"Let us go to the kitchen and find something to eat." Sri Yukteswar's manner was as natural as if hours and not days had separated us.
"Master, I must have disappointed you by my abrupt3 departure from my duties here; I thought you might be angry with me."
"No, of course not! Wrath4 springs only from thwarted5 desires. I do not expect anything from others, so their actions cannot be in opposition6 to wishes of mine. I would not use you for my own ends; I am happy only in your own true happiness."
"Sir, one hears of divine love in a vague way, but for the first time I am having a concrete example in your angelic self! In the world, even a father does not easily forgive his son if he leaves his parent's business without warning. But you show not the slightest vexation, though you must have been put to great inconvenience by the many unfinished tasks I left behind."
We looked into each other's eyes, where tears were shining. A blissful wave engulfed8 me; I was conscious that the Lord, in the form of my guru, was expanding the small ardors of my heart into the incompressible reaches of cosmic love.
A few mornings later I made my way to Master's empty sitting room. I planned to meditate10, but my laudable purpose was unshared by disobedient thoughts. They scattered11 like birds before the hunter.
"Mukunda!" Sri Yukteswar's voice sounded from a distant inner balcony.
I felt as rebellious12 as my thoughts. "Master always urges me to meditate," I muttered to myself. "He should not disturb me when he knows why I came to his room."
"Sir, I am meditating," I shouted protestingly.
"I know how you are meditating," my guru called out, "with your mind distributed like leaves in a storm! Come here to me."
Snubbed and exposed, I made my way sadly to his side.
"Poor boy, the mountains couldn't give what you wanted." Master spoke caressively, comfortingly. His calm gaze was unfathomable. "Your heart's desire shall be fulfilled."
Sri Yukteswar seldom indulged in riddles15; I was bewildered. He struck gently on my chest above the heart.
My body became immovably rooted; breath was drawn16 out of my lungs as if by some huge magnet. Soul and mind instantly lost their physical bondage17, and streamed out like a fluid piercing light from my every pore. The flesh was as though dead, yet in my intense awareness18 I knew that never before had I been fully19 alive. My sense of identity was no longer narrowly confined to a body, but embraced the circumambient atoms. People on distant streets seemed to be moving gently over my own remote periphery20. The roots of plants and trees appeared through a dim transparency of the soil; I discerned the inward flow of their sap.
The whole vicinity lay bare before me. My ordinary frontal vision was now changed to a vast spherical21 sight, simultaneously22 all-perceptive. Through the back of my head I saw men strolling far down Rai Ghat Road, and noticed also a white cow who was leisurely23 approaching. When she reached the space in front of the open ashram gate, I observed her with my two physical eyes. As she passed by, behind the brick wall, I saw her clearly still.
All objects within my panoramic24 gaze trembled and vibrated like quick motion pictures. My body, Master's, the pillared courtyard, the furniture and floor, the trees and sunshine, occasionally became violently agitated25, until all melted into a luminescent sea; even as sugar crystals, thrown into a glass of water, dissolve after being shaken. The unifying26 light alternated with materializations of form, the metamorphoses revealing the law of cause and effect in creation.
An oceanic joy broke upon calm endless shores of my soul. The Spirit of God, I realized, is exhaustless Bliss7; His body is countless27 tissues of light. A swelling28 glory within me began to envelop29 towns, continents, the earth, solar and stellar systems, tenuous30 nebulae, and floating universes. The entire cosmos31, gently luminous32, like a city seen afar at night, glimmered33 within the infinitude of my being. The sharply etched global outlines faded somewhat at the farthest edges; there I could see a mellow35 radiance, ever-undiminished. It was indescribably subtle; the planetary pictures were formed of a grosser light.
The divine dispersion of rays poured from an Eternal Source, blazing into galaxies36, transfigured with ineffable37 auras. Again and again I saw the creative beams condense into constellations38, then resolve into sheets of transparent39 flame. By rhythmic40 reversion, sextillion worlds passed into diaphanous41 luster42; fire became firmament44.
I cognized the center of the empyrean as a point of intuitive perception in my heart. Irradiating splendor45 issued from my nucleus46 to every part of the universal structure. Blissful amrita , the nectar of immortality48, pulsed through me with a quicksilverlike fluidity. The creative voice of God I heard resounding49 as Aum , 14-1 the vibration50 of the Cosmic Motor.
Suddenly the breath returned to my lungs. With a disappointment almost unbearable51, I realized that my infinite immensity was lost. Once more I was limited to the humiliating cage of a body, not easily accommodative to the Spirit. Like a prodigal52 child, I had run away from my macrocosmic home and imprisoned53 myself in a narrow microcosm.
My guru was standing54 motionless before me; I started to drop at his holy feet in gratitude55 for the experience in cosmic consciousness which I had long passionately56 sought. He held me upright, and spoke calmly, unpretentiously.
"You must not get overdrunk with ecstasy57. Much work yet remains58 for you in the world. Come; let us sweep the balcony floor; then we shall walk by the Ganges."
I fetched a broom; Master, I knew, was teaching me the secret of balanced living. The soul must stretch over the cosmogonic abysses, while the body performs its daily duties. When we set out later for a stroll, I was still entranced in unspeakable rapture59. I saw our bodies as two astral pictures, moving over a road by the river whose essence was sheer light.
"It is the Spirit of God that actively60 sustains every form and force in the universe; yet He is transcendental and aloof61 in the blissful uncreated void beyond the worlds of vibratory phenomena," 14-2 Master explained. "Saints who realize their divinity even while in the flesh know a similar twofold existence. Conscientiously62 engaging in earthly work, they yet remain immersed in an inward beatitude. The Lord has created all men from the limitless joy of His being. Though they are painfully cramped63 by the body, God nevertheless expects that souls made in His image shall ultimately rise above all sense identifications and reunite with Him."
The cosmic vision left many permanent lessons. By daily stilling my thoughts, I could win release from the delusive64 conviction that my body was a mass of flesh and bones, traversing the hard soil of matter. The breath and the restless mind, I saw, were like storms which lashed66 the ocean of light into waves of material forms-earth, sky, human beings, animals, birds, trees. No perception of the Infinite as One Light could be had except by calming those storms. As often as I silenced the two natural tumults67, I beheld68 the multitudinous waves of creation melt into one lucent sea, even as the waves of the ocean, their tempests subsiding69, serenely70 dissolve into unity71.
A master bestows72 the divine experience of cosmic consciousness when his disciple73, by meditation74, has strengthened his mind to a degree where the vast vistas75 would not overwhelm him. The experience can never be given through one's mere34 intellectual willingness or open- mindedness. Only adequate enlargement by yoga practice and devotional bhakti can prepare the mind to absorb the liberating76 shock of omnipresence. It comes with a natural inevitability77 to the sincere devotee. His intense craving78 begins to pull at God with an irresistible79 force. The Lord, as the Cosmic Vision, is drawn by the seeker's magnetic ardor9 into his range of consciousness.
I wrote, in my later years, the following poem, "Samadhi," endeavoring to convey the glory of its cosmic state:
Vanished the veils of light and shade,
Love, hate, health, disease, life, death,
Perished these false shadows on the screen of duality.
Melting in the vast sea of bliss.
The storm of maya stilled
By magic wand of intuition deep.
Ready to invade my newly-wakened memory divine.
I live without the cosmic shadow,
As the sea exists without the waves,
But they breathe not without the sea.
Dreams, wakings, states of deep turia sleep,
Present, past, future, no more for me,
But ever-present, all-flowing I, I, everywhere.
Planets, stars, stardust, earth,
Creation's molding furnace,
Thoughts of all men, past, present, to come,
Every blade of grass, myself, mankind,
Each particle of universal dust,
I swallowed, transmuted93 all
Into a vast ocean of blood of my own one Being!
Smoldering94 joy, oft-puffed by meditation
Blinding my tearful eyes,
Consumed my tears, my frame, my all.
Thou art I, I am Thou,
Knowing, Knower, Known, as One!
Tranquilled, unbroken thrill, eternally living, ever-new peace!
Enjoyable beyond imagination of expectancy95, samadhi bliss!
Not an unconscious state
Samadhi but extends my conscious realm
Beyond limits of the mortal frame
Where I, the Cosmic Sea,
The sparrow, each grain of sand, fall not without My sight.
By deeper, longer, thirsty, guru-given meditation
The dark earth, mountains, vales, lo! molten liquid!
Aum blows upon vapors, opening wondrously104 their veils,
Oceans stand revealed, shining electrons,
Till, at last sound of the cosmic drum,
Vanish the grosser lights into eternal rays
Of all-pervading bliss.
From joy I came, for joy I live, in sacred joy I melt.
Ocean of mind, I drink all creation's waves.
Four veils of solid, liquid, vapor, light,
Lift aright.
Myself, in everything, enters the Great Myself.
Gone forever, fitful, flickering105 shadows of mortal memory.
Spotless is my mental sky, below, ahead, and high above.
Eternity and I, one united ray.
A tiny bubble of laughter, I
Am become the Sea of Mirth Itself.
Sri Yukteswar taught me how to summon the blessed experience at will, and also how to transmit it to others if their intuitive channels were developed. For months I entered the ecstatic union, comprehending why the Upanishads say God is rasa , "the most relishable106." One day, however, I took a problem to Master.
"I want to know, sir-when shall I find God?"
"You have found Him."
"O no, sir, I don't think so!"
My guru was smiling. "I am sure you aren't expecting a venerable Personage, adorning107 a throne in some antiseptic corner of the cosmos! I see, however, that you are imagining that the possession of miraculous108 powers is knowledge of God. One might have the whole universe, and find the Lord elusive65 still! Spiritual advancement109 is not measured by one's outward powers, but only by the depth of his bliss in meditation.
"Ever-new Joy Is God. He is inexhaustible; as you continue your meditations110 during the years, He will beguile111 you with an infinite ingenuity112. Devotees like yourself who have found the way to God never dream of exchanging Him for any other happiness; He is seductive beyond thought of competition.
"How quickly we weary of earthly pleasures! Desire for material things is endless; man is never satisfied completely, and pursues one goal after another. The 'something else' he seeks is the Lord, who alone can grant lasting113 joy.
"Outward longings114 drive us from the Eden within; they offer false pleasures which only impersonate soul-happiness. The lost paradise is quickly regained115 through divine meditation. As God is unanticipatory Ever-Newness, we never tire of Him. Can we be surfeited116 with bliss, delightfully117 varied118 throughout eternity?"
"I understand now, sir, why saints call the Lord unfathomable. Even everlasting119 life could not suffice to appraise120 Him."
"That is true; but He is also near and dear. After the mind has been cleared by Kriya Yoga of sensory obstacles, meditation furnishes a twofold proof of God. Ever-new joy is evidence of His existence, convincing to our very atoms. Also, in meditation one finds His instant guidance, His adequate response to every difficulty."
"I see, Guruji; you have solved my problem." I smiled gratefully. "I do realize now that I have found God, for whenever the joy of meditation has returned subconsciously during my active hours, I have been subtly directed to adopt the right course in everything, even details."
"Human life is beset121 with sorrow until we know how to tune122 in with the Divine Will, whose 'right course' is often baffling to the egoistic intelligence. God bears the burden of the cosmos; He alone can give unerring counsel."
14-1: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."-John 1:1.
14-2: "For the Father judgeth no man, but hath committed all judgment123 unto the Son."-John 5:22. "No man hath seen God at any time; the only begotten124 Son, which is in the bosom125 of the Father, he hath declared him."-John 1:18. "Verily, verily, I say unto you, he that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father."-John 14:12. "But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever126 I have said to you."-John 14:26.
These Biblical words refer to the threefold nature of God as Father, Son, Holy Ghost (Sat , Tat , Aum in the Hindu scriptures). God the Father is the Absolute, Unmanifested, existing beyond vibratory creation. God the Son is the Christ Consciousness (Brahma or Kutastha Chaitanya ) existing within vibratory creation; this Christ Consciousness is the "only begotten" or sole reflection of the Uncreated Infinite. Its outward manifestation127 or "witness" is Aum or Holy Ghost, the divine, creative, invisible power which structures all creation through vibration. Aum the blissful Comforter is heard in meditation and reveals to the devotee the ultimate Truth.
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1
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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eloquently
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| adv. 雄辩地(有口才地, 富于表情地) | |
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abrupt
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| adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的 | |
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wrath
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| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
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thwarted
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| 阻挠( thwart的过去式和过去分词 )； 使受挫折； 挫败； 横过 | |
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opposition
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| n.反对，敌对 | |
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bliss
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| n.狂喜，福佑，天赐的福 | |
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engulfed
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| v.吞没，包住( engulf的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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ardor
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| n.热情，狂热 | |
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meditate
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| v.想，考虑，（尤指宗教上的）沉思，冥想 | |
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scattered
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| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
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rebellious
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| adj.造反的，反抗的，难控制的 | |
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obstinately
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| ad.固执地，顽固地 | |
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rebuke
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| v.指责，非难，斥责 [反]praise | |
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riddles
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| n.谜（语）( riddle的名词复数 )；猜不透的难题，难解之谜 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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bondage
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| n.奴役，束缚 | |
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awareness
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| n.意识，觉悟，懂事，明智 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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periphery
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| n.(圆体的)外面；周围 | |
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spherical
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| adj.球形的；球面的 | |
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simultaneously
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| adv.同时发生地，同时进行地 | |
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leisurely
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| adj.悠闲的；从容的，慢慢的 | |
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panoramic
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| adj. 全景的 | |
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agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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unifying
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| 使联合( unify的现在分词 )； 使相同； 使一致； 统一 | |
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countless
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| adj.无数的，多得不计其数的 | |
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swelling
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| n.肿胀 | |
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envelop
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| vt.包，封，遮盖；包围 | |
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tenuous
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| adj.细薄的，稀薄的，空洞的 | |
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cosmos
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| n.宇宙；秩序，和谐 | |
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luminous
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| adj.发光的，发亮的；光明的；明白易懂的；有启发的 | |
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glimmered
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| v.发闪光，发微光( glimmer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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mellow
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| adj.柔和的；熟透的；v.变柔和；(使)成熟 | |
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galaxies
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| 星系( galaxy的名词复数 )； 银河系； 一群（杰出或著名的人物） | |
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ineffable
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| adj.无法表达的，不可言喻的 | |
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constellations
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| n.星座( constellation的名词复数 )；一群杰出人物；一系列（相关的想法、事物）；一群（相关的人） | |
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transparent
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| adj.明显的，无疑的；透明的 | |
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rhythmic
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| adj.有节奏的，有韵律的 | |
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diaphanous
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| adj.(布)精致的，半透明的 | |
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luster
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| n.光辉；光泽，光亮；荣誉 | |
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lust
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| n.性(淫)欲；渴(欲)望；vi.对…有强烈的欲望 | |
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firmament
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| n.苍穹；最高层 | |
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splendor
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| n.光彩；壮丽，华丽；显赫，辉煌 | |
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nucleus
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| n.核，核心，原子核 | |
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immortal
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| adj.不朽的；永生的，不死的；神的 | |
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immortality
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| n.不死，不朽 | |
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resounding
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| adj. 响亮的 | |
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vibration
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| n.颤动，振动；摆动 | |
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unbearable
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| adj.不能容忍的；忍受不住的 | |
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prodigal
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| adj.浪费的，挥霍的，放荡的 | |
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imprisoned
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| 下狱，监禁( imprison的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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ecstasy
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| n.狂喜，心醉神怡，入迷 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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rapture
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| n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜 | |
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actively
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| adv.积极地，勤奋地 | |
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aloof
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| adj.远离的；冷淡的，漠不关心的 | |
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conscientiously
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| adv.凭良心地；认真地，负责尽职地；老老实实 | |
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cramped
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| a.狭窄的 | |
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delusive
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| adj.欺骗的，妄想的 | |
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elusive
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| adj.难以表达(捉摸)的；令人困惑的；逃避的 | |
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lashed
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| adj.具睫毛的v.鞭打( lash的过去式和过去分词 )；煽动；紧系；怒斥 | |
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tumults
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| 吵闹( tumult的名词复数 )； 喧哗； 激动的吵闹声； 心烦意乱 | |
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beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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subsiding
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| v.（土地）下陷（因在地下采矿）( subside的现在分词 )；减弱；下降至较低或正常水平；一下子坐在椅子等上 | |
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serenely
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| adv.安详地，宁静地，平静地 | |
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unity
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| n.团结，联合，统一；和睦，协调 | |
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bestows
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| 赠给，授予( bestow的第三人称单数 ) | |
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disciple
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| n.信徒，门徒，追随者 | |
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meditation
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| n.熟虑，（尤指宗教的）默想，沉思，（pl.）冥想录 | |
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75
vistas
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| 长条形景色( vista的名词复数 )； 回顾； 展望； （未来可能发生的）一系列情景 | |
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liberating
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| 解放，释放( liberate的现在分词 ) | |
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inevitability
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| n.必然性 | |
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craving
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| n.渴望,热望 | |
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irresistible
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| adj.非常诱人的，无法拒绝的，无法抗拒的 | |
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vapor
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| n.蒸汽，雾气 | |
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fleeting
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| adj.短暂的，飞逝的 | |
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82
sensory
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| adj.知觉的，感觉的，知觉器官的 | |
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mirage
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| n.海市蜃楼，幻景 | |
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84
sarcasm
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| n.讥讽，讽刺，嘲弄，反话 （adj.sarcastic） | |
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melancholic
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| 忧郁症患者 | |
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86
subconsciously
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| ad.下意识地，潜意识地 | |
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87
lurks
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| n.潜在，潜伏；（lurk的复数形式）vi.潜伏，埋伏（lurk的第三人称单数形式） | |
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bereft
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| adj.被剥夺的 | |
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volcanic
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| adj.火山的；象火山的；由火山引起的 | |
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cataclysms
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| n.（突然降临的）大灾难( cataclysm的名词复数 ) | |
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glaciers
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| 冰河，冰川( glacier的名词复数 ) | |
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salvation
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| n.（尤指基督）救世，超度，拯救，解困 | |
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transmuted
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| v.使变形，使变质，把…变成…( transmute的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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smoldering
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| v.用文火焖烧，熏烧，慢燃( smolder的现在分词 ) | |
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expectancy
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| n.期望，预期，（根据概率统计求得）预期数额 | |
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wilful
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| adj.任性的，故意的 | |
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eternity
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| n.不朽，来世；永恒，无穷 | |
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ego
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| n.自我，自己，自尊 | |
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iceberg
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| n.冰山，流冰，冷冰冰的人 | |
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colossal
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| adj.异常的，庞大的 | |
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celestial
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| adj.天体的；天上的 | |
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102
murmurs
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| n.低沉、连续而不清的声音( murmur的名词复数 )；低语声；怨言；嘀咕 | |
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103
vapors
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| n.水汽，水蒸气，无实质之物( vapor的名词复数 )；自夸者；幻想 [药]吸入剂 [古]忧郁（症）v.自夸，（使）蒸发( vapor的第三人称单数 ) | |
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wondrously
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| adv.惊奇地，非常，极其 | |
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flickering
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| adj.闪烁的，摇曳的，一闪一闪的 | |
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relishable
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| 可实现的，可实行的，可了解的 | |
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adorning
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| 修饰，装饰物 | |
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miraculous
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| adj.像奇迹一样的，不可思议的 | |
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advancement
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| n.前进，促进，提升 | |
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meditations
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| 默想( meditation的名词复数 )； 默念； 沉思； 冥想 | |
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beguile
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| vt.欺骗，消遣 | |
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ingenuity
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| n.别出心裁；善于发明创造 | |
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lasting
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| adj.永久的，永恒的；vbl.持续，维持 | |
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longings
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| 渴望，盼望( longing的名词复数 ) | |
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regained
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| 复得( regain的过去式和过去分词 )； 赢回； 重回； 复至某地 | |
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surfeited
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| v.吃得过多( surfeit的过去式和过去分词 )；由于过量而厌腻 | |
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delightfully
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| 大喜，欣然 | |
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varied
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| adj.多样的，多变化的 | |
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everlasting
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| adj.永恒的，持久的，无止境的 | |
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120
appraise
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| v.估价，评价，鉴定 | |
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beset
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| v.镶嵌；困扰，包围 | |
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122
tune
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| n.调子；和谐，协调；v.调音，调节，调整 | |
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123
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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124
begotten
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| v.为…之生父( beget的过去分词 )；产生，引起 | |
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125
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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whatsoever
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| adv.（用于否定句中以加强语气）任何；pron.无论什么 | |
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manifestation
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| n.表现形式；表明；现象 | |
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