It was strange to think that this place could ever have had a fair look about it or given pleasure to any person at all. Yet it was here that John Brennan had loved to walk and dream. She wondered how it was with him now. She began to think of the liking5 he had shown for her. Maybe he fancied she did not know why he happened to meet her so often upon the road. But well did she know—well. And to think that he had come to look up at her window this evening.
Yet even now she was fearful of acknowledging these things to herself. It appeared as a double sacrilege. It was an attack upon her love for Ulick and it questioned the noble intention of Mrs. Brennan in devoting her son to God. But all chance that it might ever come[Pg 230] to anything was now over. The ending had been effected by herself in the parlor6 of Tommy Williams, the gombeen-man, and Mrs. Brennan might never be able to guess the hand she had had in it. It was a thing upon which she might well pride herself if there grew in her the roots of pride. But she was not of that sort. And now she was in no frame of delight at all for the thought of him had united her unto the thought of Ulick, and Ulick had not come to her this evening.... She felt herself growing cold in the enveloping7 mist. The fir trees were like tall ghosts in the surrounding gloom.... But immediately the lake had lost its aspect of terror when she remembered what she had done might have averted8 the possibility of having John Brennan ever again to wander lonely.... And yes, in spite of any comforting thought, the place would continue to fill her with a nameless dread10. She was shivering and expectant.
Suddenly a big pike made a splash among the reeds and Rebecca gave a loud, wild cry. It rang all down the lonely aisle12 of the fir-trees and united its sound with that of a lone4 bird crying on the other side of the lake. Then it died upon the banks of mist up against the silent hills.
For a few moments its source seemed to flutter and bubble within her breast, and then it ended in a long, sobbing13 question to herself—Why had she cried out at all? She might have known it was only a fish or some such harmless thing. And any one within reasonable distance could have heard the cry and thought it was the signal of some terrible thing that had happened here by the lakeside. It was not so far distant from two[Pg 231] roads, and who knew but some one had heard? Yet she could hardly fancy herself behaving in this way if she had not possessed14 an idea that it was a lonely place and seldom that any one went by in the night-time.
But she hurried away from the feeling of terror she had caused to fill the place and back towards the house of Sergeant15 McGoldrick. As quickly as possible she got to bed. Here seemed a little comfort. She remembered how this had been her place of refuge as a child, how she felt safe from all ghosts and goblins once her head was hidden beneath the clothes. And the instinct had survived into womanhood.
Again a series of those fitful, half sleeping and waking conditions began to pass over her. Side by side with the most dreadful feelings of impending16 doom17 came thronging18 memories of glad phases of life through which she had passed.... And to think that this life of hers was now narrowing towards this end. Were the valley and its people to behold19 her final disaster? Was it to be that way with her?
She had intended to tell Ulick if he had come to her this evening, but he had not come, and what was she to do now? In the slough20 of her torment21 she could not think of the right thing.... Maybe if she wrote an angry letter upbraiding22 him.... But how could she write an angry letter to him? Yet she must let him know, and immediately—when the dawn had broken into the room she would write. For there was no use in thinking of sleeping. She could not sleep. Yes, when the dawn had broken into the room she would write surely. But not an angry letter.... Very[Pg 232] slowly she began to notice the corners of the room appearing in the new light before her wide open eyes. And to feel that this was the place she had so fiercely hated from the first moment of setting foot in it, and that it was now about to see her write the acknowledgment of her shame.... The dawn was a great while in breaking.... If he did not—well then, what could her future life hope to be? She began to grow strangely dizzy as she fell to thinking of it. Dizzy and fearful as she drew near in mind to that very great abyss.
The leaping-up of the day did not fill her with any of its gradual delight.... She rose with a weariness numbing24 her limbs. The putting-on of her few clothes was an immense task.... She went to the table upon which she had written all those letters to her school-companions which described that "there was nothing like a girlfriend." She pulled towards her, with a small, trembling hand, the box of Ancient Irish Vellum, upon which her special letters were always written. Her mind had focussed itself to such small compass that this letter seemed more important than any that had ever before been written in this world.
But for a long time she could not begin. She did not know by what term of endearment25 to address him now.... They had been so particularly intimate.... And then it was so hard to describe her condition to him in poor words of writing with pen and ink upon paper. If only he had come to her last night it might have been a task of far less difficulty. A few sobs26, a gathering27 of her little troubled body unto him, and a beseeching28 look up into his face.... But it was so hard to put any single feeling into any separate sentence.
[Pg 233]
After hours, during which the sun had been mounting high and bright, she had the letter finished at last and was reading it over. Some sentences like the following leaped out before her eyes here within this sickly-looking room—Whatever was the matter with him that he could not come to her? Surely he was not so blind, and he with his medical knowledge. He must know what was the matter with her, and that this was scarcely the time to be leaving her alone. His uncle, Myles Shannon, was a very rich man, and did he not remember how often he had told her how his uncle looked with favor upon her? Here she included the very words in which Ulick had many a time described his uncle's opinion of her—"I like that little schoolmistress, Rebecca Kerr!" "It was all so grand, Ulick, our love and meetings; but here comes the paying of the penalty, and surely you will not leave poor little me to pay it in full. You have enjoyed me, have you not, Ulick?" She was more immediately personal now, and this was exactly how the sentences continued: "You know very well what this will mean to me. I'll have to go away from here, and where, I ask you, can I go? Not back to my father's house surely, nor to my aunt's little cottage in Donegal.... I have no money. The poor salary I earn here is barely able to buy me a little food and clothing and keep a roof over my head. Did I not often tell you that when you were away from me there were times when I could hardly afford the price of stamps? If it should happen that this thing become public while I am yet here I could never get another day's teaching, for Father O'Keeffe would warn every manager in Ireland against engaging me. But surely, darling, you[Pg 234] will not allow things to go so far.... You will please come down to see me at 5.30 this evening. You will find me at the old place upon The Road of the Dead. Don't you remember that it was there we had our first talk, Ulick?"
Great as the torture of writing it had been, the torture of reading it was still greater. Some of the lines seemed to lash11 out and strike her and to fill her eyes with tears, and there were some that seemed so hard upon him that she struck them out, not wishing, as ever, to hurt her dearest Ulick at all. At one moment she felt a curious desire to tear it into pieces and let her fate come to her as it had been ordained30 from the beginning.... But there was little Euphemia McGoldrick knocking at the door to be allowed to enter with the breakfast. Who would ever imagine that it was so late?
She had written a great deal. Why it filled pages and pages. She hurriedly thrust it into a large envelope that she had bought for the purpose of sending a card of greeting to John Brennan at Christmas, thinking better of it only at the last moment. It was useful now, for the many sheets were bulky.
"The breakfast, miss!" announced Euphemia as she left the room.
This was the third meal in twenty-four hours that Rebecca could make no attempt to take, but, to avert9 suspicion, she wrapped up the sliced and buttered bread in a few leaves from the novelette from which she had read those desperate passages on the previous evening. The tea she threw out into the garden. It fell in a shining shower down over the bright green vegetables.... She put on her dust-coat and, stuffing the letter to Ulick[Pg 235] into one pocket and her uneaten breakfast by way of a luncheon31 she would not eat into the other, hurried out of doors and up the road, for this morning she had important business in the village before going on to the school.
Mrs. McGoldrick was set near the foot of the stairs holding Euphemia and Clementina by the hand, all three in action there to behold the exit of Rebecca. This was a morning custom and something in the nature of a rite23. It was the last clout32 of torture always inflicted33 by Mrs. McGoldrick.
Rebecca went on into Garradrimna. The village street was deserted34 save by Thomas James, who held solitary35 occupation. He was posting the bills for a circus at the market square. She was excited as she went over to speak to him and did not notice the eyes of the bespectacled postmistress that were trained upon her from the office window with the relentlessness36 of howitzers. She asked Thomas James would he take a letter from her to Mr. Ulick Shannon.
"Oh yes, miss; O Lord, yes!"
She slipped the letter into his hand when she thought that no one was looking. She had adopted this mode of caution in preference to sending it through the Post Office. She was evidently anxious that it should be delivered quickly and unread by any other person.
"O Lord, yes, miss; just as soon as I have an auction37 bill posted after this. You know, miss, that Mickeen Connellan, the auctioneer, is one of my best patrons. He doesn't pay as well as the circus people, but he pays oftener."
That was in the nature of a very broad hint, but[Pg 236] Rebecca had anticipated it and had the shilling already prepared and ready to slip into his other hand.
"Thanks, miss!"
With remarkable38 alacrity39 Thomas James had "downed tools" and disappeared into Brannagan's. Rebecca could hear the swish of his pint40 as she went by the door after having remained a few moments looking at the lurid41 circus-bills. Inside, Mrs. Brannagan, the publican and victualler's wife, took notice that he possessed the air of a man bent42 upon business.
"Ah, it's how I'm going to do a little message for the assistant schoolmistress," he said, taking his matutinal pinch of salt, for this was his first pint and one could never tell what might happen.
"Is that so?"
"Aye, indeed; a letter to young Shannon."
"Well now? And why for wouldn't it do to send it by the post?"
"Ah, mebbe that way wouldn't be grand enough for her. Mebbe it is what it would be too chape—a penny, you know, for the stamp, and this costs a shilling for the porter. Give us another volume of this, Mrs. Brannagan, if you please? Ha-ha-ha!" He laughed loudly, but without any mirth, at his own joke and the peculiar43 blend of subtlety44 by which he had marked it.
Mrs. Brannagan was all anxiety and excitement about the letter.
"Well now, just imagine!" she said to herself about forty times as she filled the second pint for Thomas James. Then she rose up from her bent posture45 at the half barrel and, placing the drink before him on the bar, said:
[Pg 237]
"I wonder what would be in that letter. Let me see?"
"Oh, 'tis only a letter in a big envelope. Aren't you the inquisitive46 woman now, Mrs. Brannagan?"
"What'll you have, Thomas?"
"Ah, another pint, Mrs. Brannagan, thanks!"
His second drink had been despatched with his own celebrated47 speed.
Mrs. Brannagan was a notably48 hard woman, and he could not let the opportunity of having her stand him a drink go by. She was the hardest woman in Garradrimna. Her childlessness had made her so. She was beginning to grow stale and withered49, and anything in the nature of love and marriage, with their possible results, was to her a constant source of affliction and annoyance50.
Her heart was now bounding within her breast in curiosity.
"Drink that quick, Thomas, and have another before the boss comes down." But there was no need to command him. It had already disappeared.... The fourth pint had found its way to his lips. He was beginning to grow mellow51 now and to lose his cross-sickness of the morning.
"Will ye let me see the letter?"
"Certainly, Mrs. Brannagan. O Lord, yes!"
He handed it across the counter.
"Such a quare letter? Oh, I hear the boss coming in across the yard." ... She had taken the empty glass from before Thomas James, and again was it filled.... Her husband stood before her. And this was the moment she had worked up to so well.
[Pg 238]
"I'll hand it back to you when he goes out," she whispered.
"All right, ma'am!"
Thomas James and Mr. Brannagan fell into a chat while she went towards the kitchen. She took the letter from her flat bosom52, where she had hastily thrust it and looked at it from every possible angle. It seemed to possess a compelling attraction. But she could not open it here. She would run across to her friend the postmistress, who had every appliance for an operation of the kind. Besides she was the person who had first right to open it.... Soon the bespectacled maid and the barren woman were deep in examination of Rebecca Kerr's letter to Ulick Shannon. Into their minds was beginning to leap a terrible joy as they read the lines it had cost Rebecca immense torture to write.
"This is great, this is great!" said the ancient postmistress, clicking her tongue continually in satisfaction. "The cheek of her, mind you, not to send it by the public post like another. But I knew well there was something quare when I saw her calloguing with Thomas James at the market square."
"Wasn't she the sly, hateful, little thing. Why you'd never have thought it of her?"
"A grand person indeed to have in charge of little, innocent girls!"
"Indeed I shouldn't like to have a child if I thought it was to a purty thing like that she'd be sent to school!"
"Nor me," said the old lady, from whom the promise of motherhood had departed for many a long year.
They shook in righteous anger and strong detestation of the sin of Rebecca Kerr, and together they held[Pg 239] council as to what might be the best thing to do? They closed the letter, and Mrs. Brannagan again stuck it into her bosom.... What should they do? The children must be saved from contamination anyhow.... An approach to solution of the difficulty immediately presented itself, for there was Mrs. Wyse herself just passing down the street with her ass-load of children. Mrs. Brannagan rushed out of the office and called:
"Mrs. Wyse, I want to see you in private for just a minute!"
The schoolmistress bent over the back of the trap, and they whispered for several minutes. At last, out of her shocked condition, Mrs. Wyse was driven to exclaim:
"Well now, isn't that the limit?"
It seemed an affront53 to her authority that another should have first discovered it, so she was anxious to immediately recover her lost position of superiority.
"Sure I was having my suspicions of her since ever she come back from the Christmas holidays, and even Monica McKeon too, although she's a single girl and not supposed to know. It's a terrible case, Mrs. Brannagan."
"Terrible, Mrs. Wyse. One of the terriblest ever happened in the valley.... And before the children and all."
"God bless and save us! But we must only leave it in Father O'Keeffe's hands. He'll know what is best to do, never fear. I'll send for him as soon as I get to the school."
There was a note of mournful resignation in her tones as she moved away in the ass-trap with her children, like an old hen in the midst of her brood.... There was a peculiar smirk54 of satisfaction about the lips of[Pg 240] Mrs. Brannagan as she returned to the shop, bent upon sending the letter on its way once more.
"Much good it'll do her now, the dirty little fool!" she said in the happiness of some dumb feeling of vengeance55 against one who was merely a woman like herself. But she was a woman who had never had a child.
Thomas James was considerably57 drunk. He had spent the remainder of the shilling upon porter, and Mr. Brannagan had stood him another pint.
"Be sure and deliver it safely now, for maybe it's important!" said Mrs. Brannagan, as she returned the letter.
"It's a great letter anyhow. It's after getting me nine pints58. That's long over half-a-crown's worth of drink," he said, laughing foolishly as he wandered out to do his errand.
It was a hard journey across the rising meadows to the house of Myles Shannon, where dwelt his nephew Ulick. Thomas James fell many times and wallowed in the tall, green grass, and he fell as he went leaping high hedges, and cut his hands and tore his red face with briars until it was streaked59 with blood. He was, therefore, an altogether deplorable figure when he at last presented himself at the house of Myles Shannon. Mr. Shannon came to the door to meet him, and in his fuddled condition he laughed to himself as he fished the letter out of his pocket. It was covered red with blood where he had felt it with his torn hand from time to time to see whether or not he still retained possession of it.
"From Mr. Brannagan, I suppose," said Mr. Shannon, thinking it had been written hurriedly by the victualler just fresh from the slaughterhouse and that it was a[Pg 241] request for prime beef or mutton from the rich fields of Scarden. He opened it, for his nephew's name on the envelope could not be seen through the blood-stains. He did not notice that it began "My dearest Ulick" until he read down to the sentences that gave him pause.... Thomas James was coughing insinuatingly60 beside him, so he took half-a-crown from his pocket and handed it to the bedraggled messenger. It was a tremendous reward, and the man of porter did not fully61 perceive it until he had slipped out into the sunlight.
"Be the Holy Farmer!" he stuttered, "another half-crown's worth of drink, and I after drinking long more than that already. That was the best letter I ever got to carry in me life. A few more like it and I'd either get me death of drink or be a millionaire like John D. Rockefeller or Andrew Carnegie!"
Inside the parlor Myles Shannon was reading Rebecca Kerr's letter with blanched62 face.... Here was a terrible thing; here had come to him this great trouble for the second time. Something the like of this had happened twenty-five or six years ago, when his brother had been in the same case with Nan Byrne. Curious how it should be repeating itself now! He pondered it for a few moments in its hereditary63 aspect. But there was more in it than that. There was the trace of his own hand determining it. He had encouraged his nephew with this girl. He had directed him into many reckless ways just that he might bring sorrow to the heart of Nan Byrne in the destruction of her son. It was a wicked thing for him to have done. His own nephew—just to satisfy his desire for revenge. And at the bottom of things he loved his nephew even as he had loved[Pg 242] his brother Henry. But he would try to save him the results, the pains and penalties of his infatuation, even as he had tried to save his brother Henry the results of his. But the girl and her fate.... He would not be able to forget that until his dying day.... For it was he who had done this thing entirely64, done it in cold blood too because he had heard that John Brennan had soft eyes for Rebecca Kerr and that, to encourage his nephew and produce a certain rivalry65, might be the very best means of ruining the fair promise of Nan Byrne's son.
Only last night he had heard from Ulick that John Brennan had entered the college at Ballinamult and that his prospects66 never looked so good as at present.... To think of that now was to see how just it was that his scheme should have so resulted, for it had been constructed upon a very terrible plan. He had done it to avenge67 his defeated love for one girl, and lo! it had brought another to her ruin.
"Your uncle is a wealthy man." This sentence from the letter burned before him, and he thought for a moment that here appeared the full solution of the difficulty. But no. Of what use was that when the dread thing was about to happen to her?... But for all that he would send her money to-day or to-morrow, in some quiet way, and tell her the truth and beseech29 her to go away before the final disgrace of discovery fell upon her. His nephew must not know. He was too young to marry now, least of all, a compulsory68 marriage after this fashion to a schoolmistress. It was an ascent69 in the social standing70 of the girl surely, for his brother Henry had[Pg 243] disgraced himself with a mere56 dressmaker. But any connection beyond the regrettable and painful mistake of the whole thing was out of the question because, for long years, the Shannons had been almost gentlemen in the valley.
Ulick came into the room now.
"Anything strange, uncle?"
"Oh, nothing at all, only a letter from Mr. Brannagan about—about the sheep. I suppose you're not going anywhere to-day. Please don't, for I want you to give me a hand with the lambs after the shearing71. And to-night I'll want you to help me with some letters and accounts that I've let slip for ever so long. I want you particularly."
"All right, uncle!"
How tractable72 and obliging his nephew had become ...! Last summer he would not do a thing like this for any amount of coaxing73. He would have business in the valley at all times. But there was a far Power that adjusted matters beyond the plans of men. Ulick had drifted out of the room and Mr. Shannon again took the letter from his pocket. The sight of the blood upon it still further helped the color of his thoughts towards terror.... He crossed hurriedly to the bureau and slipped it beneath the elastic74 band which held his letters from Helena Cooper, and Mrs. Brennan's letter to her, and Mrs. Brennan's letter to his dead brother Henry.... It seemed to belong there by right of the sad quality which is the distinction of all shattered dreams.... And, just imagine, he had considered his a wonderful scheme of revenge! But now it seemed a[Pg 244] poor and a mean thing. He could hardly think of it as a part of the once proud, easy-going Myles Shannon, but rather the bitter and ugly result of some devilish prompting that had come to him here in the lone stretches of his life in this quiet house among the trees.
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1
longingly
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| adv. 渴望地 热望地 | |
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scrutiny
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| n.详细检查，仔细观察 | |
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detested
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| v.憎恶，嫌恶，痛恨( detest的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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lone
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| adj.孤寂的，单独的；唯一的 | |
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liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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enveloping
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| v.包围，笼罩，包住( envelop的现在分词 ) | |
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averted
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| 防止，避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 )； 转移 | |
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avert
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| v.防止，避免；转移(目光、注意力等) | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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lash
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| v.系牢；鞭打；猛烈抨击；n.鞭打；眼睫毛 | |
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aisle
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| n.（教堂、教室、戏院等里的）过道，通道 | |
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sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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sergeant
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| n.警官，中士 | |
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impending
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| a.imminent, about to come or happen | |
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doom
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| n.厄运，劫数；v.注定，命定 | |
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thronging
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behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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slough
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| v.蜕皮，脱落，抛弃 | |
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torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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upbraiding
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rite
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numbing
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endearment
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| n.表示亲爱的行为 | |
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sobs
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| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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beseeching
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| adj.恳求似的v.恳求，乞求（某事物）( beseech的现在分词 ) | |
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beseech
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| v.祈求，恳求 | |
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ordained
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| v.任命（某人）为牧师( ordain的过去式和过去分词 )；授予（某人）圣职；（上帝、法律等）命令；判定 | |
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luncheon
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| n.午宴，午餐，便宴 | |
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clout
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| n.用手猛击；权力，影响力 | |
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inflicted
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| 把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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deserted
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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relentlessness
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auction
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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alacrity
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| n.敏捷，轻快，乐意 | |
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pint
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| n.品脱 | |
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lurid
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| adj.可怕的；血红的；苍白的 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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subtlety
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| n.微妙，敏锐，精巧；微妙之处，细微的区别 | |
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posture
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| n.姿势，姿态，心态，态度；v.作出某种姿势 | |
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inquisitive
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| adj.求知欲强的，好奇的，好寻根究底的 | |
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celebrated
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| adj.有名的，声誉卓著的 | |
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notably
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| adv.值得注意地，显著地，尤其地，特别地 | |
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withered
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| adj. 枯萎的，干瘪的，（人身体的部分器官）因病萎缩的或未发育良好的 动词wither的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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annoyance
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| n.恼怒，生气，烦恼 | |
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mellow
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| adj.柔和的；熟透的；v.变柔和；(使)成熟 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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affront
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| n./v.侮辱，触怒 | |
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smirk
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| n.得意地笑；v.傻笑；假笑着说 | |
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vengeance
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| n.报复，报仇，复仇 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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considerably
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| adv.极大地；相当大地；在很大程度上 | |
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pints
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| n.品脱( pint的名词复数 )；一品脱啤酒 | |
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streaked
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| adj.有条斑纹的，不安的v.快速移动( streak的过去式和过去分词 )；使布满条纹 | |
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insinuatingly
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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blanched
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| v.使变白( blanch的过去式 )；使（植物）不见阳光而变白；酸洗（金属）使有光泽；用沸水烫（杏仁等）以便去皮 | |
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hereditary
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| adj.遗传的，遗传性的，可继承的，世袭的 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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rivalry
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| n.竞争，竞赛，对抗 | |
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prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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avenge
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| v.为...复仇，为...报仇 | |
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compulsory
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| n.强制的，必修的；规定的，义务的 | |
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ascent
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| n.(声望或地位)提高；上升，升高；登高 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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shearing
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| n.剪羊毛，剪取的羊毛v.剪羊毛( shear的现在分词 )；切断；剪切 | |
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tractable
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| adj.易驾驭的；温顺的 | |
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coaxing
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| v.哄，用好话劝说( coax的现在分词 )；巧言骗取；哄劝，劝诱；“锻炼”效应 | |
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elastic
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| n.橡皮圈，松紧带；adj.有弹性的；灵活的 | |
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