentence unfinished, but if he had added the words—"Since I can do no more," he could not have made it more evident to Johanna that those were the words he intended to utter.
"And now," he added, "that I hope and trust we understand each other better than we did, and you are willing to call me by the name of friend, let me once more ask of you, by the privilege of such a title, to be careful of yourself, and not to risk much in order that you may, perhaps, have some remote chance of achieving very little."
"It is, alas! too common an infliction53 on human nature, Johanna. Pardon me for addressing you as Johanna."
"Nay, it requires no excuse. I am accustomed so to be addressed by all who feel a kindly interest for me. Call me Johanna if you will, and I shall feel a greater assurance of your friendship and your esteem."
"I will then avail myself of that permission, and again and again I will entreat54 you to leave to me the task of making what attempts may be made to discover the fate of Mr. Thornhill. There must be danger even in inquiring for him, if he has met with any foul55 play, and therefore I ask you to let that danger be mine."
Johanna asked herself if she should or not tell him of the scheme of operations that had been suggested by Arabella Wilmot, but, somehow or another, she shrank most wonderfully from so doing, both on account of the censure56 which she concluded he would be likely to cast upon it, and the romantic, strange nature of the plan itself, so she said, gently and quickly—
"I will attempt nothing that shall not have some possibility of success attending it. I will be careful, you may depend, for many considerations. My father, I know, centres all his affections in me, and for his sake I will be careful."
"I shall be content then, and now may I hope that this day week I may see you here again, in order that I may tell you if I have made any discovery, and that you may tell me the same; for my interest in Thornhill is that of a sincere friend, to say nothing of the deep interest in your happiness which I feel, and which now has become an element in the transaction of the highest value?"
"I will come," said Johanna, "if I can come."
"You do not doubt?"
"No, no. I will come, and I hope to bring you some news of him in whom you are so much interested. It shall be no fault of mine if I come not."
He walked with her from the gardens, and together they passed the shop of Sweeney Todd, but the door was close shut, and they saw nothing of the barber, or of that poor boy, his apprentice57, who was so much to be pitied. He parted with Johanna near to her father's house, and he walked slowly away with his mind so fully impressed with the excellence58 and beauty of the spectacle-maker's daughter, that it was quite clear, as long as he lived, he would not be able to rid himself of the favourable59 impression she had made upon him.
"I love her," he said; "I love her, but she seems in no respect willing to enchain her affections. Alas! alas! how sad it is for me, that the being who above all others I could wish to call my own, instead of a joy to me, I have only encountered that she might impart a pang12 to my heart. Beautiful and excellent Johanna, I love you, but I can see that your own affections are withered60 for ever."
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1
sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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divers
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| adj.不同的；种种的 | |
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honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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dishonour
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| n./vt.拒付（支票、汇票、票据等）；vt.凌辱，使丢脸；n.不名誉，耻辱，不光彩 | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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serene
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| adj. 安详的，宁静的，平静的 | |
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joyous
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| adj.充满快乐的；令人高兴的 | |
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positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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verging
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| 接近，逼近（verge的现在分词形式） | |
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pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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pangs
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| 突然的剧痛( pang的名词复数 )； 悲痛 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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requite
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| v.报酬，报答 | |
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insufficient
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| adj.(for，of)不足的，不够的 | |
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eminent
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| adj.显赫的，杰出的，有名的，优良的 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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recollected
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| adj.冷静的；镇定的；被回忆起的；沉思默想的v.记起，想起( recollect的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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solicitude
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| n.焦虑 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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ingenuous
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| adj.纯朴的，单纯的；天真的；坦率的 | |
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arrogance
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| n.傲慢，自大 | |
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presumption
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| n.推测，可能性，冒昧，放肆，[法律]推定 | |
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unravel
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| v.弄清楚（秘密）；拆开，解开，松开 | |
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frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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wreck
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| n.失事，遇难；沉船；vt.(船等)失事，遇难 | |
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vessel
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| n.船舶；容器，器皿；管，导管，血管 | |
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imploringly
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| adv. 恳求地, 哀求地 | |
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generosity
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| n.大度，慷慨，慷慨的行为 | |
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enrolled
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| adj.入学登记了的v.[亦作enrol]( enroll的过去式和过去分词 )；登记，招收，使入伍（或入会、入学等），参加，成为成员；记入名册；卷起，包起 | |
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nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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mingle
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| vt.使混合，使相混；vi.混合起来；相交往 | |
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serenity
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| n.宁静，沉着，晴朗 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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ascertain
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| vt.发现，确定，查明，弄清 | |
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implore
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| vt.乞求，恳求，哀求 | |
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43
inefficient
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| adj.效率低的，无效的 | |
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exertions
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| n.努力( exertion的名词复数 )；费力；（能力、权力等的）运用；行使 | |
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intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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adorn
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| vt.使美化，装饰 | |
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thronging
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| v.成群，挤满( throng的现在分词 ) | |
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tinge
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| vt.(较淡)着色于，染色；使带有…气息；n.淡淡色彩，些微的气息 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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esteem
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| n.尊敬，尊重；vt.尊重，敬重；把…看作 | |
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51
thereby
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| adv.因此，从而 | |
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52
suspense
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| n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑 | |
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53
infliction
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| n.（强加于人身的）痛苦，刑罚 | |
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entreat
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| v.恳求，恳请 | |
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foul
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| adj.污秽的；邪恶的；v.弄脏；妨害；犯规；n.犯规 | |
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56
censure
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| v./n.责备；非难；责难 | |
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apprentice
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| n.学徒，徒弟 | |
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excellence
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| n.优秀，杰出，(pl.)优点，美德 | |
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favourable
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| adj.赞成的，称赞的，有利的，良好的，顺利的 | |
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60
withered
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| adj. 枯萎的，干瘪的，（人身体的部分器官）因病萎缩的或未发育良好的 动词wither的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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