XIII. THAT OF ALGERNON CROKER.

 Permit me, and I will quite briefly¹ relate

The sad story of Algernon Croker.

Take warning, good friends, and beware of the fate

Of this asinine² practical joker,

Who early in life caused the keenest distress³

To his uncle, Sir Barnaby Tatton,

By affixing⁴ a pin in the form of an S

To the chair which Sir Barnaby sat on.

His uncle had often been heard to declare

That to make him his heir he was willing;

But the point of this joke made Sir Barnaby swear

That he'd cut the boy off with a shilling.

Their anger his parents took means to express,

Tho' I may not, of course, be exact on

The particular spot—though you'll probably guess—

That young Croker was properly whacked⁵ on.

His pranks⁶, when they presently sent him to school,

Resulted in endless disasters,

And final expulsion for playing the fool

(He made "apple-pie" beds for the masters).

Nor was he more fortunate later in life,

When courting a lady at Woking;

For he failed to secure this sweet girl for his wife

On account of his practical joking.

 

To her father—a person of eighteen-stone-two,

In a round-about coat and a topper—

He offered a seat; then the chair he withdrew,

And, of course, the old chap came a cropper.

Such conduct, the father exceedingly hurt,

And he wouldn't consent to the marriage;

So the daughter she married a person named Birt,

And she rides to this day in her carriage.

But these are mere⁷ trifles compared with the fate

Which o'ertook him, and which I'm recalling,

When he ventured to joke with an old Potentate⁸,

With results which were simply appalling⁹.

'Twas in some foreign country, far over the sea,

Where he held a small post ministerial

(An Ambassador, Consul¹⁰, or something was he.

What exactly is quite immaterial).

He told the old Potentate, much to his joy,

That King Edward had sent him a present,

And handed a parcel up to the old boy,

With a smile which was childlike and pleasant.

The Potentate he, at the deuce of a pace,

At the string set to fumbling¹¹ and maulin';

Then Croker laughed madly to see his blank face—

For the package had nothing at all in.

The Potentate smiled—'twas a sad, sickly smile;

And he laughed—but the laughter was hollow.

"Ha! a capital joke. It doth greatly beguile¹²;

But," said he, "there is something to follow.

I, too, wish to play a small joke of my own,

At the which I'm remarkably¹³ clever."

Then,—a man standing¹⁴ by, at a nod from the throne,

Croker's head from his body did sever¹⁵.

1 briefly   

adv.简单地，简短地

参考例句：

• I want to touch briefly on another aspect of the problem.我想简单地谈一下这个问题的另一方面。
• He was kidnapped and briefly detained by a terrorist group.他被一个恐怖组织绑架并短暂拘禁。

2 asinine   

adj.愚蠢的

参考例句：

• It is an asinine discussion.那是个愚蠢透顶的讨论。
• I must have been insane to listen to your asinine gibberish!我真是昏了头居然听信了你的胡说八道！

3 distress   

n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛

参考例句：

• Nothing could alleviate his distress.什么都不能减轻他的痛苦。
• Please don't distress yourself.请你不要忧愁了。

4 affixing   

v.附加( affix的现在分词 )；粘贴；加以；盖（印章）

参考例句：

• Formally approves a document by affixing a signature. 以签名的形式正式批准文件。 来自互联网
• Forfixing, insulating, shock affixing parts or screws of many items such as appliances, stereos, and eyeglasses. 电器、音响响、光学学、电脑等的零件、螺丝固定绝缘、防震与接著。 来自互联网

5 whacked   

a.精疲力尽的

参考例句：

• She whacked him with her handbag. 她用手提包狠狠地打他。
• He whacked me on the back and I held both his arms. 他用力拍拍我的背，我抱住他的双臂。

6 pranks   

n.玩笑，恶作剧( prank的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Frank's errancy consisted mostly of pranks. 法兰克错在老喜欢恶作剧。 来自辞典例句
• He always leads in pranks and capers. 他老是带头胡闹和开玩笑。 来自辞典例句

7 mere   

adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过

参考例句：

• That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
• It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。

8 potentate   

n.统治者；君主

参考例句：

• People rose up against the despotic rule of their potentate.人们起来反抗君主的专制统治。
• I shall recline here like an oriental potentate.我要像个东方君主一样躺在这.

9 appalling   

adj.骇人听闻的，令人震惊的，可怕的

参考例句：

• The search was hampered by appalling weather conditions.恶劣的天气妨碍了搜寻工作。
• Nothing can extenuate such appalling behaviour.这种骇人听闻的行径罪无可恕。

10 consul   

n.领事；执政官

参考例句：

• A consul's duty is to help his own nationals.领事的职责是帮助自己的同胞。
• He'll hold the post of consul general for the United States at Shanghai.他将就任美国驻上海总领事(的职务)。

11 fumbling   

n. 摸索,漏接 v. 摸索,摸弄,笨拙的处理

参考例句：

• If he actually managed to the ball instead of fumbling it with an off-balance shot. 如果他实际上设法拿好球而不是fumbling它。50-balance射击笨拙地和迅速地会开始他的岗位移动，经常这样结束。
• If he actually managed to secure the ball instead of fumbling it awkwardly an off-balance shot. 如果他实际上设法拿好球而不是fumbling它。50-50提议有时。他从off-balance射击笨拙地和迅速地会开始他的岗位移动，经常这样结束。

12 beguile   

vt.欺骗，消遣

参考例句：

• They are playing cards to beguile the time.他们在打牌以消磨时间。
• He used his newspapers to beguile the readers into buying shares in his company.他利用他的报纸诱骗读者买他公司的股票。

13 remarkably   

ad.不同寻常地，相当地

参考例句：

• I thought she was remarkably restrained in the circumstances. 我认为她在那种情况下非常克制。
• He made a remarkably swift recovery. 他康复得相当快。

14 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

15 sever   

v.切开，割开；断绝，中断

参考例句：

• She wanted to sever all her connections with the firm.她想断绝和那家公司的所有联系。
• We must never sever the cultural vein of our nation.我们不能割断民族的文化血脉。