Helen was for turning back now. She was all brisked up with the desire to hurry home with this sweet burden of happiness.
“No, let’s go up there,” he said, making a gesture toward this door.
They climbed the slope from the road, hand in hand, and sat upon a long stone step, the fields before them changing already beneath the lavender mists of twilight2, the river singing below, the bright squares of sunlight fading from the black smoked walls within, the shadows in there deepening to darkness behind them. But what soft effulgence3 in this girl’s face! Already the candles upon her altar burned. For so many years she kept that look of pale candle light in the dark.[74] Her features changed; the skin lost its rosy4 glow; her beauty passed away; but this serene5 brightness never faded. When I knew her long afterwards she was in the full bloom of her years, her eyes of that calmer blue women get when all the storms of love and loving have passed and left the heart motionless with the awful peace of victory over love. And she was still thinking of love, as one recalls an epitaph!
Besides the happiness of having her beside him, clasped like a banner to his side, George had something to say. He must make Helen understand one thing, and he thought he could do this now without risking his happiness. He did not anticipate that any emergency would ever arise between them that would force him to fall back on this conviction about love; but he had it; he had studied the science of social ethics6 in the university—an illuminating7 subject under a singularly broad-minded doctor of philosophy named Herron.
The ethics were binding8, of course, but between the lines and the laws Herron interpolated his own views on love. He had more than once attacked what he called the barbarous “contract of marriage.” Divorce was one of the articles of his creed10. When Nature called for a separation[75] of the contracting parties, it was abominable11 not to yield to this natural law, otherwise you profaned12 that most sacred of all things—love, and so on and so forth13.
George entertained a profound respect for Herron. Most of the young men in his classes did. Still, they referred to him as “that fellow Herron,” and discussed his views more than they did those of any other member of the faculty14. In this way George had obtained one of his strongest convictions, a sort of pet moral; and as he had already taken occasion to inform Helen, “no man on God’s green earth was more faithful to his convictions.”
“You know what I believe about love,” he began, drawing her closer to him according to this faith, it appeared.
“Me!” she answered with charming confidence.
“Oh, yes,” kissing her; “you are love, and my life.”
She sighed.
“That is why I believe in the freedom of love,” he began again. “There can be no bondage—ever—in love.”
“Yes, of course, marriage,” he admitted.
“It is like being confirmed—in love—isn’t it?”
[76]“Why, yes, for those who love.”
“And we do,” she said.
“Yes, indeed,” he returned heartily—and hurriedly, if she had noticed; for she was getting off on the wrong tack9, and he wanted to say what he had to say before this wind filled her sails. “But it is by love, not law, that you chose me; isn’t it?”
“Oh, yes, my love,” she answered softly.
“Otherwise you would not take me,” he went on.
“But I do love you.”
“But if the time ever came when—when you ceased to care for me—” he stammered16 and did not finish, feeling her stiffen17 as if by a resolve in his arms.
“It could not come, such a time,” she interrupted, “because I could never cease to love you.”
“I know it, my sweetheart,” speaking with tender gratitude18, “but I am only supposing the case, that if either of us ceased to care—”
She tore herself from him. She covered him with her wide, blue gaze. “Could you—cease to care?” she demanded.
“Absolutely no! You are my very life. I think, live and hope everything in terms of you,” he assured her.
But she was not assured. She remained apart,[77] no longer yielding to his arms about her. “Well, why think about what will not happen?” she asked.
“I told you we were only supposing—”
“Not I?”
“—that if you or I,” he went on determined19 to make his point, “ceased to love, it would be profanation20 to—pretend—to live as if we did, wouldn’t it?”
“But, George,” with a note of pain, with the brightening of tears in her eyes, “we shall be one. It says so everywhere, in the Bible, in the vows we take, that we are one flesh. Then how can either of us cease to love?”
“We won’t; we never shall,” he cried eloquently21, and drawing her fearful, only half-willing in a close embrace. “But I must be honest with you. This is my conviction, the sanctity and freedom of love.”
“It sounds well, but it feels dangerous,” she whispered.
“Don’t you believe in me, Helen?” in an offended tone.
“I do, oh, I do; but not in your conviction,” she moaned.
“What difference does it make, my heart? We love. We have chosen each other,” he laughed.
[78]“Forever?” she wanted to know.
“Forever!” he repeated with emphasis.
She leaned close to his side, her head upon his breast, her eyes closed, lips parted, white teeth gleaming. He knew for certain that nothing could separate him from this goodness, this sweetness, this loveliness. He merely wished to be on the level, to conceal22 nothing from her that concerned them so nearly. He kissed her rapturously.
She opened her eyes, human violets, blue like these flowers, innocent like a maid, but troubled as if far away cold winds were sweeping23 down. “Do you feel the wind?” she said.
“There is no wind.”
“Yes; and cold; I feel the chill.”
“The air from the river,” he said, releasing her.
“And the sun is down. It is late. We must go,” she said.
They went back down the slope to the road, hand in hand as they had come up, but not the same. The pain which accompanies love had entered her heart.
She was never to be perfectly24 easy again. No woman ever is who loves. Some months, some days, at last a few hours and a few moments of happiness she was to have with which to balance[79] the years of life with love and this pain. But ask her! She will tell you that they were worth more than the years. So many more women than we know are like that.
Once when they were near the town, he looked at her happily and said: “I have not told you the news. It concerns you, too, now. I got a raise in salary yesterday.”
“I am so glad,” she answered smiling.
“Oh, I deserved it. I am making good. Father knows it,” he put in.
“You do work hard,” she agreed.
“But not near as hard as I mean to work now—for you,” he assured her.
“I mean to be a successful man, Helen, for you. You shall have everything.”
“I need only you,” she answered.
“The world is a wolf, did you know that?”
She did not, she said.
“Yes, it is; and the man that makes good in it has got to be a wolf too.”
The lamb looked up at the wolf and smiled. She was merely noticing for the hundredth time how handsome he was, and wishing he had compared himself to a lion. She preferred to think of him as a lion.
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1
doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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twilight
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| n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期 | |
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effulgence
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| n.光辉 | |
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rosy
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| adj.美好的，乐观的，玫瑰色的 | |
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serene
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| adj. 安详的，宁静的，平静的 | |
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6
ethics
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| n.伦理学；伦理观，道德标准 | |
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7
illuminating
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| a.富于启发性的，有助阐明的 | |
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binding
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| 有约束力的，有效的，应遵守的 | |
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tack
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| n.大头钉；假缝，粗缝 | |
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creed
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| n.信条；信念，纲领 | |
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abominable
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| adj.可厌的，令人憎恶的 | |
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profaned
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| v.不敬( profane的过去式和过去分词 )；亵渎，玷污 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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faculty
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| n.才能；学院，系；(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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15
vows
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| 誓言( vow的名词复数 )； 郑重宣布，许愿 | |
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stammered
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| v.结巴地说出( stammer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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stiffen
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| v.(使)硬，(使)变挺，(使)变僵硬 | |
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gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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profanation
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| n.亵渎 | |
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eloquently
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| adv. 雄辩地(有口才地, 富于表情地) | |
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conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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sweeping
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| adj.范围广大的，一扫无遗的 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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tightened
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| 收紧( tighten的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）变紧； （使）绷紧； 加紧 | |
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