Could I hesitate when Guillaumin was beside me!
Lively, hearty2, and full of go, he was an incomparable companion. He fought as if he had been born to it.... He was in for it, and would stick to it. He had thought it would only be a short business. He realised that it would be a long one. Couldn't be helped! Why grouse3 about it? He preferred to save his breath. Not for an instant did he dream that we could negotiate for peace as losers. One felt that he would march on patiently counting always on revenge, sooner or later, as long as he had the legs to march on; that he would fight as long as he had the arms to fight with.
I hesitated, all the same, for a long time. It was the effect of my rooted suspicion of my fellow-beings—I swear that I lacked the courage. One day, however, when we were marching—he was talking to me about his sister who was a musician—I made some allusion5 to Jeannine, also a musician. He looked at me, and I made up my mind to it, I so much wanted him to know. But my tone played me false in the most[Pg 331] bizarre manner, cloaking itself in false irony6. I seemed to be giving an account of a casual flirtation7. What would this unimportant intrigue8 end in? I pretended to have no idea of it. And the word, the delicious word, which was ready to blossom on my lips, was never pronounced.
Hypocritical trifling9! How I cursed it, on looking back at it. How thankful I was to Claude for not adopting the same frivolous10 tone in his turn. If he had done so, that would have been the end of it. I should have retired11 within myself, embittered12 by the idea that I had been misunderstood or, worse still, we should have continued to make meaningless remarks on the subject, which would have done violence to my love. Instead of which Guillaumin guessed that I was, in spite of myself, the victim of an absurd timidity; it was he who, by insensible degrees directed our conversation into a more cordial and sincere channel. He made his interest clear to me. My confidence touched him, he refused to treat it as an insignificant13 sentiment. Then I took the final step, and knew the sweetness of self-abandonment.
Without a blush, since I was sure that no chaffing threatened me, I was able to describe to him in detail the progress of the sweet seduction right up to the glorious ecstasy14. He listened to me unwearyingly, encouraging me by a strange word or nod. The next day he gave me an opening, which I had vaguely15 desired, to return to my subject. He smiled at me, when my next letters came, and his eyes shone. His friendship performed the miracle of making him happy because I was.
De Valpic had stayed with us. I had pressed him[Pg 332] in vain to report sick. Guillaumin, and the captain too had urged him to. Circumstances robbed our exhortation16 of all efficacy. He said repeatedly that it was a time when the country claimed the determined17 effort of all her sons. If I insisted, he cut me short with:
"Dreher, you wouldn't desert us!..."
So he went on, and refused to give in. He valiantly18 accomplished19 the terrible marches, and bore the sleepless20 nights, and the days without rest. We sometimes found him sitting down panting, during the halts, without even the strength to wipe his forehead. His appearance then would terrify us, his hollow eyes, and flaming cheek-bones. In a few days his features had become peaked, his face emaciated21; his poor shoulders were bowed. One would never have expected him to go down hill so rapidly. His cough was growing more rasping. He expectorated freely, but always—with touching22 consideration—into a little spittoon, concealed23 until then in his pack. We hardly dared to ask him how he was. He had asked me lightly not to refer to the subject again.
"I am better, I assure you, since I've given up thinking about it!"
"But what about your temperature?"
He did not let a day go by without writing, any more than I did. He was always on the lookout25 for ways of despatching his letters, and was usually obliging enough to allow me to profit by them.
I was totally ignorant of anything concerning the object of his love, her name and age and everything.[Pg 333] The one question he had pronounced had been enough to make me understand his devotion for her. She too, I guessed, must love him, if she was willing to wait till he recovered.
I used to wonder about this girl—a stranger to me. I imagined her as the bearer of a great name, endowed with beauty and every fascination26. What a couple they would make! Alas27, and that would never be! Would she recognise her fiancé, when the war gave him back to her, battered28, and at the end of his strength, destined29 to fade away? I pictured him on a long chair shivering and pulling his rug over his knees. The idea obsessed30 me. Like imaginations must harry31 him ceaselessly. With a vague eye, and a far-away look he must often be thinking of her, whom he would see again—if things were looked at in their best light—only for a moment.
De Valpic was in the first platoon with Humel, Descroix and Playoust, and suffered more than we did from contact with that "lot." They disliked him, and reproached him with being stuck up, and sly,—he who was so simple, and straightforward33! They did him bad turns, and arranged once or twice—we messed in platoons now—to defraud34 him of his share, on the pretext35 that he was late. Playoust who had wormed his way into the sergeant-major's good graces got the "viscount" warned for several tiring fatigues36. At Béthaincourt, for instance, the unfortunate creature was left behind to wait for the certificate of good conduct. The Mayor, having finally refused, after long disputes, he caught us up in the middle of the night, after a forced march. We did not get wind of[Pg 334] this bullying37 at once. We did not see much of the Humel-Playoust set, and De Valpic hated making complaints; he would have preferred to see peace established, even if it were to his own detriment38.
Everyday, however, we monopolised him more and more. He joined our mess which Gaufrèteau had agreed to manage, ever since Spincourt, and which aroused everyone's envy, so savory39 were the fumes40 which rose from it, even in the most tragic41 hours, and amid the dearth42 of all resources.
We three lost no time in finding each other during long halts, and at the end of the day's marching. When we were not too much worn out we had long confabs. The strange thing was that at those times De Valpic was the one of us who was always the most animated43. He no longer slipped away! We wanted him to spare himself, but he, apologising for his fits of coughing, led us on in spite of ourselves, lavishly44 displaying the riches of his unusual mind. Was it with a view to diverting his thoughts, or did he realise that his enthusiasm was a source of inspiration to us? What a marvellous conversationalist he was! I was dumbfounded by the extent of his knowledge, the region of his curiosity. Our discussions often turned upon the issue of the present campaign. How great was his optimism based on facts, not on illusions! There was no pretension45 about it, by the way; it was all said in a playful friendly tone, which did not recoil46 on occasion before a crude or, shall we say, military expression emphasised by his rare smile.
We expressed our opinions, flattering, or the reverse, on everyone about us: poilus, N.C.O.'s, and our leaders. What intuition and penetration47 De Valpic showed. How shrewdly he judged poor Henriot, for[Pg 335] instance, who was completely demoralised, and, because he was ashamed of it, retired into his shell, and shunned48 all society.
"A Lorrain, and an elementary school-master!"
He developed his idea, showing us that these frontier people were more chauvinistic49 than us, apparently50, more warlike, and more nervous. It was they who had suffered most from the invasion in 1870, so that there was nothing more natural than that they should flag quickly at the arrival of a second disaster. They were always the first to suffer. And how easy it was to get into the habit of thinking of the enemy as insatiable and invincible51, everlastingly52 stretching out its claws over their territory. And again he made game of our classic education which assuredly must temper the character by the obscure recollection it propagates of so many traits of heroism53, of so many noble passions! But he interrupted himself, fearing to be too sweeping54:
"For that matter, there are heaps of first-rate fellows among these schoolmasters!"
We knew some, but not as many as he did! He quoted various names. Hermeline in the 18th had died heroically the other day, defending the bridge at Cléry.
One evening our intercourse55 assumed a philosophic56 complexion57. I amused myself by inveigling58 Guillaumin into insidious59 discussions. He fought hard, and appealed several times to De Valpic whose courteous60 decisions struck me by their perspicuity61; and also to the highmindedness they seemed to bear witness to. And yet they must necessarily be inspired by some moral philosophy—Which? It will be remembered that the very sound of the word used to importunate62 me. Once started, I sketched63 the outline of my late[Pg 336] doctrines64. I was curious to see with what dialectics my companions would oppose those I had so often proved irrefutable. I pressed them. I showed the logic65 of integral egoism, the impossibility for man to create any duty other than his happiness.
"What do you think about it, De Valpic?"
He quietly remarked that moral philosophy in his eyes was one with religion.
"Which religion?"
"I only know of one!"
This steadfastness66 did not displease67 me. I was not ignorant of his principles. I had seen him, the very day before, during our stay at Hazaumont, leave us to go and see a priest and communicate. Was his belief irrational—foolish? But at these fateful junctures68, were not certain sublime69 follies70 our only stays?
点击
收听单词发音
收听单词发音 |
1
confide
|
|
| v.向某人吐露秘密 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
hearty
|
|
| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
grouse
|
|
| n.松鸡；v.牢骚，诉苦 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
worthy
|
|
| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
allusion
|
|
| n.暗示，间接提示 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
irony
|
|
| n.反语，冷嘲；具有讽刺意味的事，嘲弄 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
flirtation
|
|
| n.调情，调戏，挑逗 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
intrigue
|
|
| vt.激起兴趣，迷住；vi.耍阴谋；n.阴谋，密谋 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
trifling
|
|
| adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
frivolous
|
|
| adj.轻薄的；轻率的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
retired
|
|
| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
embittered
|
|
| v.使怨恨，激怒( embitter的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
insignificant
|
|
| adj.无关紧要的，可忽略的，无意义的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
ecstasy
|
|
| n.狂喜，心醉神怡，入迷 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
vaguely
|
|
| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
exhortation
|
|
| n.劝告，规劝 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
determined
|
|
| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
valiantly
|
|
| adv.勇敢地，英勇地；雄赳赳 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
accomplished
|
|
| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
sleepless
|
|
| adj.不睡眠的，睡不著的，不休息的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
emaciated
|
|
| adj.衰弱的，消瘦的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
touching
|
|
| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
concealed
|
|
| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
feverish
|
|
| adj.发烧的，狂热的，兴奋的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
lookout
|
|
| n.注意，前途，瞭望台 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
fascination
|
|
| n.令人着迷的事物，魅力，迷恋 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
alas
|
|
| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
battered
|
|
| adj.磨损的；v.连续猛击；磨损 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
29
destined
|
|
| adj.命中注定的；(for)以…为目的地的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
30
obsessed
|
|
| adj.心神不宁的,鬼迷心窍的,沉迷的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
31
harry
|
|
| vt.掠夺，蹂躏，使苦恼 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
32
intimacy
|
|
| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
33
straightforward
|
|
| adj.正直的，坦率的；易懂的，简单的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
34
defraud
|
|
| vt.欺骗，欺诈 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
35
pretext
|
|
| n.借口，托词 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
36
fatigues
|
|
| n.疲劳( fatigue的名词复数 )；杂役；厌倦；（士兵穿的）工作服 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
37
bullying
|
|
| v.恐吓，威逼( bully的现在分词 )；豪；跋扈 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
38
detriment
|
|
| n.损害；损害物，造成损害的根源 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
39
savory
|
|
| adj.风味极佳的，可口的，味香的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
40
fumes
|
|
| n.(强烈而刺激的)气味，气体 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
41
tragic
|
|
| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
42
dearth
|
|
| n.缺乏，粮食不足，饥谨 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
43
animated
|
|
| adj.生气勃勃的，活跃的，愉快的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
44
lavishly
|
|
| adv.慷慨地，大方地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
45
pretension
|
|
| n.要求；自命，自称；自负 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
46
recoil
|
|
| vi.退却，退缩，畏缩 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
47
penetration
|
|
| n.穿透，穿人，渗透 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
48
shunned
|
|
| v.避开，回避，避免( shun的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
49
chauvinistic
|
|
| a.沙文主义(者)的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
50
apparently
|
|
| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
51
invincible
|
|
| adj.不可征服的，难以制服的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
52
everlastingly
|
|
| 永久地，持久地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
53
heroism
|
|
| n.大无畏精神，英勇 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
54
sweeping
|
|
| adj.范围广大的，一扫无遗的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
55
intercourse
|
|
| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
56
philosophic
|
|
| adj.哲学的，贤明的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
57
complexion
|
|
| n.肤色；情况，局面；气质，性格 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
58
inveigling
|
|
| v.诱骗，引诱( inveigle的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
59
insidious
|
|
| adj.阴险的，隐匿的，暗中为害的，（疾病）不知不觉之间加剧 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
60
courteous
|
|
| adj.彬彬有礼的，客气的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
61
perspicuity
|
|
| n.（文体的）明晰 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
62
importunate
|
|
| adj.强求的；纠缠不休的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
63
sketched
|
|
| v.草拟（sketch的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
64
doctrines
|
|
| n.教条( doctrine的名词复数 )；教义；学说；（政府政策的）正式声明 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
65
logic
|
|
| n.逻辑(学)；逻辑性 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
66
steadfastness
|
|
| n.坚定，稳当 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
67
displease
|
|
| vt.使不高兴，惹怒；n.不悦，不满，生气 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
68
junctures
|
|
| n.时刻，关键时刻( juncture的名词复数 )；接合点 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
69
sublime
|
|
| adj.崇高的，伟大的；极度的，不顾后果的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
70
follies
|
|
| 罪恶，时事讽刺剧； 愚蠢，蠢笨，愚蠢的行为、思想或做法( folly的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |