Chapter 17

He had been hoping there would be a woman in the painting classes in whom he might take an interest — that was half the reason for giving them. But pairing up with one of the widows his age toward whom he felt no attraction proved to be beyond him, though the robustly¹ healthy young women he saw jogging along the boardwalk when he took his morning walk, still all curves and gleaming hair and, to his eyes, seemingly more beautiful than their counterparts of an earlier era had ever been, were not sufficiently² lacking in common sense to exchange with him anything other than a professionally innocent smile. Following their speedy progress with his gaze was a pleasure, but a difficult pleasure, and at bottom the mental caress³ was a source of biting sadness that only intensified⁴ an unbearable⁵ loneliness. True, he had chosen to live alone, but not unbearably⁶ alone. The worst of being unbearably alone was that you had to bear it — either that or you were sunk. You had to work hard to prevent your mind from sabotaging⁷ you by its looking hungrily back at the superabundant past.

And he'd become bored with his painting. For many years he'd dreamed of the uninterrupted span of time that his retirement⁸ would afford him to paint — as had thousands and thousands of other art directors who'd also earned their livelihood⁹ working in ad agencies. But after painting almost every day since moving to the shore, he had run out of interest in what he was doing. The urgent demand to paint had lifted, the enterprise designed to fill the rest of his life fizzled out. He had no more ideas. Every picture he worked on came out looking like the last one. His brightly colored abstractions had always been prominently displayed in the Starfish Beach show of local artists, and of the three that were taken by a gallery in the nearby seaside tourist town, all had been sold to the gallery's best customers. But that was nearly two years ago. Now he had nothing to show. It had all come to nothing. As a painter he was and probably always had been no more than the "happy cobbler" he happened to know he'd been dubbed¹⁰ by the satirical son. It was as though painting had been an exorcism. But designed to expel what malignancy? The oldest of his self-delusions? Or had he run to painting to attempt to deliver himself from the knowledge that you are born to live and you die instead? Suddenly he was lost in nothing, in the sound of the two syllables¹¹ "nothing" no less than in the nothingness, lost and drifting, and the dread¹² began to seep¹³ in. Nothing comes without risk, he thought, nothing, nothing — there's nothing that doesn't backfire, not even painting stupid pictures!

1 robustly   

adv.要用体力地，粗鲁地

参考例句：

• These three hormones also robustly stimulated thymidine incorporation and inhibited drug-induced apoptosis. 并且这三种激素有利于胸（腺嘧啶脱氧核）苷掺入和抑制药物诱导的细胞凋亡。 来自互联网
• The economy is still growing robustly, but inflation, It'seems, is back. 经济依然强劲增长，但是通胀似乎有所抬头。 来自互联网

2 sufficiently   

adv.足够地，充分地

参考例句：

• It turned out he had not insured the house sufficiently.原来他没有给房屋投足保险。
• The new policy was sufficiently elastic to accommodate both views.新政策充分灵活地适用两种观点。

3 caress   

vt./n.爱抚，抚摸

参考例句：

• She gave the child a loving caress.她疼爱地抚摸着孩子。
• She feasted on the caress of the hot spring.她尽情享受着温泉的抚爱。

4 intensified   

v.（使）增强， （使）加剧( intensify的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• Violence intensified during the night. 在夜间暴力活动加剧了。
• The drought has intensified. 旱情加剧了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

5 unbearable   

adj.不能容忍的；忍受不住的

参考例句：

• It is unbearable to be always on thorns.老是处于焦虑不安的情况中是受不了的。
• The more he thought of it the more unbearable it became.他越想越觉得无法忍受。

6 unbearably   

adv.不能忍受地，无法容忍地；慌

参考例句：

• It was unbearably hot in the car. 汽车里热得难以忍受。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• She found it unbearably painful to speak. 她发现开口说话痛苦得令人难以承受。 来自《简明英汉词典》

7 sabotaging   

阴谋破坏（某事物）( sabotage的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• Mr Smith fiercely denied any question of sabotaging the talks. 史密斯先生坚决拒绝任何企图阻挠谈话的提问。
• Failed in sabotaging APEC summit in Sydney of Australia. 澳大利亚悉尼APEC会议遭遇惨败。

8 retirement   

n.退休，退职

参考例句：

• She wanted to enjoy her retirement without being beset by financial worries.她想享受退休生活而不必为金钱担忧。
• I have to put everything away for my retirement.我必须把一切都积蓄起来以便退休后用。

9 livelihood   

n.生计，谋生之道

参考例句：

• Appropriate arrangements will be made for their work and livelihood.他们的工作和生活会得到妥善安排。
• My father gained a bare livelihood of family by his own hands.父亲靠自己的双手勉强维持家计。

10 dubbed   

v.给…起绰号( dub的过去式和过去分词 )；把…称为；配音；复制

参考例句：

• Mathematics was once dubbed the handmaiden of the sciences. 数学曾一度被视为各门科学的基础。
• Is the movie dubbed or does it have subtitles? 这部电影是配音的还是打字幕的？ 来自《简明英汉词典》

11 syllables   

n.音节( syllable的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• a word with two syllables 双音节单词
• 'No. But I'll swear it was a name of two syllables.' “想不起。不过我可以发誓，它有两个音节。” 来自英汉文学 - 双城记

12 dread   

vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧

参考例句：

• We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
• Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。

13 seep   

v.渗出，渗漏；n.渗漏，小泉，水（油）坑

参考例句：

• My anger began to seep away.我的怒火开始消下去了。
• If meteoric water does not evaporate or run overland,it may seep directly into the ground.如果雨水不从陆地蒸发和流走的话，就可能直接渗入地下。