And it seemed a long while before she told Perion very quietly that she had confessed all to Ayrart de Montors, and had, by reason of de Montors' love for her, so goaded4 and allured5 the outcome of their talk—"ignobly," as she said,—that a clean-handed gentleman would come at three o'clock for Perion de la Forêt, and guide a thief toward unmerited impunity6. All this she spoke7 quite levelly, as one reads aloud from a book; and then, with a signal change of voice, Melicent said: "Yes, that is true enough. Yet why, in reality, do you think I have in my own person come to tell you of it?"
"Madame, I may not guess. Hah, indeed, indeed," Perion cried, because he knew the truth and was unspeakably afraid, "I dare not guess!"
"You sail to-morrow for the fighting oversea——" she began, but her sweet voice trailed and died into silence. He heard the crepitations of the fire, and even the hurried beatings of his own heart, as against a terrible and lovely hush8 of all created life. "Then take me with you."
Perion had never any recollection of what he answered. Indeed, he uttered no communicative words, but only foolish babblements.
"Oh, I do not understand," said Melicent. "It is as though some spell were laid upon me. Look you, I have been cleanly reared, I have never wronged any person that I know of, and throughout my quiet, sheltered life I have loved truth and honour most of all. My judgment9 grants you to be what you are confessedly. And there is that in me more masterful and surer than my judgment, that which seems omniscient10 and lightly puts aside your confessings as unimportant."
"Lackey11, impostor, and thief!" young Perion answered. "There you have the catalogue of all my rightful titles fairly earned."
"And even if I believed you, I think I would not care! Is that not strange? For then I should despise you. And even then, I think, I would fling my honour at your feet, as I do now, and but in part with loathing12, I would still entreat13 you to make of me your wife, your servant, anything that pleased you . . . . Oh, I had thought that when love came it would be sweet!"
Strangely quiet, in every sense, he answered:
"It is very sweet. I have known no happier moment in my life. For you stand within arm's reach, mine to touch, mine to possess and do with as I elect. And I dare not lift a finger. I am as a man that has lain for a long while in a dungeon14 vainly hungering for the glad light of day—who, being freed at last, must hide his eyes from the dear sunlight he dare not look upon as yet. Ho, I am past speech unworthy of your notice! and I pray you now speak harshly with me, madame, for when your pure eyes regard me kindly16, and your bright and delicate lips have come thus near to mine, I am so greatly tempted17 and so happy that I fear lest heaven grow jealous!"
"Be not too much afraid—" she murmured.
"Nay18, should I then be bold? and within the moment wake Count Emmerick to say to him, very boldly, 'Beau sire, the thief half Christendom is hunting has the honour to request your sister's hand in marriage'?"
"You sail to-morrow for the fighting oversea. Take me with you."
"Indeed the feat19 would be worthy15 of me. For you are a lady tenderly nurtured20 and used to every luxury the age affords. There comes to woo you presently an excellent and potent21 monarch22, not all unworthy of your love, who will presently share with you many happy and honourable23 years. Yonder is a lawless naked wilderness24 where I and my fellow desperadoes hope to cheat offended justice and to preserve thrice-forfeited lives in savagery25. You bid me aid you to go into this country, never to return! Madame, if I obeyed you, Satan would protest against pollution of his ageless fires by any soul so filthy26."
"You talk of little things, whereas I think of great things. Love is not sustained by palatable27 food alone, and is not served only by those persons who go about the world in satin."
"Then take the shameful28 truth. It is undeniable I swore I loved you, and with appropriate gestures, too. But, dompnedex, madame! I am past master in these specious29 ecstasies30, for somehow I have rarely seen the woman who had not some charm or other to catch my heart with. I confess now that you alone have never quickened it. My only purpose was through hyperbole to wheedle31 you out of a horse, and meanwhile to have my recreation, you handsome jade32!—and that is all you ever meant to me. I swear to you that is all, all, all!" sobbed33 Perion, for it appeared that he must die. "I have amused myself with you, I have abominably34 tricked you—"
Melicent only waited with untroubled eyes which seemed to plumb35 his heart and to appraise36 all which Perion had ever thought or longed for since the day that Perion was born; and she was as beautiful, it seemed to him, as the untroubled, gracious angels are, and more compassionate37.
"Yes," Perion said, "I am trying to lie to you. And even at lying I fail."
She said, with a wonderful smile:
"Assuredly there were never any other persons so mad as we. For I must do the wooing, as though you were the maid, and all the while you rebuff me and suffer so that I fear to look on you. Men say you are no better than a highwayman; you confess yourself to be a thief: and I believe none of your accusers. Perion de la Forêt," said Melicent, and ballad-makers have never shaped a phrase wherewith to tell you of her voice, "I know that you have dabbled38 in dishonour39 no more often than an archangel has pilfered40 drying linen41 from a hedgerow. I do not guess, for my hour is upon me, and inevitably42 I know! and there is nothing dares to come between us now."
"Nay,—ho, and even were matters as you suppose them, without any warrant,—there is at least one silly stumbling knave43 that dares as much. Saith he: 'What is the most precious thing in the world?—Why, assuredly, Dame Melicent's welfare. Let me get the keeping of it, then. For I have been entrusted44 with a host of common priceless things—with youth and vigour45 and honour, with a clean conscience and a child's faith, and so on—and no person alive has squandered46 them more gallantly48. So heartward ho! and trust me now, my timorous49 yoke-fellow, to win and squander47 also the chiefest jewel of the world.' Eh, thus he chuckles50 and nudges me, with wicked whisperings. Indeed, madame, this rascal51 that shares equally in my least faculty52 is a most pitiful, ignoble53 rogue54! and he has aforetime eked55 out our common livelihood56 by such practices as your unsullied imagination could scarcely depicture. Until I knew you I had endured him. But you have made of him a horror. A horror, a horror! a thing too pitiful for hell!"
He screened his eyes as if before some physical abomination.
And Perion laughed, not very mirthfully.
"It is the common usage of women to ask of men this little labour, which is a harder task than ever Hercules, that mighty-muscled king of heathenry, achieved. Nay, I, for all my sinews, am an attested60 weakling. The craft of other men I do not fear, for I have encountered no formidable enemy save myself; but that same midnight stabber unhorsed me long ago. I had wallowed in the mire61 contentedly62 enough until you came…. Ah, child, child! why needed you to trouble me! for to-night I want to be clean as you are clean, and that I may not ever be. I am garrisoned63 with devils, I am the battered64 plaything of every vice65, and I lack the strength, and it may be, even the will, to leave my mire. Always I have betrayed the stewardship66 of man and god alike that my body might escape a momentary67 discomfort68! And loving you as I do, I cannot swear that in the outcome I would not betray you too, to this same end! I cannot swear—Oh, now let Satan laugh, yet not unpitifully, since he and I, alone, know all the reasons why I may not swear! Hah, Madame Melicent!" cried Perion, in his great agony, "you offer me that gift an emperor might not accept save in awed69 gratitude70; and I refuse it." Gently he raised her to her feet. "And now, in God's name, go, madame, and leave the prodigal71 among his husks."
"You are a very brave and foolish gentleman," she said, "who chooses to face his own achievements without any paltering. To every man, I think, that must be bitter work; to the woman who loves him it is impossible."
Perion could not see her face, because he lay prone72 at the feet of Melicent, sobbing73, but without any tears, and tasting very deeply of such grief and vain regret as, he had thought, they know in hell alone; and even after she had gone, in silence, he lay in this same posture74 for an exceedingly long while.
And after he knew not how long a while, Perion propped75 his chin between his hands and, still sprawling76 upon the rushes, stared hard into the little, crackling fire. He was thinking of a Perion de la Forêt that once had been. In him might have been found a fit mate for Melicent had this boy not died very long ago.
It is no more cheerful than any other mortuary employment, this disinterment of the person you have been, and are not any longer; and so did Perion find his cataloguing of irrevocable old follies77 and evasions78.
Then Perion arose and looked for pen and ink. It was the first letter he ever wrote to Melicent, and, as you will presently learn, she never saw it.
In such terms Perion wrote:
"Madame—It may please you to remember that when Dame Mélusine and I were interrogated79, I freely confessed to the murder of King Helmas and the theft of my dead master's jewels. In that I lied. For it was my manifest duty to save the woman whom, as I thought, I loved, and it was apparent that the guilty person was either she or I.
"She is now at Brunbelois, where, as I have heard, the splendour of her estate is tolerably notorious. I have not ever heard she gave a thought to me, her cat's-paw. Madame, when I think of you and then of that sleek80, smiling woman, I am appalled81 by my own folly82. I am aghast by my long blindness as I write the words which no one will believe. To what avail do I deny a crime which every circumstance imputed83 to me and my own confession84 has publicly acknowledged?
"But you, I think, will believe me. Look you, madame, I have nothing to gain of you. I shall not ever see you any more. I go into a perilous85 and an eternal banishment86; and in the immediate87 neighbourhood of death a man finds little sustenance88 for romance. Take the worst of me: a gentleman I was born, and as a wastrel89 I have lived, and always very foolishly; but without dishonour. I have never to my knowledge—and God judge me as I speak the truth!—wronged any man or woman save myself. My dear, believe me! believe me, in spite of reason! and understand that my adoration90 and misery91 and unworthiness when I think of you are such as I cannot measure, and afford me no judicious92 moment wherein to fashion lies. For I shall not see you any more.
"I thank you, madame, for your all-unmerited kindnesses, and, oh, I pray you to believe!"
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1
dame
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| n.女士 | |
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warily
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| adv.留心地 | |
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vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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goaded
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| v.刺激( goad的过去式和过去分词 )；激励；（用尖棒）驱赶；驱使（或怂恿、刺激）某人 | |
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allured
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| 诱引，吸引( allure的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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impunity
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| n.(惩罚、损失、伤害等的)免除 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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hush
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| int.嘘，别出声；n.沉默，静寂；v.使安静 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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omniscient
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| adj.无所不知的；博识的 | |
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lackey
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| n.侍从；跟班 | |
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loathing
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| n.厌恶，憎恨v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的现在分词)；极不喜欢 | |
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entreat
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| v.恳求，恳请 | |
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dungeon
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| n.地牢，土牢 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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feat
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| n.功绩；武艺，技艺；adj.灵巧的，漂亮的，合适的 | |
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nurtured
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| 养育( nurture的过去式和过去分词 )； 培育； 滋长； 助长 | |
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potent
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| adj.强有力的，有权势的；有效力的 | |
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monarch
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| n.帝王，君主，最高统治者 | |
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honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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wilderness
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| n.杳无人烟的一片陆地、水等，荒漠 | |
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savagery
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| n.野性 | |
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filthy
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| adj.卑劣的；恶劣的，肮脏的 | |
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palatable
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| adj.可口的，美味的；惬意的 | |
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shameful
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| adj.可耻的，不道德的 | |
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specious
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| adj.似是而非的；adv.似是而非地 | |
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ecstasies
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| 狂喜( ecstasy的名词复数 )； 出神； 入迷； 迷幻药 | |
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wheedle
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| v.劝诱，哄骗 | |
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jade
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| n.玉石；碧玉；翡翠 | |
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sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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abominably
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| adv. 可恶地，可恨地，恶劣地 | |
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plumb
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| adv.精确地，完全地；v.了解意义，测水深 | |
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appraise
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| v.估价，评价，鉴定 | |
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compassionate
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| adj.有同情心的，表示同情的 | |
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dabbled
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| v.涉猎( dabble的过去式和过去分词 )；涉足；浅尝；少量投资 | |
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dishonour
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| n./vt.拒付（支票、汇票、票据等）；vt.凌辱，使丢脸；n.不名誉，耻辱，不光彩 | |
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pilfered
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| v.偷窃（小东西），小偷( pilfer的过去式和过去分词 )；偷窃（一般指小偷小摸） | |
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linen
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| n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的 | |
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inevitably
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| adv.不可避免地；必然发生地 | |
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knave
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| n.流氓；（纸牌中的）杰克 | |
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entrusted
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| v.委托，托付( entrust的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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vigour
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| （=vigor）n.智力，体力，精力 | |
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squandered
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| v.（指钱，财产等）浪费，乱花( squander的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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squander
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| v.浪费，挥霍 | |
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gallantly
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| adv. 漂亮地，勇敢地，献殷勤地 | |
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timorous
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| adj.胆怯的，胆小的 | |
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50
chuckles
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| 轻声地笑( chuckle的名词复数 ) | |
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rascal
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| n.流氓；不诚实的人 | |
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faculty
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| n.才能；学院，系；(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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ignoble
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| adj.不光彩的，卑鄙的；可耻的 | |
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rogue
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| n.流氓；v.游手好闲 | |
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eked
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| v.（靠节省用量）使…的供应持久( eke的过去式和过去分词 )；节约使用；竭力维持生计；勉强度日 | |
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livelihood
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| n.生计，谋生之道 | |
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groaning
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| adj. 呜咽的, 呻吟的 动词groan的现在分词形式 | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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slay
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| v.杀死，宰杀，杀戮 | |
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attested
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| adj.经检验证明无病的，经检验证明无菌的v.证明( attest的过去式和过去分词 )；证实；声称…属实；使宣誓 | |
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mire
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| n.泥沼，泥泞；v.使...陷于泥泞，使...陷入困境 | |
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contentedly
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| adv.心满意足地 | |
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garrisoned
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| 卫戍部队守备( garrison的过去式和过去分词 )； 派部队驻防 | |
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battered
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| adj.磨损的；v.连续猛击；磨损 | |
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vice
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| n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的 | |
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stewardship
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| n. n. 管理工作；管事人的职位及职责 | |
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momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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discomfort
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| n.不舒服，不安，难过，困难，不方便 | |
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awed
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| adj.充满敬畏的，表示敬畏的v.使敬畏，使惊惧( awe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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prodigal
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| adj.浪费的，挥霍的，放荡的 | |
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prone
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| adj.(to)易于…的，很可能…的；俯卧的 | |
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sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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posture
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| n.姿势，姿态，心态，态度；v.作出某种姿势 | |
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propped
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| 支撑，支持，维持( prop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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sprawling
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| adj.蔓生的，不规则地伸展的v.伸开四肢坐[躺]( sprawl的现在分词 )；蔓延；杂乱无序地拓展；四肢伸展坐着（或躺着） | |
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follies
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| 罪恶，时事讽刺剧； 愚蠢，蠢笨，愚蠢的行为、思想或做法( folly的名词复数 ) | |
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evasions
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| 逃避( evasion的名词复数 )； 回避； 遁辞； 借口 | |
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interrogated
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| v.询问( interrogate的过去式和过去分词 )；审问；（在计算机或其他机器上）查询 | |
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sleek
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| adj.光滑的，井然有序的；v.使光滑，梳拢 | |
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81
appalled
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| v.使惊骇，使充满恐惧( appall的过去式和过去分词)adj.惊骇的；丧胆的 | |
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82
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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83
imputed
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| v.把（错误等）归咎于( impute的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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84
confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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85
perilous
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| adj.危险的，冒险的 | |
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86
banishment
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| n.放逐，驱逐 | |
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87
immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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88
sustenance
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| n.食物，粮食；生活资料；生计 | |
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89
wastrel
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| n.浪费者；废物 | |
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90
adoration
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| n.爱慕，崇拜 | |
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91
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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92
judicious
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| adj.明智的，明断的，能作出明智决定的 | |
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