The next morning, bright and early, we took a hasty breakfast, and hurried to the starting-place. Then an inconvenience presented itself which we had not properly appreciated before, namely, that one cannot make a heavy traveling trunk stand for twenty-five pounds of baggage—because it weighs a good deal more. But that was all we could take—twenty-five pounds each. So we had to snatch our trunks open, and make a selection in a good deal of a hurry. We put our lawful2 twenty-five pounds apiece all in one valise, and shipped the trunks back to St. Louis again. It was a sad parting, for now we had no swallow-tail coats and white kid gloves to wear at Pawnee receptions in the Rocky Mountains, and no stove-pipe hats nor patent-leather boots, nor anything else necessary to make life calm and peaceful. We were reduced to a war-footing. Each of us put on a rough, heavy suit of clothing, woolen3 army shirt and “stogy” boots included; and into the valise we crowded a few white shirts, some under-clothing and such things. My brother, the Secretary, took along about four pounds of United States statutes4 and six pounds of Unabridged Dictionary; for we did not know—poor innocents—that such things could be bought in San Francisco on one day and received in Carson City the next. I was armed to the teeth with a pitiful little Smith & Wesson’s seven-shooter, which carried a ball like a homoeopathic pill, and it took the whole seven to make a dose for an adult. But I thought it was grand. It appeared to me to be a dangerous weapon. It only had one fault—you could not hit anything with it. One of our “conductors” practiced awhile on a cow with it, and as long as she stood still and behaved herself she was safe; but as soon as she went to moving about, and he got to shooting at other things, she came to grief. The Secretary had a small-sized Colt’s revolver strapped5 around him for protection against the Indians, and to guard against accidents he carried it uncapped. Mr. George Bemis was dismally6 formidable. George Bemis was our fellow-traveler.
We had never seen him before. He wore in his belt an old original “Allen” revolver, such as irreverent people called a “pepper-box.” Simply drawing the trigger back, cocked and fired the pistol. As the trigger came back, the hammer would begin to rise and the barrel to turn over, and presently down would drop the hammer, and away would speed the ball. To aim along the turning barrel and hit the thing aimed at was a feat7 which was probably never done with an “Allen” in the world. But George’s was a reliable weapon, nevertheless, because, as one of the stage-drivers afterward8 said, “If she didn’t get what she went after, she would fetch something else.” And so she did. She went after a deuce of spades nailed against a tree, once, and fetched a mule9 standing10 about thirty yards to the left of it. Bemis did not want the mule; but the owner came out with a double-barreled shotgun and persuaded him to buy it, anyhow. It was a cheerful weapon—the “Allen.” Sometimes all its six barrels would go off at once, and then there was no safe place in all the region round about, but behind it.
We took two or three blankets for protection against frosty weather in the mountains. In the matter of luxuries we were modest—we took none along but some pipes and five pounds of smoking tobacco. We had two large canteens to carry water in, between stations on the Plains, and we also took with us a little shot-bag of silver coin for daily expenses in the way of breakfasts and dinners.
By eight o’clock everything was ready, and we were on the other side of the river. We jumped into the stage, the driver cracked his whip, and we bowled away and left “the States” behind us. It was a superb summer morning, and all the landscape was brilliant with sunshine. There was a freshness and breeziness, too, and an exhilarating sense of emancipation12 from all sorts of cares and responsibilities, that almost made us feel that the years we had spent in the close, hot city, toiling13 and slaving, had been wasted and thrown away. We were spinning along through Kansas, and in the course of an hour and a half we were fairly abroad on the great Plains. Just here the land was rolling—a grand sweep of regular elevations14 and depressions as far as the eye could reach—like the stately heave and swell15 of the ocean’s bosom16 after a storm. And everywhere were cornfields, accenting with squares of deeper green, this limitless expanse of grassy17 land. But presently this sea upon dry ground was to lose its “rolling” character and stretch away for seven hundred miles as level as a floor!
Our coach was a great swinging and swaying stage, of the most sumptuous18 description—an imposing19 cradle on wheels. It was drawn20 by six handsome horses, and by the side of the driver sat the “conductor,” the legitimate21 captain of the craft; for it was his business to take charge and care of the mails, baggage, express matter, and passengers. We three were the only passengers, this trip. We sat on the back seat, inside. About all the rest of the coach was full of mail bags—for we had three days’ delayed mails with us. Almost touching22 our knees, a perpendicular23 wall of mail matter rose up to the roof. There was a great pile of it strapped on top of the stage, and both the fore1 and hind11 boots were full. We had twenty-seven hundred pounds of it aboard, the driver said—“a little for Brigham, and Carson, and ’Frisco, but the heft of it for the Injuns, which is powerful troublesome ’thout they get plenty of truck to read.”
But as he just then got up a fearful convulsion of his countenance24 which was suggestive of a wink25 being swallowed by an earthquake, we guessed that his remark was intended to be facetious26, and to mean that we would unload the most of our mail matter somewhere on the Plains and leave it to the Indians, or whosoever wanted it.
We changed horses every ten miles, all day long, and fairly flew over the hard, level road. We jumped out and stretched our legs every time the coach stopped, and so the night found us still vivacious27 and unfatigued.
After supper a woman got in, who lived about fifty miles further on, and we three had to take turns at sitting outside with the driver and conductor. Apparently28 she was not a talkative woman. She would sit there in the gathering29 twilight30 and fasten her steadfast31 eyes on a mosquito rooting into her arm, and slowly she would raise her other hand till she had got his range, and then she would launch a slap at him that would have jolted32 a cow; and after that she would sit and contemplate33 the corpse34 with tranquil35 satisfaction—for she never missed her mosquito; she was a dead shot at short range. She never removed a carcase, but left them there for bait. I sat by this grim Sphynx and watched her kill thirty or forty mosquitoes—watched her, and waited for her to say something, but she never did. So I finally opened the conversation myself. I said:
“The mosquitoes are pretty bad, about here, madam.”
“You bet!”
“What did I understand you to say, madam?”
“You BET!”
Then she cheered up, and faced around and said:
“Danged if I didn’t begin to think you fellers was deef and dumb. I did, b’gosh. Here I’ve sot, and sot, and sot, a-bust’n muskeeters and wonderin’ what was ailin’ ye. Fust I thot you was deef and dumb, then I thot you was sick or crazy, or suthin’, and then by and by I begin to reckon you was a passel of sickly fools that couldn’t think of nothing to say. Wher’d ye come from?”
The Sphynx was a Sphynx no more! The fountains of her great deep were broken up, and she rained the nine parts of speech forty days and forty nights, metaphorically36 speaking, and buried us under a desolating37 deluge38 of trivial gossip that left not a crag or pinnacle39 of rejoinder projecting above the tossing waste of dislocated grammar and decomposed40 pronunciation!
How we suffered, suffered, suffered! She went on, hour after hour, till I was sorry I ever opened the mosquito question and gave her a start. She never did stop again until she got to her journey’s end toward daylight; and then she stirred us up as she was leaving the stage (for we were nodding, by that time), and said:
“Now you git out at Cottonwood, you fellers, and lay over a couple o’ days, and I’ll be along some time to-night, and if I can do ye any good by edgin’ in a word now and then, I’m right thar. Folks’ll tell you’t I’ve always ben kind o’ offish and partic’lar for a gal41 that’s raised in the woods, and I am, with the rag-tag and bob-tail, and a gal has to be, if she wants to be anything, but when people comes along which is my equals, I reckon I’m a pretty sociable42 heifer after all.”
We resolved not to “lay by at Cottonwood.”
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1
fore
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| adv.在前面；adj.先前的；在前部的；n.前部 | |
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2
lawful
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| adj.法律许可的，守法的，合法的 | |
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woolen
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| adj.羊毛(制)的；毛纺的 | |
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statutes
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| 成文法( statute的名词复数 )； 法令； 法规； 章程 | |
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strapped
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| adj.用皮带捆住的，用皮带装饰的；身无分文的；缺钱；手头紧v.用皮带捆扎(strap的过去式和过去分词)；用皮带抽打；包扎；给…打绷带 | |
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dismally
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| adv.阴暗地，沉闷地 | |
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7
feat
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| n.功绩；武艺，技艺；adj.灵巧的，漂亮的，合适的 | |
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8
afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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mule
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| n.骡子，杂种，执拗的人 | |
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10
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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11
hind
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| adj.后面的，后部的 | |
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emancipation
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| n.（从束缚、支配下）解放 | |
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13
toiling
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| 长时间或辛苦地工作( toil的现在分词 )； 艰难缓慢地移动，跋涉 | |
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14
elevations
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| （水平或数量）提高( elevation的名词复数 )； 高地； 海拔； 提升 | |
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15
swell
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| vi.膨胀，肿胀；增长，增强 | |
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16
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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17
grassy
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| adj.盖满草的；长满草的 | |
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18
sumptuous
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| adj.豪华的，奢侈的，华丽的 | |
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imposing
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| adj.使人难忘的，壮丽的，堂皇的，雄伟的 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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legitimate
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| adj.合法的，合理的，合乎逻辑的；v.使合法 | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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23
perpendicular
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| adj.垂直的，直立的；n.垂直线，垂直的位置 | |
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24
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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wink
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| n.眨眼，使眼色，瞬间；v.眨眼，使眼色，闪烁 | |
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26
facetious
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| adj.轻浮的，好开玩笑的 | |
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27
vivacious
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| adj.活泼的，快活的 | |
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28
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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30
twilight
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| n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期 | |
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31
steadfast
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| adj.固定的，不变的，不动摇的；忠实的；坚贞不移的 | |
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32
jolted
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| （使）摇动， （使）震惊( jolt的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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33
contemplate
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| vt.盘算，计议；周密考虑；注视，凝视 | |
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34
corpse
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| n.尸体，死尸 | |
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35
tranquil
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| adj. 安静的, 宁静的, 稳定的, 不变的 | |
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36
metaphorically
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| adv. 用比喻地 | |
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37
desolating
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| 毁坏( desolate的现在分词 )； 极大地破坏； 使沮丧； 使痛苦 | |
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38
deluge
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| n./vt.洪水，暴雨，使泛滥 | |
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39
pinnacle
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| n.尖塔，尖顶，山峰；(喻)顶峰 | |
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40
decomposed
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| 已分解的，已腐烂的 | |
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41
gal
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| n.姑娘，少女 | |
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42
sociable
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| adj.好交际的，友好的，合群的 | |
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