"I must go out on an errand. I'll be back in a moment."
"Come in!"
A little boy, dressed in black, appeared on the threshold. My heart gave a bound. That prominent forehead, where fair curls rolled, that straight, brilliant gaze. Victor! Victor, at five years old. Victor as he had been when my eyes had opened on him as a little child.
It was his son—little Robert.
Behind him was my sister-in-law. She came straight up to my bed, and bent2 down, raising her long widow's veil. We kissed each other, and I demanded my little niece Brigitte, who was shy and was burying her face in her mother's skirts.
The conversation immediately started off, quite naturally and delightfully4, free of its whilom reserve. We ingenuously5 confessed that we had learnt to know each other, and how we had felt the mutual6 affection grow, in the course of these terrible months.
[Pg 501]
Madeleine had come to stay at Vichy for a few days.
"We will give you new courage," she said.
"I'm not lacking in it! You're the one who needs it, poor little sister."
"Oh! I have enough for three."
It was true enough. I was struck by her spirit of determination. And I had thought her in danger of giving way entirely7 beneath the blow. She spoke8 of nothing but the future; of her plans; of the education of her children. She thought of going to live at Versailles: the rents were not so high there as in Paris, they would be near the town, and the Lycée Hoche. For she wanted to keep Robert with her, in order that the whole family should cling together.
She did not complete the sentence. Tears pearled on her eyelashes. It was one of the few allusions11 she allowed herself, to her great sorrow.
I told her that her children would find a second father in me.
"He counted on it," she assured me.
And she showed me a note which Victor had written before leaving St. Mihiel; a few lines in which he confided12 those dearest to him on earth, to my charge. What instinct warned him that he would fall; that I should be preserved?
I reverently13 welcomed this sacred bequest14. When my father had gone I should be the head of the family. New duties which I hailed with delight. And in a short time, I said to myself, Madeleine would find in Jeannine a friend, more than a friend. I think that if we had been alone it would have been to her, first of all, that I should have revealed my secret.
[Pg 502]
Those were calm days perfumed by sympathy and friendship. I had to tell the story of my campaign in full detail. Not even the children seemed bored as they listened.
Dear mites15 they were! Too quiet and good. I sent to a neighbouring bazaar16 for some toys for them. Then I drew up a plan for the future.
I asked my sister-in-law what she meant to do for the winter. It was impossible for her to go back home. The enemy had just laid hands on St. Mihiel.
"Stay in Paris," she said.
"How depressing that would be!"
I pretended to be seized with a sudden inspiration. "Suppose we all went off to the Riviera for a time, for a rest?"
The suggestion was carried unanimously. It was a landmark17 set up.... To draw all my belongings18 down there. It seemed to me that in accompanying me, they would share my joy. As for me—could I hesitate? The Landrys' departure for Antibes, seriously delayed by certain complications, was fixed19 for the following month. I had reminded Jeannine of her promise to come round by the Bourbon line. The matter was arranged.
I fondly imagined that I should have recovered by that date. Bujard spoke to me every day of the marvellous apparatus20 which was to disguise my misfortune.
My sister left again with her children, recalled to Paris by various purchases and other matters. The sweetness she had brought with her persisted. Those were radiant days.
I began to get up. First a foot out of bed, nothing[Pg 503] more. My father who was still vigorous lent me the support of his arm. My head swam when I stood up. I was just able to reach an arm-chair, and doubted whether my strength could ever come back. I was especially bewildered by the strange lack of equilibrium21.
I held the crutches22 in abhorrence23. I should never get accustomed to that. Directly it was possible, Bujard brought me a wooden stump24. Frightful25! However, it was a way of progressing. My left leg was able to get exercise, and regain26 strength, little by little. I walked up and down the landings, and the hotel garden.
I was measured for a jointed27 limb. Bujard had told me of an American firm which was supplying both groups of belligerents28, so he assured me. I sent my order to them.
The delay demanded had seemed to me very reasonable. But, when I first began to go into the town I fell a prey29 to the embarrassing compassion30 of the passers-by. They nudged each other, when they met me.
"Another one!"
"Poor fellow!"
I happened just then to come across the prospectus33 of an English firm, which offered to provide the whole thing complete in a fortnight, at a price defying all competition!
It couldn't be helped. I was consumed with impatience35. I wrote, enclosing my cheque. We should see. It would be well worth the twelve pounds it would cost me.
[Pg 504]
Those were happy weeks, I repeat. I went before a Board; I was passed, and left the hospital. I was free! And had the satisfaction of feeling that I had paid my debt to the full.
I wrote letters, and received them. Madeleine wrote me jewels of sisterly affection. Guillaumin, for his part, sent me picturesque36 epistles. They had had a rough time again, at the beginning of October, round Champieu and De Roye.
Since then, trench37 warfare38 had been inaugurated: they were settling down for the winter. There was not a word of complaint, simply the tranquil39 and delightful3 keenness he had always shown. The morale40 of the men was intact. And they had had so few casualties during the last five weeks. They were well fed. The only drawback was the lack of heating arrangements!
I replied to him at length, and sent a real letter, too, to each man who had signed the collective post-card which I have already mentioned.
I asked my sister-in-law to go and call on Guillaumin's sister in the little flat she had in the Gobelins. They talked for a whole hour about him and me, like firm friends; and Madeleine managed to procure41 some piano lessons for the other—a real feat42!
The postal43 arrangements had improved considerably44. Neither Jeannine nor I lost any time. Directly a letter arrived—quick!—the answer was written. Our eagerness was more intense than ever.
The German offensive in the North had not come to an end. The fighting round Ypres had caused us a recurrence45 of anguish46. My father had another attack one evening when we once more thought—from reticences in the communiqué—that our line had been[Pg 505] forced and penetrated47, and that the road to Calais was open.
A few words from Jeannine—a supplementary48 card, that one—were what reassured49 us, before all the papers. An aide-de-camp from Foch had just been dining with them, and had given them details. The situation had been critical, desperate, one day, but it had been tardily50 re-established the next day, and was now consolidated51, and no longer gave any cause for alarm.
I read the whole passage to my father. He gave a sigh of relief.
"We are saved, then! The source of your information seems reliable. Is it one of your friends, who's written to you?"
"A friend, yes."
Later on, quite soon, it would be sweet to open my heart to him, to claim his blessing52 on the daughter I should bring him.
The Landrys had again put off the date of their departure. Jeannine gave me to understand, with a certain emphasis, that some business matters could not be settled. I had the delicacy53 never to ask for details.
This delay suited me very well. I would have given a lot for them not to join us before the ghastly "stump" had been relegated54 to the rubbish heap. Jeannine had, perhaps, guessed as much.
Oh! our correspondence at that point. I cannot prevent myself from returning to the subject. Its tone of complete confidence, of youthful abandonment. Oh! my loving beloved; arrayed in every attraction, who did not intoxicate55 me solely56 by the enchantment57 of her clear life and warm seduction, nor solely by the[Pg 506] goodness which all her being irradiated. She was the intellectual companion, too—the complement58, for which man's instinct yearns59, and which he discovers so rarely.
Sometimes, after having come into collision with my father who could not be shaken in his opinions, I would turn to her in delight and admire her broader outlook. For instance, he did not desire, or even admit, the possibility of peace or a truce60 before the enemy had been completely crushed. According to him, the necessary conditions of the future Treaty were that the Central Powers should be dismembered; large territories annexed61; and our frontier extended as far as the Rhine. The brutal62 law of force. The vanquished63 must bow his head. While, as for her it must be noted64 that she cursed the cruel blindness of the Teuton caste which provoked the catastrophe65 just as much as I did. But she followed me—far better than that—she boldly out-stripped me in my desire simply for the repression66 of a minor67 race, in my wish for the future re-establishment of concord68 among all nations, not excepting even that one. Did she not want to convince me that each great race in turn let itself be ensnared by the mirage69 of universal hegemony. Look at us, under Napoleon! In fifty or a hundred years, we should see these Germans rallied to our republican wisdom.
What joy I experienced in playing lightly upon all the chords of this young soul, in hearing each one of them vibrate in harmony with me.
I will quote one touching70 incident. She it was who sent me, by telegram, too, the text of my promotion71, as it appeared in the Gazette on November the 23rd. So that was why she had sounded me so[Pg 507] dexterously72 for a long time now. I had told her what I knew, what my captain proposed. I thought no more about it, instead of which, she had studied the lists for weeks and weeks, with the perseverance73 of a woman in love.
The English firm fulfilled their contract, the order was delivered on the promised date. Bujard shook his head when he examined it. Just as he had expected. A ready-made model!
As for me, the apparatus attracted me. I put it on hurriedly, and having pulled on my trousers, went and planted myself in front of the wardrobe looking-glass, which no longer reflected the former, monstrous74 and incomplete apparition75. Upright and firmly planted on my feet, and well-balanced, I admired myself, restored to my manly76 dignity. Now, Jeannine might come! I could not help telling her of the joy which was running over in me. I jokingly told her that I had to think before being sure which leg was missing.
She replied with the announcement that they were to start on their journey in a few days.
The fulness of life! The rapture77 of it! I was about to attain78 my supreme79 end, and was exalted80 by the prospect32 of it. The time was accomplished81. I had escaped the wind of death which had felled so many others. The war might still be in progress—I must ask pardon for this return of egoism!—At a time when my brothers were still suffering and perishing, I awaited, with heart enthralled82, the coming of my betrothed83.
How strange is destiny. I looked back upon the weeks spent, not so very long ago, beside this girl. I[Pg 508] had not had an inkling, then, of what she was to be to me. How fantastic it seemed that I should be beholden to that brutal separation. How near I had come to neglecting happiness!
But for the War——!
I dared to look this terrible truth in the face. Thus are hearts tempered anew. I had had to undergo the dread84 ordeal85 by fire, which consumes the greater number, whence a few issue, purified.
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1
shuffling
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| adj. 慢慢移动的, 滑移的 动词shuffle的现在分词形式 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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delightfully
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| 大喜，欣然 | |
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ingenuously
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| adv.率直地，正直地 | |
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mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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irresistibly
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| adv.无法抵抗地，不能自持地；极为诱惑人地 | |
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allusions
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| 暗指，间接提到( allusion的名词复数 ) | |
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confided
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| v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等） | |
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reverently
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| adv.虔诚地 | |
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bequest
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| n.遗赠；遗产，遗物 | |
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mites
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| n.（尤指令人怜悯的）小孩( mite的名词复数 )；一点点；一文钱；螨 | |
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16
bazaar
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| n.集市，商店集中区 | |
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landmark
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| n.陆标，划时代的事，地界标 | |
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belongings
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| n.私人物品，私人财物 | |
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19
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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20
apparatus
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| n.装置，器械；器具，设备 | |
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equilibrium
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| n.平衡，均衡，相称，均势，平静 | |
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crutches
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| n.拐杖, 支柱 v.支撑 | |
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23
abhorrence
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| n.憎恶；可憎恶的事 | |
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stump
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| n.残株，烟蒂，讲演台；v.砍断，蹒跚而走 | |
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frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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regain
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| vt.重新获得，收复，恢复 | |
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27
jointed
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| 有接缝的 | |
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28
belligerents
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| n.交战的一方（指国家、集团或个人）( belligerent的名词复数 ) | |
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prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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compassion
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| n.同情，怜悯 | |
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aspired
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| v.渴望，追求( aspire的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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prospect
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| n.前景，前途；景色，视野 | |
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prospectus
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| n.计划书；说明书；慕股书 | |
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hoax
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| v.欺骗，哄骗，愚弄；n.愚弄人，恶作剧 | |
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35
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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36
picturesque
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| adj.美丽如画的，（语言）生动的，绘声绘色的 | |
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trench
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| n./v.(挖)沟，(挖)战壕 | |
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38
warfare
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| n.战争(状态)；斗争；冲突 | |
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39
tranquil
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| adj. 安静的, 宁静的, 稳定的, 不变的 | |
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40
morale
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| n.道德准则，士气，斗志 | |
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41
procure
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| vt.获得，取得，促成；vi.拉皮条 | |
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42
feat
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| n.功绩；武艺，技艺；adj.灵巧的，漂亮的，合适的 | |
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postal
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| adj.邮政的，邮局的 | |
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44
considerably
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| adv.极大地；相当大地；在很大程度上 | |
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45
recurrence
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| n.复发，反复，重现 | |
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46
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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47
penetrated
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| adj. 击穿的，鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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48
supplementary
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| adj.补充的，附加的 | |
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49
reassured
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| adj.使消除疑虑的；使放心的v.再保证，恢复信心( reassure的过去式和过去分词) | |
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50
tardily
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| adv.缓慢 | |
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51
consolidated
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| a.联合的 | |
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52
blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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53
delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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54
relegated
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| v.使降级( relegate的过去式和过去分词 )；使降职；转移；把…归类 | |
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55
intoxicate
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| vt.使喝醉，使陶醉，使欣喜若狂 | |
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56
solely
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| adv.仅仅，唯一地 | |
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57
enchantment
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| n.迷惑，妖术，魅力 | |
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58
complement
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| n.补足物，船上的定员；补语；vt.补充，补足 | |
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59
yearns
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| 渴望，切盼，向往( yearn的第三人称单数 ) | |
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60
truce
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| n.休战，(争执，烦恼等的)缓和；v.以停战结束 | |
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61
annexed
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| [法] 附加的，附属的 | |
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62
brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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63
vanquished
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| v.征服( vanquish的过去式和过去分词 )；战胜；克服；抑制 | |
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64
noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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catastrophe
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| n.大灾难，大祸 | |
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66
repression
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| n.镇压，抑制，抑压 | |
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67
minor
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| adj.较小(少)的，较次要的；n.辅修学科；vi.辅修 | |
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concord
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| n.和谐；协调 | |
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69
mirage
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| n.海市蜃楼，幻景 | |
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70
touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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71
promotion
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| n.提升，晋级；促销，宣传 | |
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72
dexterously
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| adv.巧妙地，敏捷地 | |
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73
perseverance
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| n.坚持不懈，不屈不挠 | |
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74
monstrous
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| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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75
apparition
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| n.幽灵，神奇的现象 | |
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76
manly
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| adj.有男子气概的；adv.男子般地，果断地 | |
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77
rapture
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| n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜 | |
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78
attain
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| vt.达到，获得，完成 | |
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79
supreme
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| adj.极度的，最重要的；至高的，最高的 | |
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80
exalted
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| adj.(地位等)高的，崇高的；尊贵的，高尚的 | |
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81
accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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82
enthralled
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| 迷住，吸引住( enthrall的过去式和过去分词 )； 使感到非常愉快 | |
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83
betrothed
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| n. 已订婚者 动词betroth的过去式和过去分词 | |
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84
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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ordeal
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| n.苦难经历，（尤指对品格、耐力的）严峻考验 | |
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