CHAPTER XXI

 Through the earlier part of this term at college there was no peace in the mind of John Brennan, and his unsettled state arose, for the most part, from simple remembrance of things that had happened in the valley. Now it was because he could see again, some afternoon in the summer, Rebecca Kerr coming towards him down the road in a brown and white striped dress, that he thought was pretty, and swinging a sun-bonnet by its long cotton strings¹ from her soft, small hand. Or again, some hour he had spent listening to Ulick Shannon as he talked about the things of life which are marked only by the beauty of passion and death. Always, too, with the aid of two letters he still treasured, his imagination would leap towards the creation of a picture—Rebecca and Ulick together in far-off Donegal.

 

He did not go home at Christmas because it was so expensive to return to Ireland, and in the lonely stretches of the vacation, when all his college friends were away from him, he felt that they must surely be meeting again, meeting and kissing in some quiet, dusky place—Rebecca as he had seen her always and Ulick as he had known him.

 

Even if he had wished to leave Ulick and Rebecca out of his mind, it would have been impossible, so persistently² did his mother refer to both in her letters. There was never a letter which did not contain some allusion[Pg 171] to "them two" or "that one" or "that fellow." In February, when the days began to stretch out again, he thought only of the valley coming nearer, with its long period of delight.... Within the fascination³ of his musing⁴ he grew forgetful of his lofty future. Yet there were odd moments when he remembered that he had moved into the valley a very different man at the beginning of last June. The valley had changed him, and might continue to change him when he went there again.

 

Nothing came to stay the even rise of his yearning⁵ save his mother's letters, which were the same recitals⁶ at all times of stories about the same people. At no time did he expect to find anything new in them, and so it was all the stronger blow when from one letter leaped out the news that Ulick Shannon had failed to pass his final medical exam., and was now living at home in Scarden House with his uncle Myles. That he had been "expelled from the University and disgraced" was the way she put it. It did not please John to see that she was exulting⁷ over what had happened to Ulick while hinting at the same time that there was no fear of a like calamity⁹ happening to her son. To him it appeared as not at all such an event as one might exult⁸ about. It rather evoked¹⁰ pity and condolence in the thought that it might happen to any man. It might happen to himself. Here surely was a fearful thing—the sudden dread¹¹ of his return to the valley, a disgrace for life, and his mother a ruined woman in the downfall of her son.... This last letter of hers had brought him to review all the brave thoughts that had come to him by the lakeside, wild thoughts of living his own life, not in the way appointed for him by any other person, but freely, after[Pg 172] the bent¹² of his own will. Yet when he came to think of it quietly there was not much he could do in the world with his present education. It seemed to have fitted him only for one kind of life. And his thoughts of the summer might have been only passing distractions¹³ which must disappear with the full development of his mind. To think of those ideas ever coming suddenly to reality would be a blow too powerful to his mother. It would kill her. For, with other knowledge, the summer holidays had brought him to see how much she looked forward to his becoming a priest.

 

Quite unconsciously, without the least effort of his will, he found himself returning to his old, keen interest in his studies. He found himself coming back to his lost peace of mind. He felt somehow that his enjoyment¹⁴ of this grand contentment was the very best way he could flash back his mother's love. Besides it was the best earnest he had of the enjoyment of his coming holidays.

 

Then the disaster came. The imminence¹⁵ of it had been troubling the rector for a long time. His college was in a state of disintegration¹⁶, for the Great War had cast its shadow over the quiet walls.

 

It was a charity college. This was a secret that had been well kept from the people of the valley by Mrs. Brennan. "A grand college in England" was the utmost information she would ever vouchsafe¹⁷ to any inquirer. She had formed a friendly alliance with the old, bespectacled postmistress and made all her things free of charge for keeping close the knowledge of John's exact whereabouts in England. Yet there was never a letter from mother to son or from son to mother that[Pg 173] the old maid did not consider it her bounden duty to open and read.

 

The college had been supported by good people who could find nothing else to do with their money. But, in war-time, charity was diverted into other channels, and its income had consequently dwindled¹⁸ almost to vanishing point. Coupled with this, many of the students had left aside their books and gone into the Army. One morning the rector appeared in the lecture-hall to announce to the remnant that the college was about to be closed for "some time." He meant indefinitely, but the poor man could not put it in that way.

 

John heard the news with mingled¹⁹ feelings. In a dumb way he had longed for this after his return from the valley, but now he saw in it, not the arrival of a desired event, but a postponement²⁰ of the great intention that had begun to absorb him again. He was achieving his desire in a way that made it a punishment.... To-morrow he would be going home.... But of course his mother knew everything by this time and was already preparing a welcome for him.

 

The March evening was gray and cold when he came into the deserted²¹ station of Kilaconnaghan. It had been raining ceaselessly since Christmas, and around and away from him stretched the sodden²² country. He got a porter to take his trunk out to the van and stand it on end upon the platform. Then he went into the waiting-room to meet his mother. But she was not there. Nor was the little donkey and trap outside the station house. Perhaps she was coming to meet him with Charlie Clarke in the grand and holy motor car. If he went on he might meet them coming through Kilaconnaghan. He[Pg 174] got the porter to take his box from its place on the platform and put it into the waiting-room. All down through the town there was no sign of them, and when he got out upon the road to Garradrimna and the valley there was no sign of them either. The night had fallen thick and heavy, and John, as he went on through the rain, looked forward to the comforting radiance of Charlie Clarke's headlights suddenly to flash around every corner. But the car did not come and he began to grow weary of tramping through the wet night. All along the way he was meeting people who shouldered up to him and strove to peer into his face as he slipped past. He did not come on to the valley road by way of Garradrimna, but instead by The Road of the Dead, down which he went slopping through great pools at every few yards.

 

He was very weary when he came at last to the door of his mother's house. Before knocking he had listened for a while to the low hum of her reading to his father. Then he heard her moving to open the door, and immediately she was silhouetted²³ in the lamp-light.

 

"Is that you, John? We knew you were coming home. We got the rector's letter."

 

He noticed a queer coldness in her tone.

 

"I'd rather to God that anything in the world had happened than this. What'll they say now? They'll say you were expelled. As sure as God, they'll say you were expelled!"

 

He threw himself into the first chair he saw.

 

"Did any one meet you down the road? Did many meet you from this to Kilaconnaghan?"

 

[Pg 175]

 

He did not answer. This was a curious welcome he was receiving. Yet he noticed that tears were beginning to creep into her eyes, which were also red as if from much recent weeping.

 

"Oh, God knows, and God knows again, John, I'd rather have died than it should have come to this. And why was it that after all me contriving²⁴ and after all me praying and good works this bitter cross should have fallen? I don't know. I can't think for what I am being punished and why misfortune should come to you. And what'll they say at all at all? Oh you may depend upon it that it's the worst thing they'll say. But you mustn't tell them that the college is finished. For I suppose it's finished now the way everything is going to be finished before the war. But you mustn't say that. You must say that it is on special holidays you are, after having passed a Special examination. And you must behave as if you were on holidays!"

 

Such a dreadful anxiety was upon her that she appeared no longer as his mother, the infinitely²⁵ tender woman he had known. She now seemed to possess none of the pure contentment her loving tenderness should have brought her. She was altogether concerned as to what the people would say and not as to the effect of the happening upon her son's career. He had begun to think of this for himself, but it was not of it that she was now thinking.... She was thinking of herself, of her pride, and that was why she had not come to meet him. And now his clothes were wet and he was tired, for he had walked from Kilaconnaghan in the rain.

 

[Pg 176]

 

Ned Brennan, stirring out of his drunken doze²⁶, muttered thickly: "Ah, God blast yourselves and your college, can't you let a fellow have a sleep be the fire after his hard day!"

 

1 strings   

n.弦

参考例句：

• He sat on the bed,idly plucking the strings of his guitar.他坐在床上，随意地拨着吉他的弦。
• She swept her fingers over the strings of the harp.她用手指划过竖琴的琴弦。

2 persistently   

ad.坚持地；固执地

参考例句：

• He persistently asserted his right to a share in the heritage. 他始终声称他有分享那笔遗产的权利。
• She persistently asserted her opinions. 她果断地说出了自己的意见。

3 fascination   

n.令人着迷的事物，魅力，迷恋

参考例句：

• He had a deep fascination with all forms of transport.他对所有的运输工具都很着迷。
• His letters have been a source of fascination to a wide audience.广大观众一直迷恋于他的来信。

4 musing   

n. 沉思，冥想 adj. 沉思的, 冥想的 动词muse的现在分词形式

参考例句：

• "At Tellson's banking-house at nine," he said, with a musing face. “九点在台尔森银行大厦见面，”他想道。 来自英汉文学 - 双城记
• She put the jacket away, and stood by musing a minute. 她把那件上衣放到一边，站着沉思了一会儿。

5 yearning   

a.渴望的；向往的；怀念的

参考例句：

• a yearning for a quiet life 对宁静生活的向往
• He felt a great yearning after his old job. 他对过去的工作有一种强烈的渴想。

6 recitals   

n.独唱会( recital的名词复数 )；独奏会；小型音乐会、舞蹈表演会等；一系列事件等的详述

参考例句：

• His recitals have earned him recognition as a talented performer. 他的演奏会使他赢得了天才演奏家的赞誉。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Her teachers love her playing, and encourage her to recitals. 她的老师欣赏她的演奏，并鼓励她举办独奏会。 来自互联网

7 exulting   

vi. 欢欣鼓舞，狂喜

参考例句：

• He leaned back, exulting at the success of his plan. 他向后一靠，为自己计划成功而得意扬扬。
• Jones was exulting in the consciousness of his integrity. 琼斯意识到自己的忠贞十分高兴。

8 exult   

v.狂喜，欢腾；欢欣鼓舞

参考例句：

• Few people would not exult at the abolition of slavery.奴隶制被废除了，人们无不为之欢乐鼓舞。
• Let's exult with the children at the drawing near of Children's Day.六一儿童节到了，让我们陪着小朋友们一起欢腾。

9 calamity   

n.灾害，祸患，不幸事件

参考例句：

• Even a greater natural calamity cannot daunt us. 再大的自然灾害也压不垮我们。
• The attack on Pearl Harbor was a crushing calamity.偷袭珍珠港(对美军来说)是一场毁灭性的灾难。

10 evoked   

[医]诱发的

参考例句：

• The music evoked memories of her youth. 这乐曲勾起了她对青年时代的回忆。
• Her face, though sad, still evoked a feeling of serenity. 她的脸色虽然悲伤，但仍使人感觉安详。

11 dread   

vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧

参考例句：

• We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
• Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。

12 bent   

n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的

参考例句：

• He was fully bent upon the project.他一心扑在这项计划上。
• We bent over backward to help them.我们尽了最大努力帮助他们。

13 distractions   

n.使人分心的事[人]( distraction的名词复数 )；娱乐，消遣；心烦意乱；精神错乱

参考例句：

• I find it hard to work at home because there are too many distractions. 我发觉在家里工作很难，因为使人分心的事太多。
• There are too many distractions here to work properly. 这里叫人分心的事太多，使人无法好好工作。 来自《简明英汉词典》

14 enjoyment   

n.乐趣；享有；享用

参考例句：

• Your company adds to the enjoyment of our visit. 有您的陪同，我们这次访问更加愉快了。
• After each joke the old man cackled his enjoyment.每逢讲完一个笑话，这老人就呵呵笑着表示他的高兴。

15 imminence   

n.急迫，危急

参考例句：

• The imminence of their exams made them work harder.考试即将来临，迫使他们更用功了。
• He had doubt about the imminence of war.他不相信战争已迫在眉睫。

16 disintegration   

n.分散，解体

参考例句：

• This defeat led to the disintegration of the empire.这次战败道致了帝国的瓦解。
• The incident has hastened the disintegration of the club.这一事件加速了该俱乐部的解体。

17 vouchsafe   

v.惠予，准许

参考例句：

• Elinor would not vouchsafe any answer.埃莉诺不想给予任何回答。
• Vouchsafe me a spirit of faith and knowledge.赐予我信心和一颗有知识的心灵。

18 dwindled   

v.逐渐变少或变小( dwindle的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• Support for the party has dwindled away to nothing. 支持这个党派的人渐渐化为乌有。
• His wealth dwindled to nothingness. 他的钱财化为乌有。 来自《简明英汉词典》

19 mingled   

混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系]

参考例句：

• The sounds of laughter and singing mingled in the evening air. 笑声和歌声交织在夜空中。
• The man and the woman mingled as everyone started to relax. 当大家开始放松的时候，这一男一女就开始交往了。

20 postponement   

n.推迟

参考例句：

• He compounded with his creditors for a postponement of payment. 他与债权人达成协议延期付款。
• Rain caused the postponement of several race-meetings. 几次赛马大会因雨延期。

21 deserted   

adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的

参考例句：

• The deserted village was filled with a deathly silence.这个荒废的村庄死一般的寂静。
• The enemy chieftain was opposed and deserted by his followers.敌人头目众叛亲离。

22 sodden   

adj.浑身湿透的；v.使浸透；使呆头呆脑

参考例句：

• We stripped off our sodden clothes.我们扒下了湿透的衣服。
• The cardboard was sodden and fell apart in his hands.纸板潮得都发酥了，手一捏就碎。

23 silhouetted   

显出轮廓的，显示影像的

参考例句：

• We could see a church silhouetted against the skyline. 我们可以看到一座教堂凸现在天际。
• The stark jagged rocks were silhouetted against the sky. 光秃嶙峋的岩石衬托着天空的背景矗立在那里。

24 contriving   

（不顾困难地）促成某事( contrive的现在分词 )； 巧妙地策划，精巧地制造（如机器）； 设法做到

参考例句：

• Why may not several Deities combine in contriving and framing a world? 为什么不可能是数个神联合起来，设计和构造世界呢？ 来自哲学部分
• The notorious drug-pusher has been contriving an escape from the prison. 臭名昭著的大毒枭一直都在图谋越狱。

25 infinitely   

adv.无限地，无穷地

参考例句：

• There is an infinitely bright future ahead of us.我们有无限光明的前途。
• The universe is infinitely large.宇宙是无限大的。

26 doze   

v.打瞌睡；n.打盹，假寐

参考例句：

• He likes to have a doze after lunch.他喜欢午饭后打个盹。
• While the adults doze,the young play.大人们在打瞌睡，而孩子们在玩耍。