XII FUNNY CUTS

 All the world has marvelled¹ at "the irrepressible good humour" of old Atkins. Every distinguished² tripper who comes Cook's touring to the Front for a couple of days devotes at least a chapter of his resultant book to it. "How in thunder does Thomas do it?" they ask. "What the mischief³ does he find to laugh at?" Listen.

 

Years ago, when the well-known War was young, a great man sat in his sanctum exercising his grey matter. He said to himself, "There is a war on. Men, amounting to several, will be prised loose from comfortable surroundings and condemned⁴ to get on with it for the term of their unnatural⁵ lives. They will be shelled, gassed, mined and bombed, smothered⁶ in mud, worked to the bone, bored stiff and scared silly. Fatigues⁷ will be unending, rations⁸ short, rum diluted⁹, reliefs late and leave nil¹⁰. Their girls will forsake¹¹ them for diamond-studded munitioneers. Their wives will write saying, 'Little Jimmie has the mumps¹²; and what about the rent? You aren't spending all of five bob a week on yourself, are you?' This is but a tithe¹³ (or else a tittle) of the things that will occur to them, and their sunny natures will sour and sicken if something isn't done about it."

 

The great man sat up all night chewing penholders and pondering on the problem. The Big Idea came with the end of the eighth penholder.

 

He sprang to his feet, fires of inspiration flashing from his eyes, and boomed, "Let there be Funny Cuts!"—then went to bed. Next morning he created "I." (which stands for Intelligence), carefully selected his Staff, arrayed them in tabs of appropriate hue¹⁴, and told them to go the limit. And they have been going it faithfully ever since. What the Marines are to the Senior Service, "I." is to us. Should a Subaltern come in with the yarn¹⁵ that the spook of Hindenburg accosted¹⁶ him at Bloody¹⁷ Corner and offered him a cigar, or a balloon cherub¹⁸ buttonhole you with the story of a Boche tank fitted with rubber tyres, C-springs and hot and cold water, that he has seen climbing trees behind St. Quentin, we retort, "Oh, go and tell it to 'I.'" and then sit back and see what the inspired official organ of the green tabs will make of it. A hint is as good as a wink¹⁹ to them, a nudge ample. Under the genius of these imaginative artists the most trivial incident bourgeons forth²⁰ into a Le Queux spell-binder, and the whole British Army, mustering²¹ about its Sergeant-Majors, gets selected cameos read to it every morning at roll-call, laughs brokenly into the jaws²² of dawn and continues chuckling²³ to itself all day. Now you know.

 

Our Adjutant had a telephone call not long ago. "Army speaking," said a voice. "Will you send somebody over to Courcelles and see if there is a Town Major there?"

 

The Adjutant said he would, and a N.C.O. was despatched forthwith. He returned later, reporting no symptoms of one, so the Adjutant rang up Exchange and asked to be hooked on to Army Headquarters. "Which branch?" Exchange inquired. "Why, really I don't know—forgot to ask," the Adjutant confessed. "I'll have a try at 'A.''

 

"Hello," said "A." "There is no Town Major at Courcelles," said the Adjutant. "You astound²⁴ me, Fair Unknown," said "A."; "but what about it, anyway?" The Adjutant apologised and asked Exchange for "Q." department, "Hello," said "Q." "There is no Town Major at Courcelles," said the Adjutant. "Sorry, old thing, whoever you are," said "Q.," "but we don't stock 'em. Rations, iron; perspirators, box; oil, whale, delivered with promptitude and civility, but not Town Majors—sorry." The Adjutant sighed and consulted with Exchange as to who possibly could have rung him up.

 

Exchange couldn't guess unless it was "I."—no harm in trying, anyhow.

 

"Hello!" said "I." "There is no Town Major at Courcelles," the Adjutant droned somewhat wearily. "Wha-t!" "I." exclaimed, suddenly interested. "Say it again, clearer." "Cour-celles—No—Town—Major," the Adjutant repeated. There was a pause; then he heard the somebody give off an awed²⁵ "Good Lord!" and drop the receiver. Next morning in Funny Cuts (the organ of Intelligence) we learned that "Corps²⁶ Headquarters was heavily Shelled last night. The Town Major is missing. This is evidence that the enemy has brought long-range guns into the opposite sector²⁷." Followed masses of information as to the probable make of the guns, the size of shell they preferred, the life-story of the Battery Commander, his favourite flower and author.

 

The Boche, always on the alert to snaffle the paying devices of an opposition²⁸ firm, now has his "I." staff and Funny Cuts as well. From time to time we capture a copy and read this sort of thing:

 

"From agonised screeches²⁹ heard by one of our intrepid³⁰ airmen while patrolling over the enemy's lines yesterday, it is evident that the brutal³¹ and relentless³² British are bayoneting their prisoners."

 

A Highland³³ Division, whose star pipers were holding a dirge³⁴ and lament³⁵ contest on that date, are now ticking off the hours to the next offensive.

 

The Antrims had a cordon³⁶ bleu by the name of Michael O'Callagan. He was a sturdy rogue³⁷, having retreated all the way from Mons, and subsequently advanced all the way back to the Yser with a huge stock-pot on his back, from which he had furnished mysterious stews³⁸ to all comers, at all hours, under any conditions. For this, and for the fact that he could cook under water, and would turn out hot meals when other chefs were committing suicide, much was forgiven him, but he was prone³⁹ to look upon the vin when it was rouge⁴⁰ and was habitually⁴¹ coated an inch thick with a varnish⁴² of soot⁴³ and pot-black. One morning he calmly hove himself over the parapet and, in spite of the earnest attentions of Hun snipers, remained there long enough to collect sufficient débris to boil his dixies. Next day the Boche Funny Cuts flared⁴⁴ forth scareheads:

 

"SAVAGES⁴⁵ ON THE SOMME.

 

"The desperate and unprincipled British are employing black cannibal Zulus in the defence of their system. Yesterday one of them, a chief of incredibly depraved appearance, was observed scouting⁴⁶ in the open."

 

 

 

The communiqué ended with a treatise⁴⁷ on the Zulu, its black man-eating habits, and an exhortation⁴⁸ to "our old Brandenburgers" not to be dismayed.

1 marvelled   

v.惊奇，对…感到惊奇( marvel的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• I marvelled that he suddenly left college. 我对他突然离开大学感到惊奇。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I marvelled at your boldness. 我对你的大胆感到惊奇。 来自《简明英汉词典》

2 distinguished   

adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的

参考例句：

• Elephants are distinguished from other animals by their long noses.大象以其长长的鼻子显示出与其他动物的不同。
• A banquet was given in honor of the distinguished guests.宴会是为了向贵宾们致敬而举行的。

3 mischief   

n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹

参考例句：

• Nobody took notice of the mischief of the matter. 没有人注意到这件事情所带来的危害。
• He seems to intend mischief.看来他想捣蛋。

4 condemned   

adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• He condemned the hypocrisy of those politicians who do one thing and say another. 他谴责了那些说一套做一套的政客的虚伪。
• The policy has been condemned as a regressive step. 这项政策被认为是一种倒退而受到谴责。

5 unnatural   

adj.不自然的；反常的

参考例句：

• Did her behaviour seem unnatural in any way?她有任何反常表现吗？
• She has an unnatural smile on her face.她脸上挂着做作的微笑。

6 smothered   

（使）窒息， （使）透不过气( smother的过去式和过去分词 )； 覆盖； 忍住； 抑制

参考例句：

• He smothered the baby with a pillow. 他用枕头把婴儿闷死了。
• The fire is smothered by ashes. 火被灰闷熄了。

7 fatigues   

n.疲劳( fatigue的名词复数 )；杂役；厌倦；（士兵穿的）工作服

参考例句：

• The patient fatigues easily. 病人容易疲劳。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• Instead of training the men were put on fatigues/fatigue duty. 那些士兵没有接受训练，而是派去做杂务。 来自辞典例句

8 rations   

定量( ration的名词复数 )； 配给量； 正常量； 合理的量

参考例句：

• They are provisioned with seven days' rations. 他们得到了7天的给养。
• The soldiers complained that they were getting short rations. 士兵们抱怨他们得到的配给不够数。

9 diluted   

无力的，冲淡的

参考例句：

• The paint can be diluted with water to make a lighter shade. 这颜料可用水稀释以使色度淡一些。
• This pesticide is diluted with water and applied directly to the fields. 这种杀虫剂用水稀释后直接施用在田里。

10 nil   

n.无，全无，零

参考例句：

• My knowledge of the subject is practically nil.我在这方面的知识几乎等于零。
• Their legal rights are virtually nil.他们实际上毫无法律权利。

11 forsake   

vt.遗弃，抛弃；舍弃，放弃

参考例句：

• She pleaded with her husband not to forsake her.她恳求丈夫不要抛弃她。
• You must forsake your bad habits.你必须革除你的坏习惯。

12 mumps   

n.腮腺炎

参考例句：

• Sarah got mumps from her brother.萨拉的弟弟患腮腺炎，传染给她了。
• I was told not go near Charles. He is sickening for mumps.别人告诉我不要走近查尔斯， 他染上了流行性腮腺炎。

13 tithe   

n.十分之一税；v.课什一税，缴什一税

参考例句：

• It's not Christ plus your tithe.这不是基督再加上你的什一税。
• The bible tells us that the tithe is the lords.圣经说十分之一是献给主的。

14 hue   

n.色度；色调；样子

参考例句：

• The diamond shone with every hue under the sun.金刚石在阳光下放出五颜六色的光芒。
• The same hue will look different in different light.同一颜色在不同的光线下看起来会有所不同。

15 yarn   

n.纱，纱线，纺线；奇闻漫谈，旅行轶事

参考例句：

• I stopped to have a yarn with him.我停下来跟他聊天。
• The basic structural unit of yarn is the fiber.纤维是纱的基本结构单元。

16 accosted   

v.走过去跟…讲话( accost的过去式和过去分词 )；跟…搭讪；（乞丐等）上前向…乞讨；（妓女等）勾搭

参考例句：

• She was accosted in the street by a complete stranger. 在街上，一个完全陌生的人贸然走到她跟前搭讪。
• His benevolent nature prevented him from refusing any beggar who accosted him. 他乐善好施的本性使他不会拒绝走上前向他行乞的任何一个乞丐。 来自《简明英汉词典》

17 bloody   

adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染

参考例句：

• He got a bloody nose in the fight.他在打斗中被打得鼻子流血。
• He is a bloody fool.他是一个十足的笨蛋。

18 cherub   

n.小天使，胖娃娃

参考例句：

• It was easy to see why the cartoonists regularly portrayed him as a malign cherub.难怪漫画家总是把他画成一个邪恶的小天使。
• The cherub in the painting is very lovely.这幅画中的小天使非常可爱。

19 wink   

n.眨眼，使眼色，瞬间；v.眨眼，使眼色，闪烁

参考例句：

• He tipped me the wink not to buy at that price.他眨眼暗示我按那个价格就不要买。
• The satellite disappeared in a wink.瞬息之间，那颗卫星就消失了。

20 forth   

adv.向前；向外，往外

参考例句：

• The wind moved the trees gently back and forth.风吹得树轻轻地来回摇晃。
• He gave forth a series of works in rapid succession.他很快连续发表了一系列的作品。

21 mustering   

v.集合，召集，集结（尤指部队）( muster的现在分词 )；（自他人处）搜集某事物；聚集；激发

参考例句：

• He paused again, mustering his strength and thoughts. 他又停下来，集中力量，聚精会神。 来自辞典例句
• The LORD Almighty is mustering an army for war. 这是万军之耶和华点齐军队，预备打仗。 来自互联网

22 jaws   

n.口部；嘴

参考例句：

• The antelope could not escape the crocodile's gaping jaws. 那只羚羊无法从鱷鱼张开的大口中逃脱。
• The scored jaws of a vise help it bite the work. 台钳上有刻痕的虎钳牙帮助它紧咬住工件。

23 chuckling   

轻声地笑( chuckle的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• I could hear him chuckling to himself as he read his book. 他看书时，我能听见他的轻声发笑。
• He couldn't help chuckling aloud. 他忍不住的笑了出来。 来自汉英文学 - 骆驼祥子

24 astound   

v.使震惊，使大吃一惊

参考例句：

• His practical grasp of affairs and his energy still astound me.他对事物的实际掌握和他充沛的精力实在使我惊异。
• He used to astound his friends with feats of physical endurance.过去，他表现出来的惊人耐力常让朋友们大吃一惊。

25 awed   

adj.充满敬畏的，表示敬畏的v.使敬畏，使惊惧( awe的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The audience was awed into silence by her stunning performance. 观众席上鸦雀无声，人们对他出色的表演感到惊叹。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I was awed by the huge gorilla. 那只大猩猩使我惊惧。 来自《简明英汉词典》

26 corps   

n.(通信等兵种的)部队；(同类作的)一组

参考例句：

• The medical corps were cited for bravery in combat.医疗队由于在战场上的英勇表现而受嘉奖。
• When the war broke out,he volunteered for the Marine Corps.战争爆发时，他自愿参加了海军陆战队。

27 sector   

n.部门，部分；防御地段，防区；扇形

参考例句：

• The export sector will aid the economic recovery. 出口产业将促进经济复苏。
• The enemy have attacked the British sector.敌人已进攻英国防区。

28 opposition   

n.反对，敌对

参考例句：

• The party leader is facing opposition in his own backyard.该党领袖在自己的党內遇到了反对。
• The police tried to break down the prisoner's opposition.警察设法制住了那个囚犯的反抗。

29 screeches   

n.尖锐的声音( screech的名词复数 )v.发出尖叫声( screech的第三人称单数 )；发出粗而刺耳的声音；高叫

参考例句：

• The boy's screeches brought his mother. 男孩的尖叫声招来了他母亲。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The woman's screeches brought the police. 这个妇女的尖叫声招来了警察。 来自辞典例句

30 intrepid   

adj.无畏的，刚毅的

参考例句：

• He is not really satisfied with his intrepid action.他没有真正满意他的无畏行动。
• John's intrepid personality made him a good choice for team leader.约翰勇敢的个性适合作领导工作。

31 brutal   

adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的

参考例句：

• She has to face the brutal reality.她不得不去面对冷酷的现实。
• They're brutal people behind their civilised veneer.他们表面上温文有礼，骨子里却是野蛮残忍。

32 relentless   

adj.残酷的，不留情的，无怜悯心的

参考例句：

• The traffic noise is relentless.交通车辆的噪音一刻也不停止。
• Their training has to be relentless.他们的训练必须是无情的。

33 highland   

n.(pl.)高地，山地

参考例句：

• The highland game is part of Scotland's cultural heritage.苏格兰高地游戏是苏格兰文化遗产的一部分。
• The highland forests where few hunters venture have long been the bear's sanctuary.这片只有少数猎人涉险的高山森林，一直都是黑熊的避难所。

34 dirge   

n.哀乐，挽歌，庄重悲哀的乐曲

参考例句：

• She threw down her basket and intoned a peasant dirge.她撂下菜篮，唱起庄稼人的哀歌。
• The stranger,after listening for a moment,joined in the mournful dirge.听了一会儿后这个陌生人也跟著唱起了悲哀的挽歌。

35 lament   

n.悲叹，悔恨，恸哭；v.哀悼，悔恨，悲叹

参考例句：

• Her face showed lament.她的脸上露出悲伤的样子。
• We lament the dead.我们哀悼死者。

36 cordon   

n.警戒线，哨兵线

参考例句：

• Police officers threw a cordon around his car to protect him.警察在他汽车周围设置了防卫圈以保护他。
• There is a tight security cordon around the area.这一地区周围设有严密的安全警戒圈。

37 rogue   

n.流氓；v.游手好闲

参考例句：

• The little rogue had his grandpa's glasses on.这淘气鬼带上了他祖父的眼镜。
• They defined him as a rogue.他们确定他为骗子。

38 stews   

n.炖煮的菜肴( stew的名词复数 )；烦恼，焦虑v.炖( stew的第三人称单数 )；煨；思考；担忧

参考例句：

• Corn starch is used as a thickener in stews. 玉米淀粉在炖煮菜肴中被用作增稠剂。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Most stews contain meat and vegetables. 炖的食物大多是肉类和蔬菜。 来自辞典例句

39 prone   

adj.(to)易于…的，很可能…的；俯卧的

参考例句：

• Some people are prone to jump to hasty conclusions.有些人往往作出轻率的结论。
• He is prone to lose his temper when people disagree with him.人家一不同意他的意见,他就发脾气。

40 rouge   

n.胭脂，口红唇膏；v.(在…上)擦口红

参考例句：

• Women put rouge on their cheeks to make their faces pretty.女人往面颊上涂胭脂，使脸更漂亮。
• She didn't need any powder or lip rouge to make her pretty.她天生漂亮，不需要任何脂粉唇膏打扮自己。

41 habitually   

ad.习惯地，通常地

参考例句：

• The pain of the disease caused him habitually to furrow his brow. 病痛使他习惯性地紧皱眉头。
• Habitually obedient to John, I came up to his chair. 我已经习惯于服从约翰，我来到他的椅子跟前。

42 varnish   

n.清漆；v.上清漆；粉饰

参考例句：

• He tried to varnish over the facts,but it was useless.他想粉饰事实，但那是徒劳的。
• He applied varnish to the table.他给那张桌子涂上清漆。

43 soot   

n.煤烟，烟尘；vt.熏以煤烟

参考例句：

• Soot is the product of the imperfect combustion of fuel.煤烟是燃料不完全燃烧的产物。
• The chimney was choked with soot.烟囱被煤灰堵塞了。

44 Flared   

adj. 端部张开的, 爆发的, 加宽的, 漏斗式的 动词flare的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• The match flared and went out. 火柴闪亮了一下就熄了。
• The fire flared up when we thought it was out. 我们以为火已经熄灭，但它突然又燃烧起来。

45 savages   

未开化的人，野蛮人( savage的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• There're some savages living in the forest. 森林里居住着一些野人。
• That's an island inhabited by savages. 那是一个野蛮人居住的岛屿。

46 scouting   

守候活动，童子军的活动

参考例句：

• I have people scouting the hills already. 我已经让人搜过那些山了。
• Perhaps also from the Gospel it passed into the tradition of scouting. 也许又从《福音书》传入守望的传统。 来自演讲部分

47 treatise   

n.专著；(专题)论文

参考例句：

• The doctor wrote a treatise on alcoholism.那位医生写了一篇关于酗酒问题的论文。
• This is not a treatise on statistical theory.这不是一篇有关统计理论的论文。

48 exhortation   

n.劝告，规劝

参考例句：

• After repeated exhortation by his comrades,he finally straightened out his thinking.经过同志们再三劝导，他终于想通了。
• Foreign funds alone are clearly not enough,nor are exhortations to reform.光有外资显然不够，只是劝告人们进行改革也不行。