Any form of love which excludes either the physical or the mental relationship of male and female, is incomplete and, therefore, abnormal.
All the puritanical1 rant2 to the contrary notwithstanding, platonic3 love and prostitution are on the same biological level, as morbid4 and unnatural5 one as the other.
Prostitution only gratifies the body more or less completely and starves the mind, causing the mental aspect of the love craving6 to become stunted7 or perverse8.
Platonic love gratifies the intellect more or less completely, rather less than more, for it offers few egotistical rewards, but it starves the body and leads[Pg 264] it into adopting morbid forms of craving gratification.
A Clean Life. Many a patient has declared proudly to me that he led a "clean life." A few days later, after losing his selfconsciousness in my presence, he would gradually confess to a terrible "struggle" against his "animal" instincts. Which meant, that at irregular intervals9, self-gratification would give him, in a morbid day dream, the woman whose love he craved10; or a pollution dream would allow him, in the unconsciousness and ethical11 irresponsibility of sleep, to make up for his privations by indulging in imaginary promiscuous12 cohabitation.
This is in too many cases, the seamy side of a platonic love affair, when one or both of the mates is not naturally unsexed but unsexes himself thru what he or she calls will-power and which analysis reveals to be conscious or unconscious fear.
This is the meaning of love plus continence. In the majority of cases its damage stops there. In a few cases, however, especially when the sex cravings of one of the mates have been so successfully repressed that they are no longer experienced consciously, symbolical14 nightmares of the most exhausting kind, hysterical15 disturbances16 during the waking hours, compulsions and obsessions17 of all sorts, re[Pg 265]veal to the psychoanalyst that lava19 is boiling under the apparently20 extinct cone21 of a safe volcano.
The platonic individual, like the puritan, is either oversexed or undersexed.
The oversexed must surround themselves with protective measures lest their violent cravings may lead them into socially punishable acts. The simplest neurotic22 expedient23 is to utter a complete denial, whenever possible a public one, of the existence of sexual cravings, and then to be forced by one's statements into living up to an absurd self-imposed standard.
Utterances25 and Conduct. This at times results in most grotesque26 conflicts between utterance24 and conduct. We see for instance the much married Mrs. Eddy27 who as the witty28 Theodore Schroeder remarked, had many more husbands than children, stating that the pleasures of the flesh "are always wrong unless the physiologic29 factor can be excluded from consciousness" (a rather cryptic30 sentence) and also that "generation rests on no sexual basis."
Thy hysteric whose volcanic31 outbursts supply her with a morbid sexual relief for which she rejects all responsibility, for she is unconscious at the time is generally in her private and public life a woman[Pg 266] of great repressions32 and perfect behavior, likely to sneer33 at every mention of a sex urge.
In other cases, platonic love is an attempt at creating an artificial value thru destroying a natural, biological human function.
Oracles35 and Prophecies. In ancient times it was observed that people deprived of any sexual gratification made at times mysterious utterances which were considered as an emanation of some divine intelligence.
Those utterances were nothing but hysterical ravings, accepted as oracles, prophecies, etc.
Our praise of continence, practiced even when it is unnecessary, (as in the case of lawfully36 married mates), is, after all, a survival of such superstitious37 beliefs based on misunderstood morbid phenomena38.
Modern science, especially the new science of endocrinology, has shown that to every display of sexual activity corresponds an outpouring of hormonic secretions39 which benefits the entire system.
Can We Save Our Vital Force? Once upon a time it was assumed that continence enabled people to save their "vital force," to preserve the "resources of their body."
We know now that the gonads produce two secretions, one which would pass out of the body in[Pg 267] any event, and one which flows directly in the blood and is the only one which can benefit the organism.
The various puritanical theories as to the great value of continence had been shaken many times by evidence from the biography of all the great writers, artists, philosophers, inventors and other men and women who have left the world much enriched by their creative labor40 and at the same time indulged freely in the pleasures of the flesh.
Sublimation41. Endocrinology strikes now the last blow at those theories, one of which by the way, was Freud's romantic hypothesis of the "sublimation."
Freud believed that sexual energy could be diverted towards social ends of greater value and non-sexual in character. This is scientifically absurd, as it disregards the dualism of glandular42 secretions. The outward secretions cannot be "saved" and the inner secretions which are beyond our control flow directly into the blood stream.
I have shown in another book, "Sex Happiness" that the platonic man is either the victim of his ignorance of sex matters and of ascetic43 superstitions44 which modern physiology45 can no longer countenance46, or a physiologically47 deficient48 individual.
The heroes of Beresford's "God's Counterpoint"[Pg 268] and of May Sinclair's "The Romantic" whom I analised in "Sex Happiness" correspond to the first and the second of those types, respectively.
The Sexless. There are men and women, of course, of the hypogonadal type, undersexed or sexless, who are capable of deep affection for a person of the opposite sex. That such an affection never culminates49 in complete physical communion is easily understood. Sexual failures discourage the weaker friend from risking any more experiments likely to result in humiliation50.
The sexless man is practically a woman, and like certain homosexuals, treats women as members of his own sex. He may make a pleasant, delicate, safe companion, but no woman should allow herself to care for him.
Frigid51 Women who never experience any thrill in their husband's embrace and hence consider the physical communion as an indecent act forgivable in a husband only, as it is a part of the marriage arrangement, may love a man very deeply and yet never feel the urge to surrender their body to him.
Here again we have to deal with ignorance or neurosis or both.
The frigid woman, as I explained elsewhere is[Pg 269] generally a neurotic, (perhaps made so by unpleasant first sexual experiences and her mate's failure to awaken52 her normal erotism), who is afraid of life, of its biological duties, of responsibility, of submission53 to a man's will, etc., and burdened with some unconscious incest fixation on her father, or homosexual fixation on her mother, etc.
Her platonic attitude in love is due to numberless unconscious fears which are a strong bulwark54 against temptation.
Ideal Love. Another form of negativism in love which receives no little amount of praise at the hands of the romantically silly and of the ill-informed, is the quest of the ideal love.
We meet men and women, sometimes of mature years, who tell us with a great deal of pride that they never married because they could not find the "right mate."
I will not deny that in rare cases this may be considered a perfectly55 valid56 reason, pointing to no morbid disposition57 on the part of the unwillingly58 single person. Marriage might have implied mating with a member of an erotically indifferent race, African or Asiatic; isolation59 in a remote farming community where a refined woman could only select[Pg 270] a mate from among primitive60 laborers61, or in mining regions like some Alaska camps, where the only women available at times are prostitutes.
Barring such "legitimate62" exceptions, which to my mind, imply however, a suspicious indifference63 to securing a mate, the seeker for an ideal mate is almost always neurotic.
Protective Measures. By setting his goal very high, he is protected against the danger of finding a mate and assuming life's responsibilities, increased as they would be by normal sexual activities.
This is done in various ways, thru exaggerated social expectations, or thru unreasonable64 economic demands, or through morbid criticism of the possible mate.
A working girl may set her heart on marrying none but a Prince Charming who could by no chance whatsoever65 be attracted by her appearance or her manners, unless he himself were a neurotic seeking safety in a union with a socially inferior mate (students marrying waitresses, etc.). Newspapers publish enough news of such matches to supply the neurotic woman with a reasonable rationalisation of her fear of matrimony.
Some poor, unattractive young man may likewise decide never to marry unless he may secure as his[Pg 271] bride a woman whom her social position makes unattainable. Here again, unions of heiresses with menials supply the rationalisation.
Some unattractive women may make such financial demands on the man seeking their affection that no one will have the courage to tempt34 them away from their single-blessedness.
Lovers of the Absolute. There are individuals of a much more pathological type still, who refuse to recognise and accept the relativity of all things human, who seek absolute beauty, perfection, intelligence, understanding, sympathy in their future mate and who grow discouraged and depressed66 when they unavoidably discover flaws in every companion of the opposite sex.
Cartoonists have often amused themselves and us by representing famous men and women with their features so distorted that their distant likeness68 to some animal is emphasized.
I have observed the same distortion in neurotics69 to whom that delusion70 brought no humorous enjoyment71 but on the contrary deep suffering.
A Troublesome Patient. One of my patients a handsome young man of twenty-six, had had very[Pg 272] ephemeral affairs with several women and left them abruptly72 when he suddenly discovered in their features a likeness to certain animals, pigs, dogs, monkeys, etc. After which he could never be prevailed upon to see them again.
One morning he called on me, announcing coolly that he had decided73 to shoot me. I invited him to sit down and discuss his plans more fully13 before carrying them out, and also to mention some of his reasons for that somewhat radical74 decision.
He explained to me, with his right hand annoyingly buried in his coat pocket, that he had been in love for a few weeks, with a very attractive girl. Recently, he had noticed something in her profile which distantly resembled a pig's snout. The night before, while he was in her company, he suddenly saw her head transformed into a pig's head. He fled from her rooms in terror and disgust and, attributing his "clear insight into her true nature" to my psychoanalytic teachings, had decided to save others from my baneful75 influence by killing76 me.
As is usually the case with maniacs77, a quiet conversation cast doubts in his mind. I told him that I did not approve of his plans which might, however, be excellent, but that, as I was really a biased78 ad[Pg 273]viser in that matter, he should discuss them with an impartial79 third party. He then decided to call on Dr. Everett Dean Martin who advised him to take a rest cure and escorted him to Bellevue Hospital.
The poor boy's transfer to the State Asylum80 has put an end to his search for the ideal love. That search was a disguised flight from women and love, his delusion was an effective measure of protection against temptation.
Every seeker for the ideal love has gone a few steps along the road which led my poor patient into the house of the living dead.
Higher Aspirations82. Neurotics of that type are plausible83 for they compensate84 for their fear and their inferiority with a pride based upon "higher aspirations," "greater delicacy85 of feelings," "an aristocratic nature" or the tell-tale statement that "their mother's beautiful character," "their father's noble nature" makes every man or woman appear very inferior in their eyes.
Proud of certain characteristics of theirs which they cannot help having, they childishly display an egotism and selfishness which makes them at times[Pg 274] very ridiculous, for it says indirectly86: "Nobody is quite good enough for me."
When the search for ideal love results in nervous states due to egotistical starvation, psychoanalysis can help greatly by giving the neurotic insight into the fear of life or the parent-fixation which is at the bottom of his romantic aspirations.
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1
puritanical
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| adj.极端拘谨的；道德严格的 | |
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rant
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| v.咆哮；怒吼；n.大话；粗野的话 | |
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platonic
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| adj.精神的；柏拉图（哲学）的 | |
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morbid
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| adj.病的；致病的；病态的；可怕的 | |
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unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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craving
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| n.渴望,热望 | |
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stunted
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| adj.矮小的；发育迟缓的 | |
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perverse
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| adj.刚愎的；坚持错误的，行为反常的 | |
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intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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craved
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| 渴望，热望( crave的过去式 )； 恳求，请求 | |
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ethical
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| adj.伦理的，道德的，合乎道德的 | |
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promiscuous
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| adj.杂乱的，随便的 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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symbolical
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| a.象征性的 | |
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hysterical
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| adj.情绪异常激动的，歇斯底里般的 | |
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disturbances
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| n.骚乱( disturbance的名词复数 )；打扰；困扰；障碍 | |
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obsessions
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| n.使人痴迷的人（或物）( obsession的名词复数 )；着魔；困扰 | |
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obsession
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| n.困扰，无法摆脱的思想(或情感) | |
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lava
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| n.熔岩，火山岩 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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cone
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| n.圆锥体，圆锥形东西，球果 | |
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neurotic
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| adj.神经病的，神经过敏的；n.神经过敏者，神经病患者 | |
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expedient
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| adj.有用的，有利的；n.紧急的办法，权宜之计 | |
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utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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utterances
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| n.发声( utterance的名词复数 )；说话方式；语调；言论 | |
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grotesque
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| adj.怪诞的，丑陋的；n.怪诞的图案，怪人（物） | |
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eddy
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| n.漩涡，涡流 | |
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witty
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| adj.机智的，风趣的 | |
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physiologic
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| a.生理学的 | |
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cryptic
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| adj.秘密的，神秘的，含义模糊的 | |
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volcanic
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| adj.火山的；象火山的；由火山引起的 | |
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repressions
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| n.压抑( repression的名词复数 )；约束；抑制；镇压 | |
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sneer
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| v.轻蔑；嘲笑；n.嘲笑，讥讽的言语 | |
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tempt
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| vt.引诱，勾引，吸引，引起…的兴趣 | |
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oracles
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| 神示所( oracle的名词复数 )； 神谕； 圣贤； 哲人 | |
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lawfully
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| adv.守法地，合法地；合理地 | |
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superstitious
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| adj.迷信的 | |
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phenomena
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| n.现象 | |
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secretions
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| n.分泌（物）( secretion的名词复数 ) | |
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labor
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| n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦 | |
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sublimation
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| n.升华，升华物，高尚化 | |
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glandular
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| adj.腺体的 | |
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ascetic
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| adj.禁欲的；严肃的 | |
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superstitions
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| 迷信，迷信行为( superstition的名词复数 ) | |
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physiology
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| n.生理学，生理机能 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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physiologically
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| ad.生理上，在生理学上 | |
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deficient
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| adj.不足的，不充份的，有缺陷的 | |
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culminates
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| v.达到极点( culminate的第三人称单数 ) | |
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humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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frigid
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| adj.寒冷的，凛冽的；冷淡的；拘禁的 | |
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awaken
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| vi.醒，觉醒；vt.唤醒，使觉醒，唤起，激起 | |
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submission
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| n.服从，投降；温顺，谦虚；提出 | |
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bulwark
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| n.堡垒，保障，防御 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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valid
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| adj.有确实根据的；有效的；正当的，合法的 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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unwillingly
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| adv.不情愿地 | |
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isolation
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| n.隔离，孤立，分解，分离 | |
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primitive
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| adj.原始的；简单的；n.原(始)人，原始事物 | |
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laborers
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| n.体力劳动者，工人( laborer的名词复数 )；（熟练工人的）辅助工 | |
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legitimate
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| adj.合法的，合理的，合乎逻辑的；v.使合法 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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whatsoever
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| adv.（用于否定句中以加强语气）任何；pron.无论什么 | |
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depressed
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| adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的 | |
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insanity
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| n.疯狂，精神错乱；极端的愚蠢，荒唐 | |
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likeness
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| n.相像，相似（之处） | |
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neurotics
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| n.神经官能症的( neurotic的名词复数 )；神经质的；神经过敏的；极为焦虑的 | |
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delusion
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| n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑 | |
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enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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radical
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| n.激进份子，原子团，根号；adj.根本的，激进的，彻底的 | |
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baneful
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| adj.有害的 | |
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killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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maniacs
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| n.疯子（maniac的复数形式） | |
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biased
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| a.有偏见的 | |
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impartial
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| adj.(in,to)公正的，无偏见的 | |
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asylum
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| n.避难所，庇护所，避难 | |
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abhorrent
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| adj.可恶的，可恨的，讨厌的 | |
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aspirations
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| 强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 )； 志向； 发送气音； 发 h 音 | |
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plausible
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| adj.似真实的，似乎有理的，似乎可信的 | |
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compensate
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| vt.补偿，赔偿；酬报 vi.弥补；补偿；抵消 | |
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delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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indirectly
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| adv.间接地，不直接了当地 | |
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