CHAPTER IX AT PEACE WITH MYSELF

 And then, after all, something stopped me, something I had never experienced before. Was it prejudice? Or moral restraint? I had no time to examine my feelings. Was it self-respect? Yes, that, without doubt. No one would ever know anything about it, but I should know about it myself!

"Make up your mind!" I said to the man.

Had he an inkling of the danger he had been in? In any case he acquiesced¹ without a word, and took the note, to which I added a louis.

I commandeered the rest of the bread, and three dozen eggs, which the girl was to boil till they were hard. She bustled² about, but it took some time.

I paid for everything at three times its value, without turning a hair. The old man got a second louis, and to show his satisfaction, threw in a packet of salt!

I will not dwell upon our return journey. Bouillon had hung a cord round his neck with the poultry³ dangling⁴ at each end of it, in two bunches. They struggled and made a deafening⁵ din⁶ and twice over almost tripped him up. He gravely warned them:

"If you do that a third time, I shall lose my temper!"

Thirty yards farther on, he stopped.

"Got a pin?"

[Pg 373]

I handed him one without understanding why he wanted it.

He turned away. I became aware of a wild flapping, and then a faint rattle⁷. "Next please!"

"I'll learn 'em not to be so bloomin' fond o' flies!"

He pricked⁸ them behind the head, one after the other, sighing.

"If only they was some o' them Bosches!"

When he entered the stable in front of us half an hour later, with the chaplet of chickens round his neck, the men were stupefied. Then an uproar⁹ arose.

"Oh! the cannibal!" cried Judsi.

"Good biz; grub at last!"

The men who were asleep had to be shaken and roused up. Their faces broke into broad smiles, their eyes lit up. Things went very quickly when once they were all up. Some of them had already been told off to pluck, to light fires, and do the roasting. Everyone hurried into the yard. Guillaumin and I slipped down beside De Valpic and told him all about our pranks¹⁰. Guillaumin gaily¹¹ gave him an account of the longing¹² which had seized us, to despoil¹³ the old man, and violate the girl. It was a tremendous joy to have a conscience clear enough to be able to joke about it. De Valpic smiled in response. One felt how his whole being was yearning¹⁴ for the nourishment¹⁵ of which he had been deprived for nearly forty-eight hours.

We went to supervise the cooking. In the twinkling of an eye the men had built up piles of branches, and succeeded in lighting¹⁶ them, though the yard was soaking. The chickens had been plucked and dressed and were roasting fast, threaded on to bayonets which[Pg 374] willing volunteers were turning conscientiously¹⁷ under Gaufrèteau's direction. By his orders, too, bowls were put under them to catch the fat dripping from them. In half an hour's time, he pronounced the birds cooked to a turn. We presided over the division. Nothing was to go out of the platoon!

The battalion¹⁸ sergeant¹⁹-major came and hung about.

"Halloa. Some looting been going on!"

"No," said Bouillon, "the sergeant paid, and a good price too."

Ravelli stood in the mud near by, and sniffed²⁰ the good smell. But a remnant of dignity forbade him to beg. We ended by taking pity on him, and offering him a fine fleshy bone, which he set to work to gnaw²¹ like a dog.

I was tormented²² for quite a long time—poor wretches²³ that we are—by the paltry²⁴ fear that the men might not realise to the full to whom they owed the windfall. They had quite cheered up, and I saw them grouped round the fires which still flickered²⁵, and lit up their delighted faces, chewing the remains²⁶ of their bones and munching²⁷ their eggs. Perhaps they imagined that the company's mess-balance had paid for the feast. In any case their gratitude²⁸ to my companions was just as great as it was to me. I should have liked to monopolise it!

Then I shook off this paltry thought. What was all this about benefactors²⁹ and debtors³⁰. A lot there was to be proud about, in having paid, when I had the money to pay with. One felt that the good fellows would every one of them be capable of a similar action, rather than surprised at it!

Candour, simplicity³¹ of soul. Another effort. I was pulling myself up to it.

[Pg 375]

Guillaumin and I had reserved one whole chicken for ourselves. We took the best half of it to De Valpic. Alas³²! his appetite failed after the first mouthfuls, and he had great difficulty in getting through it.

We had decided³³ to offer the captain a wing. Guillaumin, who had undertaken to be the ambassador, soon came back. Ribet had refused it—oh, as nicely as possible assuring Guillaumin that he needed nothing. If we had a portion over, let it be for one of his men, who had their packs to carry!

Henriot must have got wind of this reply, for his was identical. The third one, Delafosse, we knew nothing about him; nobody thought about him. But Breton, when he was invited, did not turn up his nose at it, and came to revive himself by us. He congratulated us:

"These bachelors knew how to look after themselves—and no mistake!"

And what about the Playoust set. De Valpic having timidly suggested that we might—Guillaumin exploded:

"Never! Low-down cads like that! Why they'd let us starve without turning a hair."

I backed him up, and De Valpic said no more.

We three each put part of the remains on one side. It was rather shocking, I admitted to myself, to be thinking of our future hunger, when comrades at hand were suffering the pangs³⁴ of present hunger.

But after all! I had done enough for others to last me for one day!

I had gone out into the yard again. It was almost deserted³⁵ now, but I came across Humel. He pretended not to see me. His cap, which was cocked[Pg 376] over one ear, gave him a cheeky look, but I caught sight of his haggard face and sunken cheeks by the light of one of the bonfires which was still smouldering. I turned round:

"I say, Humel!"

He stopped, and aggressively snapped:

"Well? What do you want?"

"You've had nothing, have you?"

"Had nothing ... what do you mean?"

"To get your teeth into!"

He hesitated:

"A lot you care!"

I went up to him, and put my hand on his shoulder:

"Like a bit of chicken?"

He made a movement as if to free himself, and then thought better of it, and said more gently:

"Have you got some left?"

"Yes, and a hard-boiled egg. Wait a bit!"

I went back into the piggery, and very stealthily—I did not want Guillaumin to see me—took out my mess-tin, which contained my provisions for the next day, then I rejoined Humel.

"Here you are."

We went and sat down in the shade on the curb³⁶ of the well.

"You can use my mess-tin."

The poor boy began to eat hurriedly, and in silence. I told him, in a joking tone, the story of our expedition; and meanwhile stealthily examined his thin profile. He was a mere³⁷ boy. A younger brother, this lad too, younger not only in years.... He was thirsty. I pulled up a bucket of water for him and we drank out of the same mug.

[Pg 377]

Then making a violent effort to get over what I think was timidity he said to me:

"Thanks very much."

I replied:

"Look here, old chap, don't you think we ought all to be pals³⁸?"

As he nodded in agreement, I ventured on to more ticklish³⁹ ground. With all sorts of precautions, and wordy extenuations, I let him see how necessary it was, in the present circumstances, not to let the men's morale⁴⁰ be shaken. It was for us in particular, who mixed with the troops to preach it to them, and to practise what we preached. There were so many shining reasons to hope. Complaints were so harmful.

It was a dangerous subject, I repeat. Humel was already chafing⁴¹ under my remarks and beginning to protest—(Where is the man who will submit to being taught his business?)—I went off at a tangent, just in time, and roundly abused Playoust and Descroix—Humel I affected⁴² to accept, to consider that as far as he was able to, he tried to react against a troublesome state of mind; I considered him the only N.C.O. who counted in No. 1 platoon, as De Valpic was too ill but I hoped that he would redouble his efforts!

The most transparent⁴³ ruses⁴⁴ were successful. Humel gave up rebelling. I do not know whether he flattered himself that he was like the portrait I drew of him, but he nodded approvingly. When you catch people doing wrong they are so grateful to you when you do not humiliate⁴⁵ them.

We shook hands heartily⁴⁶ when we separated. I kept his youthful fist in mine for a minute:

"Au revoir, my lad!"

"See you to-morrow!"

[Pg 378]

One more on our side, perhaps!

I went to lie down on our dung-heap. My companions were already asleep. I looked affectionately at Bouillon and Guillaumin for a moment—then I scribbled⁴⁷ a few lines to Jeannine, and lay down at peace with myself.

1 acquiesced   

v.默认，默许( acquiesce的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• Senior government figures must have acquiesced in the cover-up. 政府高级官员必然已经默许掩盖真相。
• After a lot of persuasion,he finally acquiesced. 经过多次劝说，他最终默许了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

2 bustled   

闹哄哄地忙乱，奔忙( bustle的过去式和过去分词 )； 催促

参考例句：

• She bustled around in the kitchen. 她在厨房里忙得团团转。
• The hostress bustled about with an assumption of authority. 女主人摆出一副权威的样子忙来忙去。

3 poultry   

n.家禽，禽肉

参考例句：

• There is not much poultry in the shops. 商店里禽肉不太多。
• What do you feed the poultry on? 你们用什么饲料喂养家禽?

4 dangling   

悬吊着( dangle的现在分词 )； 摆动不定； 用某事物诱惑…； 吊胃口

参考例句：

• The tooth hung dangling by the bedpost, now. 结果，那颗牙就晃来晃去吊在床柱上了。
• The children sat on the high wall,their legs dangling. 孩子们坐在一堵高墙上，摇晃着他们的双腿。

5 deafening   

adj. 振耳欲聋的, 极喧闹的 动词deafen的现在分词形式

参考例句：

• The noise of the siren was deafening her. 汽笛声震得她耳朵都快聋了。
• The noise of the machine was deafening. 机器的轰鸣声震耳欲聋。

6 din   

n.喧闹声，嘈杂声

参考例句：

• The bustle and din gradually faded to silence as night advanced.随着夜越来越深，喧闹声逐渐沉寂。
• They tried to make themselves heard over the din of the crowd.他们力图让自己的声音盖过人群的喧闹声。

7 rattle   

v.飞奔，碰响；激怒；n.碰撞声；拨浪鼓

参考例句：

• The baby only shook the rattle and laughed and crowed.孩子只是摇着拨浪鼓，笑着叫着。
• She could hear the rattle of the teacups.她听见茶具叮当响。

8 pricked   

刺，扎，戳( prick的过去式和过去分词 )； 刺伤； 刺痛； 使剧痛

参考例句：

• The cook pricked a few holes in the pastry. 厨师在馅饼上戳了几个洞。
• He was pricked by his conscience. 他受到良心的谴责。

9 uproar   

n.骚动，喧嚣，鼎沸

参考例句：

• She could hear the uproar in the room.她能听见房间里的吵闹声。
• His remarks threw the audience into an uproar.他的讲话使听众沸腾起来。

10 pranks   

n.玩笑，恶作剧( prank的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Frank's errancy consisted mostly of pranks. 法兰克错在老喜欢恶作剧。 来自辞典例句
• He always leads in pranks and capers. 他老是带头胡闹和开玩笑。 来自辞典例句

11 gaily   

adv.欢乐地，高兴地

参考例句：

• The children sing gaily.孩子们欢唱着。
• She waved goodbye very gaily.她欢快地挥手告别。

12 longing   

n.（for）渴望

参考例句：

• Hearing the tune again sent waves of longing through her.再次听到那首曲子使她胸中充满了渴望。
• His heart burned with longing for revenge.他心中燃烧着急欲复仇的怒火。

13 despoil   

v.夺取，抢夺

参考例句：

• The victorious army despoil the city of all its treasure.得胜的军队把城里的财宝劫掠一空。
• He used his ruthless and destructive armies despoil everybody who lived within reach of his realm.他动用其破坏性的军队残暴地掠夺国内的人民。

14 yearning   

a.渴望的；向往的；怀念的

参考例句：

• a yearning for a quiet life 对宁静生活的向往
• He felt a great yearning after his old job. 他对过去的工作有一种强烈的渴想。

15 nourishment   

n.食物，营养品；营养情况

参考例句：

• Lack of proper nourishment reduces their power to resist disease.营养不良降低了他们抵抗疾病的能力。
• He ventured that plants draw part of their nourishment from the air.他大胆提出植物从空气中吸收部分养分的观点。

16 lighting   

n.照明，光线的明暗，舞台灯光

参考例句：

• The gas lamp gradually lost ground to electric lighting.煤气灯逐渐为电灯所代替。
• The lighting in that restaurant is soft and romantic.那个餐馆照明柔和而且浪漫。

17 conscientiously   

adv.凭良心地；认真地，负责尽职地；老老实实

参考例句：

• He kept silent,eating just as conscientiously but as though everything tasted alike. 他一声不吭，闷头吃着，仿佛桌上的饭菜都一个味儿。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• She discharged all the responsibilities of a minister conscientiously. 她自觉地履行部长的一切职责。 来自《简明英汉词典》

18 battalion   

n.营；部队；大队(的人)

参考例句：

• The town was garrisoned by a battalion.该镇由一营士兵驻守。
• At the end of the drill parade,the battalion fell out.操练之后，队伍解散了。

19 sergeant   

n.警官，中士

参考例句：

• His elder brother is a sergeant.他哥哥是个警官。
• How many stripes are there on the sleeve of a sergeant?陆军中士的袖子上有多少条纹？

20 sniffed   

v.以鼻吸气，嗅，闻( sniff的过去式和过去分词 )；抽鼻子（尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气）；抱怨，不以为然地说

参考例句：

• When Jenney had stopped crying she sniffed and dried her eyes. 珍妮停止了哭泣，吸了吸鼻子，擦干了眼泪。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The dog sniffed suspiciously at the stranger. 狗疑惑地嗅着那个陌生人。 来自《简明英汉词典》

21 gnaw   

v.不断地啃、咬；使苦恼，折磨

参考例句：

• Dogs like to gnaw on a bone.狗爱啃骨头。
• A rat can gnaw a hole through wood.老鼠能啃穿木头。

22 tormented   

饱受折磨的

参考例句：

• The knowledge of his guilt tormented him. 知道了自己的罪责使他非常痛苦。
• He had lain awake all night, tormented by jealousy. 他彻夜未眠，深受嫉妒的折磨。

23 wretches   

n.不幸的人( wretch的名词复数 )；可怜的人；恶棍；坏蛋

参考例句：

• The little wretches were all bedraggledfrom some roguery. 小淘气们由于恶作剧而弄得脏乎乎的。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• The best courage for us poor wretches is to fly from danger. 对我们这些可怜虫说来，最好的出路还是躲避危险。 来自辞典例句

24 paltry   

adj.无价值的，微不足道的

参考例句：

• The parents had little interest in paltry domestic concerns.那些家长对家里鸡毛蒜皮的小事没什么兴趣。
• I'm getting angry;and if you don't command that paltry spirit of yours.我要生气了，如果你不能振作你那点元气。

25 flickered   

（通常指灯光）闪烁，摇曳( flicker的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The lights flickered and went out. 灯光闪了闪就熄了。
• These lights flickered continuously like traffic lights which have gone mad. 这些灯象发狂的交通灯一样不停地闪动着。

26 remains   

n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹

参考例句：

• He ate the remains of food hungrily.他狼吞虎咽地吃剩余的食物。
• The remains of the meal were fed to the dog.残羹剩饭喂狗了。

27 munching   

v.用力咀嚼（某物），大嚼( munch的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• He was munching an apple. 他在津津有味地嚼着苹果。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Munching the apple as he was, he had an eye for all her movements. 他虽然啃着苹果，但却很留神地监视着她的每一个动作。 来自辞典例句

28 gratitude   

adj.感激，感谢

参考例句：

• I have expressed the depth of my gratitude to him.我向他表示了深切的谢意。
• She could not help her tears of gratitude rolling down her face.她感激的泪珠禁不住沿着面颊流了下来。

29 benefactors   

n.捐助者，施主( benefactor的名词复数 )；恩人

参考例句：

• I rate him among my benefactors. 我认为他是我的一个恩人。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• We showed high respect to benefactors. 我们对捐助者表达了崇高的敬意。 来自辞典例句

30 debtors   

n.债务人，借方( debtor的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Creditors could obtain a writ for the arrest of their debtors. 债权人可以获得逮捕债务人的令状。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Never in a debtors' prison? 从没有因债务坐过牢么？ 来自英汉文学 - 双城记

31 simplicity   

n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯

参考例句：

• She dressed with elegant simplicity.她穿着朴素高雅。
• The beauty of this plan is its simplicity.简明扼要是这个计划的一大特点。

32 alas   

int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等)

参考例句：

• Alas!The window is broken!哎呀！窗子破了！
• Alas,the truth is less romantic.然而，真理很少带有浪漫色彩。

33 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

34 pangs   

突然的剧痛( pang的名词复数 )； 悲痛

参考例句：

• She felt sudden pangs of regret. 她突然感到痛悔不已。
• With touching pathos he described the pangs of hunger. 他以极具感伤力的笔触描述了饥饿的痛苦。

35 deserted   

adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的

参考例句：

• The deserted village was filled with a deathly silence.这个荒废的村庄死一般的寂静。
• The enemy chieftain was opposed and deserted by his followers.敌人头目众叛亲离。

36 curb   

n.场外证券市场，场外交易；vt.制止，抑制

参考例句：

• I could not curb my anger.我按捺不住我的愤怒。
• You must curb your daughter when you are in church.你在教堂时必须管住你的女儿。

37 mere   

adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过

参考例句：

• That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
• It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。

38 pals   

n.朋友( pal的名词复数 )；老兄；小子；（对男子的不友好的称呼）家伙

参考例句：

• We've been pals for years. 我们是多年的哥们儿了。
• CD 8 positive cells remarkably increased in PALS and RP(P CD8+细胞在再生脾PALS和RP内均明显增加(P 来自互联网

39 ticklish   

adj.怕痒的；问题棘手的；adv.怕痒地；n.怕痒，小心处理

参考例句：

• This massage method is not recommended for anyone who is very ticklish.这种按摩法不推荐给怕痒的人使用。
• The news is quite ticklish to the ear,这消息听起来使人觉得有些难办。

40 morale   

n.道德准则，士气，斗志

参考例句：

• The morale of the enemy troops is sinking lower every day.敌军的士气日益低落。
• He tried to bolster up their morale.他尽力鼓舞他们的士气。

41 chafing   

n.皮肤发炎v.擦热（尤指皮肤）( chafe的现在分词 )；擦痛；发怒；惹怒

参考例句：

• My shorts were chafing my thighs. 我的短裤把大腿磨得生疼。 来自辞典例句
• We made coffee in a chafing dish. 我们用暖锅烧咖啡。 来自辞典例句

42 affected   

adj.不自然的，假装的

参考例句：

• She showed an affected interest in our subject.她假装对我们的课题感到兴趣。
• His manners are affected.他的态度不自然。

43 transparent   

adj.明显的，无疑的；透明的

参考例句：

• The water is so transparent that we can see the fishes swimming.水清澈透明，可以看到鱼儿游来游去。
• The window glass is transparent.窗玻璃是透明的。

44 ruses   

n.诡计，计策( ruse的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Buyers use different ruses to wring free credit out of their suppliers. 买主们千方百计想从供货商那儿无息赊购。 来自柯林斯例句

45 humiliate   

v.使羞辱，使丢脸[同]disgrace

参考例句：

• What right had they to bully and humiliate people like this?凭什么把人欺侮到这个地步呢？
• They pay me empty compliments which only humiliate me.他们虚情假意地恭维我，这只能使我感到羞辱。

46 heartily   

adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很

参考例句：

• He ate heartily and went out to look for his horse.他痛快地吃了一顿，就出去找他的马。
• The host seized my hand and shook it heartily.主人抓住我的手，热情地和我握手。

47 scribbled   

v.潦草的书写( scribble的过去式和过去分词 )；乱画；草草地写；匆匆记下

参考例句：

• She scribbled his phone number on a scrap of paper. 她把他的电话号码匆匆写在一张小纸片上。
• He scribbled a note to his sister before leaving. 临行前，他给妹妹草草写了一封短信。