Ah! he had thought there was no difference, but there had been a difference. Gussy had been sitting like a statue, quite still, but not the faintest thrill of movement in her. She did{112} not expect him, or anyone, she was not thinking of him, or anyone, quite self-contained, self-absorbed. He was almost ashamed to think how he had been thinking of her, complacently5 realizing her suspense6, and disappointment, and wonder at his non-appearance. The extreme composure of her aspect gave Meredith a shock which would have done much to redress7 the balance between them. She did not even raise her head at Janet’s exclamation. It was Mrs. Harwood who did that, crying out, “God bless me! Charley!” with a pleasure of which there could be no doubt. And a sort of shock passed over Gussy, electric, spasmodic, he could not tell what it was, something that moved her from the crown of light hair on her head to the tip of the shoe which was visible under her gown. It all passed in a minute, nay8, in a second, as so many a crisis does. He could see it go over her; had not his eyes been opened by a sense of guilt9, and by various other convictions, he might have known nothing of it; but he did, and suddenly became aware that he had something more to deal with than a girl’s momentary10 annoyance11 at the absence of the man whom she was beginning to care for. At the end of that moment, when he had come forward to shake hands with Mrs. Harwood, Gussy rose, and gave him her hand with perfect composure. On her side she was quite sure that she had betrayed nothing, not even the mere1 surprise which would have been so natural.
“You have been a great stranger, Charley,” said Mrs. Harwood.
“Yes, indeed,” he said, “no one can know that so well as I. I have been driven to the end of my patience. I kept hoping that one of you would take a little interest, and ask what I was about.”
He kept his eyes on Gussy, but Gussy never moved or gave sign of consciousness.
“My dear boy,” said Mrs. Harwood, “women never like to interfere—to ask what a young man is about. You are so much more your own masters than we are. We know very well that if you want to come you will come, and if you don’t——”
“How unjust you are with your general principles! Here is one poor miserable12 exception, then, to the rule—who has tried to come, and thought he could manage it evening after evening. Well, it is all in the way of business. You have always been afraid I was idle. What will you say when I tell you that I have been in chambers13—sometimes till eight and nine o’clock every night?{113}”
“I shall hope it means a lot of new clients, Charley,” the old lady said.
“Well, I think it does.”
He did not wink14 at Janet—oh, no! that would have been vulgarity itself—the sort of communication which takes place between the footman in a play and the chamber-maid who is in his confidence. Mr. Charles Meredith’s manners were irreproachable15, and vulgarity in that kind of way impossible to him. But he did catch Janet’s attention with a corner of his eye, as it were, which expressed something a little different from the open look which was bent16 on Mrs. Harwood—or, rather, on Gussy, at whom he glanced as he spoke17. And then he entered into certain details. Mrs. Harwood, though she was disabled and incapable18 of getting out of her chair, was an excellent woman of business, and she entered into the particulars of his narrative19 with great interest. She said at the end, with a satisfied nod of her head,
“Well, Charley, I hope we may now feel that you are beginning to catch the rising tide.”
“I hope so, too,” said the young man. And then it seemed to dawn upon him that these agreeable auguries20 might lead him too far. “A little time will tell,” he said, “whether it’s a real beginning or only a flash in the pan. I am afraid to calculate upon anything too soon. In three months or so, if all goes on well——”
Janet asked herself, with a keenness of inquiry21 which took her by surprise, what, oh, what did he mean by three months? Was that said for Gussy? Was it said for anyone else? Did he, by any possibility, think that she cared—that it pleased her to know that he was deceiving Mrs. Harwood and her daughter? She felt very angry at the whole matter, which she thought she saw through so completely, but which, after all, she did not in the least see through. Janet thought that for some reason or other this young man was “amusing himself,” according to the ordinary jargon22, with Miss Harwood’s too-little concealed23 devotion, that he secretly made fun of the woman who loved him, and was preparing, when the time came, a disenchantment for her and revelation of his own sentiments, which would probably break Gussy’s heart. It can scarcely be said that Janet felt those sentiments of moral indignation which such a deliberate treachery ought to have called forth24. She was still so far in the kitten stage that it half amused her to see Mr. Meredith “taking in” Miss Harwood. It amused her to think that probably he had been having some wild party of his young men friends (a party of young men always{114} seems wild, riotous25, full of inconceivable frolic and enjoyment26 to a girl’s fancy) in his chambers, on some of those evenings which he so demurely27 represented to the old lady as full of business. She could not help an inclination28 to laugh at that. It is the kind of deceit which has always been laughed at from the beginning of time. But she felt angry about the three months. What did he mean by three months? Was it for Gussy to lull29 her suspicions? Was it for—anyone else? Janet felt as if she were being made a party to some unkind scheme which had not merely fun for its purpose. Why should he look at her in that comic way when he said anything particularly grave? Janet turned round her little shoulder to Mr. Meredith, and became more and more engrossed30 in her needlework. But yet it was strange that whatever she did he succeeded in catching31 her eye.
“Some one has been singing,” he said, presently, with a little start of surprise. “I brought something with me I thought Gussy would like—but you have been singing without me?”
He turned round upon her suddenly at this point. Gussy had been very quiet; she had said scarcely anything. She had allowed him to go through all those explanations with her mother. At first she had closed her heart, as she thought, against them; but it is not so easy to close a heart when it is suddenly melted by a touch of thaw32 after a frost. Gussy had been frozen up hard as December—or even February—could do it. But what is frost when there comes that indescribable, that subtle, invisible breath which in a moment undoes33 what it has taken nights and days of black frost to do? What a good thing it is to think that the frost which works underhand and throws its ribs34 across the streams, and its icicles from the roofs by degrees, takes days to make ice that will “bear,” and that the sweeter influence can bring all that bondage35 to ruin in an hour or two! Gussy’s heart had frozen up, putting on an additional layer of ice every day; but in a moment it was all gone, sliding away in blocks, in shapeless masses, upon the irresistible36 flood. The flood, of course, is all the stronger from that mass of melted stuff that sweeps into it, giving an impetus37 to every swollen38 current. Gussy made an effort to feel as if this melting and softening39 had not been, as if she were as she had been an hour before; but what attempt could be more ineffectual? Frost may counterfeit40 a thaw on the surface when the sun shines; but what thaw can counterfeit frost. It was not among the things that are possible.
“I have not been singing,” she said, softly, her eyes wandering, in spite of her, to the little roll in his hand. “You for{115}get we have had something else to amuse us all these evenings. It is Dolff who has been singing.”
“And a very nice voice he has got, now that it has been trained a little, poor boy,” said his mother, “though I am not very sure that I like his taste in songs.”
“And Miss Summerhayes plays for him,” said Meredith, turning round upon Janet with a laugh. He faced her this time, looking at her frankly41, not trying to catch any corner of her eye. His look had a gleam of merriment and saucy42 satisfaction which make Janet glow with anger. “Didn’t I tell you so?” he seemed to say with his raised eyebrows43. He laughed out with a genial44 roar of amusement. “I knew Miss Summerhayes would play for him,” he cried.
How did he know anything of the kind? How dared he laugh in that meaning way? How dared he look at Janet as if he had found her out; as if she, too, had a scheme like himself? Janet gave him a look in return which might have turned a more sensitive man to stone, and she said, with great dignity, wrapping herself up in the humility45 of her governess-state as in a mantle46:
“I am here to play for anyone who wishes for my services, Mr. Meredith, as I think you ought to know.”
“Good heavens,” cried Mrs. Harwood, “my dear child! I hope you don’t take it in that serious way. If it is so disagreeable to you, my dear, you shall never be asked to humor poor Dolff again.”
“Oh, Mrs. Harwood, that is not what I meant! I am very glad to do it for anyone, but I don’t like to hear people talk—to hear people laugh——”
“The little thing is in a temper,” said Meredith, aside to Gussy, “have I said anything so very dreadful? Come and try whether they have thumped47 the piano all to pieces, and then we can talk.”
“I don’t know that you have said anything dreadful. And we can talk very well here,” said Gussy, in the same undertone.
“She is like a little turkey-cock,” said Meredith. “What has been going on? To think that something should always turn up, a farce48 or a tragedy, when one is out of the way for a few days.”
Gussy asked herself, with a catching of the breath, if it were a farce or a tragedy? How true that was! No, it would not be a tragedy now—now that he had come back.
“Nothing has been going on—except some silly songs,” she said.{116}
It did not occur to her that her own songs were silly, or that there might be two meanings to the word, but Meredith was more ready in his comprehension.
“Ah, some silly songs!” he said.
Upon which Gussy, feeling more and more the soft welling-up from under the crackling frost, of the warmer waters, felt a compunction.
“Poor Dolff,” she said, “is not altogether exalted49 in his tastes, you know. And he has taken a music-hall craze. I suppose it is from the music-hall they come, all those wonderful performances. But he likes them, it appears, as well—as well——”
“As we like ours,” said Meredith.
“Well, ours——” she colored a little as she said the word; but why should she not say it, seeing he had thus given her the cue? “Ours are better worth liking50. At the same time,” said Gussy, returning to her old self, “we are all so silly in this family that we can’t do anything without doing a great deal too much of it. We can’t, I fear, take anything moderately. We do it with all our heart.”
“That is why you do it so well,” said Meredith.
His voice had a slight quaver in it, which might have been taken in more senses than one. It might have meant emotion, and again it might have meant a suppressed laugh, for to imagine that Dolff sang his music-hall songs exceptionally well because he sang them with all his heart was a little trying to the gravity. But now that he had set up a conversation sotto voce, and now that Gussy had been brought back to talking of what was habitually51 done “in the family,” Mr. Meredith felt that he had got back upon the old ground.
As for Janet, she packed up her sewing things in her little basket, and begged Mrs. Harwood’s permission to retire.
“I have a little headache,” she said.
Good Mrs. Harwood was much concerned and very sorry, but agreed that quiet and going to bed early was the best thing for a headache. And when the lovers—were they the lovers?—went to the other room, Janet rose and stole away. She was not gone so soon but that she heard Meredith burst into a laugh over Dolff’s songs, which were all scattered52 about. He sang a snatch of one of them mockingly as she was going out, and caught her with a wave of his hand, an elevation53 of his eyebrows, and a slight nod of his head. He would not let her escape, he who had so easily made up his own difficulties, but must discharge that arrow at her, hold that whip of mockery over her. Janet closed the door upon herself with a studied{117} quiet, which was even more demonstrative of her state of mind than had she shut it with a violent slam, as Julia would have done; but it was more hard to suppress the pants of her laboring54, angry breath.
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1
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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habitual
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| adj.习惯性的；通常的，惯常的 | |
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exasperating
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| adj. 激怒的 动词exasperate的现在分词形式 | |
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exclamation
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| n.感叹号，惊呼，惊叹词 | |
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complacently
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| adv. 满足地, 自满地, 沾沾自喜地 | |
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suspense
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| n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑 | |
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redress
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| n.赔偿，救济，矫正；v.纠正，匡正，革除 | |
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nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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guilt
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| n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责 | |
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momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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annoyance
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| n.恼怒，生气，烦恼 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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chambers
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| n.房间( chamber的名词复数 )；（议会的）议院；卧室；会议厅 | |
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14
wink
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| n.眨眼，使眼色，瞬间；v.眨眼，使眼色，闪烁 | |
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irreproachable
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| adj.不可指责的，无过失的 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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narrative
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| n.叙述，故事；adj.叙事的，故事体的 | |
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auguries
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| n.（古罗马）占卜术，占卜仪式( augury的名词复数 )；预兆 | |
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inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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jargon
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| n.术语，行话 | |
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concealed
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| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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riotous
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| adj.骚乱的；狂欢的 | |
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enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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demurely
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| adv.装成端庄地，认真地 | |
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inclination
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| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
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lull
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| v.使安静，使入睡，缓和，哄骗；n.暂停，间歇 | |
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engrossed
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| adj.全神贯注的 | |
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catching
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| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
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thaw
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| v.（使）融化，（使）变得友善；n.融化，缓和 | |
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undoes
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| 松开( undo的第三人称单数 )； 解开； 毁灭； 败坏 | |
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ribs
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| n.肋骨( rib的名词复数 )；（船或屋顶等的）肋拱；肋骨状的东西；（织物的）凸条花纹 | |
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bondage
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| n.奴役，束缚 | |
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irresistible
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| adj.非常诱人的，无法拒绝的，无法抗拒的 | |
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impetus
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| n.推动，促进，刺激；推动力 | |
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swollen
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| adj.肿大的，水涨的；v.使变大，肿胀 | |
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softening
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| 变软，软化 | |
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40
counterfeit
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| vt.伪造，仿造；adj.伪造的，假冒的 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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saucy
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| adj.无礼的；俊俏的；活泼的 | |
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eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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genial
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| adj.亲切的，和蔼的，愉快的，脾气好的 | |
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humility
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| n.谦逊，谦恭 | |
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46
mantle
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| n.斗篷，覆罩之物，罩子；v.罩住，覆盖，脸红 | |
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47
thumped
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| v.重击， （指心脏）急速跳动( thump的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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48
farce
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| n.闹剧，笑剧，滑稽戏；胡闹 | |
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49
exalted
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| adj.(地位等)高的，崇高的；尊贵的，高尚的 | |
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50
liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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51
habitually
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| ad.习惯地，通常地 | |
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52
scattered
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| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
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53
elevation
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| n.高度；海拔；高地；上升；提高 | |
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laboring
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| n.劳动，操劳v.努力争取(for)( labor的现在分词 )；苦干；详细分析；（指引擎）缓慢而困难地运转 | |
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