“It is so different when you are standing4 up before a crowd of people, and it all seems to float away from you; so different from singing at home.”
“Then you have done it yourself?” said Gussy, surprised.
“Oh, only at our little concerts at Clover, where I knew everybody: and I only played, which is not nearly so bad; but I have seen people who, for a minute, forgot everything, and looked as if they would run away.”
“I don’t think I shall want to run away,” said Miss Harwood, with dignity.
“Oh, no, I didn’t suppose so; but you will feel so much more comfortable if you know your song well. Shall we go over it once again?”
“It is very kind of Miss Summerhayes,” said Mrs. Harwood, feeling a want of warmth in her daughter’s reception of this generous offer. “It is very nice of her,” the old lady added, “for it can’t matter a bit to her. It is not as if she were teaching you, when she might get some credit from it. It is entirely good feeling.”
“I am sure I am—much obliged to Miss Summerhayes,” said Gussy. And she was aware that what her mother said was quite true. She was not an impulsive5 person in general, but a sudden movement of remorse6 for her own ingratitude7 and appreciation8 of the other’s unselfishness seized her all at once. “I don’t see,” she said, “why we should go on calling{88} her Miss Summerhayes when she has been three months in the house, and always so nice. I am sure she would prefer it, mamma, if you at least were to call her Janet; and it is a pretty name, too; not like our solemnities in the Harwood family.”
Janet was taken very much by surprise. She was not quite sure that she was so much gratified as she expected to be, and it took her a certain effort to get up the little burst of pleasure and gratitude which was becoming. It is a sad thing to be expected to be grateful for a favor which does not appear to yourself in that light. Janet had always been called Janet by everybody all her life, so that she rather preferred at present to be Miss Summerhayes. However, she succeeded in assuming the air of delighted surprise which was necessary in the circumstances, and when Mrs. Harwood kissed her, and said, with her motherly smile, “I shall like so much to call you Janet, my dear,” the genuine kindness touched her heart.
The silent prayer was not realized, but still it may be put on record as a real moment of feeling in Janet’s very contradictory10 little being. She was very uncertain what Gussy could mean in thus opening to her the gates of intimacy11, and receiving her, as it were, on a new footing. What did she mean by it? But Miss Harwood herself could not have told. She meant a momentary12 compunction, a half-apology, and to compensate13 the girl a little for the involuntary doubt she had of her. If there was anything more in it, Gussy herself was unconscious of further motive. It was something in the nature of a penance14, no doubt; for Miss Harwood loved the governess a trifle less as Janet, in the intimacy of the closest intercourse15, than she had done as a stranger and Miss Summerhayes.
Thus a vague mist of feeling rose between the two which did not in any way interfere16 with their present relations, and was, in fact, founded upon almost nothing, yet was full of undeveloped elements in which mischief17 might lie; while all around this nebulous region of uncertain sentiment shone the easy light of the household, untroubled by any mist, a sober, steady glow, not excessive, of good-humor and kindness, chiefly proceeding18 from the mild moon or household lamp of Mrs. Harwood, which reflected many different colored rays, reducing them, by the action of a steady, pleasant, good disposition19, taking all things soberly and kindly20, to a light which was warm without extravagance, and bright without dazzling.{89} How happy were all her friends in Clover to hear that Janet had thus “fallen on her feet!”
The vicar called at the house in St. John’s Wood about this time, and carried back the most delightful21 report with him. The impression he himself produced was the best possible, for he was a handsome old gentleman, and perfect type of a country vicar, well got up and well-to-do. Mrs. Harwood was anxious that he should come back to dinner, and would have liked to pay him a great deal of attention, and Janet rose in everybody’s opinion, from that of the head of the house down to Priscilla, the parlor-maid, and Owen, the gardener, to whom Mr. Bland22 gave a shilling for calling a cab for him.
The vicar assured Mrs. Harwood that he and his wife felt towards little Janet as if she were a child of their own. And when he went back to Clover he assured an anxious party assembled at afternoon tea that he had seldom been more favorably impressed than by the charming family with whom Janet had found a home.
“A delightful, refined house, an admirable mother, and a charming young lady, quite the sort of friend I should have chosen for Janet, I scarcely saw her pupil, but I have no doubt, judging by all that I did see, that she was a sweet child, and worthy23 of the rest. No complications such as so often beset24 a young girl’s path; indeed, I should say that if we had chosen from one end of the country to the other we could scarcely have selected anything so desirable as Providence25 has procured26 for her—by chance, as we say. It is a lesson to me of trustfulness and dependence27 upon a higher guidance.”
The ladies were all deeply edified28 with this speech, feeling that what the vicar said, especially about Providence, was beautiful: and when they heard that Janet was called by her Christian29 name, there was a universal chorus of satisfaction. Dr. Harding, who had come in as he passed on his afternoon round, said “Humph!” behind their backs, shaking his head; but then he, as we are all aware, had reasons for thinking very ill of Janet’s foolish determination to measure her little strength against the world.
The concert took place shortly after the vicar’s visit, and Janet and her pupil, in the charge of a neighbor, Mrs. Hunter, from next door—as Mrs. Harwood was unable to take care of them herself—were present, happy spectators of Gussy’s success: for the duet was quite the success of the evening, everybody said. And the pair appeared on the platform together, with a little halo of romance about them, a pair of{90} lovers, as the audience believed, though nothing was as yet announced, or positively30 known.
“Of course, we shall soon hear that it is all settled,” the friends of the family said to each other. “He is never out of the house, and singing together night after night; there is only one way in which that sort of thing can end.”
Some thought that Gussy Harwood, who would have a very tolerable fortune, should have secured something better than a briefless barrister. But others added that Charley Meredith had very good connections, and knew a number of solicitors31, and was a pushing sort of man, one of those who always get on. And they looked very well together, quite a model couple; she so fair, almost too fair, but very well dressed to-night in a dark dress, which threw up her fairness and neutralized32 her want of color; and he, on the contrary, with so much color, such dark hair and mustaches, and such a fine bloom. The natural attraction of opposition33 could not have been more pleasantly set forth34. Janet sat in her place among the audience, and looked at them with eyes a little—just a little—envious, yet pleased to shine in the reflected glory. The dark dress which was so successful was her doing. She had wanted Gussy to look her best, with a certain esprit de corps35 and desire for the credit of the house: and it was she who, with much ado, had persuaded both mother and daughter that the pale dresses in which Miss Harwood delighted would be out of place. Also it was she who had trained her in her song. It would not have been half so good but for Janet’s painstaking36, and her determination to have it fully37 practised.
Janet sat all impatient not to be on the platform along with them, longing38 for an occasion to show herself, half-believing to the very last that there would arise a commotion39 among the performers, and that some one would walk down the room to where she sat to ask if she would kindly come and accompany Mr. Meredith and Miss Harwood in their duet. She kept on expecting this until the very moment when they stood up, and the pianist who had accompanied everybody struck the first notes. Oh! said Janet to herself, impatient, what a mistake they were making! The pianist was a nobody, and did not know their voices, and could not half bring them out. If only she had been there! But she had to sit quiet and listen, which is very hard when you know that you could do it much better.
Janet was not thinking of Mr. Meredith any more than if he had been a cabbage, but she did want to share the triumph, she who had really brought it about, and she wanted to do what she could do so well instead of the inferior performer{91} who did not do it half so well. But this is a trouble which accomplished40 persons must put up with continually, and after the first mortification41 was over Janet sat it out bravely, and even led the applause with a most energetic pair of hands, at the points where it ought to come in, and was most wanted to stimulate42 failing courage or cover a weak point. In this she behaved with the utmost generosity43 and desire that, notwithstanding their neglect of herself, the performance should succeed; and she listened to all the remarks with eager attention, especially those about the one way in which things of this kind must end. Was this the way in which Gussy’s romance was certain to end? Janet felt that she herself would not be nearly so much interested, not to say excited by it, if the conclusion was as certain as people thought. But she perceived clearly that if it did not end so it would be wrong, and Mr. Meredith much to blame. The drama altogether was breathless in its interest to this little spectator, because she felt that there was no certainty in it—that probably Mr. Charles Meredith was (so to speak, in the language of the stage) a villain44, and Gussy, perhaps, a victim. Who could tell? It appeared, however, that Janet herself was the only person who had any doubt on the subject, and, an inexperienced little guesser as she was, how was she to know?
“Do you think Gussy and Charley are in love with each other?” said Julia suddenly, on their way home.
“Julia! one doesn’t talk of such things till—till they are publicly known.”
“For I don’t,” said Julia. “Gussy, yes, she is too silly. I could kill her when she looks at him so; but, Charley, no—and he’s the most important of the two, isn’t he, Miss Summerhayes?”
“I don’t know why he should be the most important; they are both equally important,” said Janet, in her r?le of governess; “besides, it is not our business to discuss any such matter.”
“Oh! that is all bosh,” said Julia. “Of course, I must discuss it when it’s my own sister. I’ll tell you what I think. He has not made up his mind; he thinks he’ll do it, and then something makes him think that he’ll not do it. He knows that whenever he likes to put out his hand Gussy will——”
“Julia, I can’t let you talk so.”
“Whether I talk or not, I know it all the same,” said Julia. “I hate Charley Meredith, with his red cheeks. I can’t think what she sees in him; but, though I could kill her for being so silly, I don’t want our Gussy to be disappointed. I should{92} like him to propose and her to refuse him; but, oh! I’m afraid there is not the least chance of that. Do you think a girl should accept the very first offer, Miss Summerhayes?”
“I don’t think at all on the subject,” said Janet.
She paused, and gave a little laugh, not a sigh, which would have been more appropriate, to the memory of Dr. Harding, who had procured her that gratification.
“Oh, nonsense!” cried Julia; “why do you laugh? You were thinking of someone, Miss Summerhayes. Look! there’s a light in the room over the porch. Don’t you see?” The girl gripped her instructress by the arm. “Look, look, Miss Summerhayes; don’t you see?”
“Don’t be so excited,” said Janet. “I see perfectly45 well: but I don’t know why you should excite yourself.”
“Oh, wait a bit!” said Julia; “wait a bit, and you’ll be excited too. You don’t know what it means yet. Janet—I’m going to call you Janet now—I’m so glad. Why, Dolff must have come home—that means Dolff!”
And Julia suddenly flung off from Janet’s side, and fled along the road like an arrow from the bow.
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1
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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impulsive
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| adj.冲动的，刺激的；有推动力的 | |
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6
remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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ingratitude
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| n.忘恩负义 | |
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8
appreciation
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| n.评价；欣赏；感谢；领会，理解；价格上涨 | |
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vex
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| vt.使烦恼，使苦恼 | |
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contradictory
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| adj.反驳的，反对的，抗辩的；n.正反对，矛盾对立 | |
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11
intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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13
compensate
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| vt.补偿，赔偿；酬报 vi.弥补；补偿；抵消 | |
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penance
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| n.（赎罪的）惩罪 | |
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intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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16
interfere
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| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
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17
mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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bland
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| adj.淡而无味的，温和的，无刺激性的 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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beset
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| v.镶嵌；困扰，包围 | |
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providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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procured
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| v.（努力）取得， （设法）获得( procure的过去式和过去分词 )；拉皮条 | |
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dependence
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| n.依靠，依赖；信任，信赖；隶属 | |
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28
edified
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| v.开导，启发( edify的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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29
Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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solicitors
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| 初级律师( solicitor的名词复数 ) | |
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32
neutralized
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| v.使失效( neutralize的过去式和过去分词 )；抵消；中和；使（一个国家）中立化 | |
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opposition
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| n.反对，敌对 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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corps
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| n.(通信等兵种的)部队；(同类作的)一组 | |
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painstaking
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| adj.苦干的；艰苦的，费力的，刻苦的 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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commotion
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| n.骚动，动乱 | |
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accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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41
mortification
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| n.耻辱，屈辱 | |
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42
stimulate
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| vt.刺激，使兴奋；激励，使…振奋 | |
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43
generosity
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| n.大度，慷慨，慷慨的行为 | |
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44
villain
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| n.反派演员，反面人物；恶棍；问题的起因 | |
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45
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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