And now the sun rose once more and ushered8 in the first day of what Laura comprehended and accepted as a new life.
The past had sunk below the horizon, and existed no more for her; she was done with it for all time. She was gazing out over the trackless expanses of the future, now, with troubled eyes. Life must be begun again—at eight and twenty years of age. And where to begin? The page was blank, and waiting for its first record; so this was indeed a momentous9 day.
Her thoughts drifted back, stage by stage, over her career. As far as the long highway receded10 over the plain of her life, it was lined with the gilded11 and pillared splendors12 of her ambition all crumbled13 to ruin and ivy-grown; every milestone14 marked a disaster; there was no green spot remaining anywhere in memory of a hope that had found its fruition; the unresponsive earth had uttered no voice of flowers in testimony15 that one who was blest had gone that road.
Her life had been a failure. That was plain, she said. No more of that. She would now look the future in the face; she would mark her course upon the chart of life, and follow it; follow it without swerving16, through rocks and shoals, through storm and calm, to a haven17 of rest and peace or shipwreck18. Let the end be what it might, she would mark her course now—to-day—and follow it.
On her table lay six or seven notes. They were from lovers; from some of the prominent names in the land; men whose devotion had survived even the grisly revealments of her character which the courts had uncurtained; men who knew her now, just as she was, and yet pleaded as for their lives for the dear privilege of calling the murderess wife.
As she read these passionate19, these worshiping, these supplicating20 missives, the woman in her nature confessed itself; a strong yearning21 came upon her to lay her head upon a loyal breast and find rest from the conflict of life, solace22 for her griefs, the healing of love for her bruised23 heart.
With her forehead resting upon her hand, she sat thinking, thinking, while the unheeded moments winged their flight. It was one of those mornings in early spring when nature seems just stirring to a half consciousness out of a long, exhausting lethargy; when the first faint balmy airs go wandering about, whispering the secret of the coming change; when the abused brown grass, newly relieved of snow, seems considering whether it can be worth the trouble and worry of contriving24 its green raiment again only to fight the inevitable25 fight with the implacable winter and be vanquished26 and buried once more; when the sun shines out and a few birds venture forth27 and lift up a forgotten song; when a strange stillness and suspense28 pervades29 the waiting air. It is a time when one’s spirit is subdued30 and sad, one knows not why; when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death. It is a time when one is filled with vague longings31; when one dreams of flight to peaceful islands in the remote solitudes32 of the sea, or folds his hands and says, What is the use of struggling, and toiling33 and worrying any more? let us give it all up.
It was into such a mood as this that Laura had drifted from the musings which the letters of her lovers had called up. Now she lifted her head and noted34 with surprise how the day had wasted. She thrust the letters aside, rose up and went and stood at the window. But she was soon thinking again, and was only gazing into vacancy35.
By and by she turned; her countenance36 had cleared; the dreamy look was gone out of her face, all indecision had vanished; the poise37 of her head and the firm set of her lips told that her resolution was formed. She moved toward the table with all the old dignity in her carriage, and all the old pride in her mien38. She took up each letter in its turn, touched a match to it and watched it slowly consume to ashes. Then she said:
“I have landed upon a foreign shore, and burned my ships behind me. These letters were the last thing that held me in sympathy with any remnant or belonging of the old life. Henceforth that life and all that appertains to it are as dead to me and as far removed from me as if I were become a denizen39 of another world.”
She said that love was not for her—the time that it could have satisfied her heart was gone by and could not return; the opportunity was lost, nothing could restore it. She said there could be no love without respect, and she would only despise a man who could content himself with a thing like her. Love, she said, was a woman’s first necessity: love being forfeited40; there was but one thing left that could give a passing zest41 to a wasted life, and that was fame, admiration42, the applause of the multitude.
And so her resolution was taken. She would turn to that final resort of the disappointed of her sex, the lecture platform. She would array herself in fine attire43, she would adorn44 herself with jewels, and stand in her isolated45 magnificence before massed audiences and enchant46 them with her eloquence47 and amaze them with her unapproachable beauty. She would move from city to city like a queen of romance, leaving marveling multitudes behind her and impatient multitudes awaiting her coming. Her life, during one hour of each day, upon the platform, would be a rapturous intoxication—and when the curtain fell and the lights were out, and the people gone, to nestle in their homes and forget her, she would find in sleep oblivion of her homelessness, if she could, if not she would brave out the night in solitude and wait for the next day’s hour of ecstasy48.
So, to take up life and begin again was no great evil. She saw her way. She would be brave and strong; she would make the best of what was left for her among the possibilities.
She sent for the lecture agent, and matters were soon arranged.
Straightway, all the papers were filled with her name, and all the dead walls flamed with it. The papers called down imprecations upon her head; they reviled49 her without stint50; they wondered if all sense of decency51 was dead in this shameless murderess, this brazen52 lobbyist, this heartless seducer53 of the affections of weak and misguided men; they implored54 the people, for the sake of their pure wives, their sinless daughters, for the sake of decency, for the sake of public morals, to give this wretched creature such a rebuke56 as should be an all-sufficient evidence to her and to such as her, that there was a limit where the flaunting57 of their foul58 acts and opinions before the world must stop; certain of them, with a higher art, and to her a finer cruelty, a sharper torture, uttered no abuse, but always spoke59 of her in terms of mocking eulogy60 and ironical61 admiration. Everybody talked about the new wonder, canvassed62 the theme of her proposed discourse63, and marveled how she would handle it.
Laura’s few friends wrote to her or came and talked with her, and pleaded with her to retire while it was yet time, and not attempt to face the gathering64 storm. But it was fruitless. She was stung to the quick by the comments of the newspapers; her spirit was roused, her ambition was towering, now. She was more determined65 than ever. She would show these people what a hunted and persecuted66 woman could do.
The eventful night came. Laura arrived before the great lecture hall in a close carriage within five minutes of the time set for the lecture to begin. When she stepped out of the vehicle her heart beat fast and her eyes flashed with exultation67: the whole street was packed with people, and she could hardly force her way to the hall! She reached the ante-room, threw off her wraps and placed herself before the dressing-glass. She turned herself this way and that—everything was satisfactory, her attire was perfect. She smoothed her hair, rearranged a jewel here and there, and all the while her heart sang within her, and her face was radiant. She had not been so happy for ages and ages, it seemed to her. Oh, no, she had never been so overwhelmingly grateful and happy in her whole life before. The lecture agent appeared at the door. She waved him away and said:
“Do not disturb me. I want no introduction. And do not fear for me; the moment the hands point to eight I will step upon the platform.”
He disappeared. She held her watch before her. She was so impatient that the second-hand68 seemed whole tedious minutes dragging its way around the circle. At last the supreme69 moment came, and with head erect70 and the bearing of an empress she swept through the door and stood upon the stage. Her eyes fell upon only a vast, brilliant emptiness—there were not forty people in the house! There were only a handful of coarse men and ten or twelve still coarser women, lolling upon the benches and scattered71 about singly and in couples.
Her pulses stood still, her limbs quaked, the gladness went out of her face. There was a moment of silence, and then a brutal72 laugh and an explosion of cat-calls and hisses73 saluted74 her from the audience. The clamor grew stronger and louder, and insulting speeches were shouted at her. A half-intoxicated man rose up and threw something, which missed her but bespattered a chair at her side, and this evoked75 an outburst of laughter and boisterous76 admiration. She was bewildered, her strength was forsaking77 her. She reeled away from the platform, reached the ante-room, and dropped helpless upon a sofa. The lecture agent ran in, with a hurried question upon his lips; but she put forth her hands, and with the tears raining from her eyes, said:
“Oh, do not speak! Take me away-please take me away, out of this dreadful place! Oh, this is like all my life—failure, disappointment, misery78—always misery, always failure. What have I done, to be so pursued! Take me away, I beg of you, I implore55 you!”
Upon the pavement she was hustled79 by the mob, the surging masses roared her name and accompanied it with every species of insulting epithet80; they thronged81 after the carriage, hooting82, jeering83, cursing, and even assailing84 the vehicle with missiles. A stone crushed through a blind, wounding Laura’s forehead, and so stunning85 her that she hardly knew what further transpired86 during her flight.
It was long before her faculties87 were wholly restored, and then she found herself lying on the floor by a sofa in her own sitting-room88, and alone. So she supposed she must have sat down upon the sofa and afterward89 fallen. She raised herself up, with difficulty, for the air was chilly90 and her limbs were stiff. She turned up the gas and sought the glass. She hardly knew herself, so worn and old she looked, and so marred91 with blood were her features. The night was far spent, and a dead stillness reigned92. She sat down by her table, leaned her elbows upon it and put her face in her hands.
Her thoughts wandered back over her old life again and her tears flowed unrestrained. Her pride was humbled93, her spirit was broken. Her memory found but one resting place; it lingered about her young girlhood with a caressing94 regret; it dwelt upon it as the one brief interval95 of her life that bore no curse. She saw herself again in the budding grace of her twelve years, decked in her dainty pride of ribbons, consorting96 with the bees and the butterflies, believing in fairies, holding confidential97 converse98 with the flowers, busying herself all day long with airy trifles that were as weighty to her as the affairs that tax the brains of diplomats99 and emperors. She was without sin, then, and unacquainted with grief; the world was full of sunshine and her heart was full of music. From that—to this!
“If I could only die!” she said. “If I could only go back, and be as I was then, for one hour—and hold my father’s hand in mine again, and see all the household about me, as in that old innocent time—and then die! My God, I am humbled, my pride is all gone, my stubborn heart repents—have pity!”
When the spring morning dawned, the form still sat there, the elbows resting upon the table and the face upon the hands. All day long the figure sat there, the sunshine enriching its costly100 raiment and flashing from its jewels; twilight101 came, and presently the stars, but still the figure remained; the moon found it there still, and framed the picture with the shadow of the window sash, and flooded it with mellow102 light; by and by the darkness swallowed it up, and later the gray dawn revealed it again; the new day grew toward its prime, and still the forlorn presence was undisturbed.
But now the keepers of the house had become uneasy; their periodical knockings still finding no response, they burst open the door.
The jury of inquest found that death had resulted from heart disease, and was instant and painless. That was all. Merely heart disease.
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收听单词发音
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1
receding
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| v.逐渐远离( recede的现在分词 )；向后倾斜；自原处后退或避开别人的注视；尤指问题 | |
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murmurous
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| adj.低声的 | |
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devastating
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| adj.毁灭性的，令人震惊的，强有力的 | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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realization
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| n.实现；认识到，深刻了解 | |
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impending
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| a.imminent, about to come or happen | |
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laden
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| adj.装满了的；充满了的；负了重担的；苦恼的 | |
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ushered
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| v.引，领，陪同( usher的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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momentous
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| adj.重要的，重大的 | |
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receded
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| v.逐渐远离( recede的过去式和过去分词 )；向后倾斜；自原处后退或避开别人的注视；尤指问题 | |
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gilded
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| a.镀金的，富有的 | |
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splendors
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| n.华丽( splendor的名词复数 )；壮丽；光辉；显赫 | |
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crumbled
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| （把…）弄碎， （使）碎成细屑( crumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 衰落； 坍塌； 损坏 | |
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milestone
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| n.里程碑；划时代的事件 | |
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testimony
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| n.证词；见证，证明 | |
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swerving
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| v.（使）改变方向，改变目的( swerve的现在分词 ) | |
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haven
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| n.安全的地方，避难所，庇护所 | |
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shipwreck
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| n.船舶失事，海难 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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20
supplicating
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| v.祈求，哀求，恳求( supplicate的现在分词 ) | |
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yearning
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| a.渴望的；向往的；怀念的 | |
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solace
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| n.安慰；v.使快乐；vt.安慰(物)，缓和 | |
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bruised
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| [医]青肿的，瘀紫的 | |
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contriving
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| （不顾困难地）促成某事( contrive的现在分词 )； 巧妙地策划，精巧地制造（如机器）； 设法做到 | |
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inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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vanquished
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| v.征服( vanquish的过去式和过去分词 )；战胜；克服；抑制 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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suspense
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| n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑 | |
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pervades
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| v.遍及，弥漫( pervade的第三人称单数 ) | |
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subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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longings
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| 渴望，盼望( longing的名词复数 ) | |
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solitudes
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| n.独居( solitude的名词复数 )；孤独；荒僻的地方；人迹罕至的地方 | |
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toiling
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| 长时间或辛苦地工作( toil的现在分词 )； 艰难缓慢地移动，跋涉 | |
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noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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vacancy
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| n.（旅馆的）空位，空房，（职务的）空缺 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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poise
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| vt./vi. 平衡，保持平衡；n.泰然自若，自信 | |
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mien
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| n.风采；态度 | |
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denizen
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| n.居民，外籍居民 | |
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forfeited
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| （因违反协议、犯规、受罚等）丧失，失去( forfeit的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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41
zest
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| n.乐趣；滋味，风味；兴趣 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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43
attire
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| v.穿衣，装扮[同]array；n.衣着；盛装 | |
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adorn
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| vt.使美化，装饰 | |
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isolated
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| adj.与世隔绝的 | |
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enchant
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| vt.使陶醉，使入迷；使着魔，用妖术迷惑 | |
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eloquence
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| n.雄辩；口才，修辞 | |
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48
ecstasy
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| n.狂喜，心醉神怡，入迷 | |
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49
reviled
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| v.辱骂，痛斥( revile的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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50
stint
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| v.节省，限制，停止；n.舍不得化，节约，限制；连续不断的一段时间从事某件事 | |
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51
decency
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| n.体面，得体，合宜，正派，庄重 | |
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52
brazen
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| adj.厚脸皮的，无耻的，坚硬的 | |
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seducer
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| n.诱惑者,骗子,玩弄女性的人 | |
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54
implored
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| 恳求或乞求（某人）( implore的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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55
implore
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| vt.乞求，恳求，哀求 | |
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56
rebuke
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| v.指责，非难，斥责 [反]praise | |
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57
flaunting
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| adj.招摇的，扬扬得意的，夸耀的v.炫耀，夸耀( flaunt的现在分词 )；有什么能耐就施展出来 | |
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58
foul
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| adj.污秽的；邪恶的；v.弄脏；妨害；犯规；n.犯规 | |
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59
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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60
eulogy
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| n.颂词；颂扬 | |
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61
ironical
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| adj.讽刺的，冷嘲的 | |
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62
canvassed
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| v.（在政治方面）游说( canvass的过去式和过去分词 )；调查（如选举前选民的）意见；为讨论而提出（意见等）；详细检查 | |
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discourse
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| n.论文，演说；谈话；话语；vi.讲述，著述 | |
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gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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66
persecuted
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| （尤指宗教或政治信仰的）迫害(~sb. for sth.)( persecute的过去式和过去分词 )； 烦扰，困扰或骚扰某人 | |
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67
exultation
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| n.狂喜，得意 | |
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second-hand
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| adj.用过的，旧的，二手的 | |
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supreme
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| adj.极度的，最重要的；至高的，最高的 | |
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erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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71
scattered
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| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
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brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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hisses
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| 嘶嘶声( hiss的名词复数 ) | |
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saluted
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| v.欢迎，致敬( salute的过去式和过去分词 )；赞扬，赞颂 | |
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evoked
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| [医]诱发的 | |
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boisterous
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| adj.喧闹的，欢闹的 | |
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forsaking
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| 放弃( forsake的现在分词 )； 弃绝； 抛弃； 摒弃 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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hustled
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| 催促（hustle的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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80
epithet
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| n.（用于褒贬人物等的）表述形容词，修饰语 | |
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81
thronged
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| v.成群，挤满( throng的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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hooting
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| （使）作汽笛声响，作汽车喇叭声( hoot的现在分词 )； 倒好儿； 倒彩 | |
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83
jeering
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| adj.嘲弄的，揶揄的v.嘲笑( jeer的现在分词 ) | |
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84
assailing
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| v.攻击( assail的现在分词 )；困扰；质问；毅然应对 | |
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85
stunning
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| adj.极好的；使人晕倒的 | |
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86
transpired
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| （事实，秘密等）被人知道( transpire的过去式和过去分词 )； 泄露； 显露； 发生 | |
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87
faculties
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| n.能力( faculty的名词复数 )；全体教职员；技巧；院 | |
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88
sitting-room
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| n.（BrE）客厅，起居室 | |
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89
afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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90
chilly
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| adj.凉快的，寒冷的 | |
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91
marred
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| adj. 被损毁, 污损的 | |
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92
reigned
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| vi.当政，统治（reign的过去式形式） | |
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93
humbled
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| adj. 卑下的，谦逊的，粗陋的 vt. 使 ... 卑下，贬低 | |
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caressing
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| 爱抚的，表现爱情的，亲切的 | |
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interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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consorting
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| v.结伴( consort的现在分词 )；交往；相称；调和 | |
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confidential
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| adj.秘（机）密的，表示信任的，担任机密工作的 | |
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converse
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| vi.谈话，谈天，闲聊；adv.相反的，相反 | |
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99
diplomats
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| n.外交官( diplomat的名词复数 )；有手腕的人，善于交际的人 | |
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100
costly
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| adj.昂贵的，价值高的，豪华的 | |
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101
twilight
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| n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期 | |
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102
mellow
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| adj.柔和的；熟透的；v.变柔和；(使)成熟 | |
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