XXXII. THAT OF A FRUITLESS ENDEAVOUR.

 Come let us quit the gruesome tales

Of cannibals, and Kings, and things;

On such-like themes my fancy fails,

My muse¹ a simpler story sings:

I'd have you, one and all, consider

To-day a bachelor and "widder."

The bachelor,—named Robinson,

(A clerk, or something, in the City,

Just what, we will not dwell upon),

A pleasant man, and somewhat witty²,

But thin,—I've seldom known a thinner,—

Dwelt in the suburbs, out at Pinner.

The widow lived at Pinner too,

Her name Ann Partington, née Gair,

And rich,—if what was said is true,—

Her age was forty; she was fair

And fat—indeed, as for that matter,

I've seldom known a person fatter.

Now Robinson considered: "Why

Should I, an eligible³ man,

In lonely 'diggings' live and die,

When I might marry widow Ann?

I'll call, and tentatively mention

My matrimonial intention."

 

The widow seemed at first inclined

To close the matter out of hand.

She said: "Yes, thank you, I don't mind,"

(No shyness there, you understand),

But later on said: "No, for us

To marry would be ludicrous.

We'd be the laughing-stock, I fear,

Of neighbours round about,

For you are awfully⁴ thin, poor dear,

And I am awfully stout⁵;

I must withhold⁶ consideration

Till there's some drastic alteration⁷."

So Robinson determined⁸ that

He'd put on flesh somehow;

He'd try all means of getting fat,

And made this solemn vow⁹:

"The widow,—well, he'd do without her

Till he had grown a trifle stouter¹⁰."

"Laugh and grow fat," somebody said;

So, daily, Robinson

The comic papers duly read,

And gloated thereupon:

He spent no end of pocket money

In things which he considered funny.

And eat!—I tell you he did eat!—

While (this was scarcely wise)

He seldom moved from off his seat,

And took no exercise.

'Twas not surprising, then—now, was it?—

He gained in "adipose¹¹ deposit."

 

He did; and when he turned the scale

At twenty stone or more,

He for the widow's house set sail,

And waddled¹² to the door.

She met him—thin as any rat,

For SHE'D been taking Anti-Fat!

1 muse   

n.缪斯（希腊神话中的女神），创作灵感

参考例句：

• His muse had deserted him,and he could no longer write.他已无灵感，不能再写作了。
• Many of the papers muse on the fate of the President.很多报纸都在揣测总统的命运。

2 witty   

adj.机智的，风趣的

参考例句：

• Her witty remarks added a little salt to the conversation.她的妙语使谈话增添了一些风趣。
• He scored a bull's-eye in their argument with that witty retort.在他们的辩论中他那一句机智的反驳击中了要害。

3 eligible   

adj.有条件被选中的；(尤指婚姻等)合适(意)的

参考例句：

• He is an eligible young man.他是一个合格的年轻人。
• Helen married an eligible bachelor.海伦嫁给了一个中意的单身汉。

4 awfully   

adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地

参考例句：

• Agriculture was awfully neglected in the past.过去农业遭到严重忽视。
• I've been feeling awfully bad about it.对这我一直感到很难受。

6 withhold   

v.拒绝，不给；使停止，阻挡

参考例句：

• It was unscrupulous of their lawyer to withhold evidence.他们的律师隐瞒证据是不道德的。
• I couldn't withhold giving some loose to my indignation.我忍不住要发泄一点我的愤怒。

7 alteration   

n.变更，改变；蚀变

参考例句：

• The shirt needs alteration.这件衬衣需要改一改。
• He easily perceived there was an alteration in my countenance.他立刻看出我的脸色和往常有些不同。

8 determined   

adj.坚定的；有决心的

参考例句：

• I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
• He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。

9 vow   

n.誓(言)，誓约；v.起誓，立誓

参考例句：

• My parents are under a vow to go to church every Sunday.我父母许愿，每星期日都去做礼拜。
• I am under a vow to drink no wine.我已立誓戒酒。

10 stouter   

粗壮的( stout的比较级 )； 结实的； 坚固的； 坚定的

参考例句：

• Freddie was much stouter, more benevolent-looking, cheerful, and far more dandified. 弗烈特显得更魁伟，更善良、更快活，尤其更像花花公子。 来自教父部分
• Why hadn't she thought of putting on stouter shoes last night? 她昨天晚上怎么没想起换上一双硬些的鞋呢？

11 adipose   

adj.脂肪质的，脂肪多的；n.（储于脂肪组织中的）动物脂肪；肥胖

参考例句：

• After I become pouch operation adipose meeting second birth?我做眼袋手术后脂肪会再生吗？
• Adipose tissue as seen in a regular histological section.组织切片可见脂肪组织。

12 waddled   

v.（像鸭子一样）摇摇摆摆地走( waddle的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• A family of ducks waddled along the river bank. 一群鸭子沿河岸摇摇摆摆地走。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The stout old man waddled across the road. 那肥胖的老人一跩一跩地穿过马路。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》