A telephone that's disconnected, deprived of its sources, becomes in time an intriguing1 piece of sculpture. The business normally transacted2 is more than numbed3 within the phone's limp ganglia; it is made eternally irrelevant4. Beyond the reach of shrill5 necessities the dead phone disinters another source of power. The fact that it will not speak (although made to speak, made for no other reason) enables us to see it in a new way, as an object rather than an instrument, an object possessing a kind of historical mystery. The phone has made a descent to total dumbness, and so becomes beautiful.
Opel's phone was out of order and Azarian came down without calling and was waiting for me in the hall, numbed by cold, when I got back from Thirteenth Street, where I'd gone to buy some clothes. He stood against the mailboxes, arms strait-jacketed in crushed velvet6. Somehow he managed to invest the simple act of sniffling with an element of gravest accusation7. I led him upstairs. Without uncrossing his arms from his chest, he dropped into a chair.
"The apocalyptic8 crotch himself."
"Don't be funny," he said. "Do that one thing for me Bucky. Avoid all funny stuff. I'm cold and tired. I neec to be talked to seriously. Jet lag, fear, anxiety, depres sion. You know my history."
"Want some cocoa? Good and hot."
"Sure, yeah, okay."
"I don't have any."
"I thought you were with Opel Hampson in Morocco.'
"Is she in Morocco?" I said.
"Globke finally told me you were here."
"How about hot tea? Steaming hot Lipton's tea. Fresl from the grocer's shelf."
"Do you have any?"
"No."
"Frankly9 I wasn't knocked out by grief when you left, Bucky. But I was wrong. We kind of need you. The last year or so I've been in a state of deep fear nearly one hundred per cent of the time. All kinds of fears of this and that. Mostly unexplained fears. When you left the group I frankly expected the anxieties to lift like a fog. But I was wrong. I'm more afraid than ever. All the tremendous tensions you created with your presence have gotten even worse now that you're gone. I'm afraid all the time."
"Afraid of what?"
"You know my history," Azarian said. "Fears, anxieties, apprehensions10, dreads11, terrors, cowerings and panics. Don't ask me afraid of what. Afraid of everything, I guess. Everything, nothing, something, anything. I came east for a reason. Really two reasons. Both pretty scary."
"Tell me."
"First I want to know your intentions. I feel I have a right to that. The band's in flux12. Before I can take any definite action and relieve my mind of some of the fear, I have to know whether or not you're thinking about returning. Some idea of your state of mind would be a great help to me at this point. They thought you'd been murdered. Dodge13 actually thought that. I told him he was crazy. So we talked to Globke to get some kind of idea. We talked to him together. Then we talked to him one by one along the line at different stages. He didn't tell us anything definite till last night. So I came in from Phoenix14. Rotten shitty flight. Dodge's mother's been trying to contact you. She's some kind of whatever-you-call-them. Beyond the grave. See, Dodge told her you were dead. So she tried to contact you."
"Any luck?"
"She got your brother, she said. Did you ever have a brother?"
"No."
"That's what Dodge told her. Weird15 fucking woman."
"I'm kind of busy," I said. "If you could tell me what you want."
"Busy doing what? What could you be doing in a place like this that you could call busy?"
"Tell me what you want," I said.
"I want to know your intentions. I want to know if you're coming back, and when, and in what exact role. In what capacity. Let's face it, you haven't done anything new in a long time and pressure's been building up over that fact and in the meantime I'm ready to go into a studio with material I've been working on for about the last two years that we've never recorded. I'm ready for a whole lot of things. But I can't just go ahead. I'm tied down by prearrangements, by clauses, by small print, by multiple deals and counterdeals. Everything's locked up tight. So this is the necessary first step. Finding out your intentions."
"I have no intentions."
"You do so have intentions. Everybody has intentions, Looks like I was right about you."
"In what way?"
"I told them you cracked up," he said. "Dodge was running around with the murder story. They all believed him. I told them you just ran off to hide. You cracked up. You couldn't take it anymore and you went off to Morocco to hide. I told them that."
"You were mistaken."
"Dodge said Bucky's not the type. Last man to crack'll be Bucky. We'll all fall apart but not him. Well, bullshit, they were wrong. I saw what happened in the lounge in that airport, wherever we were, Denver, just before the Astrodome riot."
"What happened?" I said.
"I saw what happened."
"What happened?"
"I didn't tell anybody because I figured it was your own private business. I didn't even tell them after you disappeared and they were going around believing you'd been murdered. You cracked up pure and simple. I told them that much but nothing else."
"What happened?" I said.
"It caught my eye in all that crush just before we boarded. You were on your knees making faces at some old woman in a wheelchair. I knew it wasn't a joke. It was too unreal for that. You were sweating and babbling16 and making incredible unreal faces at the old woman. I've never seen anyone sweating the way you were. Laughing and babbling and down on your knees. Laughing-crying. I'll never forget it. A few other people saw it too but nobody knew how to react. It was too unreal. And besides you were in tears. So nobody knew what was what. There was no reality. There was no way to know what to do. Then somebody wheeled the old lady away and you got up and it was over."
"Strange."
"You hadn't said more than five words in about a week and a half, Bucky. I mean the whole grinding insanity17 of the tour. I mean the incredible sick aspects of it. I mean the whole morbid18 fantasy. This could smash anybody into little pieces. And being who you were, of course. That whole other myth. Who you were and what you represented. That particular inhuman19 pressure. When I first saw you on the floor like that, it didn't really seem that unusual. I knew it wasn't a joke but I didn't think it was serious either. I mean that's the tour. That's what happens on the tour."
"Strange," I said.
Azarian's sadness filled the space between us. He leaned forward in the chair now, exploring my eyes, trying in his intensity20 to make me remember, to make me see my own face, as if this remembering could be a clean breeze through his sadness. He clenched21 both fists, lined them up against his lips and blew heat and energy into the resulting tunnel.
"That brings us to reason number two why I'm here," he said. "Happy Valley Farm Commune is holding something I'm -willing to lay out money for. I represent certain interests. These interests happen to know you're in touch with Happy Valley. So they're making the offer to you through me."
"Make your offers to the people directly involved. I don't want to know anything about it."
"They're an armed camp. I wouldn't go anywhere near them."
"Your problem, not mine."
"Look, Bucky, you and I know each other a long time. That's why these certain interests want me representing them. It makes sense for you and me to do the business in this particular situation. I don't want to go anywhere near Happy Valley. I just want to bid on the product they're holding. I'll make the offer. You take it from there."
"I don't know the first thing about these people."
"Your people or my people?" he said.
"My so-called people. I don't know anything about them."
"Okay, the group was a rural group that merged22 with other groups or splinter groups and got hassled everywhere they went and so they kept moving and eventually over the years they ended up in the city, this city, right here, within walking distance, Bucky, walking distance of right here. In other words they're a rural group that came to the city to find peace and contentment."
"What's the thing they're holding?"
"The point is we've got the money to make a strong offer," he said. "People on the Coast. Friends of mine I met in Detroit time before last. They have roots in Detroit, they have roots in Cleveland. Now they're on the Coast. I'm in a state of fear every minute I'm with them. But these people represent an important part of my development. Fear or no fear, I'm in this thing to the end."
"You don't know what the product is, do you?"
"It's a simple enough guess," he said. "The point is we've got backing. We've got resources."
"Tell your people I don't know anything. That's more or less the truth. I'm just a tired old figure of the entertainment world. You know that. Music industry wore me down."
"Ill tell them, Bucky, but they won't listen. In the meantime what's in that bag that you could put on the stove and heat up to get this chill out of my body?"
"One of those old things with red and black checks?"
"I got it at an army-navy store."
"I wouldn't mind running out to buy one of those. Except I have to be uptown in about half an hour to talk to some record people. Heavy names. Monsters of the industry. Then get my ass23 out to the airport. But back to what we were talking about originally. I'd like to get some kind of answer before I leave here. What happens next, Bucky? Are you coming back soon? Or do I book studio space and take the band inside?"
"Submit all questions in writing to my personal manager, care of Transparanoia Inc., Rockefeller Center, New York, New York, New York, New York."
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1
intriguing
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| adj.有趣的；迷人的v.搞阴谋诡计(intrigue的现在分词)；激起…的好奇心 | |
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transacted
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| v.办理（业务等）( transact的过去式和过去分词 )；交易，谈判 | |
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numbed
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| v.使麻木，使麻痹( numb的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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irrelevant
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| adj.不恰当的，无关系的，不相干的 | |
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shrill
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| adj.尖声的；刺耳的；v尖叫 | |
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velvet
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| n.丝绒，天鹅绒；adj.丝绒制的，柔软的 | |
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accusation
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| n.控告，指责，谴责 | |
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apocalyptic
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| adj.预示灾祸的，启示的 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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apprehensions
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| 疑惧 | |
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dreads
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| n.恐惧，畏惧( dread的名词复数 )；令人恐惧的事物v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的第三人称单数 ) | |
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flux
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| n.流动；不断的改变 | |
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dodge
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| v.闪开，躲开，避开；n.妙计，诡计 | |
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phoenix
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| n.凤凰，长生(不死)鸟；引申为重生 | |
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weird
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| adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的 | |
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babbling
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| n.胡说，婴儿发出的咿哑声adj.胡说的v.喋喋不休( babble的现在分词 )；作潺潺声（如流水）；含糊不清地说话；泄漏秘密 | |
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insanity
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| n.疯狂，精神错乱；极端的愚蠢，荒唐 | |
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morbid
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| adj.病的；致病的；病态的；可怕的 | |
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inhuman
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| adj.残忍的，不人道的，无人性的 | |
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intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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merged
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| （使）混合( merge的过去式和过去分词 )； 相融； 融入； 渐渐消失在某物中 | |
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ass
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| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
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lumber
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| n.木材，木料；v.以破旧东西堆满；伐木；笨重移动 | |
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