"Of course this sort of thing doesn't happen in real life," said Albert Edward, flattening3 his proboscis4 against the pane5. "Either it's all a dream or else those oranges will suddenly light up; George Grossmith, in a topper and spats6, will trip in from the O.P. side; girls will blossom from every palm, and all ranks get busy with song and prance—tra-la-la!"
The Babe kicked his blankets off and sat up. "Nothing of the sort. We've arrived in well-known Italy, that's all. Capital—Rome. Exports—old masters, chianti and barrel-organs. Faces South and is centrally heated by Vesuvius."
We rattled7 into a cutting, the sides of which were decorated with posters: "Good Healt at the England," "Good Luck at Tommy," and drew up in a flag-festooned station, on the platform of which was a deputation of smiling signorinas who presented the Atkinses with postcards, fruit and cigarettes, and ourselves with flowers.
"Very bon—eh, what?" said the Babe as the train resumed its rumblings. "All the same I wish we could thank them prettily8 and tell them how pleased we are we've come. Does anybody handle the patter?"
Albert Edward thought he did. "Used to swot up a lot of Italian literature when I was a lad; technical military stuff about the divisions of Gaul by one J. C?sar."
"Too technical for everyday use," I objected. "A person called D'Annunzio is their best seller now, I believe."
At the next halt I dodged11 the deputation and purchased a phrase-book with a union Jack12 on the cover, entitled The English Soldier in Italy, published in Milan.
Among military terms, grouped under the heading of "The Worldly War," a garetta (sentry-box) is defined as "a watchbox," and the machine-gunner will be surprised to find himself described as "a grapeshot-man." It has also short conversations for current use.
"Have you of any English papers?"
"Yes, sir, there's The Times and Tit-Bits."
(Is it possible that the land of Virgil, of Horace and Dante knows not The Daily Mail?)
"Give me, please, many biscuits."
"No, sir, we have no biscuits; the fabrication of them has been avoided by Government."
"Waiter, show me a good bed where one may sleep undisturbated."
In the train:—
"Dickens! I have lost my ticket."
"Coachman, are you free?"
"Yes, sir."
"Then long live liberty."
Very young subalterns with romantic notions may waste good beer-money on foreign phrase-books and get themselves enravelled in hopeless international tangles15, but not old Atkins. The English soldier in Italy will speak what he has always spoken with complete success in Poperinghe, Amiens, Cairo, Salonika, Dar-es-Salaam, Bagdad and Jerusalem, to wit, English.
But to return to our train. At nightfall we left the fairy coast behind, its smiling signorinas, flags, flowers and fruit, and swarmed16 up a pile of perpendicular17 scenery from summer to winter. During a halt in the midst of moonlit snows our carriage door was opened and we beheld18 outside an Italian officer, who saluted19 and gave us an exhibition of his native tongue at rapid fire.
"He's referring to us," said the Babe. "Answer him, somebody; tell him we're on his side and all that."
"Seems to want something," said Albert Edward. "Wonder if C?sar is too technical for him."
"Read him something from The English Soldier in Italy," I suggested.
The Babe thumbed feverishly22 through the handbook. "'Let us get in; the guard has already cried'—No, that won't do. 'Give me a walk and return ticket, please'—That won't do either. 'Yes, I have a trunk and a carpet-bag'—Oh, this is absurd." He cast the book from him.
At that moment the engine hooted23, the trucks gave a preliminary buck24 and started to jolt25 forward. The Italian sprang upon the running board and, clinging to the hand-rail, continued to declaim emotionally through the window. William became alarmed. "This chap has something on his mind. Perhaps he's trying to tell us that a bridge has blown up, or that the train is moving without a movement order, or the chauffeur26 is drunk. For Heaven's sake somebody do something—quick!"
Thereupon Babel broke loose, each of us in his panic blazing off in the foreign language which came easiest to his tongue.
William called for a bath in Arabic. The Babe demanded champagne27 in French. Albert Edward declined mensa, while I, by the luckiest chance, struck a language which the Italian recognised with a glad yelp28. In a moment explanations were over and I had swung him into the carriage and slammed the door.
The new-comer was a lieutenant29 of mountain artillery30. He was returning from leave, had confided31 himself to the care of a Railway Transport Officer, had in consequence missed every regular train and wanted a lift to the next junction32. That was all. I then set about to make him as comfortable as possible, wrapping him in one of the Babe's blankets and giving him his maiden33 drink of whisky out of William's First Field Dressing34. With tears streaming down his cheeks he vented35 his admiration36 of the British national beverage37.
In return he introduced me to the Italian national smoke, an endless cigar to be sucked up through a straw. Between violent spasms38 I implored39 the name and address of the maker40. We were both very perfect gentlemen.
We then prattled41 about the War; he boasting about the terrific depths of snow in which he did his battling, while I boasted about the Flanders mud. We broke about even on that bout9. He gained a bit on mountain batteries, but I got it all back, and more, on tanks. He had never seen one, so I had it all my own way. Our tanks, after I had finished with them, could do pretty nearly anything except knit.
Defeated in the field, he turned home to Rome for something to boast about. I should see St. Peter's, he said. It was magnificent, and the Roman art treasures unsurpassable.
I replied that our cathedral at Westminster was far newer, and that the art in our National Cold Storage had cost an average of £5473 19s. 154d. per square foot. Could he beat it?
That knocked him out of his stride for a moment, but he struggled back with some remark about seeing his Coliseum by moonlight.
I replied that at ours we had modern electric light, Murphy and Mack, Vesta Tilley and the Bioscope.
Whether he would have recovered from that I know not, for at this moment the lights of the junction twinkled in at the frosted windows and he took his departure, first promising42 to call in at our Mess and suffer some more whisky if in return I would crawl up his mountain and meet the chamois and edelweiss.
Later on, as I was making up my bed for the night, Albert Edward poked43 his head out of the cocoon44 of horse-blankets in which he had wound himself.
"German," I whispered; "but for the Lord's sake don't tell anybody."
点击收听单词发音
1 villas | |
别墅,公馆( villa的名词复数 ); (城郊)住宅 | |
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2 groves | |
树丛,小树林( grove的名词复数 ) | |
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3 flattening | |
n. 修平 动词flatten的现在分词 | |
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4 proboscis | |
n.(象的)长鼻 | |
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5 pane | |
n.窗格玻璃,长方块 | |
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6 spats | |
n.口角( spat的名词复数 );小争吵;鞋罩;鞋套v.spit的过去式和过去分词( spat的第三人称单数 );口角;小争吵;鞋罩 | |
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7 rattled | |
慌乱的,恼火的 | |
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8 prettily | |
adv.优美地;可爱地 | |
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9 bout | |
n.侵袭,发作;一次(阵,回);拳击等比赛 | |
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10 hop | |
n.单脚跳,跳跃;vi.单脚跳,跳跃;着手做某事;vt.跳跃,跃过 | |
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11 dodged | |
v.闪躲( dodge的过去式和过去分词 );回避 | |
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12 jack | |
n.插座,千斤顶,男人;v.抬起,提醒,扛举;n.(Jake)杰克 | |
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13 alas | |
int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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14 vein | |
n.血管,静脉;叶脉,纹理;情绪;vt.使成脉络 | |
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15 tangles | |
(使)缠结, (使)乱作一团( tangle的第三人称单数 ) | |
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16 swarmed | |
密集( swarm的过去式和过去分词 ); 云集; 成群地移动; 蜜蜂或其他飞行昆虫成群地飞来飞去 | |
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17 perpendicular | |
adj.垂直的,直立的;n.垂直线,垂直的位置 | |
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18 beheld | |
v.看,注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 );瞧;看呀;(叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现)哎哟 | |
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19 saluted | |
v.欢迎,致敬( salute的过去式和过去分词 );赞扬,赞颂 | |
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20 promptly | |
adv.及时地,敏捷地 | |
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21 monologue | |
n.长篇大论,(戏剧等中的)独白 | |
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22 feverishly | |
adv. 兴奋地 | |
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23 hooted | |
(使)作汽笛声响,作汽车喇叭声( hoot的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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24 buck | |
n.雄鹿,雄兔;v.马离地跳跃 | |
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25 jolt | |
v.(使)摇动,(使)震动,(使)颠簸 | |
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26 chauffeur | |
n.(受雇于私人或公司的)司机;v.为…开车 | |
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27 champagne | |
n.香槟酒;微黄色 | |
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28 yelp | |
vi.狗吠 | |
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29 lieutenant | |
n.陆军中尉,海军上尉;代理官员,副职官员 | |
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30 artillery | |
n.(军)火炮,大炮;炮兵(部队) | |
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31 confided | |
v.吐露(秘密,心事等)( confide的过去式和过去分词 );(向某人)吐露(隐私、秘密等) | |
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32 junction | |
n.连接,接合;交叉点,接合处,枢纽站 | |
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33 maiden | |
n.少女,处女;adj.未婚的,纯洁的,无经验的 | |
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34 dressing | |
n.(食物)调料;包扎伤口的用品,敷料 | |
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35 vented | |
表达,发泄(感情,尤指愤怒)( vent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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36 admiration | |
n.钦佩,赞美,羡慕 | |
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37 beverage | |
n.(水,酒等之外的)饮料 | |
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38 spasms | |
n.痉挛( spasm的名词复数 );抽搐;(能量、行为等的)突发;发作 | |
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39 implored | |
恳求或乞求(某人)( implore的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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40 maker | |
n.制造者,制造商 | |
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41 prattled | |
v.(小孩般)天真无邪地说话( prattle的过去式和过去分词 );发出连续而无意义的声音;闲扯;东拉西扯 | |
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42 promising | |
adj.有希望的,有前途的 | |
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43 poked | |
v.伸出( poke的过去式和过去分词 );戳出;拨弄;与(某人)性交 | |
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44 cocoon | |
n.茧 | |
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45 jargon | |
n.术语,行话 | |
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46 sociably | |
adv.成群地 | |
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