CHAPTER XXII. SORROWS OF THE HEART.

WHEN Charlotte got home she endeavoured to collect her thoughts, and took up a pen in order to address those dear parents, whom, spite of her errors, she still loved with the utmost tenderness, but vain was every effort to write with the least coherence¹; her tears fell so fast they almost blinded her; and as she proceeded to describe her unhappy situation, she became so agitated² that she was obliged to give over the attempt and retire to bed, where, overcome with the fatigue³ her mind had undergone, she fell into a slumber⁴ which greatly refreshed her, and she arose in the morning with spirits more adequate to the painful task she had to perform, and, after several attempts, at length concluded the following letter to her mother—

TO MRS. TEMPLE. NEW-YORK.

“Will my once kind, my ever beloved mother, deign⁵ to receive a letter from her guilty, but repentant⁷ child? or has she, justly incensed⁸ at my ingratitude⁹, driven the unhappy Charlotte from her remembrance? Alas¹⁰! thou much injured mother! shouldst thou even disown me, I dare not complain, because I know I have deserved it: but yet, believe me, guilty as I am, and cruelly as I have disappointed the hopes of the fondest parents, that ever girl had, even in the moment when, forgetful of my duty, I fled from you and happiness, even then I loved you most, and my heart bled at the thought of what you would suffer. Oh! never, never! whilst I have existence, will the agony of that moment be erased¹¹ from my memory. It seemed like the separation of soul and body. What can I plead in excuse for my conduct? alas! nothing! That I loved my seducer¹² is but too true! yet powerful as that passion is when operating in a young heart glowing with sensibility, it never would have conquered my affection to you, my beloved parents, had I not been encouraged, nay¹³, urged to take the fatally imprudent step, by one of my own sex, who, under the mask of friendship, drew me on to ruin. Yet think not your Charlotte was so lost as to voluntarily rush into a life of infamy¹⁴; no, my dear mother, deceived by the specious¹⁵ appearance of my betrayer, and every suspicion lulled¹⁶ asleep by the most solemn promises of marriage, I thought not those promises would so easily be forgotten. I never once reflected that the man who could stoop to seduction, would not hesitate to forsake¹⁷ the wretched object of his passion, whenever his capricious heart grew weary of her tenderness. When we arrived at this place, I vainly expected him to fulfil his engagements, but was at last fatally convinced he had never intended to make me his wife, or if he had once thought of it, his mind was now altered. I scorned to claim from his humanity what I could not obtain from his love: I was conscious of having forfeited¹⁹ the only gem¹⁸ that could render me respectable in the eye of the world. I locked my sorrows in my own bosom²⁰, and bore my injuries in silence. But how shall I proceed? This man, this cruel Montraville, for whom I sacrificed honour, happiness, and the love of my friends, no longer looks on me with affection, but scorns the credulous²¹ girl whom his art has made miserable²². Could you see me, my dear parents, without society, without friends, stung with remorse²³, and (I feel the burning blush of shame die my cheeks while I write it) tortured with the pangs²⁴ of disappointed love; cut to the soul by the indifference²⁵ of him, who, having deprived me of every other comfort, no longer thinks it worth his while to sooth the heart where he has planted the thorn of never-ceasing regret. My daily employment is to think of you and weep, to pray for your happiness and deplore²⁶ my own folly²⁷: my nights are scarce more happy, for if by chance I close my weary eyes, and hope some small forgetfulness of sorrow, some little time to pass in sweet oblivion, fancy, still waking, wafts²⁸ me home to you: I see your beloved forms, I kneel and hear the blessed words of peace and pardon. Extatic joy pervades²⁹ my soul; I reach my arms to catch your dear embraces; the motion chases the illusive³⁰ dream; I wake to real misery³¹. At other times I see my father angry and frowning, point to horrid³² caves, where, on the cold damp ground, in the agonies of death, I see my dear mother and my revered³³ grand-father. I strive to raise you; you push me from you, and shrieking³⁴ cry—'Charlotte, thou hast murdered me!' Horror and despair tear every tortured nerve; I start, and leave my restless bed, weary and unrefreshed.

“Shocking as these reflexions are, I have yet one more dreadful than the rest. Mother, my dear mother! do not let me quite break your heart when I tell you, in a few months I shall bring into the world an innocent witness of my guilt⁶. Oh my bleeding heart, I shall bring a poor little helpless creature, heir to infamy and shame.

“This alone has urged me once more to address you, to interest you in behalf of this poor unborn, and beg you to extend your protection to the child of your lost Charlotte; for my own part I have wrote so often, so frequently have pleaded for forgiveness, and entreated³⁵ to be received once more beneath the paternal³⁶ roof, that having received no answer, not even one line, I much fear you have cast me from you for ever.

“But sure you cannot refuse to protect my innocent infant: it partakes not of its mother's guilt. Oh my father, oh beloved mother, now do I feel the anguish³⁷ I inflicted³⁸ on your hearts recoiling³⁹ with double force upon my own.

“If my child should be a girl (which heaven forbid) tell her the unhappy fate of her mother, and teach her to avoid my errors; if a boy, teach him to lament⁴⁰ my miseries⁴¹, but tell him not who inflicted them, lest in wishing to revenge his mother's injuries, he should wound the peace of his father.

“And now, dear friends of my soul, kind guardians⁴² of my infancy⁴³, farewell. I feel I never more must hope to see you; the anguish of my heart strikes at the strings⁴⁴ of life, and in a short time I shall be at rest. Oh could I but receive your blessing⁴⁵ and forgiveness before I died, it would smooth my passage to the peaceful grave, and be a blessed foretaste of a happy eternity⁴⁶. I beseech⁴⁷ you, curse me not, my adored parents, but let a tear of pity and pardon fall to the memory of your lost

“CHARLOTTE.”

1 coherence   

n.紧凑；连贯；一致性

参考例句：

• There was no coherence between the first and the second half of the film.这部电影的前半部和后半部没有连贯性。
• Environmental education is intended to give these topics more coherence.环境教育的目的是使这些课题更加息息相关。

2 agitated   

adj.被鼓动的，不安的

参考例句：

• His answers were all mixed up,so agitated was he.他是那样心神不定，回答全乱了。
• She was agitated because her train was an hour late.她乘坐的火车晚点一个小时，她十分焦虑。

3 fatigue   

n.疲劳，劳累

参考例句：

• The old lady can't bear the fatigue of a long journey.这位老妇人不能忍受长途旅行的疲劳。
• I have got over my weakness and fatigue.我已从虚弱和疲劳中恢复过来了。

4 slumber   

n.睡眠，沉睡状态

参考例句：

• All the people in the hotels were wrapped in deep slumber.住在各旅馆里的人都已进入梦乡。
• Don't wake him from his slumber because he needs the rest.不要把他从睡眠中唤醒，因为他需要休息。

5 deign   

v. 屈尊, 惠允 ( 做某事)

参考例句：

• He doesn't deign to talk to unimportant people like me. 他不肯屈尊和像我这样不重要的人说话。
• I would not deign to comment on such behaviour. 这种行为不屑我置评。

6 guilt   

n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责

参考例句：

• She tried to cover up her guilt by lying.她企图用谎言掩饰自己的罪行。
• Don't lay a guilt trip on your child about schoolwork.别因为功课责备孩子而使他觉得很内疚。

7 repentant   

adj.对…感到悔恨的

参考例句：

• He was repentant when he saw what he'd done.他看到自己的作为，心里悔恨。
• I'll be meek under their coldness and repentant of my evil ways.我愿意乖乖地忍受她们的奚落，忏悔我过去的恶行。

8 incensed   

盛怒的

参考例句：

• The decision incensed the workforce. 这个决定激怒了劳工大众。
• They were incensed at the decision. 他们被这个决定激怒了。

9 ingratitude   

n.忘恩负义

参考例句：

• Tim's parents were rather hurt by his ingratitude.蒂姆的父母对他的忘恩负义很痛心。
• His friends were shocked by his ingratitude to his parents.他对父母不孝，令他的朋友们大为吃惊。

10 alas   

int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等)

参考例句：

• Alas!The window is broken!哎呀！窗子破了！
• Alas,the truth is less romantic.然而，真理很少带有浪漫色彩。

11 erased   

v.擦掉( erase的过去式和过去分词 )；抹去；清除

参考例句：

• He erased the wrong answer and wrote in the right one. 他擦去了错误答案，写上了正确答案。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He removed the dogmatism from politics; he erased the party line. 他根除了政治中的教条主义，消除了政党界限。 来自《简明英汉词典》

12 seducer   

n.诱惑者,骗子,玩弄女性的人

参考例句：

• Shvitzer - Yiddish: someone who sweats a lot, especially a nervous seducer. 依地语：一个汗如雨下的人，尤指一个紧张的玩弄女人者。
• The dream of flight is the dream a seductive seducer. 飞翔的梦就是引诱者的引诱之梦。

13 nay   

adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者

参考例句：

• He was grateful for and proud of his son's remarkable,nay,unique performance.他为儿子出色的，不，应该是独一无二的表演心怀感激和骄傲。
• Long essays,nay,whole books have been written on this.许多长篇大论的文章，不，应该说是整部整部的书都是关于这件事的。

14 infamy   

n.声名狼藉，出丑，恶行

参考例句：

• They may grant you power,honour,and riches but afflict you with servitude,infamy,and poverty.他们可以给你权力、荣誉和财富，但却用奴役、耻辱和贫穷来折磨你。
• Traitors are held in infamy.叛徒为人所不齿。

15 specious   

adj.似是而非的；adv.似是而非地

参考例句：

• Such talk is actually specious and groundless.这些话实际上毫无根据，似是而非的。
• It is unlikely that the Duke was convinced by such specious arguments.公爵不太可能相信这种似是而非的论点。

16 lulled   

vt.使镇静，使安静（lull的过去式与过去分词形式）

参考例句：

• They lulled her into a false sense of security. 他们哄骗她，使她产生一种虚假的安全感。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The movement of the train lulled me to sleep. 火车轻微的震动催我进入梦乡。 来自《简明英汉词典》

17 forsake   

vt.遗弃，抛弃；舍弃，放弃

参考例句：

• She pleaded with her husband not to forsake her.她恳求丈夫不要抛弃她。
• You must forsake your bad habits.你必须革除你的坏习惯。

18 gem   

n.宝石，珠宝；受爱戴的人 [同]jewel

参考例句：

• The gem is beyond my pocket.这颗宝石我可买不起。
• The little gem is worth two thousand dollars.这块小宝石价值两千美元。

19 forfeited   

（因违反协议、犯规、受罚等）丧失，失去( forfeit的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• Because he broke the rules, he forfeited his winnings. 他犯规，所以丧失了奖金。
• He has forfeited the right to be the leader of this nation. 他丧失了作为这个国家领导的权利。

20 bosom   

n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的

参考例句：

• She drew a little book from her bosom.她从怀里取出一本小册子。
• A dark jealousy stirred in his bosom.他内心生出一阵恶毒的嫉妒。

21 credulous   

adj.轻信的，易信的

参考例句：

• You must be credulous if she fooled you with that story.连她那种话都能把你骗倒，你一定是太容易相信别人了。
• Credulous attitude will only make you take anything for granted.轻信的态度只会使你想当然。

22 miserable   

adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的

参考例句：

• It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他，这是可耻的。
• Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。

23 remorse   

n.痛恨，悔恨，自责

参考例句：

• She had no remorse about what she had said.她对所说的话不后悔。
• He has shown no remorse for his actions.他对自己的行为没有任何悔恨之意。

24 pangs   

突然的剧痛( pang的名词复数 )； 悲痛

参考例句：

• She felt sudden pangs of regret. 她突然感到痛悔不已。
• With touching pathos he described the pangs of hunger. 他以极具感伤力的笔触描述了饥饿的痛苦。

25 indifference   

n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎

参考例句：

• I was disappointed by his indifference more than somewhat.他的漠不关心使我很失望。
• He feigned indifference to criticism of his work.他假装毫不在意别人批评他的作品。

26 deplore   

vt.哀叹，对...深感遗憾

参考例句：

• I deplore what has happened.我为所发生的事深感愤慨。
• There are many of us who deplore this lack of responsibility.我们中有许多人谴责这种不负责任的做法。

27 folly   

n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话

参考例句：

• Learn wisdom by the folly of others.从别人的愚蠢行动中学到智慧。
• Events proved the folly of such calculations.事情的进展证明了这种估计是愚蠢的。

28 wafts   

n.空中飘来的气味，一阵气味( waft的名词复数 )；摇转风扇v.吹送，飘送，（使）浮动( waft的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• A breeze wafts the sweet smell of roses. 微风吹来了玫瑰花的芬芳（香味）。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• A breeze wafts the smell of roses. 微风吹送玫瑰花香气。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

29 pervades   

v.遍及，弥漫( pervade的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• An unpleasant smell pervades the house. 一种难闻的气味弥漫了全屋。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• An atmosphere of pessimism pervades the economy. 悲观的气氛笼罩着整个经济。 来自辞典例句

30 illusive   

adj.迷惑人的，错觉的

参考例句：

• I don't wanna hear too much illusive words.我不想听太多虚假的承诺。
• We refuse to partake in the production of illusive advertisements.本公司拒绝承做虚假广告。

31 misery   

n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦

参考例句：

• Business depression usually causes misery among the working class.商业不景气常使工薪阶层受苦。
• He has rescued me from the mire of misery.他把我从苦海里救了出来。

32 horrid   

adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的

参考例句：

• I'm not going to the horrid dinner party.我不打算去参加这次讨厌的宴会。
• The medicine is horrid and she couldn't get it down.这种药很难吃，她咽不下去。

33 revered   

v.崇敬，尊崇，敬畏( revere的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• A number of institutions revered and respected in earlier times have become Aunt Sally for the present generation. 一些早年受到尊崇的惯例，现在已经成了这代人嘲弄的对象了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The Chinese revered corn as a gift from heaven. 中国人将谷物奉为上天的恩赐。 来自辞典例句

34 shrieking   

v.尖叫( shriek的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• The boxers were goaded on by the shrieking crowd. 拳击运动员听见观众的喊叫就来劲儿了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• They were all shrieking with laughter. 他们都发出了尖锐的笑声。 来自《简明英汉词典》

35 entreated   

恳求，乞求( entreat的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• They entreated and threatened, but all this seemed of no avail. 他们时而恳求，时而威胁，但这一切看来都没有用。
• 'One word,' the Doctor entreated. 'Will you tell me who denounced him?' “还有一个问题，”医生请求道，“你可否告诉我是谁告发他的？” 来自英汉文学 - 双城记

36 paternal   

adj.父亲的，像父亲的，父系的，父方的

参考例句：

• I was brought up by my paternal aunt.我是姑姑扶养大的。
• My father wrote me a letter full of his paternal love for me.我父亲给我写了一封充满父爱的信。

37 anguish   

n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼

参考例句：

• She cried out for anguish at parting.分手时，她由于痛苦而失声大哭。
• The unspeakable anguish wrung his heart.难言的痛苦折磨着他的心。

38 inflicted   

把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• They inflicted a humiliating defeat on the home team. 他们使主队吃了一场很没面子的败仗。
• Zoya heroically bore the torture that the Fascists inflicted upon her. 卓娅英勇地承受法西斯匪徒加在她身上的酷刑。

39 recoiling   

v.畏缩( recoil的现在分词 )；退缩；报应；返回

参考例句：

• Some of the energy intended for the photon is drained off by the recoiling atom. 原来给予光子的能量有一部分为反冲原子所消耗。 来自辞典例句
• A second method watches for another effect of the recoiling nucleus: ionization. 探测器使用的第二种方法，是观察反冲原子核的另一种效应：游离。 来自互联网

40 lament   

n.悲叹，悔恨，恸哭；v.哀悼，悔恨，悲叹

参考例句：

• Her face showed lament.她的脸上露出悲伤的样子。
• We lament the dead.我们哀悼死者。

41 miseries   

n.痛苦( misery的名词复数 )；痛苦的事；穷困；常发牢骚的人

参考例句：

• They forgot all their fears and all their miseries in an instant. 他们马上忘记了一切恐惧和痛苦。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• I'm suffering the miseries of unemployment. 我正为失业而痛苦。 来自《简明英汉词典》

42 guardians   

监护人( guardian的名词复数 )； 保护者，维护者

参考例句：

• Farmers should be guardians of the countryside. 农民应是乡村的保卫者。
• The police are guardians of law and order. 警察是法律和秩序的护卫者。

43 infancy   

n.婴儿期；幼年期；初期

参考例句：

• He came to England in his infancy.他幼年时期来到英国。
• Their research is only in its infancy.他们的研究处于初级阶段。

44 strings   

n.弦

参考例句：

• He sat on the bed,idly plucking the strings of his guitar.他坐在床上，随意地拨着吉他的弦。
• She swept her fingers over the strings of the harp.她用手指划过竖琴的琴弦。

45 blessing   

n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿

参考例句：

• The blessing was said in Hebrew.祷告用了希伯来语。
• A double blessing has descended upon the house.双喜临门。

46 eternity   

n.不朽，来世；永恒，无穷

参考例句：

• The dull play seemed to last an eternity.这场乏味的剧似乎演个没完没了。
• Finally,Ying Tai and Shan Bo could be together for all of eternity.英台和山伯终能双宿双飞，永世相随。

47 beseech   

v.祈求，恳求

参考例句：

• I beseech you to do this before it is too late.我恳求你做做这件事吧，趁现在还来得及。
• I beseech your favor.我恳求您帮忙。