To tell the truth, he had been a little alarmed by his position in respect to Miss Harwood. The applause they had received at the concert, which somehow enveloped1 both of them in a sort of unity—a oneness which was embarrassing, and provoked inquiries2 and looks of intelligence, glances and hints of all sorts—had given him a little shock. It had not affected3 Gussy in the same way, for Gussy was far more deeply and truly touched than her partner in that success. She had given up her whole being to him with the unreasonable4 confidence which is sometimes to be seen in an otherwise unimaginative and unemotional woman, never doubting from the first the object of his attentions, feeling that he could have but one reason for his frequent visits, and that the gradual manner in which she herself had been separated and swept up, as it were, into his identity, was the natural result of a strong{106} and certain desire on his part to attract and appropriate her—an unquestionable feeling to which her gradually elicited5 responses were natural and fitting. It never occurred to Gussy, who was a little narrow, as was natural to her education and circumstances, but very sensible and just, that Meredith’s sentiments, which had been so distinctly shown, could be anything but definite and certain. To her there appeared nothing accidental, nothing fortuitous, in the way in which it had all come about. Gradually he had secured the entrée and the complete freedom of intercourse6 which is not very common in English houses. There had been a break during his absence in the country, but this break had been followed by a return to all the old habits, by the resumption of all his claims upon her attention and sympathy, those claims to which she had already responded in all sincerity7 and good faith. Gussy had no sensation of having gone a step further than she had been led and persuaded to go. She had no doubt whatever that of this intercourse, which he had so sought, so organized, so firmly established, every step was intended. He had set himself, she believed, to win her love, to gain her heart. What other reason could there be? It was all his doing. He it was who had pressed for each new extension of privilege: for what?—for no conceivable reason save one, that he loved her, and desired to make her love him.
Such was Gussy’s theory. She had been first flattered, then touched by these assiduities, and finally, there being no reason whatever against it, she had yielded to the gradually growing response in her own bosom8. She was not unaware9 that this might attain10 to greater potency11 than the demand which had evoked12 it, for he was a man, about in the world, and having a great many things to distract him, whereas she was a woman with nothing particular in her mind save this new interest which filled her thoughts night and day. There was no doubt that it might grow more engrossing13 than his love. She was aware of the danger, and quite reasonable about it; but his had been the first—his had been the foundation of all. She was not ashamed of loving him, nor even of the impatience14 that now devoured15 her to have him speak and put the whole on the footing of a known and established certainty. It wanted that, at the point to which the matter had now reached. As soon as they had once understood each other, all would be well. Understood each other! Yes, they did so already; but it was necessary that it should be clear—spoken out—settled. Gussy could not tell what it was that restrained her lover. But she was restless and a little impatient, knowing that, by{107} this time, the certainty ought to be fully16 comprehended of all, and the result known.
It had not been anything in the nature of jealousy17 which had made her unwilling18 to take advantage of Janet’s services, but only an indisposition to let any third party come in—to have another associated in the already long-lingering duet which she had every reason to believe was to continue all her life. He had chosen that way of drawing her to him which, in the circumstances of the family, was the most effectual way, the easiest—perhaps the only manner in which he could have secured the attention which was due to her mother and sister first, and which it would otherwise have been so difficult to obtain. And it had become a method dear to her—and she did not like to have any one come in, to disturb the isolation19 in which their music wrapped them. This was all—no fear of a new face or attraction for him—no feeling of rivalry20.
Janet was perhaps incapable21 of comprehending how very far the young woman, so much less clever, less instructed in the usual course of affairs, perhaps less intelligent than herself, was from thinking of any such danger.
But all this was quite apart from Mr. Charles Meredith and his sentiments, which had not at any time been those believed in by Gussy. He had found it amusing and piquant22 to make his way into that secluded23, but most respectably secluded, house in St. John’s Wood. A little curiosity of his own, the secret of a something to be found out even in the heart of that respectability, had for a moment mingled24 with his other motives25; but that had found little encouragement in anything he saw or heard, and had gradually died out, leaving behind a pleasurable privilege—an amusing variety to his other engagements, an ever-ready way of spending an evening in which he had nothing else to do. He had known the Harwoods almost all his life, and this familiarity, to begin with, had made the domestic circle the more easily comprehensible to him: the unmanageable child, Ju, who lost no opportunity of showing how undesirable26 she thought his presence; the mother, mysteriously incapable of leaving her chair, though her children frankly27 declared their disbelief in her inability; the room so bright and full of comfort with that shadowy background which seemed made for a romance, tickled28 the fancy of the young man. He had an inclination29 towards Gussy Harwood—liked her—felt that, if he were ever to come the length of marrying, she would be a very suitable wife for him, and her respectable fortune a very comfortable foundation on which to begin life. And then he was very fond of music—music, that is, represented{108} by new songs and duets in which his own fine tenor30 might be enhanced by a gentle soprano acknowledged to be very sweet, yet in no way capable of eclipsing the richer tones it accompanied.
All these mingled sentiments had led him to the course of conduct which he had pursued for some time before Janet’s appearance, but into which her sudden appearance had imported a little difference. It will be seen that these vague and mingled sentiments were entirely31 unlike that for which he had credit in the mind of Augusta Harwood—the steady and serious love by which she supposed him to be moved. The foregone conclusion of a happy marriage, a household equally respectable, and still more bright than that in which the preliminaries took place had no existence. It was always on the cards, of course, that Gussy Harwood and he might marry and settle down together. It would not be a very romantic conclusion, still Meredith was aware that he himself was not at all a romantic personage, and it would not in any way be a bad arrangement. But where was the need of going so far as that? He liked to know where he could spend an evening pleasantly when he pleased; he liked to hear the sound of his own voice, and even to feel that the voice of the other performer was not likely to beguile32 the applauses of their audience away from himself—when they had an audience; he liked to have those excellent dinners from time to time, with the other man who could not help perceiving how entirely the entertainment was for Meredith’s gratification. All these things were very pleasant, and Mrs. Harwood was quite able, no doubt, to take care of her own daughter and all the convenances, and it was none of his business to watch over Gussy in case his continual visits should be misunderstood.
But the concert had certainly made a little crisis in this easy intercourse—the concert and Janet’s appearance on the scene, and the little excitement she had produced, and the additional signs of regard it had been necessary to lavish33 upon Gussy, to make her feel herself always the first person, notwithstanding any interest that another might call forth34. He had felt that a great step had been taken in that concert. To be sure it could not, strictly35 speaking, be asserted to mean anything at all. A duet between a soprano and a tenor—what more innocent? Their voices suited; what had their persons or their lives to do with it? Charles Meredith knew, however, that though this might be true enough in the case of most tenors36 and sopranos, it would not be true as between Gussy Harwood and himself. The audience was not an audi{109}ence drawn37 from the larger public, which might have known nothing further, but a St. John’s Wood audience, which knew everything about him, and that he visited the Harwoods “every day of his life.” This was not exactly true, but it was how he heard it stated in the dark, outside the concert-room, by one of the departing hearers. All those present knew them, and knew all about them, and naturally made their remarks: “Of course it will be a match; he is there every day of his life.”
What a vulgar definiteness there is in these criticisms! People who pretend to be one’s friends, yet speak of one without a gleam of understanding, as if all one’s intentions were cut and dry. Meredith felt angry, but he dared not show it, for it was clearly his duty to escort Gussy home, and to tell Mrs. Harwood what a success it had been. But after that he was seized with a panic, and did not come back. He saw that a crisis had come, as well as any one—a crisis which seemed to him very premature38, and for which he was unprepared.
I think there is some allowance to be made for young men who in these days hesitate about taking the last step which makes marriage inevitable39. We are not now discussing the so-called “smart” people, who live after their kind, and afford no rule for the rest of the world, but young men of occupations, who have, as people say, their own way to make. A small income very often represents a great deal more than it is to an unmarried man, with all the luxury of the clubs behind him: and it represents a great deal less than it is to the man who is going to marry—witness all the foolish statistics periodically placed before the world. It is rather surprising how, when the moment and the impulse comes, all these precautions are so easily thrown to the winds: but there is nobody in modern society so well off as the young man with a small competency, a good club, and a tolerable acquaintance. It is heroic of him to risk all his comforts and immunities40, the things he can do, and the things nobody expects him to do, for the sake of a young woman who on her side is much better off at home, if she would only think so. But, fortunately for the race if not for the individual, nature scorns all such judicious41 reflections, and follows its own impulse at whatsoever42 expense.
Meredith, however, who was not in love, but only amiably43, pleasurably inclined towards Gussy Harwood, felt their full force when he was thus pulled up and brought face to face with inevitable consequences. In his present circumstances he was very well off indeed: he had all that a young man could desire. He knew a number of people, and was civil to them, and derived44 from this a little benefit of dinner-parties,{110} dances, and invitations from Saturday till Monday, for which he was not expected to do anything except to continue to be civil in return. And he could also entertain at his club a friend or two when he pleased. I do not know whether the dinners at the more modest clubs are as good as those of which we read in novels, at which the very fine gentlemen dispense45 and enjoy hospitality; but they are almost sure to be better than those which a Mrs. Charles Meredith, in a little villa46 in the suburbs, or in a little flat high up in the district styled W., could produce with great trouble, a complete bouleversement of the small household, and a greengrocer from round the corner to wait. The servants at the club are real servants, the dinners quite genuine, and giving no extra trouble. If Charles Meredith had been in love, it would have been unpardonable in him to have made any such reflection. But then he was not in love. And he was startled, and paused in the face of fate.
He might not perhaps have done so with quite so much perturbation if there had not been at the same time a little point of interest in his mind about the other little girl who had appeared so inopportunely in St. John’s Wood. He was not in the least in love with Janet. But she was amusing—a great deal more amusing than Gussy, with all whose opinions and inclinations47 he was acquainted, and who changed little from any standing-point she had once taken. It amused him to get possession of the governess, to make her play, to watch her looks, and communicate with her telegraphically, nobody being aware of that intercourse. That Janet did not respond, or, at least, did not willingly respond, made it all the more piquant, for even a glance of indignation now and then, a flash of anger, was a reply, and he could read in the involuntary movement of her little shoulders, as she played, a hundred little criticisms and signs of what she was thinking; the thrill of displeasure at a false note made him laugh, and the clang of accompaniment with which she would suddenly drown a failure—all this imported a new element into the evening with which he was delighted. But all these amusements would have to be put a stop to if he married and settled down to domestic felicity and the enjoyment48 of a sensible companion and a comfortable life at home.
All of which things made Charles Meredith pause; but after a week or so he began to feel that his hesitation49, if too prolonged, would in its way produce a decision which he desired as little as the other. And then he remembered that Dolff was at home, which would always make a diversion and{111} stave off explanations. These deliberations have seemed to occupy a long period; yet it was not, after all, a very long period. About ten days after the concert, the door being open to admit of the exit of Dolff, who, in all the glories of evening costume, was stepping forth towards a waiting hansom, ready to convey him to some evening festivity, Charles Meredith slipped in unheard, with his usual little roll of music, but less than his usual confidence and calm. He was met in the hall by Julia, who had come out to superintend her brother’s departure, and whose pleasure in Dolff’s entertainment and finery was brought to a sudden pause by the apparition50 of a figure less beloved. She gave vent51, having no watch upon her, to that sound which had died from her lips, or rather from her teeth, for so long, but with which she had been wont52 to welcome Meredith.
“Oh!” or rather “S—s!” said Julia, “so this is you—again——”
“Yes, my dear child, it is I—again,” he replied, with a mocking bow and smile.
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1
enveloped
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| v.包围，笼罩，包住( envelop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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2
inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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3
affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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4
unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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elicited
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| 引出，探出( elicit的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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6
intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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7
sincerity
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| n.真诚，诚意；真实 | |
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8
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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9
unaware
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| a.不知道的，未意识到的 | |
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10
attain
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| vt.达到，获得，完成 | |
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potency
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| n. 效力，潜能 | |
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12
evoked
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| [医]诱发的 | |
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13
engrossing
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| adj.使人全神贯注的，引人入胜的v.使全神贯注( engross的现在分词 ) | |
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14
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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15
devoured
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| 吞没( devour的过去式和过去分词 )； 耗尽； 津津有味地看； 狼吞虎咽地吃光 | |
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16
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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17
jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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18
unwilling
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| adj.不情愿的 | |
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isolation
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| n.隔离，孤立，分解，分离 | |
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20
rivalry
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| n.竞争，竞赛，对抗 | |
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21
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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22
piquant
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| adj.辛辣的，开胃的，令人兴奋的 | |
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23
secluded
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| adj.与世隔绝的；隐退的；偏僻的v.使隔开，使隐退( seclude的过去式和过去分词) | |
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24
mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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25
motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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26
undesirable
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| adj.不受欢迎的，不良的，不合意的，讨厌的；n.不受欢迎的人，不良分子 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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28
tickled
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| （使）发痒( tickle的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）愉快，逗乐 | |
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29
inclination
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| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
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30
tenor
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| n.男高音（歌手），次中音（乐器），要旨，大意 | |
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31
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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32
beguile
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| vt.欺骗，消遣 | |
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33
lavish
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| adj.无节制的；浪费的；vt.慷慨地给予，挥霍 | |
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34
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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strictly
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| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
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36
tenors
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| n.男高音( tenor的名词复数 )；大意；男高音歌唱家；（文件的）抄本 | |
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37
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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38
premature
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| adj.比预期时间早的；不成熟的，仓促的 | |
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39
inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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40
immunities
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| 免除，豁免( immunity的名词复数 )； 免疫力 | |
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41
judicious
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| adj.明智的，明断的，能作出明智决定的 | |
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42
whatsoever
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| adv.（用于否定句中以加强语气）任何；pron.无论什么 | |
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43
amiably
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| adv.和蔼可亲地，亲切地 | |
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44
derived
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| vi.起源；由来；衍生；导出v.得到( derive的过去式和过去分词 )；（从…中）得到获得；源于；（从…中）提取 | |
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45
dispense
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| vt.分配，分发；配(药)，发(药)；实施 | |
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46
villa
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| n.别墅，城郊小屋 | |
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47
inclinations
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| 倾向( inclination的名词复数 )； 倾斜； 爱好； 斜坡 | |
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48
enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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49
hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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50
apparition
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| n.幽灵，神奇的现象 | |
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51
vent
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| n.通风口，排放口；开衩；vt.表达，发泄 | |
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52
wont
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| adj.习惯于；v.习惯；n.习惯 | |
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