A complaint by the Epping Rural District Council against a spinster keeping a pig in her house has evoked2 the following reply: “I received your letter, and felt very much cut up, as I am laying in the pig’s room. I have not been able to stand up or get on my legs; when I can, I will get him in his own room, that was built for him. As to getting him off the premises3, I shall do no such thing, as he is no nuisance to anyone. We have had to be in the pig’s room now for three years. I am not going to get rid of my pet. We must all live together. I will move him as soon as God gives me strength to do so.”
The Rev4. T. C. Spurgin observed: “The lady will require a good deal of strength to move her pet, which weighs forty stone.”
It appears to me that the Rev. T. C. Spurgin ought, as a matter of chivalry5, to assist the lady to move the pig, if it is indeed too heavy for her strength; no gentleman should permit a lady, who is already very much cut up, to lift forty stone of still animated6 and recalcitrant7 pork; he should himself escort the animal downstairs. It is an unusual situation, I admit. In the normal life of humanity the gentleman gives his arm to the lady, and not to the pig; and it is the pig who is very much cut up. But the situation seems to be exceptional in every way. It is all very well for the lady to say that the pig is no nuisance to anyone: as it seems that she has established herself in the pig’s private suite8 of apartments, the question rather is whether she is a nuisance to the pig. But indeed I do not think that this poor woman’s fad9 is an inch more fantastic than many such oddities indulged in by rich and reputable people; and, as I say, I have from my boyhood entertained the dream. I never could imagine why pigs should not be kept as pets. To begin with, pigs are very beautiful animals. Those who think otherwise are those who do not look at anything with their own eyes, but only through other people’s eyeglasses. The actual lines of a pig (I mean of a really fat pig) are among the loveliest and most luxuriant in nature; the pig has the same great curves, swift and yet heavy, which we see in rushing water or in rolling cloud. Compared to him, the horse, for instance, is a bony, angular, and abrupt10 animal. I remember that Mr. H. G. Wells, in arguing for the relativity of things (a subject over which even the Greek philosophers went to sleep until Christianity woke them up), pointed11 out that, while a horse is commonly beautiful if seen in profile, he is excessively ugly if seen from the top of a dogcart, having a long, lean neck, and a body like a fiddle12. Now, there is no point of view from which a really corpulent pig is not full of sumptuous13 and satisfying curves. You can look down on a pig from the top of the most unnaturally14 lofty dogcart; you can (if not pressed for time) allow the pig to draw the dogcart; and I suppose a dogcart has as much to do with pigs as it has with dogs. You can examine the pig from the top of an omnibus, from the top of the Monument, from a balloon, or an airship; and as long as he is visible he will be beautiful. In short, he has that fuller, subtler, and more universal kind of shapeliness which the unthinking (gazing at pigs and distinguished15 journalists) mistake for a mere16 absence of shape. For fatness itself is a valuable quality. While it creates admiration17 in the onlookers18, it creates modesty19 in the possessor. If there is anything on which I differ from the monastic institutions of the past, it is that they sometimes sought to achieve humility20 by means of emaciation21. It may be that the thin monks22 were holy, but I am sure it was the fat monks who were humble23. Falstaff said that to be fat is not to be hated; but it certainly is to be laughed at, and that is a more wholesome24 experience for the soul of man.
I do not urge that it is effective upon the soul of a pig, who, indeed, seems somewhat indifferent to public opinion on this point. Nor do I mean that mere fatness is the only beauty of the pig. The beauty of the best pigs lies in a certain sleepy perfection of contour which links them especially to the smooth strength of our south English land in which they live. There are two other things in which one can see this perfect and piggish quality: one is in the silent and smooth swell25 of the Sussex downs, so enormous and yet so innocent. The other is in the sleek26, strong limbs of those beech27 trees that grow so thick in their valleys. These three holy symbols, the pig, the beech tree, and the chalk down, stand for ever as expressing the one thing that England as England has to say—that power is not inconsistent with kindness. Tears of regret come into my eyes when I remember that three lions or leopards28, or whatever they are, sprawl29 in a fantastic, foreign way across the arms of England. We ought to have three pigs passant, gardant, or on gules. It breaks my heart to think that four commonplace lions are couched around the base of the Nelson Column. There ought to be four colossal30 Hampshire hogs31 to keep watch over so national a spot. Perhaps some of our sculptors33 will attack the conception; perhaps the lady’s pig, which weighs forty stone and seems to be something of a domestic problem, might begin to earn its living as an artist’s model.
Again, we do not know what fascinating variations might happen in the pig if once the pig were a pet. The dog has been domesticated—that is, destroyed. Nobody now in London can form the faintest idea of what a dog would look like. You know a Dachshund in the street; you know a St. Bernard in the street. But if you saw a Dog in the street you would run from him screaming. For hundreds, if not thousands, of years no one has looked at the horrible hairy original thing called Dog. Why, then, should we be hopeless about the substantial and satisfying thing called Pig? Types of Pig may also be differentiated34; delicate shades of Pig may also be produced. A monstrous35 pig as big as a pony36 may perambulate the streets like a St. Bernard without attracting attention. An elegant and unnaturally attenuated37 pig may have all the appearance of a greyhound. There may be little, frisky38, fighting pigs like Irish or Scotch39 terriers; there may be little pathetic pigs like King Charles spaniels. Artificial breeding might reproduce the awful original pig, tusks40 and all, the terror of the forests—something bigger, more mysterious, and more bloody41 than the bloodhound. Those interested in hairdressing might amuse themselves by arranging the bristles42 like those of a poodle. Those fascinated by the Celtic mystery of the Western Highlands might see if they could train the bristles to be a veil or curtain for the eye, like those of a Skye terrier; that sensitive and invisible Celtic spirit. With elaborate training one might have a sheep-pig instead of a sheep-dog, a lap-pig instead of a lap-dog.
What is it that makes you look so incredulous? Why do you still feel slightly superior to the poor lady who would not be parted from her pig? Why do you not at once take the hog32 to your heart? Reason suggests his evident beauty. Evolution suggests his probable improvement. Is it, perhaps, some instinct, some tradition ...? Well, apply that to women, children, animals, and we will argue again.
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1
aspiring
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| adj.有志气的；有抱负的；高耸的v.渴望；追求 | |
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2
evoked
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| [医]诱发的 | |
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premises
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| n.建筑物，房屋 | |
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rev
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| v.发动机旋转，加快速度 | |
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chivalry
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| n.骑士气概，侠义；（男人）对女人彬彬有礼，献殷勤 | |
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animated
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| adj.生气勃勃的，活跃的，愉快的 | |
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7
recalcitrant
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| adj.倔强的 | |
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suite
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| n.一套(家具)；套房；随从人员 | |
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fad
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| n.时尚；一时流行的狂热；一时的爱好 | |
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abrupt
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| adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的 | |
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11
pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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12
fiddle
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| n.小提琴；vi.拉提琴；不停拨弄，乱动 | |
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13
sumptuous
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| adj.豪华的，奢侈的，华丽的 | |
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14
unnaturally
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| adv.违反习俗地；不自然地；勉强地；不近人情地 | |
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15
distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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16
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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17
admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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18
onlookers
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| n.旁观者，观看者( onlooker的名词复数 ) | |
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19
modesty
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| n.谦逊，虚心，端庄，稳重，羞怯，朴素 | |
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20
humility
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| n.谦逊，谦恭 | |
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21
emaciation
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| n.消瘦，憔悴，衰弱 | |
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monks
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| n.修道士，僧侣( monk的名词复数 ) | |
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23
humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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24
wholesome
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| adj.适合；卫生的；有益健康的；显示身心健康的 | |
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25
swell
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| vi.膨胀，肿胀；增长，增强 | |
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26
sleek
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| adj.光滑的，井然有序的；v.使光滑，梳拢 | |
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27
beech
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| n.山毛榉；adj.山毛榉的 | |
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28
leopards
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| n.豹( leopard的名词复数 )；本性难移 | |
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29
sprawl
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| vi.躺卧，扩张，蔓延；vt.使蔓延；n.躺卧，蔓延 | |
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30
colossal
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| adj.异常的，庞大的 | |
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31
hogs
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| n.（尤指喂肥供食用的）猪( hog的名词复数 )；（供食用的）阉公猪；彻底地做某事；自私的或贪婪的人 | |
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32
hog
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| n.猪；馋嘴贪吃的人；vt.把…占为己有，独占 | |
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33
sculptors
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| 雕刻家，雕塑家( sculptor的名词复数 )； [天]玉夫座 | |
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34
differentiated
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| 区分，区别，辨别( differentiate的过去式和过去分词 )； 区别对待； 表明…间的差别，构成…间差别的特征 | |
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35
monstrous
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| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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36
pony
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| adj.小型的；n.小马 | |
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37
attenuated
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| v.（使）变细( attenuate的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）变薄；（使）变小；减弱 | |
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38
frisky
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| adj.活泼的，欢闹的；n.活泼，闹着玩；adv.活泼地，闹着玩地 | |
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39
scotch
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| n.伤口，刻痕；苏格兰威士忌酒；v.粉碎，消灭，阻止；adj.苏格兰(人)的 | |
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40
tusks
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| n.（象等动物的）长牙( tusk的名词复数 )；獠牙；尖形物；尖头 | |
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41
bloody
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| adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染 | |
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42
bristles
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| 短而硬的毛发，刷子毛( bristle的名词复数 ) | |
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