But after some months had passed away, and I became used to the change, I was conscious again of the old well-known feeling of dissatisfaction and loneliness. Frequently I used to sit down in a corner and sob1 without knowing what was the matter. I was careful not to let the mistress see my tears, but could not always hide them from the cook, who was nearly always with me. She had asked me already what I was crying for, but I could give no explanation.
One Saturday afternoon, when we were busily scrubbing the floor and all the different meat-boards in the kitchen, the cook noticed my swollen2 eyelids3 again.
"What is the matter with you, I should like to know," she said. "You are home-sick perhaps."
I shook my head slowly and thoughtfully.
"I don't think I am home-sick, but I believe I am unhappy because I can't go and learn anything."
"Can't go and learn anything!" she repeated. "What on earth do you want to learn?"
I hesitated a little.
"I am sure I don't know. All I know is that I am frightfully silly."
"Well, I shouldn't say that," she replied good-naturedly. "I quite like the way you help me in the kitchen."
"Oh well, yes; but I mean that I don't know how to play the piano, nor how to speak French."
"But you do not need such things in service."
"Quite so; but I don't want to be in service."
"Oh!" she exclaimed, and then there was a long silence.
After we had done our work we took off our wet overalls4, and put on clean pinafores. The cook reached down one of the shining saucepans hanging on the walls, and began to make the coffee, while I went into the dining-room to lay the table. After I had taken in the tray with the hot milk, the steaming coffee, and the cups of white porcelain5, the cook and I sat down in the kitchen to take our coffee also. The cook poured out the coffee, and I noticed that her hands trembled a little. She did not speak, and I was silent too, but I could feel that our previous conversation occupied her thoughts. When her cup was empty she put her head into her hands, and looked me straight in the face.
"Well, it need not be exactly French."
"What else, then?"
"I don't know."
"That's silly. You must know your own mind, to be sure."
"I believe that I should like to learn English," I confessed, much embarrassed and ashamed.
"I have never heard of a person learning English. Why would you not rather learn French?"
"No," I said slowly but decisively, "I would much rather learn English."
"I have thought of everything," she continued after a pause; "the mistress must not know about it. She herself has never learnt anything of that sort, and would consider it to be nothing but pride on your part. But it might be managed, nevertheless, if you would learn only in the evening after you have put the children to bed."
"Of course," I cried delightedly; "I would not dream of doing it during the daytime. There is only one thing," I added thoughtfully: "where shall I be able to find a teacher in the evening?"
"A teacher!" cook exclaimed in utter surprise; "do you mean to say that you want a teacher?"
I lost heart considerably7 at her question.
"Of course, I am sure it is impossible without a teacher."
"But won't that be too expensive?"
I assumed great indifference8 at her remark.
"I don't think that it could cost much," I said.
"How much do you think he would charge you?"
"I don't know exactly, but it won't be above a shilling or two."
"But, my dear, you can't afford that."
"Well, let me see. My wages are ten shillings a month, and I do not need all the money."
"Of course not But you have to think of the future."
"Well, that's just what I am doing."
The cook did not understand what I meant by these words, and as the bell rang to show that I was wanted, we dropped the subject, and I did not dare to touch upon it again in spite of the growing impatience9 and longing10 within me.
"Do you think that you would get some benefit from it?"
"From what?" I asked, and looked as if I had no notion of her thoughts.
"From the English language, of course."
"Well, if I knew how to speak it correctly I am certain that I could make a lot of money with it."
"Where?"
"Not here, of course," I replied, and turned my head guiltily away from her gaze. We had to do the scrubbing again, and the cook devoted12 herself to the work almost savagely13; but when the kitchen glittered and shone, and we were once more sitting down to drink our coffee, she continued:
"You must try to take your lessons on a Friday evening. The mistress as well as the master are at the club, and won't be back before eleven. Do you think you could be back before then?"
I was happy beyond expression, and would have liked to put my arms round the neck of that dear simple creature.
"What do you think!" I exclaimed, wild with joy, and with my hands folded as if in prayer; "I shall be in much earlier than that." But in a moment I grew worried again. "Are you sure that the porter won't tell about it?"
"Never mind about the porter. I will have a talk with him."
After that we decided14 that I should look out for a teacher, and the matter was settled. On the following days when I took out the children, I looked up and down the houses most carefully, and found at last what I was searching for. "Languages and Music taught here," stood out clearly from a black board of granite15, and the black board was fastened on to a stately house. In spite of the shyness caused by the grandeur16 of the house I longed to go in right away, but the presence of the children kept me from carrying out my wish. They were old enough to understand everything, and there was not the slightest doubt that they would go and repeat my conversation with a teacher of "languages and music" to their mother. It is true that my mistress was always most kind to me, but, as cook remarked, she would never have understood.
When I arrived home I told my friend about my success, and asked her how I could manage to go there without letting anybody know.
"The only thing you can do," she said, "is to peep in when you go to fetch the milk."
I thought how very ridiculous it would look for me to go into a room with a large milk-can in my hands, and did not like her proposal. There was, however, no other way if I did not want to arouse suspicion, so next day I pulled the bell of the imposing17 house. I could hear it ring from within, and the sound made me still more uncomfortable. I wished the milk-can at the bottom of the sea, and while I stood there waiting I thought for a moment of hiding that disgraceful thing. I looked round for a suitable corner, but then I was afraid that it might be stolen, so I kept it in my hand, and only tried to hide it as much as possible behind me when the door opened and a maid asked what I wanted. Colouring deeply, I told her why I had come, and she begged me to step in. She led the way into a room, which I thought was the most magnificent room I had ever seen. There was a very large looking-glass, and the very first thing I saw in it was myself. The second thing I saw was the milk-can, and I looked away quickly; never before had it seemed to me so big and ugly. A few minutes passed, and still I was left alone. Just when I was beginning to regret that I had come at all, the door opened, and a slender, sweet-looking woman entered the room. The lady was Risa de Vall, the teacher of music and languages. As soon as she saw me she smiled a very faint little smile, which I thought was due to the milk-can, and in my heart of hearts I reproached that article bitterly.
"I am told that you wish to take lessons in the English language; is that so?"
"If you would be so very kind."
"Do you live with your parents?"
I blushed with shame, but answered truthfully:
"No; I am in service."
She was silent for awhile, and looked at me with keen, searching eyes.
"Very well then, my hours are from eight o'clock in the morning till six o'clock in the evening. When do you want to have your lesson?"
"Oh, I am so very sorry, but I cannot come before eight in the evening."
And, after I had said that, tears filled my eyes.
She smiled again, but that time so kindly18 that I felt certain the milk-can had no part in it, and to my greatest delight I heard her say:
"I suppose I must make an exception for once, and give you your lesson at a time convenient to you."
With some hesitation19 I asked for her terms, secretly fearing that it might not be possible after all.
But I was soon relieved. After looking at me once more very keenly, she named a price that even I considered ridiculously small.
When I repeated this conversation to the cook, she looked very grave. After a long silence she asked me whether I thought that English would be a difficult language to learn.
I replied that I did not know, since I had never heard anyone talk English.
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1
sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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2
swollen
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| adj.肿大的，水涨的；v.使变大，肿胀 | |
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3
eyelids
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| n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 )；眼睛也不眨一下；不露声色；面不改色 | |
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4
overalls
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| n.（复）工装裤；长罩衣 | |
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porcelain
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| n.瓷；adj.瓷的，瓷制的 | |
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6
abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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7
considerably
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| adv.极大地；相当大地；在很大程度上 | |
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8
indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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9
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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10
longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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11
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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12
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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13
savagely
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| adv. 野蛮地，残酷地 | |
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14
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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15
granite
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| adj.花岗岩，花岗石 | |
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16
grandeur
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| n.伟大，崇高，宏伟，庄严，豪华 | |
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17
imposing
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| adj.使人难忘的，壮丽的，堂皇的，雄伟的 | |
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18
kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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19
hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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