Wet and cold, they each went to their rooms, Paul slipped out of his clothes and turned on the faucet1, waiting until the steam was billowing from behind the curtain be-fore he hopped2 into the shower. It took a few minutes for his body to warm up, and though he lingered far longer than usual and got dressed slowly, Adrienne hadn’t re-appeared by the time he went back downstairs.
With the windows covered, the house was dark, and Paul turned on the light in the sitting room before heading to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. The rain beat furiously on the hurricane guards, making the house echo with vi-bration. Thunder rolled continuously, sounding both close and far away at the same time, like sounds in a busy train station. Paul brought the cup of coffee back to the sitting room. Even with the lamp turned on, the blackened win-dows made it feel as though evening had settled in, and he moved toward the fireplace.
Paul opened the damper and added three logs, stacking them to allow for airflow, then threw in some kindling3. He nosed around for the matches and found them in a wooden box on the mantel. The odor of sulfur4 hung in the air when he struck the first match.
The kindling was dry and caught quickly; soon he heard a sound like the crinkling of paper as the logs began to catch. Within a few minutes the oak was giving off heat, and Paul moved the rocker closer, stretching his feet to-ward the fire.
It was comfortable, he thought, getting up from his chair, but not quite right. He crossed the room and turned off the light.
He smiled. Better, he thought. A lot better.
In her room, Adrienne was taking her time. After they’d reentered the house, she’d decided5 to take Jean’s advice and began filling the tub. Even when she turned off the faucet and slipped in, she could hear water running through the pipes and knew that Paul was still upstairs showering. There was something sensual in that realiza-tion, and she let the feeling wash over her.
Two days ago, she couldn’t have imagined this sort of thing happening to her. Nor could she have imagined that she’d he feeling this way about anyone, let alone someone she’d just met. Her life didn’t allow for such things, not lately, anyway. It was easy to blame the kids or tell herself that her responsibilities didn’t leave enough time for something like this, but that wasn’t completely true. It also had to do with who she’d become in the aftermath of her divorce.
Yes, she felt betrayed and angry at Jack6; everyone could understand those things. But being left for someone else carried other implications, and as much as she tried not to dwell on them, there were times when she couldn’t help it. Jack had rejected her, he’d rejected the life they had lived together; it was a devastating7 blow to her as a wife and mother, but also as a woman. Even if, as he’d claimed, he hadn’t planned on falling in love with Linda and that it had just happened, it wasn’t as if he simply rode the wave of emotions without making conscious decisions along the way. He had to have thought about what he was doing, he had to have considered the possibilities when he started spending time with Linda. And no matter how much he tried to soft-pedal what had happened, it was as if he’d told Adrienne not only that Linda was better in every way, but that Adrienne wasn’t even worth the time and effort it would take to fix whatever it was he thought was wrong with their relationship.
How was she supposed to react to that sort of total re-jection? It was easy for others to say that it had nothing to do with her, that Jack was going through a midlife crisis, but it still had an effect on the person she thought she was. Especially as a woman. It was hard to feel sensual when you didn’t feel attractive, and the ensuing three years without a date only served to underscore her feeling of inadequacy8.
And how had she dealt with that feeling? She’d devoted9 her life to her children, her father, the house, her job, the bills. Consciously or subconsciously10, she’d stopped doing those things that would give her the opportunity to think about herself. Gone were the relaxing conversations with friends on the telephone, or walks or baths, or even work-ing in her garden. Everything she did had a purpose, and though she believed she was keeping her life orderly in this way, she now realized that it had been a mistake.
It hadn’t helped, after all. She was busy from the mo-ment she woke until the moment she went to bed, and be-cause she’d robbed herself of any possibility of rewards, there was nothing to look forward to. Her daily routine was a series of chores, and that was enough to wear anyone down. By giving up the little things that make life worth-while, all she’d done, she suddenly realized, was to forget who she really was.
Paul, she suspected, already knew that about her. And somehow, spending time with him had given her the chance to realize it as well.
But this weekend wasn’t simply about recognizing the mistakes she’d made in the past. It also had to do with the future and how she would live from this point on. Her past was played out; there was nothing she could do about that, but the future was still up for grabs, and she didn’t want to live the rest of her life feeling the way she had for the last three years.
She shaved her legs and soaked in the tub for another few minutes, long enough for most of the suds to vanish and the water to start cooling. She dried off and—knowing that Jean wouldn’t mind—reached for the lotion11 on the counter. She applied12 some to her legs and belly13, then her breasts and arms, relishing14 the way it made her skin come to life.
Wrapping the towel around her, she went to her suit-case. Force of habit made her reach for jeans and a sweater, but after pulling them out, she set them aside. If I’m serious about changing the way I’m going to live, she thought, I may as well start now.
She hadn’t brought much else with her, certainly noth-ing fancy, but she did have a pair of black pants and a white blouse that Amanda had bought her for Christmas. She’d brought those along in the vague hope that she might head out one evening, and though she wasn’t going anywhere, it seemed as good a time as any to put them on.
She dried her hair with a blow dryer15 and curled it. Makeup16 came next: mascara and a dusting of blush, lipstick17 she’d bought at Belk’s a few months back but had seldom used. Leaning toward the mirror, she added a trace of eye shadow, just enough to accent the color of her eyes, as she’d done in the early years of her marriage.
When she was ready, she tugged18 at the blouse until it hung just right, smiling at what she saw. It had been far too long since she’d last looked like this.
She left the bedroom, and as she passed through the kitchen, she could smell the coffee. It was what she would normally drink on a day like this, especially since it was still the afternoon, but instead of pouring a cup, she re-trieved the last bottle of wine in the refrigerator, then grabbed the corkscrew and a couple of glasses, feeling worldly, as if she were finally in control.
Carrying it all to the sitting room, she saw that Paul had
started the fire, and it had somehow changed the room, as if anticipating the way she was feeling. Paul’s face was glowing in the flames, and though she was quiet, she knew he could sense her presence. He turned around to say some-thing, but when he saw Adrienne, no words came out of his mouth. All he could do was stare at her.
“Too much?” she finally asked.
Paul shook his head, his eyes never leaving hers. “No, not at all. You look. . . beautiful.”
Adrienne gave a shy smile. “Thank you,” she said. Her voice was soft, almost a whisper, a voice from long ago.
They continued to stare at each other until Adrienne fi-nally lifted the bottle slightly. “Would you like some wine?” she asked. “I know you have coffee, but with the storm, I thought it might be nice.”
Paul cleared his throat. “That sounds great. Would you like me to open the bottle?”
“Unless you like bits of cork19 in your wine, you’d better. I never did get the hang of those things.”
When Paul rose from his chair, she handed the corkscrew to him. He opened the bottle with a series of quick movements, and Adrienne held both glasses as he poured. He set the bottle on the table and took his glass as they sat in the rockers. She noticed they were closer to-gether than they had been the day before.
Adrienne took a sip20 of wine, then lowered the glass, pleased with everything: the way she looked and felt, the taste of the wine, the room itself. The flickering21 fire made shadows dance around them. Rain was sheeting itself against the walls.
“This is lovely,” she said. “I’m glad you made a fire.”
In the warming air, Paul caught a trace of the perfume she was wearing, and he shifted in his chair. “I was still cold after being outside,” he said. “It seems to take a little longer every year for me to warm up.”
“Even with all that exercise? And here I thought you were holding back the ravages22 of time.”
He laughed softly. “I wish.”
“You seem to be doing okay.”
“You don’t see me in the mornings.”
“But don’t you run then?”
“Before that, I mean. When I first get out of bed, I can barely move. I hobble like an old man. All that running has taken its toll23 over the years.”
As they moved their rockers back and forth24, he could see the reflection of the fire flickering in her eyes.
“Have you heard from your kids today?” he asked, trying not to stare at Adrienne too obviously.
She nodded. “They called this morning while you were out. They’re getting ready for their ski trip, but wanted to touch base before they go. They’re heading to Snowshoe, West Virginia, this weekend. They’ve been looking forward to that for a couple of months now.”
“Sounds like they’ll have fun.”
“Yeah, Jack’s good for that. Whenever they go to visit, he always has fun things planned, as if life with him would be nothing but one big party.” She paused. “But that’s okay. He’s missing out on a lot of things, too, and I wouldn’t trade places with him. You can’t get these years back.”
“I know,” he murmured, “Believe me, I know.”
She winced25. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.
He shook his head. “It’s okay. Even though you weren’t talking about me, I know I’ve missed more than I can hope to recover. But at least I’m trying to do something about it now. I just hope it works out.”
“It will.”
“You think so?”
“I know so. I think you’re the kind of person who ac-complishes just about everything you set out to do.”
“It’s not that easy this time.”
“Why not?”
“Mark and I aren’t on very good terms these days. Actu-ally, we’re not on any terms. We haven’t said more than a few words to each other in years.”
She looked at him, not sure what to say. “I didn’t realize it was that long,” she finally offered.
“How would you? It’s not something I’m proud to admit.”
“What are you going to say to him? At first, I mean?”
“I have no idea.” He looked at her. “Any suggestions? You seem to have a pretty good handle on the parent thing.”
“Not really. I guess I’d have to know what the problem is first.”
“It’s a long story.”
“We’ve got all day if you want to talk about it.”
Paul took a drink, as if summoning his resolve. Then, over the next half hour, and to the accompaniment of the escalating26 wind and rain outside, he told her how he hadn’t been around when Mark was growing up, about the argu-ment in the restaurant, his inability to find the will to re-pair the rift27 between them. By the time he was finished, the fire was burning lower. Adrienne was quiet for a moment.
“That’s a tough one,” she admitted.
“I know.”
“But this isn’t all your fault, you know. It takes two peo-ple to keep a feud28 going.”
“That’s pretty philosophical29.”
“It’s still true, though.”
“What should I do?”
“I guess I’d say not to push too hard. I think you proba-bly need to get to know each other before you start work-ing on the problems between you two.”
He smiled, thinking about her words. “You know, I hope your kids realize how smart their mother is.”
“They don’t. But I’m still hopeful.”
He laughed, thinking her skin looked radiant in the gen-tle light. A log sparked, sending trails up the chimney. Paul added more wine to both their glasses.
“How long are you planning to stay in Ecuador?” she asked.
“I’m not sure yet. I guess that’s up to Mark and how long he wants me there.” He swirled30 his wine before looking at her. “But I’d say I’ll be there at least a year. That’s what I told the director, anyway.”
“And then you’ll come back?”
He shrugged31. “Who knows. I suppose I could go any-where. It’s not like I have anything to return to in Raleigh. To be honest, I haven’t thought about what I’ll do when I get back. Maybe I’ll take up watching bed-and-breakfasts when the owners are out of town.”
She laughed. “I think you’d get pretty bored with that.”
“But I’d be good if a storm was coming.”
“True, but you’d have to learn to cook.”
“Good point.” Paul glanced toward her, his face half in shadow. “Then maybe I’ll just move to Rocky Mount and figure it out from there.”
At his words, Adrienne felt the blood rush to her cheeks. She shook her head and turned away.
“Don’t say that.”
“Say what?”
“Things you don’t mean.”
“What makes you think I don’t mean it?”
She wouldn’t meet his eyes, nor would she answer, and in the stillness of the room, he could see her chest rising and falling with her breaths. He could see a shadow of fear cross her face but didn’t know if it was because she wanted him to come and was afraid he wouldn’t, or didn’t want him to come and was afraid he would. He reached over, resting his hand on her arm. When he spoke32 again his voice was soft, as if trying to comfort a small child.
“I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable,” he said, “but this weekend . . . it’s like something I didn’t know existed. I mean, it’s been a dream. You’ve been a dream.”
The warmth of his hand seemed to penetrate33 into her bones.
“I’ve had a wonderful time, too,” she said.
“But you don’t feel the same way.”
She looked at him. “Paul . . . I . .”
“No, you don’t have to say anything—”
She didn’t let him finish. “Yes, I do. You want an answer, and I’d like to give you one, okay?” She paused, composing her thoughts. “When Jack and I split up, it was more than just the ending of a marriage. It ended everything I’d hoped for in the future. And it ended who I was, too. I thought I wanted to move on, and I tried, but the world didn’t seem all that interested in who I was anymore. Men in general weren’t interested in me, and I guess I retreated into a shell. This weekend made me realize that about myself, and I’m still coming to terms with that.”
“I’m not sure what you’re trying to tell me.”
“I’m not saying this because the answer is no. I would like to see you again. You’re charming and intelligent, and the past two days have meant more to me than you proba-bly realize. But moving to Rocky Mount? A year is a long time, and there’s no telling who either of us will be then. Look how much you’ve changed in the last six months. Can you honestly tell me that you’ll feel the same way about all this a year from now?”
“Yes,” he said, “I can.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Outside, the wind was a steady gale34, howling as it blasted against the house. The rain was hammering against the walls and roof; the old inn creaked under the incessant35 pressure.
Paul set aside his glass of wine. Staring at Adrienne, he knew he’d never seen anyone more beautiful.
“Because,” he said, “you’re the only reason I’d bother to come back at all.”
“Paul . . . don’t.”
She closed her eyes, and for a moment, Paul believed he was losing her. The realization36 scared him more than he’d imagined possible, and he felt the last of his resistance give way. He looked up at the ceiling, then down to the floor, then focused on Adrienne again. Leaving his chair, he moved to her side. With a finger, he turned her face toward him, knowing that he was in love with her, with everything about her.
“Adrienne “ he whispered, and when Adrienne fi-nally met his gaze, she recognized the emotion in his eyes.
He couldn’t say the words, but in a rush of intuitive feel-ing, she imagined she could hear them, and that was enough.
Because it was then, as he held her in his unwavering gaze, that she knew she was in love with him as well.
For a long moment, neither one of them seemed to know what to do, until Paul reached for her hand. With a sigh, Adrienne let him take it, leaning back in her chair as his thumb began to trace her skin.
He smiled, waiting for a response, but Adrienne seemed content to remain quiet. He couldn’t read her expression, yet it seemed to hint at everything he was feeling: hope and fear, confusion and acceptance, passion and reserve. But thinking she might need space, he let go of her hand and stood.
“Let me put another log on the fire,” he said. “It’s getting low.”
She nodded, watching him through half-closed eyes as he squatted37 before the fire, the jeans stretching tight around his thighs38.
This couldn’t be happening, she told herself. She was forty-five years old, for goodness’ sake, not a teenager. She was mature enough to know that something like this couldn’t be real. This was the product of the storm, the wine, the fact that they were alone. It was any combination of a thousand things, she told herself, but it wasn’t love.
And yet, as she watched Paul add another log and stare quietly into the fireplace, she knew with certainty that it was. The unmistakable look in his eyes, the tremor39 in his voice as he’d whispered her name . . . she knew his feelings were real. And so, she thought, were hers.
But what did that mean? For him or her? Knowing that he loved her, as wonderful as it was, wasn’t the only thing going on here. His look had spoken of desire as well, and that had frightened her, even more than knowing he loved her. Making love, she’d always believed, was more than simply a pleasurable act between two people. It encom-passed all that a couple was supposed to share: trust and commitment, hopes and dreams, a promise to make it through whatever the future might bring. She’d never un-derstood one-night stands or people who drifted from one bed to the next every couple of months. It relegated40 the act to something almost meaningless, no more special than a good-night kiss on the front steps.
Even though they loved each other, she knew every-thing would change if she allowed herself to give in to her feelings. She would cross a boundary she’d erected41 in her mind, and there was no coming back from something like that. Making love to Paul would mean that they would share a bond for the rest of their lives, and she wasn’t sure she was ready for that.
Nor was she sure she would know what to do. Jack was not only the only man she’d ever been with; for eighteen years, he was the only man she’d wanted to be with. The possibility of sharing herself with another left her feeling anxious. Making love was a gentle dance of give-and-take, and the thought she might disappoint him was almost enough to keep her from letting this go any further.
But she couldn’t stop herself. Not anymore. Not with the way he’d looked at her, not with the way she felt about him.
Her throat was dry and her legs felt shaky as she stood from her chair. Paul was still crouching42 in front of the fire. Moving close, she rested her hands in the soft area between his neck and shoulders. His muscles tightened43 for an in-stant, but as she heard him exhale44, they relaxed. He turned, looking up at her, and it was then that she felt her-self finally give in.
It all felt right to her, he felt right, and as she stood be-hind him, she knew she would allow herself to go to the place she was meant to be.
Lightning cut the sky outside. Wind and rain were joined as one, pounding against the walls. The room grew hotter as the flames began to leap up again.
Paul stood and faced her. His expression was tender as he reached for her hand. She expected him to kiss her, but he didn’t, Instead, he raised her hand and held it against his cheek, closing his eyes, as if wanting to remember her touch against him forever.
Paul kissed the back of her hand before releasing it. Then, opening his eyes and tilting45 his head, he drew closer until she felt his lips brush against the side of her face in a series of butterfly-light kisses before finally meeting her lips.
She leaned into him then as he wrapped his arms around her; she could feel her breasts pressed against his chest; she could feel the slight stubble on his face when he kissed her the second time.
He ran his hands over her back, her arms, and she parted her lips, feeling the moisture of his tongue. He kissed her neck, her cheek, and as his hand moved around to her belly, his touch was electric. When he moved his hand to her breasts, her breath caught in her throat, and they kissed again and again, the world around them dissolving into something distant and unreal.
It was over now, for both of them, and as they moved even closer, it was as if they were not only embracing each other, but holding all the painful memories at bay.
He buried his hands in her hair, and she leaned her head against his chest, hearing his heart beating as quickly as hers.
Then, when they were finally able to separate, she found herself reaching for his hand.
She took a small step backward and with a gentle pull began leading him to his bedroom upstairs.
收听单词发音 |
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faucet
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| n.水龙头 | |
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hopped
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| 跳上[下]( hop的过去式和过去分词 )； 单足蹦跳； 齐足（或双足）跳行； 摘葎草花 | |
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kindling
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| n. 点火, 可燃物 动词kindle的现在分词形式 | |
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sulfur
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| n.硫，硫磺（=sulphur） | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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devastating
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| adj.毁灭性的，令人震惊的，强有力的 | |
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inadequacy
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| n.无法胜任，信心不足 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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subconsciously
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| ad.下意识地，潜意识地 | |
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lotion
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| n.洗剂 | |
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applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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belly
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| n.肚子，腹部；(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分，膛 | |
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relishing
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| v.欣赏( relish的现在分词 )；从…获得乐趣；渴望 | |
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dryer
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| n.干衣机，干燥剂 | |
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makeup
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| n.组织；性格；化装品 | |
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lipstick
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| n.口红，唇膏 | |
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tugged
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| v.用力拉，使劲拉，猛扯( tug的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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cork
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| n.软木，软木塞 | |
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sip
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| v.小口地喝，抿，呷；n.一小口的量 | |
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flickering
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| adj.闪烁的，摇曳的，一闪一闪的 | |
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ravages
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| 劫掠后的残迹，破坏的结果，毁坏后的残迹 | |
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toll
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| n.过路(桥)费；损失，伤亡人数；v.敲(钟) | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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winced
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| 赶紧避开，畏缩( wince的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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escalating
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| v.（使）逐步升级( escalate的现在分词 )；（使）逐步扩大；（使）更高；（使）更大 | |
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rift
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| n.裂口，隙缝，切口；v.裂开，割开，渗入 | |
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feud
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| n.长期不和；世仇；v.长期争斗；世代结仇 | |
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philosophical
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| adj.哲学家的，哲学上的，达观的 | |
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swirled
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shrugged
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| vt.耸肩（shrug的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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penetrate
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| v.透(渗)入；刺入，刺穿；洞察，了解 | |
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gale
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| n.大风，强风，一阵闹声（尤指笑声等） | |
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incessant
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| adj.不停的，连续的 | |
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realization
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| n.实现；认识到，深刻了解 | |
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squatted
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| v.像动物一样蹲下( squat的过去式和过去分词 )；非法擅自占用（土地或房屋）；为获得其所有权；而占用某片公共用地。 | |
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thighs
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| n.股，大腿( thigh的名词复数 )；食用的鸡（等的）腿 | |
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tremor
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| n.震动，颤动，战栗，兴奋，地震 | |
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relegated
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| v.使降级( relegate的过去式和过去分词 )；使降职；转移；把…归类 | |
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ERECTED
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| adj. 直立的，竖立的，笔直的 vt. 使 ... 直立，建立 | |
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42
crouching
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| v.屈膝，蹲伏( crouch的现在分词 ) | |
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43
tightened
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| 收紧( tighten的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）变紧； （使）绷紧； 加紧 | |
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44
exhale
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| v.呼气，散出，吐出，蒸发 | |
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45
tilting
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| 倾斜，倾卸 | |
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