She, as was her way, at once challenged him:
"Of course you didn't like him," she said.
"No, I didn't," he answered. "But you didn't expect me to, did you?"
"I wanted you to. . . . No, I don't know. You will like him when you know him better. You're always funny when any one from outside dares to try and break into the family. Remember how you behaved over Philip."
"Ah, Philip! I was younger then. Besides there isn't any family to break into now. . . ." He leant forward and touched her hand. "There isn't anything I want except for you to be happy, really there isn't. Of course for myself I'd rather you stayed as you are for a long time to come—it's better company for me, but that's against nature. I made up my mind to be brave when the moment came, but I'd imagined some one——"
"Yes, I know," broke in Millie, "that's what one's friends always insist on, that they should do the choosing. But it's me that's got to do the living." She laughed. "What a terrible sentence, but you know what I mean. . . . How do you know I'm not happy?" she suddenly ended.
[Pg 213]
"Oh, of course any one can see. Your letters haven't been happy, your looks aren't happy, you weren't happy with him yesterday——"
"I was—the last part," she said, thinking. "Of course we'd quarrelled just before we came in. We're always quarrelling, I'm sure I don't know why. I'm not a person to quarrel much, now am I?"
"We've quarrelled a good bit in our time," said Henry reflectively.
"Yes, but that was different. This is so serious. Every time Bunny and I quarrel I feel as though everything were over for ever and ever. Oh! there's no doubt of it, being engaged's a very difficult thing."
"Well, then, there it is," said Henry. "You love him and he loves you. There's nothing more to be said. But there are some questions I'd like to ask. What are his people? What's his profession? When are you going to be married? What are you going to live on when you are married?"
"Oh, that's all right," she answered hurriedly. "I'm to meet his mother in a day or two, and very soon he's going into a motor-works out at Hackney somewhere. There aren't many relations, I'm glad to say, on either side."
"Thanks," said Henry. "But haven't you seen his mother yet?"
"No, she's been in Scotland."
"Where does he come from?"
"Oh, they've got a place down in Devonshire somewhere."
She looked at him. He looked at her. Her look was loving and tender, and said: "I know everything's wrong in this. You know that I know this, but it's my fight and I'm going to make it come right." His look was as loving as hers, and said: "I know that you know that I know that this is going all wrong and I'm doing my best to keep my eye on it, but I'm not going to force you to give him away. Only when the smash comes I'll be with you."
All that he actually said was: "Have another éclair?"
She answered, "No thanks. . . ." Looking at him across the table, she ended, as though this were her final comment on a long unspoken conversation between them.
[Pg 214]
"Yes, Henry, I know—but there are two ways of falling in love, one worshipping so that you're on your knees, the other protecting so that your arm goes round—I know he's not perfect—I know it better every day—but he wants some one like me. He says he does, and I know it's true. You'd have liked me," she said almost fiercely, turning upon him, "to have married some one like Peter."
"Yes, I would. I'd have loved you to marry Peter—if he hadn't been married already."
They went out into the street, which was shining with long lines of colour after a sudden scatter4 of rain.
She kissed him, ran and caught an omnibus, waved to him from the steps, and was gone.
He went off to Peter Street.
He was once more in the pink-lit, heavily-curtained room with its smell of patchouli and stale bread-crumbs6, and once again he was at the opposite end of the table from Mrs. Tenssen trying to engage her in pleasant conversation.
He realized at once to-day that their relationship had taken a further step towards hostility7. She was showing him a new manifestation8. When he came in she was seated dressed to go out, hurriedly eating a strange-looking meal that was here paper-bags and there sardines9. She was eating this hurriedly and with a certain greed, plumping her thumb on to crumbs that had escaped to the table and then licking her fingers. Her appearance also to-day was strange: she was dressed entirely10 in heavy and rather shabby black, and her face was so thickly powdered and her lips so violently rouged11 that she seemed to be wearing a mask. Out of this mask her eyes flashed vindictively12, greedily and violently, as though she wished with all her heart to curse God and the universe but had no time because she was hungry and food would not wait. Another thing to-day Henry noticed: on other occasions when he had come in she had taken the trouble to force an exaggerated gentility, a refinement13 and elegance14 that was none the less false for wearing a show of geniality15. To-day there was no effort at manners: instead she gave one glance at Henry and then lifted up her saucer and drank from it with long thirsty gurgles. He always[Pg 215] felt when he saw her the same uncanny fear of her, as though she had some power over him by which with a few muttered words and a baleful glance she could turn him into a rat or a toad16 and then squash him under her large flat foot. She was of the world of magic, of unreality if you like to believe only in what you see with your eyes. She was real enough to eat sardines, though, and crunch17 their little bones with her teeth and then wipe her oily fingers on one of the paper-bags, after which she drank the rest of her tea, and then, sitting back in her chair, surveyed Henry, sucking at her teeth as she did so.
"Well, what have you come for to-day?" she asked him.
"Oh, just to pay you a visit."
"Me! I like that. As though I didn't know what you're after. . . . She's in there. She'll be out in a minute. I'm off on some business of my own for an hour or two so you can conoodle as much as you damned well please."
Henry said nothing to that.
"Why didn't you make an offer for her?" Mrs. Tenssen suddenly asked.
"An offer?" Henry repeated.
"Yes. I'm sick of her. Been sick of her these many years. All I want is to get a little bit as a sort of wedding present, in return, you know, for all I've done for her, bringing her up as I have and feeding her and clothing her. . . . You're in love with her. You've got rich people. Make an offer."
"You're a bad woman," Henry said, springing to his feet, "to sell your own daughter as though she were. . . ."
"Selling, be blowed," replied Mrs. Tenssen calmly, pursuing a recalcitrant18 crumb5 with her finger. "She's my daughter. I had the pain of bearing her, the trouble of suckling her, the expense of clothing her and keeping her respectable. She'd have been on the streets long ago if it hadn't been for me. I don't say I've always been all I should have been. I'm a sinful woman, and I'm glad of it—but you'll agree yourself she's a pure girl if ever there was one. Dull I call it. However, for those who like it there it is."
Henry said nothing.
Mrs. Tenssen looked at him scornfully.
"You're in love with her, aren't you?" she asked.
[Pg 216]
"I'd rather not talk to you about what I feel," Henry answered.
"Of course you're in love with her," Mrs. Tenssen continued. "I don't suppose she cares a rap for you. She doesn't seem to take after men at all, and you're not, if you'll forgive my saying so, altogether a beauty. You're young yet. But she'd do anything to get away from me. Don't I know it and haven't I had to make my plans carefully to prevent it? So long as her blasted uncles keep out of this country for the next six months, with me she's got to stay, and she knows it. But time's getting short, and I've got to make my mind up. There are one or two other offers I'm considering, but I don't in the least object to hearing any suggestion you'd like to make."
"One suggestion I'd like to make," said Henry hotly, "is that I can get the police on your track for keeping a disorderly house. They'll take her away soon enough when they know what you've got in Victoria Street."
"Now then," said Mrs. Tenssen calmly, "that comes very near to libel. You be careful of libel, young man. It's got many a prettier fellow than you into trouble before now. Nobody's ever been able to prove a thing against me yet and it's not likely a chicken like you is going to begin now. Besides, supposing you could, a pretty thing it would be for Christina to be 'dragged into such an affair in the Courts.' No thank you. I can look after my girl better than that."
Mrs. Tenssen got up, went to a mirror to put her hat straight, and then turned round upon him. She stood, her arms akimbo, looking down upon him.
"I don't understand you virtuous19 people," she said, "upon my word I don't. You make such a lot of fine talk about your nobility and your high conduct and then you go and do things that no old drab in the street would lower herself to. Here are you, been sniffing20 round my daughter for months and haven't got the pluck to lift a finger to take her out of what you think her misery21 and make her happy. Oh, I loathe22 you good people, damn the lot of you. You can go to hell for all I care, so you bloody23 well can. . . . You'd better make the most of your Christina while you've got the chance. You won't be coming[Pg 217] here many more times." With that she was gone, banging the door behind her.
Christina came in, smiled at him without speaking, carried the dirty remnants of her mother's meal into the inner room, returned and sat down, a book in her hand, close to him.
He saw at once that she was happy to-night. The fright was not in her eyes. When she spoke3 there was only a slight hint of the Danish accent which, on days when she was disturbed, was very strong.
She looked so lovely to him sitting there in perfect tranquillity24, the thin green book between her hands, that he got exultant25 draughts26 of pleasure simply from gazing at her. They both seemed to enjoy the silence; the room changed its atmosphere as if in submission27, perhaps, to their youth and simplicity28. The bells from the church near Shaftesbury Avenue were ringing, and the gaudy29 clock on the mantelpiece, usually so inquisitive30 in its malicious31 chatter32, now tick-tocked along in amiable33 approval of them both.
"I'm very glad you've come—at last," she said. "It's a fortnight since the other time."
"Yes," he answered, flushing with pleasure that she should remember. "I've been in the country working. What are you reading?" he asked.
"Oh!" she cried, laughing. "Do hear me read and see whether I pronounce the words right and tell me what some of them mean. It's poetry. I was out with mother and I saw this book open in the window with his picture, and I liked his face so much that I went in and bought it. It's lovely, even though I don't understand a lot of it. Now tell me the truth. If I read it very badly, tell me:
"It was a nymph, uprisen to the breast In the fountain's pebbly34 margin35, and she stood 'Mong lilies, like the youngest of the brood. To him her dripping hand she softly kist, And anxiously began to plait and twist Her ringlets round her fingers, saying: Youth! Too long, alas36, hast thou starved on the ruth, The bitterness of love: too long indeed, Seeing thou art so gentle. Could I weed[Pg 218] Thy soul of care, by heavens, I would offer All the bright riches of my crystal coffer To Amphitrite; all my clear-eyed fish, Golden, or rainbow-sided, or purplish, Vermilion-tailed, or finned37 with silvery gauze; Yea, or my veined pebble-floor, that draws A virgin38 light to the deep; my grotto-sands Tawny39 and gold, oozed40 slowly from far lands. By my diligent41 springs; my level lilies, shells, My charming rod, my potent42 river spells; Yes, everything, even to the pearly cup Meander43 gave me,—for I bubbled up To fainting creatures in a desert wild. But woe44 is me, I am but as a child To gladden thee; and all I dare to say, Is, that I pity thee; that on this day I've been thy guide; that thou must wander far In other regions, past the scanty45 bar To mortal steps, before thou canst be ta'en From every wasting sigh, from every pain, Into the gentle bosom46 of thy love. Why it is thus, one knows in heaven above: But, a poor Naiad, I guess not. Farewell! I have a ditty for my hollow cell.'"
"That's Endymion," Henry said. "Keats."
"Keats!" she repeated, "what a funny name for a poet. When I read it in the book I remembered very distantly when we were learning English at school there was such a name. What kind of man was he?"
"He had a very sad life," said Henry. "He had consumption and the critics abused his poetry, and he loved a young lady who treated him very badly. He was very young when he died in Italy."
"What was the name of the girl he loved?" she asked.
"Brawne," said Henry.
"Ugh! what a horrible name! Keats and Brawne. Isn't England a funny country? We have beautiful names at home like Norregaard and Friessen and Christinsen and Engel and R?de. You can't say R?de."
Henry tried to say it.
"No. Not like that at all. It's right deep in your throat, listen! R?de—R?de, R?de." She stared in front of her. "And[Pg 219] on a summer morning the water comes up Holman's Canal and the green tiles shine in the water and the ships clink-clank against the side of the pier47. The ships are riding almost into Kongens Nytorv and all along the Square in the early morning sun they are going." She pulled herself up with a little jump.
"All the same, although he was called Keats there are lovely words in what I was reading." She turned to the book again, repeating to herself:
"All my clear-eyed fish, golden or rainbow-sided, My grotto-sands tawny and gold."
"'Tawny.' What's that?"
"Rich red-brown," said Henry.
"Do I say most of the words right?"
"Yes, nearly all."
She pushed the book away and looked at him.
"Now tell me," he said, "why you're happy to-day?"
She looked around as though some one might be listening, then leant towards him and lowered her voice.
"I've had a letter from my uncle, Uncle Axel. It's written from Constantinople. Luckily I got the letters before mother one morning and found this. He's coming to London as soon as ever he can to see after me. Mother would be terribly angry if she knew. She hates Uncle Axel worst of them all. When he's there I'm safe!"
Henry's face fell.
"I feel such a fool," he said. "Even your mother said the same thing. Here I've been hanging round for months and done nothing for you at all. Any other man would have got you away to Copenhagen or wherever you wanted to go. But I—I always fail. I'm always hopeless—even now when I want to succeed more than ever before in my life."
His voice shook. He turned away from her.
"No," she said. "You've not failed. I couldn't have escaped like that. Mother would only have followed me. Both my uncles are abroad. There's no one in Copenhagen to protect me. I would rather—what do you call it? hang on like this until everything got so bad that I had to run. You've been a wonder[Pg 220]ful friend to me these months. You don't know what a help you've been to me. I've been the ungrateful one." She looked at him and drew his eyes to hers. "Do you know I've thought a lot about you these last weeks, wondering what I could do in return. It seems unfair. I'd like to love you in the way you want me to. But I can't. . . . I've never loved anybody, not in that way. I loved my father and I love my uncles, but most of all I love places, the places I've always known, Odense and the fields and the long line against the sky just before the sunsets, and Kj?benhavn when the bells are ringing and you go up Ostngarde and it's so full of people you can't move: in the spring when you walk out to Langlinir and smell the sea and see the ships come in and hear them knocking with hammers on the boats, and it's all so fresh and clean . . . and at twelve o'clock when they change the guard and the soldiers come marching down behind the band into Kongens Nytorv and all the boys shout . . . I don't know," she sighed, staring again in front of her. "It's so simple there and every one's kind-hearted. Here——" She suddenly burst into tears, hiding her face in her arms.
He came across to her, knelt down beside her, put his hands against her neck.
"Don't cry. Oh, don't cry, Christina. You'll go home soon. You will indeed. It won't be long to wait. No, don't bother. It's only my pince-nez. I don't mind if they do break. Your uncle will come and you'll go home. Don't cry. Please, please don't cry."
He laid his cheek against her hot one, then his heart hammering in his breast he kissed her. She did not move away from him; her cheek was still pressed against his, but, as he kissed her, he knew that it was true enough that whosoever one day she loved it would not be him.
He stayed there his hand against her arm. She wiped her eyes.
"I'm frightened," she said. "If Uncle Axel doesn't come in time . . . . mother . . . Mr. Leishman."
"I'm here," Henry cried valiantly48, feeling for his pince-nez, which to his delight were not broken "I'll follow you any[Pg 221]where. No harm shall happen to you so long as I'm alive."
She might have laughed at such a knight1 with his hair now dishevelled, his eye-glasses crooked49, his trouser-knees dusty. She did not. She certainly came nearer at that moment to loving him than she had ever done before.
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收听单词发音
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1
knight
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| n.骑士，武士；爵士 | |
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2
immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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3
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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4
scatter
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| vt.撒，驱散，散开；散布/播；vi.分散，消散 | |
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5
crumb
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| n.饼屑，面包屑，小量 | |
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6
crumbs
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| int. (表示惊讶)哎呀 n. 碎屑 名词crumb的复数形式 | |
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7
hostility
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| n.敌对，敌意；抵制［pl.］交战，战争 | |
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manifestation
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| n.表现形式；表明；现象 | |
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9
sardines
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| n. 沙丁鱼 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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11
rouged
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| 胭脂，口红( rouge的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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vindictively
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| adv.恶毒地；报复地 | |
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13
refinement
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| n.文雅；高尚；精美；精制；精炼 | |
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14
elegance
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| n.优雅；优美，雅致；精致，巧妙 | |
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geniality
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| n.和蔼，诚恳；愉快 | |
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toad
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| n.蟾蜍，癞蛤蟆 | |
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crunch
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| n.关键时刻；艰难局面；v.发出碎裂声 | |
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recalcitrant
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| adj.倔强的 | |
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virtuous
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| adj.有品德的，善良的，贞洁的，有效力的 | |
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sniffing
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| n.探查法v.以鼻吸气，嗅，闻( sniff的现在分词 )；抽鼻子（尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气）；抱怨，不以为然地说 | |
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21
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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loathe
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| v.厌恶，嫌恶 | |
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bloody
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| adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染 | |
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tranquillity
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| n. 平静, 安静 | |
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exultant
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| adj.欢腾的，狂欢的，大喜的 | |
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draughts
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| n. <英>国际跳棋 | |
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submission
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| n.服从，投降；温顺，谦虚；提出 | |
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simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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gaudy
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| adj.华而不实的；俗丽的 | |
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inquisitive
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| adj.求知欲强的，好奇的，好寻根究底的 | |
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malicious
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| adj.有恶意的，心怀恶意的 | |
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chatter
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| vi.／n.喋喋不休；短促尖叫；(牙齿)打战 | |
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33
amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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pebbly
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| 多卵石的，有卵石花纹的 | |
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margin
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| n.页边空白；差额；余地，余裕；边，边缘 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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finned
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| adj.有鳍的，有鳍状物的 | |
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38
virgin
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| n.处女，未婚女子；adj.未经使用的；未经开发的 | |
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39
tawny
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| adj.茶色的，黄褐色的；n.黄褐色 | |
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40
oozed
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| v.（浓液等）慢慢地冒出，渗出( ooze的过去式和过去分词 )；使（液体）缓缓流出；（浓液）渗出，慢慢流出 | |
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41
diligent
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| adj.勤勉的，勤奋的 | |
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42
potent
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| adj.强有力的，有权势的；有效力的 | |
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43
meander
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| n.河流的曲折，漫步，迂回旅行；v.缓慢而弯曲地流动，漫谈 | |
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44
woe
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| n.悲哀，苦痛，不幸，困难；int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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45
scanty
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| adj.缺乏的，仅有的，节省的，狭小的，不够的 | |
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46
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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47
pier
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| n.码头；桥墩，桥柱；[建]窗间壁，支柱 | |
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48
valiantly
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| adv.勇敢地，英勇地；雄赳赳 | |
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49
crooked
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| adj.弯曲的；不诚实的，狡猾的，不正当的 | |
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