He arrived during the age of Board Sidewalks, Congress Gaiters, and Pie for Breakfast.
The Paper Collar, unmindful of the approaching Celluloid, was still affected4 by the more tony Dressers. Prison-made Bow Ties, with the handy elastic5 Fastener, were then considered right Natty6.
Limousines7, Eugenics, Appendicitis8, and the regulation of Combines were beyond the rise of the Hill, so the talk was mostly about the Weather and Married Women.
Purvis, but on account of his sunny Disposition10 he was known to the
Countryside as Aleck.
One morning the Lad did his crawl from under the Quilt at an hour when our Best People of the new Century are sending away the empty Siphons. He was acting11 on a Hunch12.
Tumblers, had exhibited the day before on the vacant Lot between the
Grist-Mill and the Parsonage.
Aleck was familiar with the juvenile14 Tradition that Treasure could be discovered at or near the trampled15 Spot on which the Ticket-Wagon had been anchored.
It was known that the agitated16 Yahoos from up in Catfish17 Country were likely to fumble18 and spill their saved-up Currency, thereby19 avoiding the trouble of handing it over to the Grafters later on.
Aleck was the first Prospector20 to show. He got busy and uncovered a
It looked about the size of a Ferris Wheel.
While beating it for the parental22 Roof he began laying out in his Mind all the Pleasures of the Flesh that he could command with the Mass of Lucre23.
The miscue he made was to flash his Fortune in the Family Circle.
Merchants' Bank.
He was pried25 away from the Cart-Wheel and given a teeny little Book which showed that he was a Depositor.
"Now, Alexander C.," said his Ma, "if you will shin up the ladder and pick Cherries every day this week at two cents per Quart, by nightfall of Saturday you will have another Case-Note to put into Cold Storage."
Reservoir, what is there in it for me?" asked the inquisitive27 Chick.
His mother replied, "Why, you will have the Gratification of moving up to the Window at the Bank and earning a Smile of Approbation28 from old Mr. Fishberry with the Throat Whiskers."
So the aspiring29 Manikin clung to the perilous30 Tree-Tops day after day, dropping the ruby31 Cherries into the suspended Bucket, while all of the Relatives stood on the ground and applauded.
One day there was a Conference and it was discovered that little Aleck was solvent32 to the extent of $2.80.
"Would it not be Rayzorius?" queried33 the Sire of Alexander; "would it not be Ipskalene if Aleck kept on and on until he had assembled five whole Dollars?"
Thus spurred to Endeavor by a large and rooting Gallery, the Urchin34 went prowling for Old Iron, which he trundled off to the Junkman.
Also for empty Bottles, which he laboriously35 scoured36 and delivered at the Drug Store for a mere37 dribble38 of Chicken Feed.
The sheet of Copper39 brought a tidy Sum, while old Mrs. Arbuckle wondered what had become of her Wash-Boiler.
With a V to his Credit, Aleck put a Padlock on every Pocket in his
Store Suit and went Money-Mad.
It was a proud Moment when he eased in the $7.60 to T. W. Fishberry, who told him to keep on scrounging and some day he would own a share in the Building & Loan.
Our Hero fooled away his time in School until he was all of eleven years old, when he became associated with one Blodgett in the Grocery Business, at a weekly Insult of Two Bones.
All the time Aleck was cleaning the Coal-Oil Lamps or watching the New
Mr. Fishberry, the Taker-In up at the Bank with the Chinchilla on the
Larynx.
For ten long years the White Slave tested Eggs and scooped48 the C Sugar. When Aleck became of Age, Mr. Blodgett was compelling him to take $30 the first of every month.
He lived on Snowballs in the Winter and Dandelions in the Summer, but he had paid $800 on a two-story Brick facing Railroad Street.
Nevertheless, he stood Ace50 High with the old Two-per-cent-a-Month up at the Abattoir51 known as the Farmers & Merchants' Bank.
The Boys who dropped in every thirty Days came to know him as a Wise
Fish and a Close Buyer. They boosted at Headquarters, so the first
thing you know Aleck was a Drummer, with two Grips bigger than Dog-
Houses and a chance to swing on the Expense Account.
A lowly and unsung Wanamaker would be sitting in his Prunery, wearing Yarn52 Wristlets to keep warm and meditating53 another Attack on the Bottle of Stomach Bitters in the Safe, when Aleck would breeze in and light on him and sell him several Gross of something he didn't need.
The Traveling Salesman dug up many a Cross-Roads overlooked by the Map-
He knew how to pin a Rube against the Wall and make him say "Yes."
Ess, Bess, and Tess who shot the Sody Biscuit, and reclined in the
he?
He was salting the Spon.
He was closing in on the Needful.
For a term of years he lived on Time-Tables and slept sitting up.
Day after day he dog-trotted through a feverish58 Routine of unpacking59 and packing, and then climbing back to the superheated Day Coach among the curdled60 Smells.
Every January 1st he did a Gaspard Chuckle61 when he checked up the total Get, for now he owned two Brick Buildings and had tasted a little Blood in the way of Chattel62 Mortgages.
One of the partners in the Jobbing Concern happened to die. Before
Measure, Aleck was up at the grief-stricken Home to cop out an Option
on the Interest.
Now he could give the Cackle to all the Knights64 of the Road who had blown their Substance along the gay White Ways of Crawfordsville, Bucyrus, and Sedalia.
He was the real Gazook with a Glass Cage, a sliding Desk and a whole
Battery of Rubber Stamps.
of Stock and gradually possess himself of all the Money in the World,
Aleck now found it necessary to organize himself into both a Day and a
Night Shift and have his Lunches brought in.
The various Smoothenheimers who were out on the Road had a proud chance to get by with the padded Expense Account. Aleck could smell a Phoney before he opened the Envelope, because that is how he got His.
With a three-ton Burden on his aching Shoulders, he staggered up the flinty Incline.
Away back yonder, while sleeping above the Store, a vision had come to him. He saw himself sitting as a Director at a Bank Meeting—an enlarged and glorified66 Fishberry.
Now he was playing Fox and pulling for the Dream to work out.
The cold-eyed Custodians67 up at the main Fortress68 of Credit began to take notice of the Rustler69.
He was a Sure-Thinger, air-tight and playing naught72 but Cinches. No wonder they all took a slant73 at him and spotted74 him as a Comer.
The Business Associates of Alexander liked to see Europe from the inside every summer and investigate the Cocktail75 Crop of Florida every winter, so they allowed him to be the Works.
He began building the Skids76 which finally carried them to the Fresh Air and left only one name on the Gold Sign.
Up to his Chin in Debt and with a Panic looming77 on the Horizon, it behooved78 Alexander to be on the job at 7:30 A. M. and hang around to scan the Pay-Roll until 9:30 P. M.
Ofttimes while galloping79 from his Apartment to the Galleys80 or chasing homeward to grab off a few wasteful81 hours of Slumber82, he would see People of the Lower Classes going out to the Parks with Picnic Baskets, or lined up at the Vaudeville83 Palaces, or watching a hard-faced Soubrette demonstrate something in a Show Window.
His usual Gait was that of a man going for the Doctor, and he talked
Those who were pushed out of his way would overhear a scrap88 or two of the Raving89 and think he was Balmy.
The answer is that every hard-working Business Guy acts as if he had
Screech-Owls in the Tower.
Aleck had his whole Staff so buffaloed that the Hirelings tried to keep up with him, so that Life in the Beehive was just one thing after another, with no Intermission.
The Whip cracked every five minutes, and the Help would dig in their toes and take a fresh lean-up against the Collars, for the Main Squeeze was trying to be a Bank Director, and Rockefeller had stolen a long start on him.
With a thousand important Details claiming his attention, Aleck had no time to monkey with side issues such as the general State of his Health or the multifarious plans for uplifting the Flat-Heads that he could see from his Window.
Those who recommended Golf to him seemed to forget that no one ever laid by anything while on the Links.
As for the Plain People, his only Conviction when he surveyed them in the Mass was that every Man-Jack was holding back Money that rightfully belonged to him (Alexander).
Needless to say, the battling Financier was made welcome at the Director's Table and handed a piece of a Trust Company and became an honored Guest when any Melon was to be sliced.
All that he dreamt while sleeping in the cold room over the Store had eventuated for fair.
The more Irons in the Fire, the more flip-flops he turned.
He never paused, except to weep over the fact that some of the rival
Procurers were getting more than he could show. It was an unjust World.
Brushing away the salty Tears, he would leap seven feet into the Air
and spear a passing Dollar.
By the time he had the Million necessary for the support of a suitable and well-recommended Lady, he was too busy to go chasing and too foxy to split his Pile with a rank Outsider.
His Motor-Car squawked at the Sparrow Cops when they waved their Arms.
The engineer who pulled the Private Car always had his Orders to hit it up.
Sometimes the Private Secretary would drop out from Exhaustion90, but the Human Dynamo never slowed up. He would shout his General Orders into the Cylinder of a Talking Machine.
Ear.
When he finally flew the Track and blew out the Carburetor, they had to use a Net to get him under Control so that he could be carted away to the Hospital.
Then the Trained Nurse had to practice all the Trick Holds known to Frank Gotch to keep him from arising to resume the grim Battle against his Enemies on the Board.
He fluttered long before calming down, but finally they got him all spread out and as nice a Patient as one could wish to see.
When he was too weak to start anything, Doc sat down and cheered him along by telling what Precautions should have been taken, along about 1880.
"And now, I have some News for you," said the Practitioner93, holding in his Grief so well that no one could notice it. "You are going away from here. Owing to the total absence of many Organs commonly regarded as essential, it will be impossible for you to go back to the Desk and duplicate any of your notable Stunts94. No doubt we shall be able to engage Six Men of Presentable Appearance to act as Pall-Bearers. It is our purpose to proceed to the Cemetery95 by Automobile96 so as not to impede97 Traffic on any of the Surface Lines in which you are so heavily interested. I congratulate you on getting so far along before being tripped up, and I am wondering if you have a Final Request to make."
"Just one," replied the Great Man, "I'd like to have you or somebody else tell me what it's all been about."
The only remaining Fact to be chronicled is that the original Dollar, picked up on the Circus Lot, was found among the Effects.
A Nephew, whom Alexander Campbell Purvis never had seen, took the Dollar and with it purchased two Packs of Egyptian Cigaroots, Regal size, with Gold Tips.
MORAL: A pinch of Change, carefully put by, always comes in handy.
THE END
点击收听单词发音
1 freckles | |
n.雀斑,斑点( freckle的名词复数 ) | |
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2 cylinder | |
n.圆筒,柱(面),汽缸 | |
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3 corroding | |
使腐蚀,侵蚀( corrode的现在分词 ) | |
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4 affected | |
adj.不自然的,假装的 | |
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5 elastic | |
n.橡皮圈,松紧带;adj.有弹性的;灵活的 | |
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6 natty | |
adj.整洁的,漂亮的 | |
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7 limousines | |
n.豪华轿车( limousine的名词复数 );(往返机场接送旅客的)中型客车,小型公共汽车 | |
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8 appendicitis | |
n.阑尾炎,盲肠炎 | |
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9 cognomen | |
n.姓;绰号 | |
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10 disposition | |
n.性情,性格;意向,倾向;排列,部署 | |
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11 acting | |
n.演戏,行为,假装;adj.代理的,临时的,演出用的 | |
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12 hunch | |
n.预感,直觉 | |
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13 mule | |
n.骡子,杂种,执拗的人 | |
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14 juvenile | |
n.青少年,少年读物;adj.青少年的,幼稚的 | |
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15 trampled | |
踩( trample的过去式和过去分词 ); 践踏; 无视; 侵犯 | |
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16 agitated | |
adj.被鼓动的,不安的 | |
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17 catfish | |
n.鲶鱼 | |
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18 fumble | |
vi.笨拙地用手摸、弄、接等,摸索 | |
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19 thereby | |
adv.因此,从而 | |
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20 prospector | |
n.探矿者 | |
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21 buck | |
n.雄鹿,雄兔;v.马离地跳跃 | |
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22 parental | |
adj.父母的;父的;母的 | |
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23 lucre | |
n.金钱,财富 | |
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24 steered | |
v.驾驶( steer的过去式和过去分词 );操纵;控制;引导 | |
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25 pried | |
v.打听,刺探(他人的私事)( pry的过去式和过去分词 );撬开 | |
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26 labor | |
n.劳动,努力,工作,劳工;分娩;vi.劳动,努力,苦干;vt.详细分析;麻烦 | |
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27 inquisitive | |
adj.求知欲强的,好奇的,好寻根究底的 | |
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28 approbation | |
n.称赞;认可 | |
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29 aspiring | |
adj.有志气的;有抱负的;高耸的v.渴望;追求 | |
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30 perilous | |
adj.危险的,冒险的 | |
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31 ruby | |
n.红宝石,红宝石色 | |
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32 solvent | |
n.溶剂;adj.有偿付能力的 | |
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33 queried | |
v.质疑,对…表示疑问( query的过去式和过去分词 );询问 | |
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34 urchin | |
n.顽童;海胆 | |
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35 laboriously | |
adv.艰苦地;费力地;辛勤地;(文体等)佶屈聱牙地 | |
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36 scoured | |
走遍(某地)搜寻(人或物)( scour的过去式和过去分词 ); (用力)刷; 擦净; 擦亮 | |
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37 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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38 dribble | |
v.点滴留下,流口水;n.口水 | |
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39 copper | |
n.铜;铜币;铜器;adj.铜(制)的;(紫)铜色的 | |
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40 swilled | |
v.冲洗( swill的过去式和过去分词 );猛喝;大口喝;(使)液体流动 | |
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41 solicitude | |
n.焦虑 | |
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42 syrup | |
n.糖浆,糖水 | |
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43 trickle | |
vi.淌,滴,流出,慢慢移动,逐渐消散 | |
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44 jug | |
n.(有柄,小口,可盛水等的)大壶,罐,盂 | |
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45 stipend | |
n.薪贴;奖学金;养老金 | |
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46 segregate | |
adj.分离的,被隔离的;vt.使分离,使隔离 | |
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47 isolate | |
vt.使孤立,隔离 | |
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48 scooped | |
v.抢先报道( scoop的过去式和过去分词 );(敏捷地)抱起;抢先获得;用铲[勺]等挖(洞等) | |
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49 hissing | |
n. 发嘶嘶声, 蔑视 动词hiss的现在分词形式 | |
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50 ace | |
n.A牌;发球得分;佼佼者;adj.杰出的 | |
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51 abattoir | |
n.屠宰场,角斗场 | |
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52 yarn | |
n.纱,纱线,纺线;奇闻漫谈,旅行轶事 | |
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53 meditating | |
a.沉思的,冥想的 | |
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54 makers | |
n.制造者,制造商(maker的复数形式) | |
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55 taunts | |
嘲弄的言语,嘲笑,奚落( taunt的名词复数 ) | |
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56 chamber | |
n.房间,寝室;会议厅;议院;会所 | |
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57 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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58 feverish | |
adj.发烧的,狂热的,兴奋的 | |
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59 unpacking | |
n.取出货物,拆包[箱]v.从(包裹等)中取出(所装的东西),打开行李取出( unpack的现在分词 );拆包;解除…的负担;吐露(心事等) | |
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60 curdled | |
v.(使)凝结( curdle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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61 chuckle | |
vi./n.轻声笑,咯咯笑 | |
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62 chattel | |
n.动产;奴隶 | |
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63 rigor | |
n.严酷,严格,严厉 | |
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64 knights | |
骑士; (中古时代的)武士( knight的名词复数 ); 骑士; 爵士; (国际象棋中)马 | |
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65 holders | |
支持物( holder的名词复数 ); 持有者; (支票等)持有人; 支托(或握持)…之物 | |
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66 glorified | |
美其名的,变荣耀的 | |
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67 custodians | |
n.看守人,保管人( custodian的名词复数 ) | |
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68 fortress | |
n.堡垒,防御工事 | |
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69 rustler | |
n.[美口]偷牛贼 | |
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70 glutton | |
n.贪食者,好食者 | |
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71 demon | |
n.魔鬼,恶魔 | |
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72 naught | |
n.无,零 [=nought] | |
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73 slant | |
v.倾斜,倾向性地编写或报道;n.斜面,倾向 | |
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74 spotted | |
adj.有斑点的,斑纹的,弄污了的 | |
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75 cocktail | |
n.鸡尾酒;餐前开胃小吃;混合物 | |
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76 skids | |
n.滑向一侧( skid的名词复数 );滑道;滚道;制轮器v.(通常指车辆) 侧滑( skid的第三人称单数 );打滑;滑行;(住在)贫民区 | |
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77 looming | |
n.上现蜃景(光通过低层大气发生异常折射形成的一种海市蜃楼)v.隐约出现,阴森地逼近( loom的现在分词 );隐约出现,阴森地逼近 | |
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78 behooved | |
v.适宜( behoove的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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79 galloping | |
adj. 飞驰的, 急性的 动词gallop的现在分词形式 | |
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80 galleys | |
n.平底大船,战舰( galley的名词复数 );(船上或航空器上的)厨房 | |
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81 wasteful | |
adj.(造成)浪费的,挥霍的 | |
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82 slumber | |
n.睡眠,沉睡状态 | |
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83 vaudeville | |
n.歌舞杂耍表演 | |
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84 dubs | |
v.给…起绰号( dub的第三人称单数 );把…称为;配音;复制 | |
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85 hopping | |
n. 跳跃 动词hop的现在分词形式 | |
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86 mumbled | |
含糊地说某事,叽咕,咕哝( mumble的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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87 dictate | |
v.口授;(使)听写;指令,指示,命令 | |
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88 scrap | |
n.碎片;废料;v.废弃,报废 | |
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89 raving | |
adj.说胡话的;疯狂的,怒吼的;非常漂亮的;令人醉心[痴心]的v.胡言乱语(rave的现在分词)n.胡话;疯话adv.胡言乱语地;疯狂地 | |
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90 exhaustion | |
n.耗尽枯竭,疲惫,筋疲力尽,竭尽,详尽无遗的论述 | |
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91 reposed | |
v.将(手臂等)靠在某人(某物)上( repose的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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92 bosom | |
n.胸,胸部;胸怀;内心;adj.亲密的 | |
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93 practitioner | |
n.实践者,从事者;(医生或律师等)开业者 | |
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94 stunts | |
n.惊人的表演( stunt的名词复数 );(广告中)引人注目的花招;愚蠢行为;危险举动v.阻碍…发育[生长],抑制,妨碍( stunt的第三人称单数 ) | |
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95 cemetery | |
n.坟墓,墓地,坟场 | |
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96 automobile | |
n.汽车,机动车 | |
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97 impede | |
v.妨碍,阻碍,阻止 | |
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