But our best qualities, as well as our worst, remain for the most part blank to those who surround us, and nobody suspected either the trouble in which Miss Harwood was, or the empire she exercised over her own soul. Janet, perhaps, was the only member of the party who was in the least degree cognizant of it, but even Janet was chiefly aware, with a feeling of provoked sympathy, that Gussy, as she generally did, had dressed herself unbecomingly on an occasion on which the little, quick-witted governess divined she would have wished to look her best. Gussy was not clever in the matter of dress. She arrayed herself in the lightest of tints7 and materials—she who was herself so colorless, who wanted something solid and distinct “to throw her up.”
Janet had done her duty in this respect by the other young{150} woman, who could scarcely now be called her friend, so conscious were both of a mist that had come between them. It was one of Janet’s good qualities that she had no jealous feeling, but that unfeigned pleasure in dress which made her so anxious to see everybody else becomingly attired8, that she was impatient of failure. She had given many hints and suggestions as to Miss Harwood’s dress on this particular occasion, but they had not been attended to. And Gussy had enveloped9 herself in something that was not quite white nor yet any other color, with the persistency10 common to persons who are without any real instinct in the matter; and, instead of looking her best, looked more colorless than usual.
Janet could scarcely restrain a cry of impatience when they all met in the drawing-room, which had been cleared for dancing. If Gussy had but worn her own black gown, what a difference it would have made! But Gussy was altogether unconscious of that, as all the others were unconscious of the way in which her heart was beating under her fade and foolish dress.
Janet, for her part, had received her programme from Dolff, with his own neat little “A. H.” written on a great many lines; but she was too wise to permit the son of the house to make himself and her remarkable11. Janet had a great terror of what the opportunities of the evening might lead to, very different from that sentiment which moved Gussy. She managed to escape, if not with some other partner, then alone, anywhere, even going so far as to make a rush upstairs till some of the dances bespoken12 by Dolff were over. She was determined14 not to lay herself open to any comments in that respect, or to expose herself to the chances of what Dolff might say in the excitement of the evening. But she had no such terror of Meredith, who, after he had done his duty in various directions was so polite as to ask the governess for a dance. Nor was she alarmed by the eagerness with which he plunged15 into conversation, leading her away, when half the dance was over, to a quiet corner.
“I am sure you are tired,” he said; “you have been dancing all the evening, and so have I. Come and let us talk a little. I never have a chance of half-a-dozen words with you, Miss Summerhayes.”
“That cannot matter much,” said Janet, “for I don’t suppose we have anything very particular to say to each other, Mr. Meredith.”
“You must, of course, speak for yourself; but you cannot for me, and I have a hundred things I want to say to you. We{151} have never had a good talk but once, and that was the day I walked with you from the circulating library, when you were quite afraid to be seen with me.”
“Not in the least afraid to be seen with any one,” said Janet; “but it did not seem suitable somehow. And as we are talking of that, Mr. Meredith, I don’t think it’s very suitable——”
Here Janet thought better of what she was going to say, and stopped short.
“What does not seem suitable? Tell me, I implore16 you! How can I regulate my conduct according to your wishes, which is my highest ambition, if you will not tell me what to do?”
“I have nothing to do with your conduct, Mr. Meredith, I don’t understand why you should wish to sneer17 at me——”
“I—sneer! but you know you don’t mean that. I sometimes try to secure your sympathy, I allow, when I’m at a particularly hard place. They say that the lookers-on see most of the game, and I soon saw in your eyes, if you’ll forgive me, that you——”
“I don’t see any game,” cried Janet, with indignation, “and if you are playing one you ought to be ashamed of yourself; and, at all events, I will not be in your confidence!”
“Hush!” he said, “don’t be so fiery18. If you get up and leave me you will make everybody ask why, and we don’t want to raise any talk, do we? Look there, Miss Summerhayes—for I must talk of something—look at that man Vicars. What a hang-dog face he has! Like a man that is up to some mischief19, don’t you think?”
“Insolent, the beast! You have only to give Dolff a hint,” said Meredith, with a laugh, “and he’ll soon put a stop to that. I should like, all the same, to know a little what’s Vicars’s mission in this house. Oh, I know he’s an old servant, and all that. I have my little curiosities, Miss Summerhayes; haven’t you? There are some things I should like to know.”
“I thought you must know everything,” said Janet; “you are such a very old friend.”
Now Janet was bursting with desire to communicate to somebody her own wonderings and the things she had seen, or had imagined herself to see. She was held back by many things—by regard for the law which forbids you to talk to strangers of things you have observed in the house in which you live: and also by a principle of honor, which is but feeble in such matters in most bosoms21, and by a lingering sense of loyalty{152} towards Gussy, whose property this man was—and by a general prejudice against making mischief. But, on the other hand, she was impelled22 to speak by her own curiosity and conviction that there was something to find out, and eagerness to communicate her discoveries. And then Meredith was not a stranger; and if there was anything to find out he had a right to know it; and, of course, as Gussy’s husband he would know everything. Janet’s heart began to beat with excitement. Should she tell him? She wanted so much to do it that she scarcely knew how to keep in the words.
“I am an old friend,” said Meredith. “I have known them all my life; therefore I have a kind of right, don’t you think, to want to know? And I am one of the very few men who come familiarly about the house, so if there was any way in which that fellow Vicars was taking them in, or playing upon them, I am just the person who ought to be told, for I could take steps to put them on their guard.”
It was on this argument, which seemed so unanswerable, and especially applicable if Meredith became, as Janet assured herself was inevitable23, the son of the house, that at last she spoke13. After all, it did not seem as if she had very much to tell. She confided24 to him her suspicions that Vicars had somebody shut up in the wing whom no one knew about, and that she herself had seen—she was certain she had seen—a face pressed against the window-panes, visible between the branches of the ivy25; and how, just below the same window, there had been the other day that little shower of scraps26 of paper, which looked as if they had been thrown out.
Meredith listened with the greatest eagerness. He leaned his elbow on his knee, and his head in his hand, looking up into her face, and shielding her thus from observation in her dark corner, so that even Gussy, passing by at a little distance on the arm of her partner, could not make out who the lady was to whom he was talking, though the sight increased almost beyond bearing the agitation27 in her mind. Meredith’s eyes on Janet’s face, so near, and the manner in which he surrounded her, shutting off the world, confused her and gave her a vague sort of guilt28; but, after all, how could she have helped it? She could not have refused to dance with him. She could not refuse to sit down to talk, to sit out the Lancers which was then being played, and which Gussy was going in dutifully with her partner to dance. Any other girl whom he had asked would have done that, and how could Janet refuse? But there was no doubt that she felt a pang29 as Gussy, in her pale dress which did not become her, and with a look in her eyes{153} dimly divined by this little interloper, passed into the bright room beyond to perform her duty dance.
Janet went on with her revelations after this episode. She had seen Vicars crossing the hall with a heavy tray covered with dainties very late one night, after everybody was in bed. She had seen the door in the hall, which was said to lead to the wing which was believed to be permanently30 shut up, open to him——
At these words Meredith started up. They were quite alone in their corner—nobody was about. The dance was going on gayly—the ball-room crowded, a little hedge of men standing31 round the door.
“Everything is quiet,” he said, hastily; “let us go and see.”
“Go and see—what?”
He drew her arm within his, with a smile upon her, which dazzled Janet and made her cast down her eyes. She was so startled that she was scarcely aware that he kept her hand in his as he led her along.
“We have five minutes,” he said, “and there is nobody here. Let’s go and see.” It seemed half a schoolboy frolic, half a righteous mission. He hurried her into the hall, which was deserted32, enveloping33 her so in his shadow that Janet felt as if she had no longer any will of her own. “Which is it?” he asked, bending over her so that she felt his breath on her neck.
They spoke in whispers, and crowded together on their clandestine34 enterprise so that they seemed but one figure. She put out her hand, trembling, and touched the door.
Janet’s heart had been beating loudly before. It jumped up now as if it would choke her when she felt the door move slightly under her hand. When Meredith added quickly the pressure of his fingers it swung open. He drew her in, scarcely conscious of what he was doing. “Oh-h!” Janet breathed a low cry of excitement upon his shoulder. Whatever the discovery might be there was now no escape. He silenced her, pressing her against him. They were in a dark, narrow passage, which ended in thick curtains closely drawn35, and was lighted by the feeblest spark of light.
“We must follow it on now,” he said, in her ear. “Not a word—not a word.”
Inside the curtains was a door which opened outward, and admitted to a steep, straight staircase. Everything was dark, muffled36, breathless. They groped their way up this, and found before them another closed door at the top, which yielded also to pressure, moving noiselessly. Within this were curtains again, in which they both stumbled, unable at first to{154} open or put them aside. But the circumstances were desperate, and somehow they made their way through. They found themselves then in a room lighted only by the window, which was the very window, covered with ivy, at which Janet had seen that old man’s face. But the room was void and dark. They stood for a moment looking round, but, though they could see next to nothing, it was certain there was nobody there.
By this time Meredith’s excitement had so grown that he forgot Janet. At least he dropped her arm involuntarily, and leaving her trembling, scarcely able to support herself, made a long step forward to where his keen eye had found out a crevice37, through which came a faint ray of light. Once more he held back a curtain and pushed a door; then with a sudden, quick movement, held out his hand to Janet. Her eyes by this time had become accustomed to the gloom, and she perceived that he called her. He caught her in his arm as she stole forward, and placed her before him. Their breaths came quick in the same suppressed cadence38. Both were far too much excited for speech, even had they dared to speak.
This was what Janet saw. A room comfortably furnished, largely curtained, dark, heavy stuff, so far as she could see in her instantaneous glance, covering the walls, a fire burning cheerfully, a small, shaded light by the side of a large sofa, on which lay a man fast asleep—so fast asleep that the very air seemed slumbering39 over him. She fell back upon her companion with what, had she dared to utter it, would have been a cry. The pale old face, long and tragical40, the crown of white hair, the long white beard, half hid by the great red coverlet which enveloped him, were the same which she had seen at the window. It was, then, no fancy, no trick of reflection. Janet for a moment, in her agitation, was unconscious of all the circumstances round her. She gasped41 dumbly, paralyzed, yet thrilling with wonder, terror, and dismay.
Meredith’s face touched hers as he whispered “Come away.” He almost carried her through the anteroom, the dark staircase, the faintly-lighted passage, lingering at the door for a moment to see that all was quiet. They came out into the hall, anxious but safe. The crowd was still about the door of the dancing-room, but the music bore witness that the dance was just at its conclusion. Meredith hurried Janet back to the sheltered corner which they had left for this quest.
“One moment; I must speak to you for one moment more,” he whispered behind a bush of evergreens42, which concealed{155} them entirely43. “You don’t know how important this is—Janet, have you got those papers——”
“The copy-book?”
“I don’t believe it was a copy-book. Try to give them to me quietly the next time I am here, or send them—that would be the safest—United Universities Club. Dearest, I can’t say half I want to say to you to-night.”
“To me there is nothing to say,” said Janet, drawing away from him. “I have forgotten myself in the excitement—but don’t think, Mr. Meredith——”
“Yes, I will think,” he said. “Don’t warn me off, for you can’t do it. I have thought of you since the first moment I saw you. Is it my fault if they take things into their heads, Janet?”
“But I must. I never call you anything else—to myself—darling! We’ll meet again before long, and be able to say everything to each other.”
He let her go suddenly, and in a moment had joined the crowd of the lookers-on, who had been awaiting the end of the Lancers, and now were scattering45 to permit the exit of the more dutiful couples who had been performing that now somewhat despised dance.
Janet seized the opportunity to fly upstairs to the shelter of her own room, which she reached breathless and agitated46. She could scarcely realize what had passed in this strange evening so full of excitement. Meredith’s presumption47—was it presumption? his unpardonable freedom of speech—but was it unpardonable? the confidences into which he had hurried her; the extraordinary discovery they had made together; the way in which he had assumed her consent and acquiescence48, taking possession of her as if she belonged to him. Janet tried to be angry; she said to herself that it was detestable, unpardonable; that never more would she speak to him again; that, if that were true, then his behavior to Gussy was villainous; and if it were false? Her breath came hard; her veins49 swelled50 as if they would burst. How dared he speak to her—look at her—hold her so? Janet saw herself in her glass, with eyes blazing, lips quivering, nostrils51 dilating52, and wondered at herself. She could see that she had never looked like that before—never so brilliant, so much excited, or taken out of herself. Oh! how did he dare—he who was as good as engaged to Gussy Harwood? It was that she thought of—not of the mysterious secret tenant53 of the wing. That strange{156} habitation with its tenant had died out of her mind. She found herself thinking only of Charley—of whom? Good heavens! what had she to do with his name—of Mr. Meredith and his impertinence and presumption. He had told her to tell Dolff (with a laugh) of Vicars’ impertinence; but what was that of Vicars to his? He had taken possession of her against her will. He had made her a traitor54 to the people whose bread she was eating. He had made her the instrument of humiliation55 to Gussy. Oh! would he go now and whisper to Gussy, and laugh with her at Dolff and the governess?
Janet clinched56 her hands and bit her lip till it almost bled. Was this what he would do? Tell Gussy perhaps that the governess was a silly little thing, and believed everything that was said to her—or was it Gussy that he would slight and scorn, after so long holding her in suspense57? Janet felt that she abhorred58 Charley. Oh! to think that his name should come to her lips without any intention, when she had nothing to do with it! and he had called her by hers—the insolent, the scoundrel, the deceiver! Janet wrought59 herself up into a passion, and raved60 at him within herself like a little fury: and then she suddenly changed her mood, and fell a-crying, soaking up the tears that would come with her handkerchief lest they should make her eyes red, and saying to herself “Poor Charley!” from the bottom of her heart.
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1
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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tranquil
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| adj. 安静的, 宁静的, 稳定的, 不变的 | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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reticence
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| n.沉默，含蓄 | |
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tranquillity
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| n. 平静, 安静 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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tints
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| 色彩( tint的名词复数 )； 带白的颜色； （淡色）染发剂； 痕迹 | |
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attired
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| adj.穿着整齐的v.使穿上衣服，使穿上盛装( attire的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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enveloped
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| v.包围，笼罩，包住( envelop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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persistency
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| n. 坚持(余辉, 时间常数) | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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bespoken
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| v.预定( bespeak的过去分词 )；订（货）；证明；预先请求 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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implore
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| vt.乞求，恳求，哀求 | |
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sneer
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| v.轻蔑；嘲笑；n.嘲笑，讥讽的言语 | |
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fiery
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| adj.燃烧着的，火红的；暴躁的；激烈的 | |
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mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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insolent
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| adj.傲慢的，无理的 | |
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bosoms
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| 胸部( bosom的名词复数 )； 胸怀； 女衣胸部（或胸襟）； 和爱护自己的人在一起的情形 | |
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impelled
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| v.推动、推进或敦促某人做某事( impel的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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confided
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| v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等） | |
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ivy
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| n.常青藤，常春藤 | |
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scraps
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| 油渣 | |
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agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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guilt
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| n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责 | |
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pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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permanently
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| adv.永恒地，永久地，固定不变地 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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enveloping
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| v.包围，笼罩，包住( envelop的现在分词 ) | |
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clandestine
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| adj.秘密的，暗中从事的 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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muffled
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| adj.（声音）被隔的；听不太清的；（衣服）裹严的；蒙住的v.压抑，捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 )；用厚厚的衣帽包着（自己） | |
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37
crevice
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| n.(岩石、墙等)裂缝；缺口 | |
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cadence
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| n.（说话声调的）抑扬顿挫 | |
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slumbering
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| 微睡，睡眠（slumber的现在分词形式） | |
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tragical
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| adj. 悲剧的, 悲剧性的 | |
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41
gasped
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| v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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42
evergreens
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| n.常青树，常绿植物，万年青( evergreen的名词复数 ) | |
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43
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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44
vehemence
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| n.热切；激烈；愤怒 | |
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45
scattering
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| n.[物]散射；散乱，分散；在媒介质中的散播adj.散乱的；分散在不同范围的；广泛扩散的；（选票）数量分散的v.散射(scatter的ing形式)；散布；驱散 | |
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46
agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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47
presumption
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| n.推测，可能性，冒昧，放肆，[法律]推定 | |
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acquiescence
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| n.默许；顺从 | |
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veins
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| n.纹理；矿脉( vein的名词复数 )；静脉；叶脉；纹理 | |
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50
swelled
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| 增强( swell的过去式和过去分词 )； 肿胀； （使）凸出； 充满（激情） | |
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51
nostrils
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| 鼻孔( nostril的名词复数 ) | |
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52
dilating
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| v.（使某物）扩大，膨胀，张大( dilate的现在分词 ) | |
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tenant
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| n.承租人；房客；佃户；v.租借，租用 | |
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traitor
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| n.叛徒，卖国贼 | |
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humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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56
clinched
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| v.（尤指两人）互相紧紧抱[扭]住( clinch的过去式和过去分词 )；解决（争端、交易），达成（协议） | |
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suspense
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| n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑 | |
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abhorred
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| v.憎恶( abhor的过去式和过去分词 )；（厌恶地）回避；拒绝；淘汰 | |
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wrought
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| v.引起；以…原料制作；运转；adj.制造的 | |
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raved
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| v.胡言乱语( rave的过去式和过去分词 )；愤怒地说；咆哮；痴心地说 | |
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