XV. THAT OF THE RIVAL HAIRDRESSERS.

 In the fashionable quarter

Of a fashionable town

Lived a fashionable barber,

And his name was Mister Brown.

Of hair, the most luxuriant,

This person had a crop,

And—a—so had his assistants,

And—the boy who swept the shop.

He had pleasant manners—very—

And his smile was very bland¹,

While his flow of conversation

Was exceptionally grand.

The difficulty was that he

Did not know when to stop;

Neither did his good assistants,

Nor—the boy who swept the shop.

He'd begin about the weather,

And remark the day was fine,

Or, perhaps, "it would be brighter

If the sun would only shine."

Or, he'd "noticed the barometer²

Had fallen with a flop³;

And—a—so had his assistants,

And—the boy who swept the shop."

Then the news from all the papers

(Most of which you'd heard before)

He would enter into fully⁴,

And the latest cricket score;

Or, political opinions,

He'd be pleased with you to swop;

And—a—so would his assistants,

Or—the boy who swept the shop.

At the Stock Exchange quotations⁵

Mister Brown was quite au fait,

And on betting, or "the fav'rit',"

He would talk in knowing way;

Then into matters personal

He'd occasionally drop,

And—a—so would his assistants,

Or—the boy who swept the shop.

 

He'd recommend Macassar oil,

Or someone's brilliantine,

As "a remedy for baldness."

'Twas "the finest he had seen."

And he'd "noticed that your hair of late

Was thinning on the top."

And—a—"so had his assistants,

And—the boy who swept the shop."

Now one day, nearly opposite,

Another barber came,

And opened an establishment

With quite another name.

And Brown looked out and wondered

If this man had come to stop.

And—a—so did his assistants,

And—the boy who swept the shop.

But they didn't fear their neighbour,

For the man seemed very meek⁶.

He'd no flow of conversation,

And looked half afraid to speak.

So Brown tittered at his rival

(Whose name happened to be Knopp);

And—a—so did his assistants,

And—the boy who swept the shop.

But somehow unaccountably

Brown's custom seemed to flow

In some mysterious sort of way

To Knopp's. It was a blow.

And Brown looked very serious

To see his profits drop.

And—a—so did his assistants

And—the boy who swept the shop.

And I wondered, and I wondered

Why this falling off should be,

And I thought one day I'd step across

To Mister Knopp's to see.

I found him very busy

With—in fact—no time to stop,

And—a—so were his assistants.

And—the boy who swept his shop.

 

Mister Knopp was very silent,

His assistants still as mice;

All the customers were smiling,

And one whispered, "Ain't it nice?"

"Hey? You want to know the reason?

Why, deaf and dumb is Knopp,

And—a—so are his assistants,

And—the boy who sweeps the shop."

1 bland   

adj.淡而无味的，温和的，无刺激性的

参考例句：

• He eats bland food because of his stomach trouble.他因胃病而吃清淡的食物。
• This soup is too bland for me.这汤我喝起来偏淡。

2 barometer   

n.气压表，睛雨表，反应指标

参考例句：

• The barometer marked a continuing fall in atmospheric pressure.气压表表明气压在继续下降。
• The arrow on the barometer was pointing to"stormy".气压计上的箭头指向“有暴风雨”。

3 flop   

n.失败(者)，扑通一声；vi.笨重地行动，沉重地落下

参考例句：

• The fish gave a flop and landed back in the water.鱼扑通一声又跳回水里。
• The marketing campaign was a flop.The product didn't sell.市场宣传彻底失败，产品卖不出去。

4 fully   

adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地

参考例句：

• The doctor asked me to breathe in,then to breathe out fully.医生让我先吸气，然后全部呼出。
• They soon became fully integrated into the local community.他们很快就完全融入了当地人的圈子。

5 quotations   

n.引用( quotation的名词复数 )；[商业]行情（报告）；（货物或股票的）市价；时价

参考例句：

• The insurance company requires three quotations for repairs to the car. 保险公司要修理这辆汽车的三家修理厂的报价单。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• These quotations cannot readily be traced to their sources. 这些引语很难查出出自何处。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

6 meek   

adj.温顺的，逆来顺受的

参考例句：

• He expects his wife to be meek and submissive.他期望妻子温顺而且听他摆布。
• The little girl is as meek as a lamb.那个小姑娘像羔羊一般温顺。