Afterward2 Jurgen abode3 in Hell, and complied with the customs of that country. And the tale tells that a week or it might be ten days after his meeting with Florimel, Jurgen married her, without being at all hindered by his having three other wives. For the devils, he found, esteemed4 polygamy, and ranked it above mere5 skill at torturing the damned, through a literal interpretation6 of the saying that it is better to marry than to burn.
"And formerly," they told Jurgen, "you could hardly come across a marriage anywhere that was not hallmarked 'made in Heaven': but since we have been at war with Heaven we have quite taken away that trade from our enemies. So you may marry here as much as you like."
"Why, then," says Jurgen, "I shall marry in haste, and repeat at leisure. But can one obtain a divorce here?"
"Oh, no," said they. "We trafficked in them for a while, but we found that all persons who obtained divorces through our industry promptly7 thanked Heaven they were free at last. In the face of such ingratitude8 we gave over that profitless trade, and now there is a manufactory, for specialties9 in men's clothing, upon the old statutory grounds."
"But these makeshifts are unsatisfactory, and I wish to know, in confidence, what do you do in Hell when there is no longer any putting up with your wives."
The devils all blushed. "We would prefer not to tell you," said they, "for it might get to their ears."
"Now do I perceive," said Jurgen, "that Hell is pretty much like any other place."
So Jurgen and the lovely Vampire10 were duly married. First Jurgen's nails were trimmed, and the parings were given to Florimel. A broomstick was laid before them, and they stepped over it. Then Florimel said "Temon!" thrice, and nine times did Jurgen reply "Arigizator!" Afterward the Emperor Jurgen and his bride were given a posset of dudaïm and eruca, and the devils modestly withdrew.
Thereafter Jurgen abode in Hell, and complied with the customs of that country, and was tolerably content for a while. Now Jurgen shared with Florimel that quiet cleft11 which she had fitted out in imitation of her girlhood home: and they lived in the suburbs of Barathum, very respectably, by the shore of the sea. There was, of course, no water in Hell; indeed the importation of water was forbidden, under severe penalties, in view of its possible use for baptismal purposes: this sea was composed of the blood that had been shed by piety12 in furthering the kingdom of the Prince of Peace, and was reputed to be the largest ocean in existence. And it explained the nonsensical saying which Jurgen had so often heard, as to Hell's being paved with good intentions.
"For Epigenes of Rhodes is right, after all," said Jurgen, "in suggesting a misprint: and the word should be 'laved'."
"Why, to be sure, your majesty13," assented14 Florimel: "ah, but I always said your majesty had remarkable15 powers of penetration16, quite apart from your majesty's scholarship."
For Florimel had this cajoling way of speaking. None the less, all vampires17 have their foibles, and are nourished by the vigor18 and youth of their lovers. So one morning Florimel complained of being unwell, and attributed it to indigestion.
Jurgen stroked her head meditatively19; then he opened his glittering shirt, and displayed what was plain enough to see.
"I am full of vigor and I am young," said Jurgen, "but my vigor and my youthfulness are of a peculiar20 sort, and are not wholesome21. So let us have no more of your tricks, or you will quite spoil your vacation by being very ill indeed."
"But I had thought all emperors were human!" said Florimel, in a flutter of blushing penitence22, exceedingly pretty to observe.
"Even so, sweetheart, all emperors are not Jurgens," he replied, magnificently. "Therefore you will find that not every emperor is justly styled the father of his people, or is qualified23 by nature to wield24 the sceptre of Noumaria. I trust this lesson will suffice."
So thereafter they had no further trouble of this sort, and the wound on Jurgen's breast was soon healed.
And Jurgen kept away from the damned, of course, because he and Florimel were living respectably. They paid a visit to Jurgen's father, however, very shortly after they were married, because this was the proper thing to do. And Coth was civil enough, for Coth, and voiced a hope that Florimel might have a good influence upon Jurgen and make him worth his salt, but did not pretend to be optimistic. Yet this visit was never returned, because Coth considered his wickedness was too great for him to be spared a moment of torment26, and so would not leave his flame.
"And really, your majesty," said Florimel, "I do not wish for an instant to have the appearance of criticizing your majesty's relatives. But I do think that your majesty's father might have called upon us, at least once, particularly after I offered to have a fire made up for him to sit on any time he chose to come. I consider that your majesty's father assumes somewhat extravagant27 airs, in the lack of any definite proof as to his having been a bit more wicked than anybody else: and the child-like candor28 which has always been with me a leading characteristic prevents concealment29 of my opinion."
"Oh, it is just his conscience, dear."
"A conscience is all very well in its place, your majesty; and I, for one, would never have been able to endure the interminable labor30 of seducing31 and assassinating32 so many fine young fellows if my conscience had not assured me that it was all the fault of my sister-in-law. But, even so, there is no sense in letting your conscience make a slave of you: and when conscience reduces your majesty's father to ignoring the rules of common civility and behaving like a candle-wick, I am sure that matters are being carried too far."
"And right you are, my dear. However, we do not lack for company. So come now, make yourself fine, and shake the black dog from your back, for we are spending the evening with the Asmodeuses."
"And will your majesty talk politics again?"
"Oh, I suppose so. They appear to like it."
"I only wish that I did, your majesty," observed Florimel, and she yawned by anticipation33.
For with the devils Jurgen got on garrulously34. The religion of Hell is patriotism35, and the government is an enlightened democracy. This contented36 the devils, and Jurgen had learned long ago never to fall out with either of these codes, without which, as the devils were fond of observing, Hell would not be what it is.
They were, to Jurgen's finding, simple-minded fiends who allowed themselves to be deplorably overworked by the importunate37 dead. They got no rest because of the damned, who were such persons as had been saddled with a conscience, and who in consequence demanded interminable torments38. And at the time of Jurgen's coming into Hell political affairs were in a very bad way, because there was a considerable party among the younger devils who were for compounding the age-old war with Heaven, at almost any price, in order to get relief from this unceasing influx39 of conscientious40 dead persons in search of torment. For it was well-known that when Satan submitted to be bound in chains there would be no more death: and the annoying immigration would thus be ended. So said the younger devils: and considered Grandfather Satan ought to sacrifice himself for the general welfare.
Then too they pointed41 out that Satan had been perforce their presiding magistrate42 ever since the settlement of Hell, because a change of administration is inexpedient in war-time: so that Satan must term after term be re-elected: and of course Satan had been voted absolute power in everything, since this too is customary in wartime. Well, and after the first few thousand years of this the younger devils began to whisper that such government was not ideal democracy.
But their more conservative elders were enraged43 by these effete44 and wild new notions, and dealt with their juniors somewhat severely45, tearing them into bits and quite destroying them. The elder devils then proceeded to inflict46 even more startling punishments.
* * * * *
So Grandfather Satan was much vexed47, because the laws were being violated everywhere: and a day or two after Jurgen's advent48 Satan issued a public appeal to his subjects, that the code of Hell should be better respected. But under a democratic government people do not like to be perpetually bothering about law and order, as one of the older and stronger devils pointed out to Jurgen.
Jurgen drew a serious face, and he stroked his chin. "Why, but look you," says Jurgen, "in deploring49 the mob spirit that has been manifesting itself sporadically50 throughout this country against the advocates of peace and submission51 to the commands of Heaven and other pro-Celestial propaganda,—and in warning loyal citizenship52 that such outbursts must be guarded against, as hurtful to the public welfare of Hell,—why, Grandfather Satan should bear in mind that the government, in large measure, holds the remedy of the evil in its own hands." And Jurgen looked very severely toward Satan.
"Come now," says Phlegeton, nodding his head, which was like that of a bear, except for his naked long, red ears, inside each of which was a flame like that of a spirit-lamp: "come now, but this young emperor in the fine shirt speaks uncommonly53 well!"
"So we spoke54 together in Pandemonium55," said Belial, wistfully, "in the brave days when Pandemonium was newly built and we were all imps56 together."
"Yes, his talk is of the old school, than which there is none better. So pray continue, Emperor Jurgen," cried the elderly devils, "and let us know what you are talking about."
"Why, merely this," says Jurgen, and again he looked severely toward Satan: "I tell you that as long as sentimental57 weakness marks the prosecution58 of offences in violation59 of the laws necessitated60 by war-time conditions; as long as deserved punishment for overt61 acts of pro-Celestialism is withheld62; as long as weak-kneed clemency63 condones64 even a suspicion of disloyal thinking: then just so long will a righteously incensed65, if now and then misguided patriotism take into its own hands vengeance66 upon the offenders67."
"But, still—" said Grandfather Satan.
"Ineffectual administration of the law," continued Jurgen, sternly, "is the true defence of these outbursts: and far more justly deplorable than acts of mob violence is the policy of condonation68 that furnishes occasion for them. The patriotic69 people of Hell are not in a temper to be trifled with, now that they are at war. Conviction for offenses70 against the nation should not be behedged about with technicalities devised for over-refined peacetime jurisprudence. Why, there is no one of you, I am sure, but has at his tongue's tip the immortal71 words of Livonius as to this very topic: and so I shall not repeat them. But I fancy you will agree with me that what Livonius says is unanswerable."
So it was that Jurgen went on at a great rate, and looking always very sternly at Grandfather Satan.
"Yes, yes!" said Satan, wriggling72 uncomfortably, but still not thinking of Jurgen entirely73: "yes, all this is excellent oratory74, and not for a moment would I decry75 the authority of Livonius. And your quotation76 is uncommonly apropos77 and all that sort of thing. But with what are you charging me?"
"With sentimental weakness," retorted Jurgen. "Was it not only yesterday one of the younger devils was brought before you, upon the charge that he had said the climate in Heaven was better than the climate here? And you, sir, Hell's chief magistrate—you it was who actually asked him if he had ever uttered such a disloyal heresy78!"
"Now, but what else was I to do?" said Satan, fidgeting, and swishing his great bushy tail so that it rustled79 against his horns, and still not really turning his mind from that ancient thought.
"You should have remembered, sir, that a devil whose patriotism is impugned80 is a devil to be punished; and that there is no time to be prying81 into irrevelant questions of his guilt82 or innocence83. Otherwise, I take it, you will never have any real democracy in Hell."
Now Jurgen looked very impressive, and the devils were all cheering him.
"And so," says Jurgen, "your disgusted hearers were wearied by such frivolous84 interrogatories, and took the fellow out of your hands, and tore him into particularly small bits. Now I warn you, Grandfather Satan, that it is your duty as a democratic magistrate just so to deal with such offenders first of all, and to ask your silly questions afterward. For what does Rudigernus say outright85 upon this point? and Zantipher Magnus, too? Why, my dear sir, I ask you plainly, where in the entire history of international jurisprudence will you find any more explicit86 language than these two employ?"
"Now certainly," says Satan, with his bleak87 smile, "you cite very respectable authority: and I shall take your reproof88 in good part. I will endeavor to be more strict in the future. And you must not blame my laxity too severely, Emperor Jurgen, for it is a long while since any man came living into Hell to instruct us how to manage matters in time of war. No doubt, precisely89 as you say, we do need a little more severity hereabouts, and would gain by adopting more human methods. Rudigernus, now?—yes, Rudigernus is rather unanswerable, and I concede it frankly90. So do you come home and have supper with me, Emperor Jurgen, and we will talk over these things."
Then Jurgen went off arm in arm with Grandfather Satan, and Jurgen's erudition and sturdy common-sense were forevermore established among the older and more solid element in Hell. And Satan followed Jurgen's suggestions, and the threatened rebellion was satisfactorily discouraged, by tearing into very small fragments anybody who grumbled91 about anything. So that all the subjects of Satan went about smiling broadly all the time at the thought of what might befall them if they seemed dejected. Thus was Hell a happier looking place because of Jurgen's coming.
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1 precedents | |
引用单元; 范例( precedent的名词复数 ); 先前出现的事例; 前例; 先例 | |
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2 afterward | |
adv.后来;以后 | |
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3 abode | |
n.住处,住所 | |
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4 esteemed | |
adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 );敬重;认为;以为 | |
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5 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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6 interpretation | |
n.解释,说明,描述;艺术处理 | |
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7 promptly | |
adv.及时地,敏捷地 | |
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8 ingratitude | |
n.忘恩负义 | |
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9 specialties | |
n.专门,特性,特别;专业( specialty的名词复数 );特性;特制品;盖印的契约 | |
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10 vampire | |
n.吸血鬼 | |
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11 cleft | |
n.裂缝;adj.裂开的 | |
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12 piety | |
n.虔诚,虔敬 | |
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13 majesty | |
n.雄伟,壮丽,庄严,威严;最高权威,王权 | |
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14 assented | |
同意,赞成( assent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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15 remarkable | |
adj.显著的,异常的,非凡的,值得注意的 | |
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16 penetration | |
n.穿透,穿人,渗透 | |
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17 vampires | |
n.吸血鬼( vampire的名词复数 );吸血蝠;高利贷者;(舞台上的)活板门 | |
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18 vigor | |
n.活力,精力,元气 | |
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19 meditatively | |
adv.冥想地 | |
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20 peculiar | |
adj.古怪的,异常的;特殊的,特有的 | |
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21 wholesome | |
adj.适合;卫生的;有益健康的;显示身心健康的 | |
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22 penitence | |
n.忏悔,赎罪;悔过 | |
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23 qualified | |
adj.合格的,有资格的,胜任的,有限制的 | |
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24 wield | |
vt.行使,运用,支配;挥,使用(武器等) | |
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25 wry | |
adj.讽刺的;扭曲的 | |
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26 torment | |
n.折磨;令人痛苦的东西(人);vt.折磨;纠缠 | |
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27 extravagant | |
adj.奢侈的;过分的;(言行等)放肆的 | |
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28 candor | |
n.坦白,率真 | |
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29 concealment | |
n.隐藏, 掩盖,隐瞒 | |
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30 labor | |
n.劳动,努力,工作,劳工;分娩;vi.劳动,努力,苦干;vt.详细分析;麻烦 | |
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31 seducing | |
诱奸( seduce的现在分词 ); 勾引; 诱使堕落; 使入迷 | |
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32 assassinating | |
v.暗杀( assassinate的现在分词 );中伤;诋毁;破坏 | |
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33 anticipation | |
n.预期,预料,期望 | |
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34 garrulously | |
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35 patriotism | |
n.爱国精神,爱国心,爱国主义 | |
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36 contented | |
adj.满意的,安心的,知足的 | |
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37 importunate | |
adj.强求的;纠缠不休的 | |
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38 torments | |
(肉体或精神上的)折磨,痛苦( torment的名词复数 ); 造成痛苦的事物[人] | |
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39 influx | |
n.流入,注入 | |
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40 conscientious | |
adj.审慎正直的,认真的,本着良心的 | |
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41 pointed | |
adj.尖的,直截了当的 | |
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42 magistrate | |
n.地方行政官,地方法官,治安官 | |
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43 enraged | |
使暴怒( enrage的过去式和过去分词 ); 歜; 激愤 | |
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44 effete | |
adj.无生产力的,虚弱的 | |
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45 severely | |
adv.严格地;严厉地;非常恶劣地 | |
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46 inflict | |
vt.(on)把…强加给,使遭受,使承担 | |
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47 vexed | |
adj.争论不休的;(指问题等)棘手的;争论不休的问题;烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 );使苦恼;使生气;详细讨论 | |
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48 advent | |
n.(重要事件等的)到来,来临 | |
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49 deploring | |
v.悲叹,痛惜,强烈反对( deplore的现在分词 ) | |
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50 sporadically | |
adv.偶发地,零星地 | |
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51 submission | |
n.服从,投降;温顺,谦虚;提出 | |
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52 citizenship | |
n.市民权,公民权,国民的义务(身份) | |
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53 uncommonly | |
adv. 稀罕(极,非常) | |
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54 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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55 pandemonium | |
n.喧嚣,大混乱 | |
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56 imps | |
n.(故事中的)小恶魔( imp的名词复数 );小魔鬼;小淘气;顽童 | |
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57 sentimental | |
adj.多愁善感的,感伤的 | |
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58 prosecution | |
n.起诉,告发,检举,执行,经营 | |
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59 violation | |
n.违反(行为),违背(行为),侵犯 | |
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60 necessitated | |
使…成为必要,需要( necessitate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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61 overt | |
adj.公开的,明显的,公然的 | |
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62 withheld | |
withhold过去式及过去分词 | |
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63 clemency | |
n.温和,仁慈,宽厚 | |
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64 condones | |
v.容忍,宽恕,原谅( condone的第三人称单数 ) | |
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65 incensed | |
盛怒的 | |
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66 vengeance | |
n.报复,报仇,复仇 | |
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67 offenders | |
n.冒犯者( offender的名词复数 );犯规者;罪犯;妨害…的人(或事物) | |
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68 condonation | |
n.容忍,宽恕,原谅 | |
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69 patriotic | |
adj.爱国的,有爱国心的 | |
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70 offenses | |
n.进攻( offense的名词复数 );(球队的)前锋;进攻方法;攻势 | |
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71 immortal | |
adj.不朽的;永生的,不死的;神的 | |
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72 wriggling | |
v.扭动,蠕动,蜿蜒行进( wriggle的现在分词 );(使身体某一部位)扭动;耍滑不做,逃避(应做的事等);蠕蠕 | |
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73 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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74 oratory | |
n.演讲术;词藻华丽的言辞 | |
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75 decry | |
v.危难,谴责 | |
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76 quotation | |
n.引文,引语,语录;报价,牌价,行情 | |
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77 apropos | |
adv.恰好地;adj.恰当的;关于 | |
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78 heresy | |
n.异端邪说;异教 | |
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79 rustled | |
v.发出沙沙的声音( rustle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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80 impugned | |
v.非难,指谪( impugn的过去式和过去分词 );对…有怀疑 | |
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81 prying | |
adj.爱打听的v.打听,刺探(他人的私事)( pry的现在分词 );撬开 | |
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82 guilt | |
n.犯罪;内疚;过失,罪责 | |
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83 innocence | |
n.无罪;天真;无害 | |
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84 frivolous | |
adj.轻薄的;轻率的 | |
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85 outright | |
adv.坦率地;彻底地;立即;adj.无疑的;彻底的 | |
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86 explicit | |
adj.详述的,明确的;坦率的;显然的 | |
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87 bleak | |
adj.(天气)阴冷的;凄凉的;暗淡的 | |
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88 reproof | |
n.斥责,责备 | |
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89 precisely | |
adv.恰好,正好,精确地,细致地 | |
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90 frankly | |
adv.坦白地,直率地;坦率地说 | |
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91 grumbled | |
抱怨( grumble的过去式和过去分词 ); 发牢骚; 咕哝; 发哼声 | |
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