"Whither shall I guide you?" asked Ambition. "Are you far enough from the Shell to have any definite Hankering?"
"I have spent many Hours brooding over the possibilities of the Future," replied the Larva. "I want to grow up to be a Joey in a Circus. I fairly ache to sit in a Red Wagon4 just behind the Band and drive a Trick Mule5 with little pieces of Looking Glass in the Harness. I want to pull Mugs at all the scared Country Girls peeking6 out of the Wagon Beds. The Town Boys will leave the Elephant and trail behind my comical Chariot. In my Hour of Triumph the Air will be impregnated with Calliope Music and the Smell of Pop-Corn, modified by Wild Animals."
Ambition went out to make the proper Bookings with Destiny. When he came back the Boy was ten years old.
"We started wrong," whispered Ambition, curling up in the cool grass near the Day-Dreamer. "The Trick Mule and the Red Cart are all very well for little Fraidy-Cats and Softies, but a brave Youth of High Spirit should tread the Deck of his own Ship with a Cutlass under his Red Sash. Aye, that is Blood gauming up the Scuppers, but is the Captain chicken-hearted? Up with the Black Flag! Let it be give and take, with Pieces of Eight for the Victor!"
So it was settled that the Lad was to hurry through the Graded Schools and then get at his Buccaneering.
But Ambition came back with a revised Program. "You are now Fifteen Years of Age," said the Wonderful Guide with the glittering Suit. "It is High Time that you planned a Noble Career, following a Straight Course from which there shall be no Deviation8. The Pirate is a mere9 swaggering Bravo and almost Unscrupulous at times. Why not be a great Military Commander? The Procedure is Simple. Your Father gives the Finger to the Congressman10 and then you step off the Boat at West Point. Next thing you know, you are wearing a Nobby Uniform right out on the Parade Ground, while bevies11 of Debutantes12 from New York City and other Points admire you for the stern Profile and Military Set-Up. After that you will subdue13 many Savage14 Tribes, and then you will march up Pennsylvania Avenue at the head of the whole Regular Army, and the President of the United States will be waiting on the Front Porch of the White House to present you with a jewelled Sword on behalf of a Grateful Nation."
"You are right," said the Stripling. His eyes were like Saucers, and his Nostrils16 quivered. "I will be Commander-in-Chief, and after I am laid away, with the Cannon17 booming, the Folks in this very Town will put up a Statue of Me at the corner of Sixth and Main, so the Street- Cars will have to circle to get around it."
Consequently, when he was in his 21st Year, he was sitting at a high
Desk in an Office watching the Birds on a Telegraph Wire. The
Knowledge he had acquired at the two Prep Schools before being pushed
into the Fresh Air ahead of Time had not made him round-shouldered.
"Up to this time we have been Dead Wrong," said the Periodical Visitor.
"There is only one Prize worth winning and that is the Love of the
Niftiest Nectarine that ever came down a Crystal Stairway from the
Yes, I mean the One you passed this morning—the One with her hair in
settle down in a neat Cottage purchased from the Building and Loan
Association? You could raise your own Vegetables. Go to it."
Four years elapse. Our Hero now has everything. The jerry-built home of the Early Bungalow23 Period stands up bravely under the Mortgage. Little Dorothy is suspended in a Jump Chair on the Veranda24 facing Myrtle Avenue, along which the Green Cars run direct to City Hall Square. The Goddess is in the kitchen trying to make preserves out of Watermelon Rinds, with the White House Cook Book propped25 open in front of her. Friend Husband is weeding the Azaleas and grieving over the failure of the Egg-Plant.
Elbow.
"You are entitled to One Hundred Thousand Dollars," murmurs27 the stealthy Promoter. "Why should some other Citizen have his Coal-Bin right in his House while you carry it from a Shed? Your Wife should sit at her own Dinner Table and make signs at the Maid. And as you ride to your Work with the other dead-eyed Cattle and see all those Strong-Arm Johnnies coming out of their Brick Mansions28 to hop3 into their own Broughams and Coupes, have you not asked yourself why you are in the Horse-Cars with the Plebes when you might be in a Private Rig with the Patricians30?"
For, wot ye, Gentle Reader, all this unwound from the Reel before the first Trolley31 Car climbed a Hill or the first Horseless Carriage came chugging sternly up the Boulevard.
So Ambition received special Instructions to make Our Hero worth $100,000.
Those were the day of tall Hustling32: If he saw an Opening six inches wide, he held it with his Foot until he could insert his Elbow, and then he braced33 his Shoulder, and the first thing you knew he was on the Inside demanding a fair cut of the Swag.
The Golden Rule received many a Jolt34, but he adhered strictly35 to the old and favorite Admonition: If you want Yours, take a short piece of Lead Pipe and go out and Collect.
On a certain January First he made a careful Invoice36. All the Hard- Earned Kale dropped into the Mining Companies or loaned to Relatives of Wife he marked off and put under the Head of Gone but not Forgotten. He was a True Business Guy. Even after subtracting all Cats and Dogs he could still total the magnificent Sum of One Hundred Thousand Dollars.
When he looked at this Mound38 of Currency, he felt like a Vag and a Pauper39. For he had climbed to the table-lands of High Finance and taken a peek7 at the Steam-Roller methods of the Real Tabascos.
"Make it a Million," said Ambition, leaning across the Table and tapping nervously40. "Are you going to be satisfied with a Station Wagon and a Colored Boy when you might have a long-waisted Vehicle with two pale Simpsons in Livery on the Box? When you go into your Club and see the Menials kow-towing to a cold-looking Party with rippling41 Chins who seems to favor his Feet, you know that he gets the Waving Palms and the Frankincense because he is a Millionaire. You and the other financial Gnats42 are admitted simply to make a Stage Setting for the Big Squash."
"I always said that when I got a Hundred Thousand I'd take a long Vacation in Europe and learn how to order a Meal," suggested Our Hero, holding out weakly.
"When you came back you would find your hated Rival on the Hill with the Batteries turned against you. Camp on the Job and work straight toward the High Mark. And remember that anybody with less than a Million is a Two-Spot in a soiled Deck."
From that day the Piking ceased. No more of the dinky trafficking of the Retailer43. He went out and bought Public Service Utilities on Nerve, treated them with Aqua Pura by the Hogshead, and created Wealth by purely44 lithographic Methods. And, if he wanted to reason out a Deal with a contrary-minded Gazook, he began the Negotiations45 by soaking the Adversary46 behind the Ear and frisking him before he came to.
A Fairy Wand had been waved above the snide Bungalow, and it was now a Queen Anne Chateau47 dripping with Dew-dads of Scroll48 Work and congested with Black Walnut49. The Goddess took her Mocha in the Feathers, and a Music Teacher came twice each week to bridge the awful chasm50 between Dorothy and Chopin. Dinner had been moved up to Milking Time. Sweetbreads and Artichokes came into the Lives of the Trio thus favored by Fortune.
One day the busy Thimble-Rigger took his Helpmate into the lonesome
Library and broke the glad Tidings to her.
"I have unloaded all my Cripples," he said. "They have been wished on a Group of Philanthropists in New England. Sound the glad Tocsin. I have a Million in my Kick."
Excepcionale. Through the bluish clouds of Smoke came that old
familiar Voice.
"Let the Missus and the Heiress do the European Thing," said Ambition. "You stick around. Wait for Black Friday. Then get busy at the Bargain Counter. By and by the new Crop will begin to move, and Money will creep out of the Yarn52 Stockings and a few Wise Gazabes will cop all the Plush. In every Palm Room there are more Millionaires than Palms. But the Big Round Table over by the Fountain is always reserved by Oscar for the Lad who can show Ten Millions."
The Ocean Greyhound moved out past Sandy Hook with the Family and all the Maids on board, but Papa remained behind to sharpen his Tools and get ready for another Killing53.
Every time he was given a Crimp in the Rue37 de la Paix he caught even by leading a new Angora up the Chute and into the Shambles54.
When the fully55 matured Goddess and the radiant Heroine of the latest International Alliance came home with the French Language and two tons of Glad Raiment, they found themselves reuning with the Magnate at the big Table over by the Fountain.
Our Hero was now sleeping in a Bed almost twelve feet wide, with a silk Tent over it. One Morning he found the Companion of many Years sitting on the edge of the Mattress56.
"Again?" asked the Multi-Millionaire. "What next?"
"The Exercises up to this Time have been Preliminary," said Ambition. "What is the good of a Bank Roll if you cannot garnish57 it with the delectable58 Parsley of Social Eminence59? Get a Wiggle on you. Send for the Boys with the Frock Coats and the Soft Hats and let them dig in to their Elbows. Tell the Press Agent to organize a typewriting Phalanx. Assume a few Mortgages on fluttering Newspapers. Lay a Corner-Stone ever and anon. Be Interviewed."
"What are you leading up to?" asked the Financial Giant, a sickly Fear creeping into the Region formerly60 occupied by his Heart.
"The Logical Finish," replied Ambition, with a reassuring61 Pat on the Shoulder. "You must go to the Senate. The White Palace, suitable for entertaining purposes, now awaits you in Washington. The Bulb Lights glow dimly above the Porte Cochere. A red Carpet invites you to climb the Marble Stairway and spread yourself all over the Throne. On a Receiving Night, when the perfumed Aliens in their Masquerade Suits rally around the Punch Bowl, your Place will resemble the Last Act of something by Klaw & Erlanger. You will play Stud with the Makers62 of History and be seen leaving the Executive Mansion29."
This Line of Talk landed him. He Fell for it. That year the Christmas Tree drooped63 with valuable Gifts for the Boys who stood after they were hitched64.
He went up to Washington with an eviscerated65 Check-Book in his Pocket, and a faint Odor of Scandal in his Wake, but he was a certified66 Servant of the People. His Cut Flowers were the Talk in Official Circles. The most Exclusive consented to flirt67 with his Wine Cellar.
To a mere Outsider it looked as if Ambition had certainly boosted his Nobs to the final Himalayan Peak of Human Happiness. He had a House as big as a Hospital. The Hallways were cluttered68 with whispering Servants of the most immaculate and grovelling69 Description. His Wife and the Daughter and the Cigarette-Holder she had picked up in Europe figured in the Gay Life of the Nation's Capital every Night and went to see a Nerve Specialist every Day. The whole Bunch rode gaily70 on the Top Wave of the Social Swim, with a Terrapin71 as an Escort and a squad72 of Canvas-Back Ducks as Body-Guard.
Notwithstanding all which, Father was the sorest Hard-Shell that motored along Pennsylvania Avenue.
The Dime73 Denouncers printed his Picture, saying that he was owned by the Interests and hated the sight of a Poor Working Girl. When the High Class continuous Show in the Senate Chamber74 showed signs of flopping75 and the Press Gallery became impatient, some Alkali Statesman of the New School would arise in his Place and give our Hero a Turning- Over, concluding with a faithful Pen-Picture of the Dishonored Grave marked by a single Headstone, chiseled76 as follows: "Here lies a Burglar."
He knew if he went drilling through the Pullmans, some of the
Passengers who had seen the Cartoons might recognize him as the
notorious Malefactor78.
One day, while he was cowering79 in a dark corner of his Club to get away from the pesky Reporters, he was joined by the Trouble-Maker.
"I gave you the wrong Steer," said Ambition, now much subdued80. "You are in Dutch. Beat it! All the Rough-Necks down by the Round-House and the fretful Simps along every R. F. D. Route are getting ready to interfere81 in the Affairs of Government. The Storm Clouds of Anarchy82 are lowering. In other words, the new Primary Law has begun to do business. Every downtrodden Mokus owing $800 on a $500 House is honing for a Chance to Hand It to somebody wearing a Seal-Skin Overcoat. From now on, seek Contentment, Rural Quietude, and a cinch Rate of 5 Per Cent. on all your Holdings."
So Ambition, after leading him hither and yon, finally conducted him to the swell83 Country House surrounded by Oaks and winding84 Drives and Sunken Gardens.
Far from the Hurly-Burly he settled down among his Boston Terriers and Orchids85 and Talking-Machines and allowed Old Age to ripen86 and mellow87 him into a Patriarch of the benevolent88 Pattern.
At the suggestion of an expensive Specialist, he went in for Golf. After he had learned to Follow Through and keep within 100 yards of the Fair Green, he happened to get mixed up in a Twosome one day with a walking Rameses who had graduated from the Stock Exchange soon after the Crime of '73. This doddering Shell of Humanity looked as if a High Wind would blow him into the Crick. When he swung at the Pill, you expected to hear something Snap.
Our Hero had about 10 Years on the Ancient, and it looked like a
short but safe, always getting Direction and keeping away from the
Profanity Pits.
He never caught up with Colonel Bogey90, but he had enough Class to trim our Hero and collect 6 Balls.
Ambition rode home with the unhappy Loser in the $12,000 Limousine91. "Buck92 up, Old Top," said the faithful Prompter. "Fasten your Eye on the Ball and don't try to Force. He is sure to blow up sooner or later. Take another Lesson to-morrow morning and then publish your Defi in the afternoon."
He never had been strong enough to stand off Ambition. So the next Day he took on Old Sure-Thing again and got it in the same Place.
No wonder. The Octogenarian was of Scotch93 Descent. He was the Color of an Army Saddle. He never smiled except when the Kilties came on tour. His Nippie consisted of a tall Glass about half full and then a little Well Water.
Chance against this Caledonian frame-up.
But that same persistent95 Ambition kept sending him back to the Ring to take another Trouncing.
One day he failed to show up at the Club House. The Trained Nurse, who fanned him during the final Hours, never suspected. But the Caddy- Master knew that he had died of a Broken Heart.
MORAL: Those who travel the hardest are not always the first to arrive.
点击收听单词发音
1 sterling | |
adj.英币的(纯粹的,货真价实的);n.英国货币(英镑) | |
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2 aged | |
adj.年老的,陈年的 | |
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3 hop | |
n.单脚跳,跳跃;vi.单脚跳,跳跃;着手做某事;vt.跳跃,跃过 | |
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4 wagon | |
n.四轮马车,手推车,面包车;无盖运货列车 | |
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5 mule | |
n.骡子,杂种,执拗的人 | |
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6 peeking | |
v.很快地看( peek的现在分词 );偷看;窥视;微露出 | |
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7 peek | |
vi.偷看,窥视;n.偷偷的一看,一瞥 | |
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8 deviation | |
n.背离,偏离;偏差,偏向;离题 | |
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9 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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10 Congressman | |
n.(美)国会议员 | |
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11 bevies | |
n.(尤指少女或妇女的)一群( bevy的名词复数 );(鸟类的)一群 | |
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12 debutantes | |
n.初进社交界的上流社会年轻女子( debutante的名词复数 ) | |
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13 subdue | |
vt.制服,使顺从,征服;抑制,克制 | |
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14 savage | |
adj.野蛮的;凶恶的,残暴的;n.未开化的人 | |
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15 den | |
n.兽穴;秘密地方;安静的小房间,私室 | |
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16 nostrils | |
鼻孔( nostril的名词复数 ) | |
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17 cannon | |
n.大炮,火炮;飞机上的机关炮 | |
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18 plumes | |
羽毛( plume的名词复数 ); 羽毛饰; 羽毛状物; 升上空中的羽状物 | |
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19 squatted | |
v.像动物一样蹲下( squat的过去式和过去分词 );非法擅自占用(土地或房屋);为获得其所有权;而占用某片公共用地。 | |
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20 celestial | |
adj.天体的;天上的 | |
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21 dreary | |
adj.令人沮丧的,沉闷的,单调乏味的 | |
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22 annex | |
vt.兼并,吞并;n.附属建筑物 | |
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23 bungalow | |
n.平房,周围有阳台的木造小平房 | |
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24 veranda | |
n.走廊;阳台 | |
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25 propped | |
支撑,支持,维持( prop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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26 prodded | |
v.刺,戳( prod的过去式和过去分词 );刺激;促使;(用手指或尖物)戳 | |
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27 murmurs | |
n.低沉、连续而不清的声音( murmur的名词复数 );低语声;怨言;嘀咕 | |
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28 mansions | |
n.宅第,公馆,大厦( mansion的名词复数 ) | |
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29 mansion | |
n.大厦,大楼;宅第 | |
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30 patricians | |
n.(古罗马的)统治阶层成员( patrician的名词复数 );贵族,显贵 | |
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31 trolley | |
n.手推车,台车;无轨电车;有轨电车 | |
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32 hustling | |
催促(hustle的现在分词形式) | |
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33 braced | |
adj.拉牢的v.支住( brace的过去式和过去分词 );撑牢;使自己站稳;振作起来 | |
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34 jolt | |
v.(使)摇动,(使)震动,(使)颠簸 | |
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35 strictly | |
adv.严厉地,严格地;严密地 | |
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36 invoice | |
vt.开发票;n.发票,装货清单 | |
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37 rue | |
n.懊悔,芸香,后悔;v.后悔,悲伤,懊悔 | |
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38 mound | |
n.土墩,堤,小山;v.筑堤,用土堆防卫 | |
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39 pauper | |
n.贫民,被救济者,穷人 | |
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40 nervously | |
adv.神情激动地,不安地 | |
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41 rippling | |
起涟漪的,潺潺流水般声音的 | |
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42 gnats | |
n.叮人小虫( gnat的名词复数 ) | |
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43 retailer | |
n.零售商(人) | |
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44 purely | |
adv.纯粹地,完全地 | |
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45 negotiations | |
协商( negotiation的名词复数 ); 谈判; 完成(难事); 通过 | |
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46 adversary | |
adj.敌手,对手 | |
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47 chateau | |
n.城堡,别墅 | |
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48 scroll | |
n.卷轴,纸卷;(石刻上的)漩涡 | |
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49 walnut | |
n.胡桃,胡桃木,胡桃色,茶色 | |
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50 chasm | |
n.深坑,断层,裂口,大分岐,利害冲突 | |
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51 folders | |
n.文件夹( folder的名词复数 );纸夹;(某些计算机系统中的)文件夹;页面叠 | |
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52 yarn | |
n.纱,纱线,纺线;奇闻漫谈,旅行轶事 | |
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53 killing | |
n.巨额利润;突然赚大钱,发大财 | |
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54 shambles | |
n.混乱之处;废墟 | |
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55 fully | |
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地 | |
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56 mattress | |
n.床垫,床褥 | |
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57 garnish | |
n.装饰,添饰,配菜 | |
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58 delectable | |
adj.使人愉快的;美味的 | |
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59 eminence | |
n.卓越,显赫;高地,高处;名家 | |
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60 formerly | |
adv.从前,以前 | |
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61 reassuring | |
a.使人消除恐惧和疑虑的,使人放心的 | |
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62 makers | |
n.制造者,制造商(maker的复数形式) | |
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63 drooped | |
弯曲或下垂,发蔫( droop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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64 hitched | |
(免费)搭乘他人之车( hitch的过去式和过去分词 ); 搭便车; 攀上; 跃上 | |
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65 eviscerated | |
v.切除…的内脏( eviscerate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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66 certified | |
a.经证明合格的;具有证明文件的 | |
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67 flirt | |
v.调情,挑逗,调戏;n.调情者,卖俏者 | |
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68 cluttered | |
v.杂物,零乱的东西零乱vt.( clutter的过去式和过去分词 );乱糟糟地堆满,把…弄得很乱;(以…) 塞满… | |
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69 grovelling | |
adj.卑下的,奴颜婢膝的v.卑躬屈节,奴颜婢膝( grovel的现在分词 );趴 | |
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70 gaily | |
adv.欢乐地,高兴地 | |
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71 terrapin | |
n.泥龟;鳖 | |
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72 squad | |
n.班,小队,小团体;vt.把…编成班或小组 | |
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73 dime | |
n.(指美国、加拿大的钱币)一角 | |
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74 chamber | |
n.房间,寝室;会议厅;议院;会所 | |
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75 flopping | |
n.贬调v.(指书、戏剧等)彻底失败( flop的现在分词 );(因疲惫而)猛然坐下;(笨拙地、不由自主地或松弛地)移动或落下;砸锅 | |
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76 chiseled | |
adj.凿刻的,轮廓分明的v.凿,雕,镌( chisel的过去式 ) | |
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77 smuggled | |
水货 | |
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78 malefactor | |
n.罪犯 | |
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79 cowering | |
v.畏缩,抖缩( cower的现在分词 ) | |
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80 subdued | |
adj. 屈服的,柔和的,减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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81 interfere | |
v.(in)干涉,干预;(with)妨碍,打扰 | |
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82 anarchy | |
n.无政府状态;社会秩序混乱,无秩序 | |
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83 swell | |
vi.膨胀,肿胀;增长,增强 | |
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84 winding | |
n.绕,缠,绕组,线圈 | |
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85 orchids | |
n.兰花( orchid的名词复数 ) | |
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86 ripen | |
vt.使成熟;vi.成熟 | |
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87 mellow | |
adj.柔和的;熟透的;v.变柔和;(使)成熟 | |
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88 benevolent | |
adj.仁慈的,乐善好施的 | |
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89 totter | |
v.蹒跚, 摇摇欲坠;n.蹒跚的步子 | |
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90 bogey | |
n.令人谈之变色之物;妖怪,幽灵 | |
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91 limousine | |
n.豪华轿车 | |
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92 buck | |
n.雄鹿,雄兔;v.马离地跳跃 | |
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93 scotch | |
n.伤口,刻痕;苏格兰威士忌酒;v.粉碎,消灭,阻止;adj.苏格兰(人)的 | |
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94 ancestry | |
n.祖先,家世 | |
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95 persistent | |
adj.坚持不懈的,执意的;持续的 | |
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