I actually once addressed these ungrateful words to my Master. Seized by one of the unpredictable delusions2 which occasionally assail3 the devotee, I felt a growing impatience4 with hermitage duties and college studies. A feebly extenuating5 circumstance is that my proposal was made when I had been only six months with Sri Yukteswar. Not yet had I fully6 surveyed his towering stature7.
"Many hillmen live in the Himalayas, yet possess no God-perception." My guru's answer came slowly and simply. "Wisdom is better sought from a man of realization8 than from an inert9 mountain."
Ignoring Master's plain hint that he, and not a hill, was my teacher, I repeated my plea. Sri Yukteswar vouchsafed10 no reply. I took his silence for consent, a precarious11 interpretation12 readily accepted at one's convenience.
In my Calcutta home that evening, I busied myself with travel preparations. Tying a few articles inside a blanket, I remembered a similar bundle, surreptitiously dropped from my attic13 window a few years earlier. I wondered if this were to be another ill-starred flight toward the Himalayas. The first time my spiritual elation14 had been high; tonight conscience smote15 heavily at thought of leaving my guru.
The following morning I sought out Behari Pundit16, my Sanskrit professor at Scottish Church College.
"Sir, you have told me of your friendship with a great disciple17 of Lahiri Mahasaya. Please give me his address."
"You mean Ram18 Gopal Muzumdar. I call him the 'sleepless19 saint.' He is always awake in an ecstatic consciousness. His home is at Ranbajpur, near Tarakeswar."
I thanked the pundit, and entrained immediately for Tarakeswar. I hoped to silence my misgivings20 by wringing21 a sanction from the "sleepless saint" to engage myself in lonely Himalayan meditation22. Behari's friend, I heard, had received illumination after many years of Kriya Yoga practice in isolated23 caves.
At Tarakeswar I approached a famous shrine24. Hindus regard it with the same veneration25 that Catholics give to the Lourdes sanctuary26 in France. Innumerable healing miracles have occurred at Tarakeswar, including one for a member of my family.
"I sat in the temple there for a week," my eldest27 aunt once told me. "Observing a complete fast, I prayed for the recovery of your Uncle Sarada from a chronic28 malady29. On the seventh day I found a herb materialized in my hand! I made a brew30 from the leaves, and gave it to your uncle. His disease vanished at once, and has never reappeared."
I entered the sacred Tarakeswar shrine; the altar contains nothing but a round stone. Its circumference31, beginningless and endless, makes it aptly significant of the Infinite. Cosmic abstractions are not alien even to the humblest Indian peasant; he has been accused by Westerners, in fact, of living on abstractions!
My own mood at the moment was so austere32 that I felt disinclined to bow before the stone symbol. God should be sought, I reflected, only within the soul.
I left the temple without genuflection33 and walked briskly toward the outlying village of Ranbajpur. My appeal to a passer-by for guidance caused him to sink into long cogitation34.
"When you come to a crossroad, turn right and keep going," he finally pronounced oracularly.
Obeying the directions, I wended my way alongside the banks of a canal. Darkness fell; the outskirts36 of the jungle village were alive with winking37 fireflies and the howls of near-by jackals. The moonlight was too faint to supply any reassurance38; I stumbled on for two hours.
Welcome clang of a cowbell! My repeated shouts eventually brought a peasant to my side.
"I am looking for Ram Gopal Babu."
"No such person lives in our village." The man's tone was surly. "You are probably a lying detective."
Hoping to allay39 suspicion in his politically troubled mind, I touchingly40 explained my predicament. He took me to his home and offered a hospitable42 welcome.
"Ranbajpur is far from here," he remarked. "At the crossroad, you should have turned left, not right."
My earlier informant, I thought sadly, was a distinct menace to travelers. After a relishable43 meal of coarse rice, lentil-dhal , and curry44 of potatoes with raw bananas, I retired45 to a small hut adjoining the courtyard. In the distance, villagers were singing to the loud accompaniment of mridangas 13-1 and cymbals46. Sleep was inconsiderable that night; I prayed deeply to be directed to the secret yogi, Ram Gopal.
As the first streaks47 of dawn penetrated48 the fissures49 of my dark room, I set out for Ranbajpur. Crossing rough paddy fields, I trudged50 over sickled51 stumps52 of the prickly plant and mounds53 of dried clay. An occasionally-met peasant would inform me, invariably, that my destination was "only a krosha (two miles)." In six hours the sun traveled victoriously54 from horizon to meridian55, but I began to feel that I would ever be distant from Ranbajpur by one krosha .
At midafternoon my world was still an endless paddy field. Heat pouring from the avoidless sky was bringing me to near-collapse. As a man approached at leisurely56 pace, I hardly dared utter my usual question, lest it summon the monotonous57: "Just a krosha ."
The stranger halted beside me. Short and slight, he was physically58 unimpressive save for an extraordinary pair of piercing dark eyes.
"I was planning to leave Ranbajpur, but your purpose was good, so I awaited you." He shook his finger in my astounded59 face. "Aren't you clever to think that, unannounced, you could pounce60 on me? That professor Behari had no right to give you my address."
Considering that introduction of myself would be mere61 verbosity62 in the presence of this master, I stood speechless, somewhat hurt at my reception. His next remark was abruptly63 put.
"Tell me; where do you think God is?"
"Why, He is within me and everywhere." I doubtless looked as bewildered as I felt.
"All-pervading, eh?" The saint chuckled64. "Then why, young sir, did you fail to bow before the Infinite in the stone symbol at the Tarakeswar temple yesterday? 13-2 Your pride caused you the punishment of being misdirected by the passer-by who was not bothered by fine distinctions of left and right. Today, too, you have had a fairly uncomfortable time of it!"
I agreed wholeheartedly, wonder-struck that an omniscient65 eye hid within the unremarkable body before me. Healing strength emanated66 from the yogi; I was instantly refreshed in the scorching67 field.
"The devotee inclines to think his path to God is the only way," he said. "Yoga, through which divinity is found within, is doubtless the highest road: so Lahiri Mahasaya has told us. But discovering the Lord within, we soon perceive Him without. Holy shrines68 at Tarakeswar and elsewhere are rightly venerated69 as nuclear centers of spiritual power."
The saint's censorious attitude vanished; his eyes became compassionately70 soft. He patted my shoulder.
"Young yogi, I see you are running away from your master. He has everything you need; you must return to him. Mountains cannot be your guru." Ram Gopal was repeating the same thought which Sri Yukteswar had expressed at our last meeting.
"Masters are under no cosmic compulsion to limit their residence." My companion glanced at me quizzically. "The Himalayas in India and Tibet have no monopoly on saints. What one does not trouble to find within will not be discovered by transporting the body hither and yon. As soon as the devotee is willing to go even to the ends of the earth for spiritual enlightenment, his guru appears near-by."
I silently agreed, recalling my prayer in the Benares hermitage, followed by the meeting with Sri Yukteswar in a crowded lane.
"Are you able to have a little room where you can close the door and be alone?"
"Yes." I reflected that this saint descended71 from the general to the particular with disconcerting speed.
"That is your cave." The yogi bestowed72 on me a gaze of illumination which I have never forgotten. "That is your sacred mountain. That is where you will find the kingdom of God."
His simple words instantaneously banished74 my lifelong obsession75 for the Himalayas. In a burning paddy field I awoke from the monticolous dreams of eternal snows.
"Young sir, your divine thirst is laudable. I feel great love for you." Ram Gopal took my hand and led me to a quaint76 hamlet. The adobe77 houses were covered with coconut78 leaves and adorned79 with rustic80 entrances.
The saint seated me on the umbrageous81 bamboo platform of his small cottage. After giving me sweetened lime juice and a piece of rock candy, he entered his patio82 and assumed the lotus posture83. In about four hours I opened my meditative84 eyes and saw that the moonlit figure of the yogi was still motionless. As I was sternly reminding my stomach that man does not live by bread alone, Ram Gopal approached me.
A fire was kindled86 under a clay oven on the patio; rice and dhal were quickly served on large banana leaves. My host courteously87 refused my aid in all cooking chores. "The guest is God," a Hindu proverb, has commanded devout88 observance from time immemorial. In my later world travels, I was charmed to see that a similar respect for visitors is manifested in rural sections of many countries. The city dweller89 finds the keen edge of hospitality blunted by superabundance of strange faces.
The marts of men seemed remotely dim as I squatted90 by the yogi in the isolation91 of the tiny jungle village. The cottage room was mysterious with a mellow92 light. Ram Gopal arranged some torn blankets on the floor for my bed, and seated himself on a straw mat. Overwhelmed by his spiritual magnetism93, I ventured a request.
"Sir, why don't you grant me a samadhi ?"
"Dear one, I would be glad to convey the divine contact, but it is not my place to do so." The saint looked at me with half-closed eyes. "Your master will bestow73 that experience shortly. Your body is not tuned94 just yet. As a small lamp cannot withstand excessive electrical voltage, so your nerves are unready for the cosmic current. If I gave you the infinite ecstasy95 right now, you would burn as if every cell were on fire.
"You are asking illumination from me," the yogi continued musingly96, "while I am wondering-inconsiderable as I am, and with the little meditation I have done-if I have succeeded in pleasing God, and what worth I may find in His eyes at the final reckoning."
"Sir, have you not been singleheartedly seeking God for a long time?"
"I have not done much. Behari must have told you something of my life. For twenty years I occupied a secret grotto97, meditating98 eighteen hours a day. Then I moved to a more inaccessible99 cave and remained there for twenty-five years, entering the yoga union for twenty hours daily. I did not need sleep, for I was ever with God. My body was more rested in the complete calmness of the superconsciousness than it could be by the partial peace of the ordinary subconscious100 state.
"The muscles relax during sleep, but the heart, lungs, and circulatory system are constantly at work; they get no rest. In superconsciousness, the internal organs remain in a state of suspended animation101, electrified102 by the cosmic energy. By such means I have found it unnecessary to sleep for years. The time will come when you too will dispense103 with sleep."
"My goodness, you have meditated104 for so long and yet are unsure of the Lord's favor!" I gazed at him in astonishment105. "Then what about us poor mortals?"
"Well, don't you see, my dear boy, that God is Eternity106 Itself? To assume that one can fully know Him by forty-five years of meditation is rather a preposterous107 expectation. Babaji assures us, however, that even a little meditation saves one from the dire35 fear of death and after-death states. Do not fix your spiritual ideal on a small mountain, but hitch108 it to the star of unqualified divine attainment109. If you work hard, you will get there."
Enthralled110 by the prospect111, I asked him for further enlightening words. He related a wondrous112 story of his first meeting with Lahiri Mahasaya's guru, Babaji. 13-3 Around midnight Ram Gopal fell into silence, and I lay down on my blankets. Closing my eyes, I saw flashes of lightning; the vast space within me was a chamber113 of molten light. I opened my eyes and observed the same dazzling radiance. The room became a part of that infinite vault114 which I beheld115 with interior vision.
"Why don't you go to sleep?"
"Sir, how can I sleep in the presence of lightning, blazing whether my eyes are shut or open?"
"You are blessed to have this experience; the spiritual radiations are not easily seen." The saint added a few words of affection.
At dawn Ram Gopal gave me rock candies and said I must depart. I felt such reluctance116 to bid him farewell that tears coursed down my cheeks.
He smiled and looked at me steadfastly118. I stood rooted to the ground, peace rushing like a mighty119 flood through the gates of my eyes. I was instantaneously healed of a pain in my back, which had troubled me intermittently120 for years. Renewed, bathed in a sea of luminous121 joy, I wept no more. After touching41 the saint's feet, I sauntered into the jungle, making my way through its tropical tangle122 until I reached Tarakeswar.
There I made a second pilgrimage to the famous shrine, and prostrated123 myself fully before the altar. The round stone enlarged before my inner vision until it became the cosmical spheres, ring within ring, zone after zone, all dowered with divinity.
I entrained happily an hour later for Calcutta. My travels ended, not in the lofty mountains, but in the Himalayan presence of my Master.
13-1: Hand-played drums, used only for devotional music.
13-2: One is reminded here of Dostoevski's observation: "A man who bows down to nothing can never bear the burden of himself."
13-3: See chapter 35.
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1
solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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2
delusions
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| n.欺骗( delusion的名词复数 )；谬见；错觉；妄想 | |
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3
assail
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| v.猛烈攻击，抨击，痛斥 | |
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impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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5
extenuating
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| adj.使减轻的，情有可原的v.（用偏袒的辩解或借口）减轻( extenuate的现在分词 )；低估，藐视 | |
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6
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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stature
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| n.（高度）水平，（高度）境界，身高，身材 | |
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8
realization
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| n.实现；认识到，深刻了解 | |
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inert
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| adj.无活动能力的，惰性的；迟钝的 | |
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vouchsafed
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| v.给予，赐予( vouchsafe的过去式和过去分词 )；允诺 | |
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precarious
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| adj.不安定的，靠不住的；根据不足的 | |
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interpretation
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| n.解释，说明，描述；艺术处理 | |
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attic
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| n.顶楼，屋顶室 | |
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elation
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| n.兴高采烈，洋洋得意 | |
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smote
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| v.猛打，重击，打击( smite的过去式 ) | |
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pundit
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| n.博学之人；权威 | |
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disciple
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| n.信徒，门徒，追随者 | |
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18
ram
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| (random access memory)随机存取存储器 | |
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sleepless
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| adj.不睡眠的，睡不著的，不休息的 | |
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20
misgivings
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| n.疑虑，担忧，害怕；疑虑，担心，恐惧( misgiving的名词复数 )；疑惧 | |
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21
wringing
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| 淋湿的，湿透的 | |
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meditation
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| n.熟虑，（尤指宗教的）默想，沉思，（pl.）冥想录 | |
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23
isolated
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| adj.与世隔绝的 | |
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shrine
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| n.圣地，神龛，庙；v.将...置于神龛内，把...奉为神圣 | |
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veneration
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| n.尊敬，崇拜 | |
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26
sanctuary
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| n.圣所，圣堂，寺庙；禁猎区，保护区 | |
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eldest
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| adj.最年长的，最年老的 | |
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chronic
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| adj.(疾病)长期未愈的，慢性的；极坏的 | |
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malady
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| n.病，疾病(通常做比喻) | |
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30
brew
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| v.酿造，调制 | |
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circumference
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| n.圆周，周长，圆周线 | |
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32
austere
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| adj.艰苦的；朴素的，朴实无华的；严峻的 | |
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genuflection
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| n. 曲膝, 屈服 | |
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34
cogitation
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| n.仔细思考，计划，设计 | |
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dire
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| adj.可怕的，悲惨的，阴惨的，极端的 | |
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outskirts
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| n.郊外，郊区 | |
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winking
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| n.瞬眼，目语v.使眼色( wink的现在分词 )；递眼色（表示友好或高兴等）；（指光）闪烁；闪亮 | |
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reassurance
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| n.使放心，使消除疑虑 | |
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allay
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| v.消除，减轻(恐惧、怀疑等) | |
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touchingly
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| adv.令人同情地，感人地，动人地 | |
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41
touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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42
hospitable
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| adj.好客的；宽容的；有利的，适宜的 | |
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43
relishable
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| 可实现的，可实行的，可了解的 | |
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44
curry
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| n.咖哩粉，咖哩饭菜；v.用咖哩粉调味，用马栉梳，制革 | |
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45
retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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46
cymbals
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| pl.铙钹 | |
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streaks
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| n.（与周围有所不同的）条纹( streak的名词复数 )；（通常指不好的）特征（倾向）；（不断经历成功或失败的）一段时期v.快速移动( streak的第三人称单数 )；使布满条纹 | |
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48
penetrated
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| adj. 击穿的，鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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49
fissures
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| n.狭长裂缝或裂隙( fissure的名词复数 )；裂伤；分歧；分裂v.裂开( fissure的第三人称单数 ) | |
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50
trudged
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| vt.& vi.跋涉，吃力地走（trudge的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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51
sickled
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| vt.用镰刀割…（sickle的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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52
stumps
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| （被砍下的树的）树桩( stump的名词复数 )； 残肢； （板球三柱门的）柱； 残余部分 | |
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53
mounds
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| 土堆，土丘( mound的名词复数 )； 一大堆 | |
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54
victoriously
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| adv.获胜地，胜利地 | |
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55
meridian
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| adj.子午线的；全盛期的 | |
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56
leisurely
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| adj.悠闲的；从容的，慢慢的 | |
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monotonous
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| adj.单调的，一成不变的，使人厌倦的 | |
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58
physically
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| adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律 | |
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59
astounded
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| v.使震惊(astound的过去式和过去分词)；愕然；愕；惊讶 | |
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60
pounce
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| n.猛扑；v.猛扑，突然袭击，欣然同意 | |
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61
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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verbosity
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| n.冗长，赘言 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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64
chuckled
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| 轻声地笑( chuckle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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omniscient
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| adj.无所不知的；博识的 | |
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66
emanated
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| v.从…处传出，传出( emanate的过去式和过去分词 )；产生，表现，显示 | |
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scorching
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| adj. 灼热的 | |
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68
shrines
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| 圣地，圣坛，神圣场所( shrine的名词复数 ) | |
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69
venerated
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| 敬重（某人或某事物），崇敬( venerate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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70
compassionately
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| adv.表示怜悯地，有同情心地 | |
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71
descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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72
bestowed
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| 赠给，授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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74
banished
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| v.放逐，驱逐( banish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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obsession
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| n.困扰，无法摆脱的思想(或情感) | |
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quaint
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| adj.古雅的，离奇有趣的，奇怪的 | |
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adobe
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| n.泥砖，土坯，美国Adobe公司 | |
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78
coconut
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| n.椰子 | |
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adorned
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| [计]被修饰的 | |
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rustic
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| adj.乡村的，有乡村特色的；n.乡下人，乡巴佬 | |
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umbrageous
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| adj.多荫的 | |
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patio
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| n.庭院，平台 | |
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83
posture
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| n.姿势，姿态，心态，态度；v.作出某种姿势 | |
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meditative
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| adj.沉思的，冥想的 | |
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85
famished
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| adj.饥饿的 | |
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86
kindled
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| （使某物）燃烧，着火( kindle的过去式和过去分词 )； 激起（感情等）； 发亮，放光 | |
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courteously
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| adv.有礼貌地，亲切地 | |
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devout
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| adj.虔诚的，虔敬的，衷心的 (n.devoutness) | |
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dweller
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| n.居住者，住客 | |
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squatted
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| v.像动物一样蹲下( squat的过去式和过去分词 )；非法擅自占用（土地或房屋）；为获得其所有权；而占用某片公共用地。 | |
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isolation
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| n.隔离，孤立，分解，分离 | |
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mellow
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| adj.柔和的；熟透的；v.变柔和；(使)成熟 | |
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magnetism
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| n.磁性，吸引力，磁学 | |
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94
tuned
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| adj.调谐的，已调谐的v.调音( tune的过去式和过去分词 )；调整；（给收音机、电视等）调谐；使协调 | |
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ecstasy
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| n.狂喜，心醉神怡，入迷 | |
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musingly
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| adv.沉思地，冥想地 | |
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grotto
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| n.洞穴 | |
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meditating
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| a.沉思的，冥想的 | |
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inaccessible
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| adj.达不到的，难接近的 | |
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subconscious
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| n./adj.潜意识(的)，下意识(的) | |
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animation
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| n.活泼，兴奋，卡通片／动画片的制作 | |
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102
electrified
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| v.使电气化( electrify的过去式和过去分词 )；使兴奋 | |
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103
dispense
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| vt.分配，分发；配(药)，发(药)；实施 | |
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104
meditated
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| 深思，沉思，冥想( meditate的过去式和过去分词 )； 内心策划，考虑 | |
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105
astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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106
eternity
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| n.不朽，来世；永恒，无穷 | |
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preposterous
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| adj.荒谬的，可笑的 | |
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108
hitch
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| v.免费搭(车旅行)；系住；急提；n.故障；急拉 | |
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109
attainment
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| n.达到，到达；［常pl.］成就，造诣 | |
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enthralled
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| 迷住，吸引住( enthrall的过去式和过去分词 )； 使感到非常愉快 | |
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prospect
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| n.前景，前途；景色，视野 | |
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112
wondrous
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| adj.令人惊奇的，奇妙的；adv.惊人地；异乎寻常地；令人惊叹地 | |
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113
chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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vault
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| n.拱形圆顶，地窖，地下室 | |
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115
beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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reluctance
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| n.厌恶，讨厌，勉强，不情愿 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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118
steadfastly
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| adv.踏实地，不变地；岿然；坚定不渝 | |
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mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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120
intermittently
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| adv.间歇地；断断续续 | |
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121
luminous
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| adj.发光的，发亮的；光明的；明白易懂的；有启发的 | |
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122
tangle
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| n.纠缠；缠结；混乱；v.(使)缠绕；变乱 | |
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123
prostrated
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| v.使俯伏，使拜倒( prostrate的过去式和过去分词 )；（指疾病、天气等）使某人无能为力 | |
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