[423] Next morning, while our party were at breakfast, who should make his appearance but Gayfield, whose elasticity1 of spirits, and volubility of tongue, appeared, if possible, to have acquired an additional impulse of action.
“My dear fellow,” he commenced, addressing Bob, “as you are so soon about to leave us, I feel anxious you should carry with you all the information possible on that interesting subject, Life in London. Long as your stay in the Metropolis2 has been, still, where the subjects are so varying—so ever varying—so multifarious—and the field for observation so unlimited3, it is impossible but that something must have escaped your notice.
“I have been scribbling4 to a friend in the country, whom I occasionally endeavour to amuse with “Sketches of Scenes in London;” and, as I flatter myself, it exhibits something of novelty both in character, situation, and incident, you shall hear it.”
“Dear Dick—I told you that I was about to have the honour of being introduced to tin; celebrated6 Dr. Kitchen. 'He was a man, take him for all in all, I ne'er shall look upon his like again.' It was evidently one of ?Nature's worst journeymen' that made him; for he has not a limb which appears to appertain to his body; they look precisely7 as if they were purchased at an auction8. This little man, who seems born to be 'girded at' by jokers of all classes, sharing the prevalent rage for notoriety, has written two works, one in the character of a gourmand9, and the other of a musician. But not content with the fame he has thus acquired, he has persuaded himself that he is an excellent singer. Nay10, it was given out lately, by his own concurrence11, that he intended to sing at a concert at the Argyle Rooms; and although he has no more voice than a [424] cat, he was under the full impression that his Majesty12, at the conclusion of the last court-day, intended to call upon him for a song. The Doctor asked me and Caustic13 to one of his literary dinners; and as T have supplied you with a sketch5 of a cook-shop gourmand, I make no apology for shewing up a more elevated class of gastronomes, by reporting the Doctor's speech on this occasion.—
“'On entering the world, the acuteness of my palate and vigour14 of digestion15 disposed me to conceive that I should excel in the fraternal sciences of eating and drinking; and I entertained no doubt but my vapid16 organs would be considerably17 improved by frequent exercise. Taste has various departments—painting, architecture, sculpture, &c.; but impressed with the conviction that my only office in this world was to invent new dishes and devour18 them, I collected all the culinary writers from Caxton to Mons. Ude, of modern celebrity19. As science proceeds by gradual advances, I frequented the better sort of coffee-houses, to initiate20 myself in the correct nomenclature of different dishes, and to judge of their skilful21 preparation. These, to be sure, are proper schools for a beginner; but I soon discovered that these victuallers, on account of their numerous visitants, who are disposed to eat much and pay little, could not afford to furnish the most costly22 and exquisite23 entrees24. Sometimes I found that the same turkey had been twice subjected to the spit; a sole that had been broiled25 the day before, underwent the operation of frying on the following. Cold meat appeared as hot pie, with many other curious and ingenious devices. Then the wine was so adulterated, compelled, like a melancholic26 patient, to look old before its time, and fitted, like a pauper27, with a ready-made coat perceptibly impregnated with bad brandy, and tasted of every thing but the grape, that, in about six months, I sickened, and no longer frequented these tasteless and inhospitable retreats for the hungry.
“'To view the ordinary arrangements of a modern dinner is a “sorry sight:”—a dozen articles placed at once upon the table—then, on the removal of the covers, comes the ferocious28 onset29; some tremulous paralytic30 serving the soup, and scattering31 it in all directions, excepting into the plate where it ought to be delivered; [425] then an unhandy dandy mutilates the fish by cutting it in a wrong direction; here, an officious ignoramus tears asunder32 the members of a fowl33 as coarsely as the four horses dragged Ravillac, limb from limb; there, another simpleton notching34 a tongue into dissimilar slices, while a purblind35 coxcomb36 confounds the different sauces, pouring anchovy37 on pigeon-pie, and parsley and butter on roast-beef. All these barbarisms are unknown at my table.
“'Perhaps one of the most gratifying things in nature, far beyond any thing hitherto conveyed by landscape or historical painting, is to behold38 my guests in silence sip39 their wine. As the glass is held up, the eye and the orient liquor reciprocally sparkle; its bouquet40 expands the nostrils41, elevates the eyebrow42 to admiration43, and composes the lips to a smile. When its crystal receptacle, which is as thin as Indian paper, (for observe, to use a thick wine-glass is to drink with a gag in your mouth) touches the lips, they become comprest, to allow the thinnest possible stream to enter, that its flavour be thoroughly44 ascertained45, and that successive perceptions of palateable flavour may terminate in the gulph of ecstacy.
“'I am fully46 aware that the pleasures of the table cannot be indulged without some hazard to the constitution; it is therefore the business of my serious reflections to counteract47 the invasions of disease, and provide timely remedies for its attack. A gold box is always placed on the table with the desert, containing a store of pills, which are of a very moving quality and speedy operation, called “Peristaltic persuaders.” In an adjoining room, there is a basin, as large as an ordinary washing-tub, with a copper48 of chamomile-tea; and a cupper is engaged to be in constant attendance till the guests depart.
“'Gentlemen, I once became a member of a fashionable dinner-club, managed by a superintending committee, who purchased their own wine, and engaged a culinary artist of established reputation. This club was a diversified49 assemblage, consisting of some sprigs of the nobility and a few old standards; several members of Parliament, who became very troublesome by repeating the speeches that had been uttered in the house, and were, besides, always attempting to reform the club. But this was less offensive to me than others, as I make it a [426] rule never to attend to conversation unless it relates to improvements in cookery. The remainder of our club was composed of a few hungry querulous lawyers, two or three doctors, who had increased the means of gratifying their appetites by destroying the digestive faculties50 of their patients. There is nothing permanent in the world; therefore, in about two years, the club dwindled51 away; a set of rascally52 economists53 complained of expense; the cook, a very honest man and skilful professor, was accused of peculation54 by the reformers, and turned adrift for modestly demonstrating that he could not make turtle out of tripe55, nor convert sprats into red mullet. Several members moved off without paying their arrears56. The managing committee disposed of the premises57, plate, furniture, and wines, and pocketed the money; and thus the club was dissolved.'
“It was on this occasion that the Doctor proposed his celebrated ?committee of taste,' with the proceedings58 of which I shall, perhaps, have occasion, at some future time, to make you acquainted.”
Gayfield's humorous epistle amused the party much, and Bob felt complimented by the attention paid to the finish of his studies of Metropolitan59 Life and Manners. The fine appearance of the morning determined60 them on a stroll through the leading thoroughfares, as it would afford Tallyho the opportunity of completing such purchases as were necessary prior to his departure for the country. In passing Covent Garden, their attention was attracted by a numerous and grotesque61 assemblage, in which they soon mixed, and were highly diverted by the following whimsical exhibition, displaying the astonishing sagacity and feelings of the monkey species. An itinerant62 showman, who for some time past exhibited two dancing monkeys about the town, had pitched his stage in a part of the Market. When his poles and cords were fixed63, and the monkeys in their full dress were about to commence, the celebrated flying pieman came by with his basket, and, having furnished himself with a bottle of gin, he leaped upon the stage, and treated the showman and one of the monkeys with a glass each; the other monkey however declined taking any, and was leaping about to avoid it; but the pieman served out the second glass, and the former monkey took his with apparent gladness. The pieman again seized the monkey [427] who declined it before, but he still scorned to take any. The by-standers called out to the pieman to throw it at him, and the pieman flung it in his face. Instantly, the monkey who drank the gin, and who was half drunk by this time, to resent the injury, sprang upon the pieman, seized him by the arm, and would have torn that piece of the flesh entirely64 out, only for its master, who with much difficulty made him relinquish65 his hold. The pieman was dangerously wounded, and was carried to a doctor's shop to get his arm dressed.
Passing on, the next object of attention was the Police office, Bow Street. Here the party determined to rest for a short time, and after listening to several uninteresting cases relating to hackney coach fares, they were at length rewarded for their lost time and patience, by a case, in which the tables were completely turned upon Mr. Jehu, and which we hope will act as a caution to others of the profession who have a taste for swearing and abuse.
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1
elasticity
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| n.弹性，伸缩力 | |
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2
metropolis
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| n.首府；大城市 | |
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3
unlimited
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| adj.无限的，不受控制的，无条件的 | |
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4
scribbling
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| n.乱涂[写]胡[乱]写的文章[作品]v.潦草的书写( scribble的现在分词 )；乱画；草草地写；匆匆记下 | |
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5
sketch
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| n.草图；梗概；素描；v.素描；概述 | |
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6
celebrated
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| adj.有名的，声誉卓著的 | |
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7
precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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8
auction
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| n.拍卖；拍卖会；vt.拍卖 | |
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9
gourmand
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| n.嗜食者 | |
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10
nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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11
concurrence
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| n.同意；并发 | |
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12
majesty
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| n.雄伟，壮丽，庄严，威严；最高权威，王权 | |
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13
caustic
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| adj.刻薄的，腐蚀性的 | |
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14
vigour
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| （=vigor）n.智力，体力，精力 | |
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15
digestion
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| n.消化，吸收 | |
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16
vapid
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| adj.无味的；无生气的 | |
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17
considerably
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| adv.极大地；相当大地；在很大程度上 | |
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18
devour
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| v.吞没；贪婪地注视或谛听，贪读；使着迷 | |
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19
celebrity
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| n.名人，名流；著名，名声，名望 | |
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20
initiate
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| vt.开始，创始，发动；启蒙，使入门；引入 | |
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21
skilful
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| (=skillful)adj.灵巧的，熟练的 | |
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22
costly
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| adj.昂贵的，价值高的，豪华的 | |
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23
exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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24
entrees
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| n.入场权( entree的名词复数 )；主菜 | |
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25
broiled
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| a.烤过的 | |
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26
melancholic
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| 忧郁症患者 | |
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27
pauper
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| n.贫民，被救济者，穷人 | |
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28
ferocious
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| adj.凶猛的，残暴的，极度的，十分强烈的 | |
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29
onset
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| n.进攻，袭击，开始，突然开始 | |
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30
paralytic
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| adj. 瘫痪的 n. 瘫痪病人 | |
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31
scattering
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| n.[物]散射；散乱，分散；在媒介质中的散播adj.散乱的；分散在不同范围的；广泛扩散的；（选票）数量分散的v.散射(scatter的ing形式)；散布；驱散 | |
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32
asunder
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| adj.分离的，化为碎片 | |
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33
fowl
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| n.家禽，鸡，禽肉 | |
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34
notching
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| adj.多级的（指继电器）n.做凹口，开槽v.在（某物）上刻V形痕( notch的现在分词 )；赢得；赢取；获得高分 | |
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35
purblind
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| adj.半盲的；愚笨的 | |
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36
coxcomb
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| n.花花公子 | |
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37
anchovy
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| n.凤尾鱼 | |
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38
behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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sip
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| v.小口地喝，抿，呷；n.一小口的量 | |
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40
bouquet
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| n.花束，酒香 | |
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41
nostrils
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| 鼻孔( nostril的名词复数 ) | |
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42
eyebrow
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| n.眉毛，眉 | |
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43
admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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44
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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45
ascertained
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| v.弄清，确定，查明( ascertain的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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46
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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47
counteract
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| vt.对…起反作用，对抗，抵消 | |
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48
copper
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| n.铜；铜币；铜器；adj.铜(制)的；(紫)铜色的 | |
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49
diversified
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| adj.多样化的，多种经营的v.使多样化，多样化( diversify的过去式和过去分词 )；进入新的商业领域 | |
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50
faculties
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| n.能力( faculty的名词复数 )；全体教职员；技巧；院 | |
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51
dwindled
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| v.逐渐变少或变小( dwindle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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52
rascally
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| adj. 无赖的，恶棍的 adv. 无赖地，卑鄙地 | |
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53
economists
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| n.经济学家，经济专家( economist的名词复数 ) | |
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54
peculation
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| n.侵吞公款[公物] | |
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55
tripe
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| n.废话，肚子, 内脏 | |
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56
arrears
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| n.到期未付之债，拖欠的款项；待做的工作 | |
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57
premises
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| n.建筑物，房屋 | |
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58
proceedings
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| n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报 | |
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59
metropolitan
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| adj.大城市的，大都会的 | |
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60
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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61
grotesque
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| adj.怪诞的，丑陋的；n.怪诞的图案，怪人（物） | |
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62
itinerant
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| adj.巡回的；流动的 | |
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63
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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64
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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65
relinquish
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| v.放弃，撤回，让与，放手 | |
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