XVI. THAT OF THE AUCTIONEER'S DREAM.

 I'll proceed to the narration¹

Of a trifling² episode

In the life of Mr. Platt,

An auctioneer,

Who was filled with jubilation³

And remarked: "Well, I'll be blowed!"—

An expression rather im-

Polite, I fear.

But he dreamt he'd heard it stated

That, in future, auctioneers

Might include their near relations

In their sales;

And he felt so much elated

That he broke out into cheers,

As one's apt to do when other

Language fails.

And he thought: "Dear me, I'd better

Seize this opportunity

Of getting rid of ma-in-law,

And Jane—

('Twas his wife)—I'll not regret her;

And, indeed, it seems to me

Such a chance may really not

Occur again.

"And, indeed, while I'm about it,

I'll dispense⁴ with all the lot—

(O'er my family I've lately

Lost command)—

'Tis the best plan, never doubt it.

I'll dispose of those I've got,

And, perhaps, I'll get some others

Second-hand⁵."

So his ma-in-law he offered

As the first lot in the sale,

And he knocked her down for two-

And-six, or less.

Then Mrs. Platt he proffered—

She was looking rather pale;

But she fetched a good round sum,

I must confess.

Sister Ann was slightly damaged,

But she went off pretty well

Considering her wooden leg,

And that;

But I can't think how he managed

His wife's grandmother to sell—

But he did it. It was very smart

Of Platt.

 

Several children, and the twins

(Lots from 9 to 22),

Fetched the auctioneer a tidy sum

Between 'em.

(One small boy had barked his shins,

And a twin had lost one shoe,

But they looked as well, Platt thought, as e'er

He'd seen 'em.)

Then some nephews, and some nieces,

Sundry⁶ uncles, and an aunt,

Went off at figures which were

Most surprising.

And some odds⁷ and ends of pieces

(I would tell you, but I can't

Their relationship) fetched prices

Past surmising⁸.

It is quite enough to mention

That before the day was out

All his relatives had gone

Without reserve.

This fell in with Platt's intention,

And he said: "Without a doubt,

I shall now as happy be

As I deserve."

But he wasn't very happy,

For he soon began to miss

Mrs. Platt, his wife, and all

The little "P's."

And the servants made him snappy;

Home was anything but bliss⁹;

And Mr. Platt was very

Ill at ease.

So he calmly thought it over.

"On the whole, perhaps," said he,

I had better buy my fam-

Ily again,

For I find I'm not in clover,

Quite, without my Mrs. P.—

She was really not a bad sort,

Wasn't Jane."

But the persons who had bought 'em

Wouldn't part with 'em again.

Though Platt offered for their purchase

Untold¹⁰ gold.

For quite priceless now he thought 'em,

And, of course, could see quite plain

That in selling them he had himself

Been sold.

 

And he thought, with agitation¹¹

Of them lost for ever now,

And he said, "This thing has gone

Beyond a joke,"

While the beads¹² of perspiration¹³

Gathered thickly on his brow;

And then Mr. Platt, the auctioneer—

Awoke.

1 narration   

n.讲述，叙述；故事；记叙体

参考例句：

• The richness of his novel comes from his narration of it.他小说的丰富多采得益于他的叙述。
• Narration should become a basic approach to preschool education.叙事应是幼儿教育的基本途径。

2 trifling   

adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的

参考例句：

• They quarreled over a trifling matter.他们为这种微不足道的事情争吵。
• So far Europe has no doubt, gained a real conveniency,though surely a very trifling one.直到现在为止,欧洲无疑地已经获得了实在的便利，不过那确是一种微不足道的便利。

3 jubilation   

n.欢庆，喜悦

参考例句：

• The goal was greeted by jubilation from the home fans.主场球迷为进球欢呼。
• The whole city was a scene of jubilation.全市一片欢腾。

4 dispense   

vt.分配，分发；配(药)，发(药)；实施

参考例句：

• Let us dispense the food.咱们来分发这食物。
• The charity has been given a large sum of money to dispense as it sees fit.这个慈善机构获得一大笔钱，可自行适当分配。

5 second-hand   

adj.用过的，旧的，二手的

参考例句：

• I got this book by chance at a second-hand bookshop.我赶巧在一家旧书店里买到这本书。
• They will put all these second-hand goods up for sale.他们将把这些旧货全部公开出售。

6 sundry   

adj.各式各样的，种种的

参考例句：

• This cream can be used to treat sundry minor injuries.这种药膏可用来治各种轻伤。
• We can see the rich man on sundry occasions.我们能在各种场合见到那个富豪。

7 odds   

n.让步，机率，可能性，比率；胜败优劣之别

参考例句：

• The odds are 5 to 1 that she will win.她获胜的机会是五比一。
• Do you know the odds of winning the lottery once?你知道赢得一次彩票的几率多大吗？

8 surmising   

v.臆测，推断( surmise的现在分词 )；揣测；猜想

参考例句：

• Fanny's heart beat quick, and she felt quite unequal to surmising or soliciting any more. 范妮的心跳得快了起来，她不敢猜测她往下讲些什么，也不敢求她再往下讲。 来自辞典例句

9 bliss   

n.狂喜，福佑，天赐的福

参考例句：

• It's sheer bliss to be able to spend the day in bed.整天都可以躺在床上真是幸福。
• He's in bliss that he's won the Nobel Prize.他非常高兴，因为获得了诺贝尔奖金。

10 untold   

adj.数不清的，无数的

参考例句：

• She has done untold damage to our chances.她给我们的机遇造成了不可估量的损害。
• They suffered untold terrors in the dark and huddled together for comfort.他们遭受着黑暗中的难以言传的种种恐怖，因而只好挤在一堆互相壮胆。

11 agitation   

n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动

参考例句：

• Small shopkeepers carried on a long agitation against the big department stores.小店主们长期以来一直在煽动人们反对大型百货商店。
• These materials require constant agitation to keep them in suspension.这些药剂要经常搅动以保持悬浮状态。

12 beads   

n.（空心）小珠子( bead的名词复数 )；水珠；珠子项链

参考例句：

• a necklace of wooden beads 一条木珠项链
• Beads of perspiration stood out on his forehead. 他的前额上挂着汗珠。

13 perspiration   

n.汗水；出汗

参考例句：

• It is so hot that my clothes are wet with perspiration.天太热了，我的衣服被汗水湿透了。
• The perspiration was running down my back.汗从我背上淌下来。