And wantonness and gluttonous6 excess.
Beyond th' achievement of successful flight.
I do confess them nurs'ries of the arts,
In which they flourish most; where, in the beams
Of warm encouragement, and in the eye
Of public note, they reach their perfect size.
Such London is, by taste and wealth proclaim'd
The fairest capital of all the world;
By riot and incontinence the worst.
[428] The arrival of the day for separation was anticipated, and the morning arose upon Dashall with a gloomy aspect, originating in the temper of his mind; for he was by no means pleased with the adventure of Laconic10, which operated to prevent his departure with his friends. Sparkle and Tallyho were, however, upon the alert, and determined11 on pursuing their original intentions. Tom had none of his usual vivacity12 about him. In vain he tried to muster13 up his spirits, his attempts at wit were pointless and did not escape the notice of Sparkle, who secretly enjoyed his chagrin14, feeling assured that as it was created by their departure, he would not delay joining them longer than necessity absolutely required. “Why how now, Tom,” said Sparkle, “you are out, and seem to be in queer stirrups, as if you had an uneasy saddle. You seem to part with your cousin as a young man would with the beloved of his heart.” “I confess I am disappointed,” replied Tom.
Why let us be jolly.”
[429] “I am determined to spend the last moments with you—so start off the rattle17 traps, the upper toggery's and travelling caps, we will take a last turn together, and a parting dinner and glass of wine at the Bull and Mouth, and I'll warrant you I won't be long behind. All I regret is, I can't accompany you at present.” Upon this intimation, the remainder of their luggage and clothing were despatched by a servant, with an order to provide a good dinner for them at half past five.
Things were now all m a fair train, and this business being despatched, all was anxiety for the arrival of the moment, though with different sensations; Sparkle to meet his wife, Bob to return to his native home, and Tom displeased18 and disappointed in every way, although he determined to be as agreeable as he could under existing circumstances. Time however being heavy on their hands, but as Bob was anxious to make a few more purchases for presents on his return home, they started early for the Bull and Mouth.
“You have now,” said Dashall to his cousin, “had some experience in REAL LIFE IN LONDON, and I have reason to think you will not return to the country a worse man than you left it. Variety is charming, and the change from one to the other will give additional zest19 and pleasure.”
“I have reason,” replied Bob, “to feel myself under a very particular obligation to you for the excellent care, kindness and attention, as well as information I have derived20, and it cannot easily be obliterated21 from my recollection; but I at the same time must observe, that I have no very great relish23 for London as a continual residence. When you arrive in the country I will try if I cannot be as explanatory and amusing. At all events I expect you will give me the trial.
“I'll give you a chevy over the hills, a pop at the pheasants, and a pick at them afterwards; besides which, you know, we have some very pretty lasses in our neighbourhood, to whom you have already been introduced, and to whom you shall be better known.”
“I know, I know,” said Tom, in a hurried manner, which strongly indicated some other motive24 for regret than that which arose from mere25 disappointment at not being a partner in their journey, and from which Sparkle did not fail to draw an inference, that some roguish eyes had been darting26 their beams into the bosom27 of his friend.
[430] “I see how it is now,” cried Sparkle, “Tom is not cut but caught, and I'll sport a fifty, that the Evergreen28 Tom Dashall, of London, will be transplanted to entwine with some virgin29 blossom of the country, before another twelve months.”
Tom was silent.
Tallyho smiled in accordance with the sentiment of Sparkle, and declared he would not take the bet.
“It's of very little use,” cried Dashall, recovering himself after a short pause, “I may as well make a merit of necessity. I confess I have a sort of a liking30 for the gay and sprightly31 Lydia Forcetext, the parson's daughter; and if—but curse if's—I hate if, I wish there was no such word in the English language.”
“Ha, ha, ha!” exclaimed Sparkle, “I thought we should find you out—but come, I think I may say there is not much for you to fear—if you are but serious.”
“It is a serious subject, and if we continue, this conversation I shall grow downright sentimental—so no more at present—we have not much time to spare—and as I mean to make use of every minute, let us look around for any novelty that may occur before your departure.”
“Well,” said Sparkle, “I must say I do not know of any thing so new to me as the very subject we were upon—but as you wish it dropped—why e'en let it be so—I have no desire to be either particular or personal.”
And as London's the object we've long had in view,
As long as we can, we'll that object pursue.
We'll make ours a view—not a vision of—judgment.
“Good,” said Tom, “and as the lines are extemporaneous33 we will not be over-nice in the criticism.”
“At least,” continued Sparkle, “you will admit it is better to be a bad poet—than a bad man.”
“Agreed—agreed,” replied Tom.—“But who in the name of wonder have we here—the emperor of hair-dressers and head-cutters turned print-seller—Why, this was Money's, where I have, before now, had a clip.”
[431] “Nay, nay,” said Sparkle, “don't be in a hurry to form your judgment—his ingenuity34 is at work, and really it will be worth while to have a cut all round; for I find he gives a portrait, displaying the most fashionable Parisian dresses to every customer. Some you know present bank, or, more properly speaking, flush notes upon these occasions; but certainly this is a less exceptionable plan.—What say you?”
“With all my heart:” and into the Magazin de Mode they marched; to which they were welcomed by the artist himself—ushered35 up stairs with all due politeness, and in two minutes Sparkle was under his incomparable hands, while Tom and Bob amused themselves with a peep at the newspapers and the Gazette of Fashion.
“Fine morning, gentlemen,” said the friseur.
“Is there any news?” asked Sparkle.
“We have the Paris papers, Sir, regularly, and a constant supply of drawings of the newest fashion.”
“I am more for domestic or home news,” continued Sparkle.
“Not aware, Sir, of any thing particular—oh, yes; I recollect22 I was told last night, over at the Haunch, that the mermaid36 is discovered.”
“What,” said Tom, “discover a mermaid over a haunch!” laying down the paper.
“Beg pardon, Sir, beg pardon, a trifling37 mistake, Sir—nothing more—I usually pass a recreative hour, after my daily studies, at the Haunch of Venison, over the way: the landlord is an intelligent, accommodating, and agreeable sort of man, and we have many gentlemen of considerable consequence, both literary and scientific, who meet there of an evening to pass a convivial38 hour—to hear and impart the news; and, Sir, as I was saying, the mermaid is stated to be a fine hoax39 upon the credulity of John Bull, being nothing more than the body or skin of a smoke-dried old woman, ingeniously connected with the tail of a fish. I don't vouch40 for the truth of the report, I only state what I hear, and can only assert with confidence what I am acquainted with in my own business.”
“I suspected the mermaid from the first,” answered Tom, “I thought there was some deceit in it.”
“There is a great deal of deceit in the world, Sir,” replied the active clipper.—“A little Circassian cream, Sir—acknowledged to be the best article ever produced for the preservation41 and restoration of hair.”
“Certainly,” said Sparkle.
[432] In this way our friends obtained a portion of amusement, and a Corinthian clip from the intelligent and communicative Mr. Money, of Fleet Street notoriety, in return for which he touched their coin.
“Now,” said Dashall, “we will make the best of our way and just call, by way of taking a lunch, among the lads of Newgate Market. There is a house where I have been before, in which we can have some very fine home-brewed42 ale, &c; and besides, according to the landlord's advertisements, he has opened an academy, and gives instruction in the art of brewing43. The College of Physicians is just opposite, and I suppose this wag of a landlord has taken the hint, and opposed his beer to their physic—perhaps you may wish to carry his valuable receipt into the country with you?”
“I have no inclination44 to turn brewer45,” replied Sparkle, “but I must confess I like the idea of a little genuine beer—free from the poisonous ingredients of the public brewer.”
“And so do I,” continued Tallyho. “Come along, then,” said Tom, “the Bell in Warwick Lane is the shop, where you may be served to a shaving.” In passing along Warwick Lane, Bob observed he thought his friend was leading him through a not very agreeable neighbourhood.
“This place is filled with slaughter-houses, and is to be sure a great nuisance to the City; yet such places are necessary, therefore bear up a few minutes, and you will have comfortable house-room and agreeable refreshment46.” Entering the Bell, they were met by the landlord of the house, a round-faced, good-natured, real John-Bull-looking man, who knowing his customer Dashall, immediately ushered them into the coffee-room, where being supplied with stout47 and mutton-chops in high perfection, they enjoyed themselves with their regale49. This done, they had an opportunity of looking about them.
In one corner sat two or three tip-top salesmen of the market, conversing50 on the price of meat, while they were devouring51 a succession of rump-steaks with most voracious52 and insatiable appetites. In another was a hungry author, bargaining with a bookseller of Paternoster Row, for the sale of a manuscript, by which he expected to realise a dinner. While near them was an undertaker and a master-builder, vociferating at each other for interference [433] with their respective trades, and so far attracting the attention of the bookseller from the work of the author, that he wished, from the bottom of his heart, “that one would build a coffin53 to bury the other:” while the salesmen laughed so loud at the observations of the controversialists, as almost to make them wish the subject dead without the hope of resurrection.
“With all my heart—gentlemen—good health—real malt and hops48, gentlemen—nothing else—all brewed under my own eye—good ordinary at two—excellent fare—good treatment—comfortable beds—happy to see you at all times at the Bell brewery55.”
Having proceeded on their journey they shortly found themselves near Bull and Mouth Street.
On their way to the Bull and Mouth, Sparkle made a proposal, which was cordially acquiesced56 in by Dashall and his cousin, and a mutual57 pledge was given to carry it into effect: this was no other than an agreement to take a trip over to Dublin in the course of the ensuing winter, in order to acquire some knowledge of LIFE IN IRELAND.
“I have lately,” said Sparkle, “been almost convulsed with laughter, even to the danger of a locked-jaw, by the perusal58 of a work under this title. The author, nephew to a late Irish chancellor59, is an old acquaintance; added to which, and the genuine irresistible60 humour that runs throughout the work, I feel determined to visit, and have ocular demonstration61 of some of the places where these scenes of humour are so admirably described.”
On entering Bull and Mouth Street—“Bless me,” cried Bob, “this is a very confined street for such an inn.”
“We shall certainly either be knocked down, or run over,” exclaimed Tallyho.
“Never fear,” said Tom, “do but keep your ogles64 in action, all's right enough, and we shall soon be safely housed out of the bustle65; but before we enter the house we will just cast our eyes about us. On the right, after passing the gate, is the coach-offices for receiving, booking, [434] and delivering parcels, and taking places for passengers by the various vehicles which start from this place. On the left is the hotel and coffee-house, where every refreshment and accommodation may be obtained. The remaining part of the building, together with several others adjoining, which almost occupy the whole of this side of the street, are devoted66 to stables, waggon67 and coach-houses, and out-offices.”
Page434.jpg Bull and Mouth Inn
“It is an extensive concern then,” said Tallyho, “though it stands in such an out of the way obscure situation.”
“Why you are already aware that situation is not absolutely necessary to success in all cases in London,” was the reply. “The extensive circulation of a name or a sign are sometimes sufficient to obtain business;—and who has not heard of the Bull and Mouth, or the name of Willan—from the former runs a considerable number of long stages and mail coaches, daily and nightly, the proprietor68 being a contractor69 with Government; and upon one occasion it is said, he was in treaty to supply an immense quantity of horses to convey troops to the coast, on the threatened invasion by Buonaparte, so that the epithet70 patriotic71 might properly be applied72 to him. He however is lately deceased, and supposed to have left a considerable fortune.—But come, dinner is ready—now for the parting meal, and then heaven speed ye to your destined73 homes.”
After partaking of a hearty74 dinner, and a bottle or two of generous wine—“Come,” said Dashall, “it is time we are alive and look out, for the yard is all in a bustle; here are lots of coaches preparing for a start, so let us get out, look around, and see what is going forward.”
Upon this intimation, they sallied forth75 to the yard, where the confusion created by the arrival of one coach heavily laden76, and the preparation of two for departure, afforded a scene for a quiet contemplatist, which however it is not easy to describe.
“Coachman,” said an antiquated77 lady, just alighting, “I paid my fare.”
“Yes Ma'am, that's all fair,” said coachy.
“Mind how you hand my dear little boy out of the coach, poor little fellow he is quite dizzy with riding.”
[435] “I thinks as how you had better have brought a man with you, for you want taking care of yourself,” grumbled78 coachy, as he handed the young one out.—“There he is Ma'am—stand upon your pins, my man.”
“Come Charley—Oh coachy you have got my box in your boot.”
“Aye, aye, Ma'am, I know it, I wish my boot was in your box—here it is Ma'am.”
“Coachy, what a rude fellow that is, he says I squalls.”
“Never mind him, Ma'am, he is as rough as the element he belongs to—thank ye Ma'am—that's the time o' day,” pocketing a half-crown which she had just given him.
“Here Bill, take this lady's luggage out of the way.”
“Just going off, Sir—do you go by me?”
“Yes,” replied Sparkle, “how many have you inside?”
“Only four, Sir, and you two make up the number—all ready—Jem, bear up the leaders.”
At this moment a hackney coach stopped at the gate, and out jumps a gentleman who immediately entered into conversation with the coachman.
“Can't do it, Sir,” said coachy,—“all full—I might manage to give you an outside passage to be sure.”
“Well, well, I will make that do, perhaps you can afford an inside birth part of the journey.”
“I'll see what I can do, but can't promise—now gentlemen.”
“Here coachman,” said the person desirous of obtaining a passage, tipping coachy some money.
“Aye, aye, that's the way to look at the matter.”
By this time Tom discovered it was no other than Van Butchell,{1} whom he observed to Bob, there was little doubt had been summoned on some desperate case, and must go at all events.
1 It is fortunate for the rising generation, that the late
Martin Van Butchell, not more celebrated80 for his
eccentricities81 than bis utility, has not departed from the
world without leaving an able successor to his practice.
Edwin Martin Van Butchell is now almost as well known as his
late father. Such indeed is the estimation of his abilities,
that a large society of journeymen tailors have entered into
a weekly subscription82 among themselves, in order that their
knowledge and abilities.
“Now, gentlemen, you brush in and I will brush on. Shut the door Dick, all right—ya—hip.”
“Adieu, dear Tom,” exclaimed Bob.
[436] “Zounds,” exclaimed Tom, “the coachman will hardly allow him to say good bye—well, the dearest friends must part, so good bye, heaven protect you both.”
By this time the vehicle was out of the yard.
“I don't like it,” continued Tom, soliloquizing with himself; “but, however, as I have bid them adieu for the present, the best thing I can do is to arrange Laconic's affairs, and then bid adieu to Life in London.”
The End
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1
foul
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| adj.污秽的；邪恶的；v.弄脏；妨害；犯规；n.犯规 | |
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begets
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| v.为…之生父( beget的第三人称单数 )；产生，引起 | |
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3
likeness
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| n.相像，相似（之处） | |
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4
sloth
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| n.[动]树懒；懒惰，懒散 | |
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5
lust
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| n.性(淫)欲；渴(欲)望；vi.对…有强烈的欲望 | |
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gluttonous
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| adj.贪吃的，贪婪的 | |
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7
vice
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| n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的 | |
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8
virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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9
lapse
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| n.过失，流逝，失效，抛弃信仰，间隔；vi.堕落，停止，失效，流逝；vt.使失效 | |
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10
laconic
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| adj.简洁的；精练的 | |
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11
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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12
vivacity
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| n.快活，活泼，精神充沛 | |
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13
muster
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| v.集合，收集，鼓起，激起；n.集合，检阅，集合人员，点名册 | |
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chagrin
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| n.懊恼；气愤；委屈 | |
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15
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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16
tar
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| n.柏油，焦油；vt.涂或浇柏油/焦油于 | |
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17
rattle
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| v.飞奔，碰响；激怒；n.碰撞声；拨浪鼓 | |
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18
displeased
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| a.不快的 | |
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zest
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| n.乐趣；滋味，风味；兴趣 | |
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derived
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| vi.起源；由来；衍生；导出v.得到( derive的过去式和过去分词 )；（从…中）得到获得；源于；（从…中）提取 | |
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21
obliterated
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| v.除去( obliterate的过去式和过去分词 )；涂去；擦掉；彻底破坏或毁灭 | |
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22
recollect
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| v.回忆，想起，记起，忆起，记得 | |
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relish
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| n.滋味，享受，爱好，调味品；vt.加调味料，享受，品味；vi.有滋味 | |
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motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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25
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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26
darting
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| v.投掷，投射( dart的现在分词 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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27
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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28
evergreen
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| n.常青树；adj.四季常青的 | |
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virgin
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| n.处女，未婚女子；adj.未经使用的；未经开发的 | |
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30
liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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sprightly
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| adj.愉快的，活泼的 | |
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32
grudge
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| n.不满，怨恨，妒嫉；vt.勉强给，不情愿做 | |
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extemporaneous
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| adj.即席的，一时的 | |
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ingenuity
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| n.别出心裁；善于发明创造 | |
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ushered
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| v.引，领，陪同( usher的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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mermaid
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| n.美人鱼 | |
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trifling
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| adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的 | |
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convivial
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| adj.狂欢的，欢乐的 | |
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hoax
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| v.欺骗，哄骗，愚弄；n.愚弄人，恶作剧 | |
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40
vouch
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| v.担保；断定；n.被担保者 | |
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41
preservation
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| n.保护，维护，保存，保留，保持 | |
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42
brewed
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| 调制( brew的过去式和过去分词 )； 酝酿； 沏（茶）； 煮（咖啡） | |
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43
brewing
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| n. 酿造, 一次酿造的量 动词brew的现在分词形式 | |
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44
inclination
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| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
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45
brewer
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| n. 啤酒制造者 | |
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46
refreshment
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| n.恢复，精神爽快，提神之事物；（复数）refreshments:点心，茶点 | |
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48
hops
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| 跳上[下]( hop的第三人称单数 )； 单足蹦跳； 齐足（或双足）跳行； 摘葎草花 | |
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49
regale
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| v.取悦，款待 | |
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50
conversing
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| v.交谈，谈话( converse的现在分词 ) | |
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51
devouring
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| 吞没( devour的现在分词 )； 耗尽； 津津有味地看； 狼吞虎咽地吃光 | |
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52
voracious
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| adj.狼吞虎咽的，贪婪的 | |
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53
coffin
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| n.棺材，灵柩 | |
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54
replenish
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| vt.补充；(把…)装满；(再)填满 | |
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55
brewery
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| n.啤酒厂 | |
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56
acquiesced
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| v.默认，默许( acquiesce的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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57
mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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58
perusal
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| n.细读，熟读；目测 | |
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chancellor
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| n.(英)大臣；法官；(德、奥)总理；大学校长 | |
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irresistible
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| adj.非常诱人的，无法拒绝的，无法抗拒的 | |
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61
demonstration
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| n.表明，示范，论证，示威 | |
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rattling
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| adj. 格格作响的, 活泼的, 很好的 adv. 极其, 很, 非常 动词rattle的现在分词 | |
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63
bawled
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| v.大叫，大喊( bawl的过去式和过去分词 )；放声大哭；大声叫出；叫卖（货物） | |
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64
ogles
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| v.（向…）抛媚眼，送秋波( ogle的第三人称单数 ) | |
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65
bustle
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| v.喧扰地忙乱，匆忙，奔忙；n.忙碌；喧闹 | |
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66
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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67
waggon
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| n.运货马车，运货车；敞篷车箱 | |
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68
proprietor
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| n.所有人；业主；经营者 | |
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69
contractor
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| n.订约人，承包人，收缩肌 | |
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70
epithet
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| n.（用于褒贬人物等的）表述形容词，修饰语 | |
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71
patriotic
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| adj.爱国的，有爱国心的 | |
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72
applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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73
destined
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| adj.命中注定的；(for)以…为目的地的 | |
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74
hearty
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| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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laden
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| adj.装满了的；充满了的；负了重担的；苦恼的 | |
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antiquated
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| adj.陈旧的，过时的 | |
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78
grumbled
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| 抱怨( grumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 发牢骚； 咕哝； 发哼声 | |
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79
jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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80
celebrated
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| adj.有名的，声誉卓著的 | |
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81
eccentricities
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| n.古怪行为( eccentricity的名词复数 )；反常；怪癖 | |
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82
subscription
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| n.预订，预订费，亲笔签名，调配法，下标（处方） | |
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afflicted
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| 使受痛苦，折磨( afflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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