Autumn came on and Tom went to school at Bere. He liked the school. No longer a State ward2, but the son of a man supposed to be of substance, he passed the tests inflicted3 by the savage4 snobbery5 of children. His quickness at sports helped him to a popularity justified6 by his good nature. With the teachers he was often forced to seem less intelligent than he was, so as to escape the odious7 soubriquet of "teacher's pet."
On the whole, the winter was the happiest he had so far known. It could have been altogether happy had it not been for the tragic8 situation of the Quidmores. After the brief improvement that had followed on his coming they had reacted to a mutual9 animosity even more intense. Each made him a confidant.
"God! it's all I can do to keep my hands off her," the soft drawl confessed. "If she was just to die of
[Pg 118]
a sickness, and me have nothing to do with it, I don't believe I'd be satis—" He held the sentence there as a matter of precaution. "What do you think of a woman who all the years you've known her has never done anything but whine10, whine, whine, because you ain't givin' her what you promised?"
"And are you?" Tom asked, innocently.
"I give her what I can. She don't tempt11 me to do anything extra. Say, now, would she tempt you?"
Tom did his best to take the grown-up, man-to-man tone in which he was addressed. "I think she's awful tempting12, if you take her the right way."
To take her the right way, to take him also the right way, was the boy's chief concern throughout the winter. To get them to take each other the right way was beyond him.
"So long as he goes outside his home," Mrs. Quidmore declared, with an euphemism13 of which the boy did not get the significance, "I'll make him suffer for it."
"But, ma, he can't stay home all the time."
"Oh, don't tell me that you don't know what I mean! If you wasn't on his side you'd have found out for me long ago who the woman is. Just tell me that—"
"And what would you do?"
"I'd kill her, I think, if I got the chance."
"Oh, but ma!"
She brandished14 the knife with which she was cutting cold ham for the supper. "I would! I would!"
"But you wouldn't if I asked you not to, would you, ma?"
[Pg 119]
The knife fell with a despairing movement of the hand. "Oh, I don't suppose I should do it at all. But he ought to love me."
"Can he make himself love you, ma?"
The ingenuous15 question went so close to the point that she could only dodge16 it. "Why shouldn't he? I'm his wife, ain't I?"
The challenge brought out another of the mysteries which surrounded marriage, as a penumbra17 fringes the moon on a cloudy night. When his father next reverted18 to the theme, while driving back from market, the penumbra became denser19.
"Say, boy, don't you go to thinking that the first time you fall in love with a pretty face it's goin' to be for life. That's where the devil sets his snare20 for men. Eight or ten years from now you'll see some girl, and then the devil'll be after you. He'll try to make you think that if you don't marry that girl your one and only chance'll come and go. And when he does, my boy, just think o' me."
"Think of you—what about?"
The sweetness of the tone took from the answer anything like bitterness. "Think how I got pinched. Gosh, when I look back and remember that I was as crazy to get her as a pup to catch a squir'l I can't believe it was me. But don't forget what I'm tellin' you. No fellow ought to think of bein' married till he's over thirty. He can't be expected to know what he'll love permanent till then."
It was the perpetual enigma21. "But you always love your wife when you're married to her, don't you?"
[Pg 120]
The answer was in loud satirical laughter, with the observation that Tom was the limit for innocence23.
Quite as disturbing as questions of love and marriage were those relating to the fact that the man who had done very well as a hatter was a failure as a market gardener.
"A hell of a business, this is! Rothschild and Rockefeller together couldn't make it pay. Gosh, how I hate it! Hate everything about it, and home worst of all. Know a little woman that if she'd light out with me...."
In different keys and conjunctions these confidences were made to the boy all through the winter. If they did not distress24 him more it was because they were over his head. The disputes of the gods affect mortals only indirectly25. When Jupiter and Juno disagree men feel that they can leave it to Olympus to manage its own affairs. So to a boy of twelve the cares of his elders pass in spheres to which he has little or no access. In spite of his knowledge that their situation was desperate, the couple who had adopted him were mighty26 beings to Tom Quidmore, with resources to meet all needs. To be so went with being grown up and, in a general way, with being independent.
Their unbosomings worried him; they did not do more. When they were over he could dismiss them from his mind. His own concerns, his lessons, his games, his friends and enemies in school, and the vague objective of becoming "something big," were his matters of importance. Martin and Anna Quidmore cared for him so much, though each with a dash
[Pg 121]
of selfishness, that his inner detachment from them both would have caused them pain.
And yet it was because of this detachment that he was able, in some sense, to get through the winter happily. Whatever might have hurt him most passed on the kind of Mount Olympus where grown-up people had their incredible interests. Told, as he always was, that he couldn't understand them, he was willing to drop them at that till they were forced on him again. As spring was passing into summer they were forced on him less persistently27; and then one day, quite unexpectedly, he struck the beginning of the end.
It was a Saturday. As there was no school that day he had driven in on the truck with his father, to market a load of lettuce28 and early spinach29. On returning through Bere in the latter part of the forenoon, Quidmore stopped at the druggist's.
"Jump down and have an ice cream soda30. I'll leave the lorry here, and come back to you. Errand to do in the village."
The words had been repeated so often that for these excursions they had come to be a formula. By this time Tom knew the errand to be at Bertha's house, which was indirectly opposite. Seated at a table in the window, absorbing his cool, flavored drink through a pair of straws, he could see his father run up the steps and enter, running down again when he came out. Further than the fact that there was something regrettable in the visit, something to be concealed31 when he went home, the boy's mind did not work.
The tragedy of that morning was that, as he was
[Pg 122]
enjoying himself thus, the runabout, driven by one of the hired men, glided32 up to the door, and Mrs. Quidmore, dressed for shopping, and very alert, sprang out. As she rarely came into Bere, and almost never in the morning when she had her work to do, Tom's surprise was tinged33 at once with fear. Recognizing the lorry, Mrs. Quidmore rushed into the drug store. Except for the young man, wearing a white coat, who tended it, the long narrow slit34 was empty. As he peeped above his glass, with the two straws between his lips, Tom saw the wrath35 of the wronged when close on the track of the wrong-doer. Wheeling round, she caught him looking conscious and guilty.
"Oh! So you're here? Where is he?"
Tom answered truthfully. "He said he had an errand to do. He didn't tell me what it was."
"And is he coming back for you here?"
"He said he would."
"Then I'll wait."
To wait she sat down at Tom's side, having Bertha's house within range. Whether she suspected anything or not Tom couldn't tell, since he hardly suspected anything himself. That there was danger in the air he knew by the violence with which she rejected his proposal to refresh herself with ice cream.
"There he is!"
They watched him while he came down the steps, hesitated a minute, and turned in the direction away from where they were waiting. Tom understood this move.
"He's going to Jenkins's about that new tire."
[Pg 123]
As she jumped to her feet her movements had a fierceness of activity he had never before seen in her.
"That's all I want. I'm goin' back. Don't you say you seen me, or that I've been over here at all."
Hurrying to the street and springing into the car, she bade the hired man turn round again for home.
What happened between that Saturday and the next Tom never knew exactly. A few years later, when his powers of deduction36 had developed, he was able to surmise37; but beyond his own experience he had no accurate information. That there were bitter quarrels he inferred from the sullenness38 they left behind; but he never witnessed them. Not having witnessed them, he had little or no sense of a strain more serious than usual.
On the next Saturday afternoon he was crouched39 in the potato field, picking off the ugly reddish bugs40 and killing41 them. Suddenly he heard himself called. On rising and looking round he found the runabout car stopped in the road, and Billy Peet, one of the hired men, beckoning42 him to approach. Brushing his hands against each other, he stepped carefully over the rows of young potatoes, and was soon in the roadway.
"Get in," Billy Peet ordered, briefly43. "The boss sent me over to fetch you."
"Sent you over to fetch me—in the machine? What's up?" His eye fell on a small straw suitcase in the back of the car. "What's that for?"
"Get in, and I'll tell you as we go along." Tom clambered in beside the driver. "Mis' Quidmore's sick."
"What's the matter with her?"
[Pg 124]
"I'd'n know. Awful sick, they say."
When they passed the Quidmore entrance without turning in Tom began to be startled. "Say! Where we going?"
"You're not going home. Doctor don't want you there. Boss telephoned over to Mrs. Tollivant, and she's goin' to keep you till Mis' Quidmore's better—or somethin'."
The boy was not often resentful, but he did resent being trundled about like a package. If his mother was sick his place was at home. He could light the fire, bring in the water from the well, and do the score of little things for which a small boy can be useful. To be shunted off like this, as if he could only be an additional care, was an indignity44 to the thirteen years he was now supposed to have attained45 to. But what could he do? Protest was useless. There was nothing for it but to go where he was driven, like Geraldine or the dilapidated car.
And yet at Harfrey he settled down among the Tollivants naturally. No State ward having succeeded him, his room under the eaves was still vacant. Once within its familiar shelter, he soon began to feel as if he had never been away. The family welcomed him with the shades of warmth which went with their ages and characters—Mr. and Mrs. Tollivant overcoming their repugnance46 to a born waif with that Christian47 charity which doubtless is all the nobler for being visibly against the grain; Art, now a swaggering fellow of sixteen, with patronizing good nature; Cilly, who affected48 baby-blue ribbons on a blond pigtail, with airs and condescension49; Bertie, the
[Pg 125]
cripple, with satiric22 cordiality. If it was not exactly a home-coming, it was at least as good as a visit to old friends. He was touched by being included almost as a member of the family in Mr. Tollivant's evening prayer.
"And, O Heavenly Father, take this young wanderer as Thy child, even as we offer him a shelter. Visit not Thine anger upon him, lest he be tempted50 overmuch."
At the thought of being tempted overmuch Tom felt a pleasing sense of importance. It offered, too, a loophole for excuse in case he should fall. If God didn't intervene on his behalf, easing temptation up, then God would be responsible. And yet, such was the lack of fairness he was bidden to see in God, He would knock a fellow down and then punish him when he tumbled.
In the midst of these reflections a thought of the Quidmore household choked him with unexpected homesickness. The people who had been kind to him were in trouble, and he was not there! He wondered what they would do without him. He could sometimes catch the man's cruelties and turn them into pleasantries before they reached the wife. He could sometimes forestall51 the wife's complaints and twist them into little mollifying compliments. Would there be anyone to do that now? Would they keep the peace? He wished Mr. Tollivant would pray for them. He tried to pray for them himself, but, as with his effort of the previous year, the right kind of words would not come. If only God could be addressed without so much Thee and Thou! If only He could
[Pg 126]
read a little boy's heart without calling for fine language! For lack of fine language he had to remain dumb, leaving God, who might possibly have helped Martin and Anna Quidmore, with no information about them.
Nevertheless, with the facile emotions of youth, a half hour later he was playing checkers with Bertie, in full enjoyment52 of the game. He slept soundly that night, and on Sunday fell into the old routine of church and Sunday school. Monday and Tuesday bored him, because for most of the day school claimed the children; but when they came home, and played and squabbled as usual, life took on its old zest53. Only now and then did the thought of the sick woman and the lonely man sweep across him in a spasm54 of pain; after which he could forget them and be cheerful.
But on Wednesday forenoon, as he was turning away from watching the Plymouth Rocks pecking at their feed, his father arrived in the old runabout. Dashing up the hill, Tom reached the back door in time to see him enter by the front.
"How's ma?"
He got no answer, because Quidmore followed Mrs. Tollivant into the front parlor55, where they shut the door. In anticipation56 of being taken home, the boy ran up to his room and packed his bag.
"How's ma?"
He called out the question from halfway57 down the stairs. Quidmore, emerging from the parlor with Mrs. Tollivant, ignored it again. Bidding good-by to his hostess and thanking her for taking in the boy, he went through these courtesies with a nervous anxiety
[Pg 127]
almost amounting to anguish58 to convince her of the truth of something he had said.
"How's ma?"
They were in the car at last so that he could no longer be denied.
"She's—she's—not there."
All the events of the past year focussed themselves into the question that now burst on Tom's lips. "Is she—dead?"
The lisping voice was sorrowful. "She was buried yesterday."
With his habit of thinking twice, the boy asked nothing more. Having asked nothing at the minute, he felt less inclined to ask anything as they drove onward59. Something within him rejected the burden of knowing. While he would not hold himself aloof60, he would not involve himself more than events involved him according as they fell out. His reasoning was obscure, but his instincts, grown self-protective from necessity, were positive. Whatever had happened, whatever was to be right and wrong to other people, his own motive61 must be loyalty62.
"I've got to stick to him," he was saying to himself. "He's been awful good to me. In a kind of a way he's my father. I must stand by him, and see him through, just as if I was his son."
It was his first grown-up resolution.
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1
helping
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| n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的 | |
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2
ward
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| n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开 | |
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3
inflicted
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| 把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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4
savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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5
snobbery
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| n. 充绅士气派, 俗不可耐的性格 | |
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justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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odious
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| adj.可憎的，讨厌的 | |
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8
tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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9
mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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10
whine
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| v.哀号，号哭；n.哀鸣 | |
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11
tempt
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| vt.引诱，勾引，吸引，引起…的兴趣 | |
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12
tempting
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| a.诱人的, 吸引人的 | |
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13
euphemism
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| n.婉言，委婉的说法 | |
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14
brandished
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| v.挥舞( brandish的过去式和过去分词 )；炫耀 | |
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15
ingenuous
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| adj.纯朴的，单纯的；天真的；坦率的 | |
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16
dodge
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| v.闪开，躲开，避开；n.妙计，诡计 | |
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17
penumbra
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| n.（日蚀）半影部 | |
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18
reverted
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| 恢复( revert的过去式和过去分词 )； 重提； 回到…上； 归还 | |
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19
denser
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| adj. 不易看透的, 密集的, 浓厚的, 愚钝的 | |
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20
snare
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| n.陷阱，诱惑，圈套；（去除息肉或者肿瘤的）勒除器；响弦，小军鼓；vt.以陷阱捕获，诱惑 | |
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21
enigma
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| n.谜，谜一样的人或事 | |
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satiric
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| adj.讽刺的，挖苦的 | |
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23
innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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24
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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25
indirectly
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| adv.间接地，不直接了当地 | |
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26
mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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27
persistently
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| ad.坚持地；固执地 | |
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28
lettuce
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| n.莴苣；生菜 | |
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29
spinach
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| n.菠菜 | |
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30
soda
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| n.苏打水；汽水 | |
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31
concealed
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| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
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32
glided
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| v.滑动( glide的过去式和过去分词 )；掠过；（鸟或飞机 ） 滑翔 | |
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33
tinged
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| v.（使）发丁丁声( ting的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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34
slit
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| n.狭长的切口；裂缝；vt.切开，撕裂 | |
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35
wrath
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| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
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36
deduction
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| n.减除，扣除，减除额；推论，推理，演绎 | |
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37
surmise
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| v./n.猜想，推测 | |
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38
sullenness
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| n. 愠怒, 沉闷, 情绪消沉 | |
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39
crouched
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| v.屈膝，蹲伏( crouch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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40
bugs
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| adj.疯狂的，发疯的n.窃听器( bug的名词复数 )；病菌；虫子；[计算机]（制作软件程序所产生的意料不到的）错误 | |
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41
killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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42
beckoning
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| adj.引诱人的，令人心动的v.（用头或手的动作）示意，召唤( beckon的现在分词 ) | |
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43
briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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44
indignity
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| n.侮辱，伤害尊严，轻蔑 | |
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45
attained
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的过去式和过去分词 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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46
repugnance
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| n.嫌恶 | |
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47
Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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48
affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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49
condescension
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| n.自以为高人一等，贬低(别人) | |
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50
tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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51
forestall
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| vt.抢在…之前采取行动；预先阻止 | |
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52
enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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53
zest
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| n.乐趣；滋味，风味；兴趣 | |
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54
spasm
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| n.痉挛，抽搐；一阵发作 | |
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55
parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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56
anticipation
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| n.预期，预料，期望 | |
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57
halfway
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| adj.中途的，不彻底的，部分的；adv.半路地，在中途，在半途 | |
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58
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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59
onward
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| adj.向前的，前进的；adv.向前，前进，在先 | |
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60
aloof
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| adj.远离的；冷淡的，漠不关心的 | |
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61
motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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62
loyalty
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| n.忠诚，忠心 | |
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