Stubble.
She was a snappy little Trick and it was a dull hour of the Day or
Night when she couldn't frame up a new General Order for the
Breadwinner.
The Marriage came off during the third summer of her twenty-seventh year.
Suit, moved to the centre of the Ring, and cracked the Whip.
After than Elam continued to be a Hellion around the Office, but in his private Quarters he was merely Otto, the Trained Seal.
Bench.
There is one Elam in every Settlement.
All the wise Paper-hangers and the fly Guitar Players had him marked up as a Noodle, but somehow, every time the winning Numbers were hung out, he would be found in Line, waiting to Cash.
Certificates.
Elam had no Ear for Music, and, coming out of the Opera House, never could remember the name of the Play or which one of the Burglars was the real Hero.
His Reading was confined to the Headlines of a conservative Paper which was still printing War News.
Baseball had not come into his Life whatsoever9.
A cultured Steno, who knew about George Meredith and Arnold Bennett, had to do his Spelling for him at 14 Bucks10 per.
The Cerebellum of Elam was probably about the dimensions of a Malaga
Grape.
Sizing him by his Looks, one would have opined that Nature meant him for a Ticket-taker in a suburban11 Cinema Palace.
When Providence14 is directing the Handouts15, she very often slips some Squarehead the canny16 Gift of corralling the Cush, but holds out all of the desirable Attributes supposed to distinguish Man from what you see in the Cages at the Zoo.
Loud Noise around a dinky Manufacturing Plant down by the Yards.
Organization into the Ditch, wrong side up.
The Well-wishers, the Brotherly lovers, and the total membership of the
He made the Fossils sit up in their padded Rocking Chairs and pay some attention to the Idiot Child.
He never could hold down any Position until tried out for a Captain of
Industry and then he began to Bat 450 and Field 998.
After the dusty Workmen had manufactured the Product, and the Salesmen had unloaded it, and the Collectors had brought in the Dinero, then Elam had to sit at a Mahogany Desk with a Picture of Claudine in front of him, and figure how much of the hard-earned Mazuma would be doled26 out to his greedy Employees.
Sometimes he would be compelled to fork over nearly half the Gross, whereupon his Heart would ache and he would become Morose27.
In a few Years he had a lot of new Buildings, with Skylights and improved Machinery28 and all sorts of humane29 Appliances to enable the Working Force to increase the Output.
As the Bank Account expanded and the Happy Couple found themselves going up, Claudine began to scan the Horizon and act restless-like. She said the Home Town was Impossible. It certainly did seem Contrary to Reason.
Any Woman with a salaried Husband could bust30 into Society if she sang in a Choir31 or owned an Ice-cream Freezer.
Claudine was for migrating to some high-toned Community beyond the Rising Sun, where she could sit in Marble Halls and compare Jewelry32 with proud Duennas of her own Station.
Seeing Claudine at the corner of 8th and Central, waiting for the Open
Car, one would not have suspected that she harbored Intentions on the
Court Circles of Europe.
One would merely have guessed that she was on her way to the Drug Store to purchase much Camphor.
But she had taken a peek34 at the Palm Rooms and the powdered Lackeys35 and the Tea Riot at the Plaza36, and she was panting inwardly.
She wanted to hang a silver Bell around her neck and go galloping37 with the white-faced Thoroughbreds.
It was no good trying to work up Speed on a half-mile track in the
Once in a while Claudine made a bold Sashay to start something devilish, but the Fillies trained on the Farm did not seem gaited for the Grand Circuit.
As for the Servant Problem, it was something ferocious39. City Help could not be lured40 to the Tall Grass, and all the Locals had been schooled at the Railway Eating-House.
Elam and Claudine had a Cook named Gusta, born somewhere near the
Arctic Circle in Europe.
Food.
She could turn out Waffles as long as there was a Customer in sight.
The Biscuits on which she specialized43 were light as Down.
When you took her away from regular Chow and made her tackle something
Casserole or En Tasse, she blew.
Also there was a Maid who should have belonged to the Stevedore's union. She could pack Victuals46 in from the Buttery and slam them down on the Table, a la Commercial Hotel, but when it came to building up an intricate Design with an ingrowing Napkin, three spoons, four Knives, five forks, and all the long-stemmed Glasses, to say nothing of an artful pyramiding of Cut Flowers around the Candelabra, then she was simply a female Blacksmith.
Claudine would throw a Dinner once in a while, just to subdue47 the Wife and Daughter of the National Bank, but the Crew would nearly always crab48 the Entertainment.
With the Support accorded by the solid ivory Staff, she had a fat
Chance to give a correct imitation of Mrs. Stuyvesant Fish.
All during the nine Courses she had to yelp49 more Orders than the Foreman of a Street Gang. A Megaphone would have helped some. The Hostess who wishes to look and carry on like a Duchess, certainly finds it vexing50 when pop-eyed Lizzie leans against all of the principal Guests in turn and then endeavors to shoot the Episcopalian Rector in the Neck with a gush51 of real Champagne52.
After one of these sad Affairs, at which the Rummies had balled up the whole Menu, Claudine came to the front with an Ultimatum53. She said she was going to can the awful Birthplace and spend the remainder of her Natural among the real Rowdy-Dows.
"Right-o, Babe!" spoke54 up Elam. "To-day I have put the Works into a new Combine which makes me a Janitor55 so far as the Plant is concerned, but boosts me into the Charley Schwab division when it comes to Collateral56. I have three million Iron Boys and most of it is Turkey. I am foot-loose and free as a Robin57. Let us beat it to the Big Show. It is about time that the vast Territory lying toward the East should be aroused from its Lethargy. Go as far as you like."
The two were foxy. For monetary58 and real-estate Reasons they did not give it out cold that they were making a final Getaway. They planned to have Gusta remain at the dear old Dump as a Caretaker, but it was merely a Bluff59.
Claudine leaned out and said: "Fare thee well, O you Indian Village!
This is the Parting of the Ways for little Sunshine."
Next day thousands of warm-hearted New Yorkers were packed along the
Water front all the Way from the Battery to Grant's Tomb, giving royal
Welcome to the Corn-fed Pilgrims. At any rate, they were Packed.
When Elam and Claudine entered the Hotel, the discerning Bell-hops had them stand back until the others had registered.
They were Important but they did not carry any Signs.
Elam should have worn the Letter of Credit on the outside.
After they had taken the Imperial Suite63 and invited all the Servants on the Twelfth Floor to a Silver Shower, they found that the Call-Bells worked fine. If Elam moved in the general direction of a Button, a handsome West Pointer would flit in with a pitcher64 of Iced Water and then hover65 around for his Bit.
Both realized that the first requisite66 was a lot of new Scenery. Even when they rapped sharply with a Spoon and ordered Garcon to hurry up the Little Birds with a Flagon of St. Regis Bubbles to come along as a drench67, they realized that they did not look the Parts.
Elam still combed his Hair in the style approved by the "Barbers' Guide and Manual" for 1887.
Elam went out and had himself draped by a swagger Tailor who was said to do a lot of Work for the Vanderbilt Boys.
In his Afternoon Wear he resembled the Manager of a Black-Goods
Department.
After donning the complete Soup and Fish, known in swozzey circles as Thirteen and the Odd, he didn't look as much like a Waiter as one might have supposed. He looked more like the 'Bus who takes away the Dishes.
Claudine yielded herself up to a Modiste. The Good Woman from out of
Trundle Bed and her First Party.
She ordered all the Chic41 Novelties recommended for Flappers, so that Elam began to walk about ten feet behind her, wondering vaguely72 if his family was still respectable.
The new Harness and a careless habit of counting Money in Public soon gave them an enviable Reputation in the principal Cafes, although they could not observe that they were moving any nearer to the Newport Colony.
The shift from Pig's Knuckles73 to Ambrosia74 and Nectar had been a little sudden for Elam, and sometimes, when they were darting75 hither and thither76, from Road-House to Play-House and thence to the Louis XIV Sitting-Room77 by way of the Tango-Joint, he would moan a little and act like a Quitter.
Whereupon Claudine would jack78 him up and tell him to pull out his Cuffs79 and push back the Forelock and try to be Human.
No use. He was strictly80 Ritz-Carlton from the Pumps to the Topper, but the word "Boob" was plainly stenciled81 on the glossy82 Front.
When they had conquered all the Eating-Places in the Tenderloin they moved on to Europe, where they were just as welcome as Influenza83.
It was great to sit in the Savoy at the Supper Hour, surrounded by the best known people mentioned in the Court Circulars.
It was indeed a privilege for Elam and Claudine to be among the British
Cousins, even if the British Cousins did not seem to place Elam and
Claudine.
Night" from the Chevalier in the Check-Room, they would escape to their
Apartments and talk to the Dog.
In Paris they did better.
They learned that by going out on the Boulevard and whistling, they could summon a whole Regiment86 of high-born and patrician87 Down-and-Outers. Most of the Titles were slightly worm-eaten and spotted88 with Scale, but nevertheless Genuine.
It was Nuts for Claudine to assemble all of the Noblemen to be picked up around the Lobby and give them a free run and jump at the Carte du Jour.
Her Dinners soon became the talk of the Chambermaids employed at the
Hotel.
Any one willing to cut loose on Caviar and stuff raised under Glass will never have to dine alone in gay Paree.
Whenever Elam made a noise like 1000 Frogs he found a lot of well-bred Connoisseurs89 at his Elbow, all ready to have something unusual brought up from the Cellar.
The securing of an Invitation to one of Claudine's formal Dinners was almost as difficult as getting into Luna Park.
However, the list of guests sounded Real when sent back to America and printed for the entertainment of persons living in Boarding-Houses. Claudine became slightly puffed90. When she found herself between a couple of perfumed Lads wearing Medals she would give Friend Husband the Office to move to one side and curl up in the Grass and not ruin the Ensemble91 by butting92 in.
Elam was usually at the foot of the Table behind a mass of Orchids93. Once in a while he would try to crowd into the Conversation just to let them know that old Ready Money was still present, but every time he came up Dearie would do her blamedest to Bean him and put him out of the Game.
Claudine could make a stab at the new Pictures in the Salon94 and even run nimbly around the edge of the Futurist vogue95.
Elam was ready to discuss Steamship96 Lines or Railway Accommodations, but when he was put against the Tall Brows he began to burn low and smell of the Wick.
Often, when surfeited97 with Truffles, he would wonder what had become of the Green Corn, the K. and K., the regular Chicken with Giblets, the Hot Cherry Pie, the smoking Oyster98 Stew99, and the Smearcase with Chives, such as Gusta used to send in.
These reminders100 of a lowly Past were very distasteful to Claudine. Once he talked in his Sleep about Cod-fish Balls, and next morning she lit on him something ramfugious.
After the Parisian triumphs it seemed a safe bet to return home and make a new effort to mingle101 with the Face-Cards.
This time they took a House in New York and went after Grand Opera as if they knew what it was about.
The Son of an earl consented to Buttle for them. He refused them
Butter with their Meals and kept them trembling most of the time, but
they determined102 to do things Right, even if both died of Nervous
When they began making real Headway and were recognized in the Park by some of the Headliners, Claudine would chide104 Elam for his early Doubts and Fears.
"This has got the Middle West skinned forty ways from the Jack," she would exclaim, gayly, as they motored up the Avenue. "Me for the White Lights! It's a good thing you had a Pacemaker or you would now be wearing detachable Cuffs and putting Sugar on your Lettuce105."
Two years had elapsed since the escape from being Buried Alive.
They were, to all outward appearances, City-broke.
One day Claudine allowed that she was tired of Bridge and the gay
Routine. She announced that she was slipping away to Virginia Hot
Springs to cool off and rest.
Elam said that while she was lying up, he would inspect certain Mining
Properties in Canada.
He drove Honey to the train, then he tore back to the palatial106 Home, chucked a few Props107 into a Suit Case and headed for the Grand Central. He never stopped going until he ducked in the Back Way, through the Grape Arbor33, past the Woodshed, into the Kitchen of the old Homestead in which he first saw the Light of Day.
Gusta nearly keeled when she lamped the long-lost Boss.
"Get busy," he said. "One fried Steak, the size of a Lap-Robe, smothered108 with Onions, two dozen Biscuits without any Armor Plate, one bushel of home-made Pork and Beans, much Butter, and a Gallon of Coffee in a Tureen."
"You will have to wait a while," said the faithful Gusta. "There is a double order of Ham and Turnips109 ahead of you. While you are waiting you might go up and call on the Missus. She has put on her old Blue Wrapper and the Yarn110 Slippers111 and is now lying on a Feather Tick in the Spare Room."
MORAL: The only City People are those born so.
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1 huddle | |
vi.挤作一团;蜷缩;vt.聚集;n.挤在一起的人 | |
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2 cemetery | |
n.坟墓,墓地,坟场 | |
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3 deserted | |
adj.荒芜的,荒废的,无人的,被遗弃的 | |
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4 specialty | |
n.(speciality)特性,特质;专业,专长 | |
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5 ordeal | |
n.苦难经历,(尤指对品格、耐力的)严峻考验 | |
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6 license | |
n.执照,许可证,特许;v.许可,特许 | |
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7 cymbals | |
pl.铙钹 | |
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8 garner | |
v.收藏;取得 | |
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9 whatsoever | |
adv.(用于否定句中以加强语气)任何;pron.无论什么 | |
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10 bucks | |
n.雄鹿( buck的名词复数 );钱;(英国十九世纪初的)花花公子;(用于某些表达方式)责任v.(马等)猛然弓背跃起( buck的第三人称单数 );抵制;猛然震荡;马等尥起后蹄跳跃 | |
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11 suburban | |
adj.城郊的,在郊区的 | |
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12 gnat | |
v.对小事斤斤计较,琐事 | |
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13 annex | |
vt.兼并,吞并;n.附属建筑物 | |
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14 providence | |
n.深谋远虑,天道,天意;远见;节约;上帝 | |
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15 handouts | |
救济品( handout的名词复数 ); 施舍物; 印刷品; 讲义 | |
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16 canny | |
adj.谨慎的,节俭的 | |
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17 shaft | |
n.(工具的)柄,杆状物 | |
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18 cracker | |
n.(无甜味的)薄脆饼干 | |
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19 coterie | |
n.(有共同兴趣的)小团体,小圈子 | |
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20 wielding | |
手持着使用(武器、工具等)( wield的现在分词 ); 具有; 运用(权力); 施加(影响) | |
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21 sledge | |
n.雪橇,大锤;v.用雪橇搬运,坐雪橇往 | |
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22 helping | |
n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的,辅助的 | |
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23 debris | |
n.瓦砾堆,废墟,碎片 | |
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24 autopsy | |
n.尸体解剖;尸检 | |
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25 abiding | |
adj.永久的,持久的,不变的 | |
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26 doled | |
救济物( dole的过去式和过去分词 ); 失业救济金 | |
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27 morose | |
adj.脾气坏的,不高兴的 | |
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28 machinery | |
n.(总称)机械,机器;机构 | |
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29 humane | |
adj.人道的,富有同情心的 | |
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30 bust | |
vt.打破;vi.爆裂;n.半身像;胸部 | |
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31 choir | |
n.唱诗班,唱诗班的席位,合唱团,舞蹈团;v.合唱 | |
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32 jewelry | |
n.(jewllery)(总称)珠宝 | |
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33 arbor | |
n.凉亭;树木 | |
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34 peek | |
vi.偷看,窥视;n.偷偷的一看,一瞥 | |
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35 lackeys | |
n.听差( lackey的名词复数 );男仆(通常穿制服);卑躬屈膝的人;被待为奴仆的人 | |
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36 plaza | |
n.广场,市场 | |
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37 galloping | |
adj. 飞驰的, 急性的 动词gallop的现在分词形式 | |
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38 loam | |
n.沃土 | |
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39 ferocious | |
adj.凶猛的,残暴的,极度的,十分强烈的 | |
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40 lured | |
吸引,引诱(lure的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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41 chic | |
n./adj.别致(的),时髦(的),讲究的 | |
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42 gravy | |
n.肉汁;轻易得来的钱,外快 | |
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43 specialized | |
adj.专门的,专业化的 | |
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44 fixed | |
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
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45 cuisine | |
n.烹调,烹饪法 | |
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46 victuals | |
n.食物;食品 | |
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47 subdue | |
vt.制服,使顺从,征服;抑制,克制 | |
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48 crab | |
n.螃蟹,偏航,脾气乖戾的人,酸苹果;vi.捕蟹,偏航,发牢骚;vt.使偏航,发脾气 | |
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49 yelp | |
vi.狗吠 | |
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50 vexing | |
adj.使人烦恼的,使人恼火的v.使烦恼( vex的现在分词 );使苦恼;使生气;详细讨论 | |
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51 gush | |
v.喷,涌;滔滔不绝(说话);n.喷,涌流;迸发 | |
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52 champagne | |
n.香槟酒;微黄色 | |
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53 ultimatum | |
n.最后通牒 | |
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54 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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55 janitor | |
n.看门人,管门人 | |
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56 collateral | |
adj.平行的;旁系的;n.担保品 | |
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57 robin | |
n.知更鸟,红襟鸟 | |
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58 monetary | |
adj.货币的,钱的;通货的;金融的;财政的 | |
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59 bluff | |
v.虚张声势,用假象骗人;n.虚张声势,欺骗 | |
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60 hack | |
n.劈,砍,出租马车;v.劈,砍,干咳 | |
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61 depot | |
n.仓库,储藏处;公共汽车站;火车站 | |
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62 gaudy | |
adj.华而不实的;俗丽的 | |
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63 suite | |
n.一套(家具);套房;随从人员 | |
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64 pitcher | |
n.(有嘴和柄的)大水罐;(棒球)投手 | |
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65 hover | |
vi.翱翔,盘旋;徘徊;彷徨,犹豫 | |
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66 requisite | |
adj.需要的,必不可少的;n.必需品 | |
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67 drench | |
v.使淋透,使湿透 | |
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68 fully | |
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地 | |
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69 hoist | |
n.升高,起重机,推动;v.升起,升高,举起 | |
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70 narrative | |
n.叙述,故事;adj.叙事的,故事体的 | |
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71 bunk | |
n.(车、船等倚壁而设的)铺位;废话 | |
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72 vaguely | |
adv.含糊地,暖昧地 | |
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73 knuckles | |
n.(指人)指关节( knuckle的名词复数 );(指动物)膝关节,踝v.(指人)指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 );(指动物)膝关节,踝 | |
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74 ambrosia | |
n.神的食物;蜂食 | |
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75 darting | |
v.投掷,投射( dart的现在分词 );向前冲,飞奔 | |
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76 thither | |
adv.向那里;adj.在那边的,对岸的 | |
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77 sitting-room | |
n.(BrE)客厅,起居室 | |
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78 jack | |
n.插座,千斤顶,男人;v.抬起,提醒,扛举;n.(Jake)杰克 | |
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79 cuffs | |
n.袖口( cuff的名词复数 )v.掌打,拳打( cuff的第三人称单数 ) | |
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80 strictly | |
adv.严厉地,严格地;严密地 | |
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81 stenciled | |
v.用模板印(文字或图案)( stencil的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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82 glossy | |
adj.平滑的;有光泽的 | |
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83 influenza | |
n.流行性感冒,流感 | |
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84 naught | |
n.无,零 [=nought] | |
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85 grouse | |
n.松鸡;v.牢骚,诉苦 | |
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86 regiment | |
n.团,多数,管理;v.组织,编成团,统制 | |
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87 patrician | |
adj.贵族的,显贵的;n.贵族;有教养的人;罗马帝国的地方官 | |
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88 spotted | |
adj.有斑点的,斑纹的,弄污了的 | |
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89 connoisseurs | |
n.鉴赏家,鉴定家,行家( connoisseur的名词复数 ) | |
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90 puffed | |
adj.疏松的v.使喷出( puff的过去式和过去分词 );喷着汽(或烟)移动;吹嘘;吹捧 | |
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91 ensemble | |
n.合奏(唱)组;全套服装;整体,总效果 | |
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92 butting | |
用头撞人(犯规动作) | |
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93 orchids | |
n.兰花( orchid的名词复数 ) | |
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94 salon | |
n.[法]沙龙;客厅;营业性的高级服务室 | |
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95 Vogue | |
n.时髦,时尚;adj.流行的 | |
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96 steamship | |
n.汽船,轮船 | |
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97 surfeited | |
v.吃得过多( surfeit的过去式和过去分词 );由于过量而厌腻 | |
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98 oyster | |
n.牡蛎;沉默寡言的人 | |
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99 stew | |
n.炖汤,焖,烦恼;v.炖汤,焖,忧虑 | |
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100 reminders | |
n.令人回忆起…的东西( reminder的名词复数 );提醒…的东西;(告知该做某事的)通知单;提示信 | |
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101 mingle | |
vt.使混合,使相混;vi.混合起来;相交往 | |
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102 determined | |
adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
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103 prostration | |
n. 平伏, 跪倒, 疲劳 | |
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104 chide | |
v.叱责;谴责 | |
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105 lettuce | |
n.莴苣;生菜 | |
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106 palatial | |
adj.宫殿般的,宏伟的 | |
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107 props | |
小道具; 支柱( prop的名词复数 ); 支持者; 道具; (橄榄球中的)支柱前锋 | |
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108 smothered | |
(使)窒息, (使)透不过气( smother的过去式和过去分词 ); 覆盖; 忍住; 抑制 | |
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109 turnips | |
芜青( turnip的名词复数 ); 芜菁块根; 芜菁甘蓝块根; 怀表 | |
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110 yarn | |
n.纱,纱线,纺线;奇闻漫谈,旅行轶事 | |
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111 slippers | |
n. 拖鞋 | |
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