—Cato.
Conversation is the laboratory and workshop of the student.
—Emerson, Essays: Circles.
The father of W.E. Gladstone considered conversation to be both an art and an accomplishment2. Around the dinner table in his home some topic of local or national interest, or some debated question, was constantly being discussed. In this way a friendly rivalry3 for supremacy4 in conversation arose among the family, and an incident observed in the street, an idea gleaned5 from a book, a deduction6 from personal experience, was carefully stored as material for the family exchange. Thus his early years of practise in elegant conversation prepared the younger Gladstone for his career as a leader and speaker.
There is a sense in which the ability to converse7 effectively is efficient public speaking, for our conversation is often heard by many, and occasionally decisions of great moment hinge upon the tone and quality of what we say in private.
Indeed, conversation in the aggregate8 probably wields9 more power than press and platform combined. Socrates taught his great truths, not from public rostrums, but in personal converse. Men made pilgrimages to Goethe's library and Coleridge's home to be charmed and instructed by their speech, and the culture of many nations was immeasurably influenced by the thoughts that streamed out from those rich well-springs.
Most of the world-moving speeches are made in the course of conversation. Conferences of diplomats10, business-getting arguments, decisions by boards of directors, considerations of corporate11 policy, all of which influence the political, mercantile and economic maps of the world, are usually the results of careful though informal conversation, and the man whose opinions weigh in such crises is he who has first carefully pondered the words of both antagonist12 and protagonist13.
However important it may be to attain14 self-control in light social converse, or about the family table, it is undeniably vital to have oneself perfectly15 in hand while taking part in a momentous16 conference. Then the hints that we have given on poise17, alertness, precision of word, clearness of statement, and force of utterance18, with respect to public speech, are equally applicable to conversation.
The form of nervous egotism—for it is both—that suddenly ends in flusters19 just when the vital words need to be uttered, is the sign of coming defeat, for a conversation is often a contest. If you feel this tendency embarrassing you, be sure to listen to Holmes's advice:
And when you stick on conversational21 burs,
Here bring your will into action, for your trouble is a wandering attention. You must force your mind to persist along the chosen line of conversation and resolutely23 refuse to be diverted by any subject or happening that may unexpectedly pop up to distract you. To fail here is to lose effectiveness utterly24.
Concentration is the keynote of conversational charm and efficiency. The haphazard25 habit of expression that uses bird-shot when a bullet is needed insures missing the game, for diplomacy26 of all sorts rests upon the precise application of precise words, particularly—if one may paraphrase27 Tallyrand—in those crises when language is no longer used to conceal28 thought.
We may frequently gain new light on old subjects by looking at word-derivations. Conversation signifies in the original a turn-about exchange of ideas, yet most people seem to regard it as a monologue29. Bronson Alcott used to say that many could argue, but few converse. The first thing to remember in conversation, then, is that listening—respectful, sympathetic, alert listening—is not only due to our fellow converser30 but due to ourselves. Many a reply loses its point because the speaker is so much interested in what he is about to say that it is really no reply at all but merely an irritating and humiliating irrelevancy31.
Self-expression is exhilarating. This explains the eternal impulse to decorate totem poles and paint pictures, write poetry and expound32 philosophy. One of the chief delights of conversation is the opportunity it affords for self-expression. A good conversationalist who monopolizes33 all the conversation, will be voted a bore because he denies others the enjoyment34 of self-expression, while a mediocre35 talker who listens interestedly may be considered a good conversationalist because he permits his companions to please themselves through self-expression. They are praised who please: they please who listen well.
The first step in remedying habits of confusion in manner, awkward bearing, vagueness in thought, and lack of precision in utterance, is to recognize your faults. If you are serenely36 unconscious of them, no one—least of all yourself—can help you. But once diagnose your own weaknesses, and you can overcome them by doing four things:
1. WILL to overcome them, and keep on willing.
2. Hold yourself in hand by assuring yourself that you know precisely37 what you ought to say. If you cannot do that, be quiet until you are clear on this vital point.
3. Having thus assured yourself, cast out the fear of those who listen to you—they are only human and will respect your words if you really have something to say and say it briefly38, simply, and clearly.
4. Have the courage to study the English language until you are master of at least its simpler forms.
Conversational Hints
Choose some subject that will prove of general interest to the whole group. Do not explain the mechanism39 of a gas engine at an afternoon tea or the culture of hollyhocks at a stag party.
It is not considered good taste for a man to bare his arm in public and show scars or deformities. It is equally bad form for him to flaunt40 his own woes41, or the deformity of some one else's character. The public demands plays and stories that end happily. All the world is seeking happiness. They cannot long be interested in your ills and troubles. George Cohan made himself a millionaire before he was thirty by writing cheerful plays. One of his rules is generally applicable to conversation: "Always leave them laughing when you say good bye."
Dynamite42 the "I" out of your conversation. Not one man in nine hundred and seven can talk about himself without being a bore. The man who can perform that feat20 can achieve marvels43 without talking about himself, so the eternal "I" is not permissible44 even in his talk.
If you habitually45 build your conversation around your own interests it may prove very tiresome46 to your listener. He may be thinking of bird dogs or dry fly fishing while you are discussing the fourth dimension, or the merits of a cucumber lotion47. The charming conversationalist is prepared to talk in terms of his listener's interest. If his listener spends his spare time investigating Guernsey cattle or agitating48 social reforms, the discriminating49 conversationalist shapes his remarks accordingly. Richard Washburn Child says he knows a man of mediocre ability who can charm men much abler than himself when he discusses electric lighting50. This same man probably would bore, and be bored, if he were forced to converse about music or Madagascar.
Avoid platitudes51 and hackneyed phrases. If you meet a friend from Keokuk on State Street or on Pike's Peak, it is not necessary to observe: "How small this world is after all!" This observation was doubtless made prior to the formation of Pike's Peak. "This old world is getting better every day." "Fanner's wives do not have to work as hard as formerly52." "It is not so much the high cost of living as the cost of high living." Such observations as these excite about the same degree of admiration53 as is drawn54 out by the appearance of a 1903-model touring car. If you have nothing fresh or interesting you can always remain silent. How would you like to read a newspaper that flashed out in bold headlines "Nice Weather We Are Having," or daily gave columns to the same old material you had been reading week after week?
QUESTIONS AND EXERCISES
1. Give a short speech describing the conversational bore.
2. In a few words give your idea of a charming converser.
5. Give an account of your first day at observing conversation around you.
6. Give an account of one day's effort to improve your own conversation.
7. Give a list of subjects you heard discussed during any recent period you may select.
9. Make a list of "Bromides," as Gellett Burgess calls those threadbare expressions which "bore us to extinction"—itself a Bromide.
10. What causes a phrase to become hackneyed?
11. Define the words, (a) trite58; (b) solecism; (c) colloquialism59; (d) slang; (e) vulgarism; (f) neologism.
12. What constitutes pretentious60 talk?
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1
orator
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| n.演说者，演讲者，雄辩家 | |
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accomplishment
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| n.完成，成就，（pl.）造诣，技能 | |
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rivalry
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| n.竞争，竞赛，对抗 | |
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supremacy
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| n.至上；至高权力 | |
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gleaned
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| v.一点点地收集（资料、事实）( glean的过去式和过去分词 )；（收割后）拾穗 | |
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deduction
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| n.减除，扣除，减除额；推论，推理，演绎 | |
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converse
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| vi.谈话，谈天，闲聊；adv.相反的，相反 | |
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aggregate
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| adj.总计的，集合的；n.总数；v.合计；集合 | |
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wields
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| 手持着使用（武器、工具等）( wield的第三人称单数 )； 具有； 运用（权力）； 施加（影响） | |
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diplomats
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| n.外交官( diplomat的名词复数 )；有手腕的人，善于交际的人 | |
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corporate
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| adj.共同的，全体的；公司的，企业的 | |
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antagonist
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| n.敌人，对抗者，对手 | |
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protagonist
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| n.(思想观念的)倡导者；主角，主人公 | |
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attain
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| vt.达到，获得，完成 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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momentous
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| adj.重要的，重大的 | |
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poise
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| vt./vi. 平衡，保持平衡；n.泰然自若，自信 | |
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utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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flusters
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| v.使慌乱，使不安( fluster的第三人称单数 ) | |
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feat
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| n.功绩；武艺，技艺；adj.灵巧的，漂亮的，合适的 | |
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conversational
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| adj.对话的，会话的 | |
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strew
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| vt.撒；使散落；撒在…上，散布于 | |
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resolutely
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| adj.坚决地，果断地 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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haphazard
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| adj.无计划的，随意的，杂乱无章的 | |
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diplomacy
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| n.外交；外交手腕，交际手腕 | |
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paraphrase
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| vt.将…释义，改写；n.释义，意义 | |
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conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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monologue
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| n.长篇大论，（戏剧等中的）独白 | |
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converser
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| 交谈，谈话； [计]对话，会话 | |
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irrelevancy
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| n.不恰当，离题，不相干的事物 | |
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expound
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| v.详述；解释；阐述 | |
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monopolizes
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| n.垄断( monopolize的名词复数 )；独占；专卖；专营v.垄断( monopolize的第三人称单数 )；独占；专卖；专营 | |
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enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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mediocre
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| adj.平常的，普通的 | |
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serenely
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| adv.安详地，宁静地，平静地 | |
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precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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mechanism
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| n.机械装置；机构，结构 | |
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flaunt
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| vt.夸耀，夸饰 | |
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woes
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| 困境( woe的名词复数 )； 悲伤； 我好苦哇； 某人就要倒霉 | |
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dynamite
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| n./vt.(用)炸药(爆破) | |
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marvels
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| n.奇迹( marvel的名词复数 )；令人惊奇的事物（或事例）；不平凡的成果；成就v.惊奇，对…感到惊奇( marvel的第三人称单数 ) | |
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permissible
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| adj.可允许的，许可的 | |
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habitually
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| ad.习惯地，通常地 | |
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tiresome
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| adj.令人疲劳的，令人厌倦的 | |
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lotion
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| n.洗剂 | |
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agitating
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| 搅动( agitate的现在分词 )； 激怒； 使焦虑不安； （尤指为法律、社会状况的改变而）激烈争论 | |
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discriminating
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| a.有辨别能力的 | |
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lighting
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| n.照明，光线的明暗，舞台灯光 | |
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platitudes
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| n.平常的话，老生常谈，陈词滥调( platitude的名词复数 )；滥套子 | |
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52
formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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delineation
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| n.记述；描写 | |
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oracle
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| n.神谕，神谕处，预言 | |
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elastic
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| n.橡皮圈，松紧带；adj.有弹性的；灵活的 | |
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trite
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| adj.陈腐的 | |
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colloquialism
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| n.俗话，白话，口语 | |
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pretentious
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| adj.自命不凡的，自负的，炫耀的 | |
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