HOSTAGES TO MOMUS IV

 About four o'clock in the afternoon, Caligula, who was acting¹ as lookout², calls to me:

 

"I have to report a white shirt signalling on the starboard bow, sir."

 

I went down the mountain and brought back a fat, red man in an alpaca coat and no collar.

 

"Gentlemen," says Colonel Rockingham, "allow me to introduce my brother, Captain Duval C. Rockingham, vice-president of the Sunrise & Edenville Tap Railroad."

 

"Otherwise the King of Morocco," says I. "I reckon you don't mind my counting the ransom³, just as a business formality."

 

"Well, no, not exactly," says the fat man, "not when it comes. I turned that matter over to our second vice-president. I was anxious after Brother Jackson's safetiness. I reckon he'll be along right soon. What does that lobster⁴ salad you mentioned taste like, Brother Jackson?"

 

"Mr. Vice-President," says I, "you'll oblige us by remaining here till the second V. P. arrives. This is a private rehearsal⁵, and we don't want any roadside speculators selling tickets."

 

In half an hour Caligula sings out again:

 

"Sail ho! Looks like an apron⁶ on a broomstick."

 

I perambulated down the cliff again, and escorted up a man six foot three, with a sandy beard and no other dimension that you could notice. Thinks I to myself, if he's got ten thousand dollars on his person it's in one bill and folded lengthwise.

 

"Mr. Patterson G. Coble, our second vice-president," announces the colonel.

 

"Glad to know you, gentlemen," says this Coble. "I came up to disseminate⁷ the tidings that Major Tallahassee Tucker, our general passenger agent, is now negotiating a peachcrate full of our railroad bonds with the Perry County Bank for a loan. My dear Colonel Rockingham, was that chicken gumbo or cracked goobers on the bill of fare in your note? Me and the conductor of fifty-six was having a dispute about it."

 

"Another white wings on the rocks!" hollers Caligula. "If I see any more I'll fire on 'em and swear they was torpedo-boats!"

 

The guide goes down again, and convoys⁸ into the lair⁹ a person in blue overalls¹⁰ carrying an amount of inebriety¹¹ and a lantern. I am so sure that this is Major Tucker that I don't even ask him until we are up above; and then I discover that it is Uncle Timothy, the yard switchman at Edenville, who is sent ahead to flag our understandings with the gossip that Judge Pendergast, the railroad's attorney, is in the process of mortgaging Colonel Rockingham's farming lands to make up the ransom.

 

While he is talking, two men crawl from under the bushes into camp, and Caligula, with no white flag to disinter him from his plain duty, draws his gun. But again Colonel Rockingham intervenes and introduces Mr. Jones and Mr. Batts, engineer and fireman of train number forty-two.

 

"Excuse us," says Batts, "but me and Jim have hunted squirrels all over this mounting, and we don't need no white flag. Was that straight, colonel, about the plum pudding and pineapples and real store cigars?"

 

"Towel on a fishing-pole in the offing!" howls Caligula. "Suppose it's the firing line of the freight conductors and brakeman."

 

"My last trip down," says I, wiping off my face. "If the S. & E. T. wants to run an excursion up here just because we kidnapped their president, let 'em. We'll put out our sign. 'The Kidnapper's Cafe and Trainmen's Home.'"

 

This time I caught Major Tallahassee Tucker by his own confession¹³, and I felt easier. I asked him into the creek¹⁴, so I could drown him if he happened to be a track-walker or caboose porter. All the way up the mountain he driveled to me about asparagus on toast, a thing that his intelligence in life had skipped.

 

Up above I got his mind segregated¹⁵ from food and asked if he had raised the ransom.

 

"My dear sir," says he, "I succeeded in negotiating a loan on thirty thousand dollars' worth of the bonds of our railroad, and—"

 

"Never mind just now, major," says I. "It's all right, then. Wait till after dinner, and we'll settle the business. All of you gentlemen," I continues to the crowd, "are invited to stay to dinner. We have mutually trusted one another, and the white flag is supposed to wave over the proceedings¹⁶."

 

"The correct idea," says Caligula, who was standing¹² by me. "Two baggage-masters and a ticket-agent dropped out of a tree while you was below the last time. Did the major man bring the money?"

 

"He says," I answered, "that he succeeded in negotiating the loan."

 

If any cooks ever earned ten thousand dollars in twelve hours, me and Caligula did that day. At six o'clock we spread the top of the mountain with as fine a dinner as the personnel of any railroad ever engulfed¹⁷. We opened all the wine, and we concocted¹⁸ entrées and pièces de resistance, and stirred up little savory¹⁹ chef de cuisines²⁰ and organized a mass of grub such as has been seldom instigated²¹ out of canned and bottled goods. The railroad gathered around it, and the wassail and diversions was intense.

 

After the feast me and Caligula, in the line of business, takes Major Tucker to one side and talks ransom. The major pulls out an agglomeration²² of currency about the size of the price of a town lot in the suburbs of Rabbitville, Arizona, and makes this outcry.

 

"Gentlemen," says he, "the stock of the Sunrise & Edenville railroad has depreciated²³ some. The best I could do with thirty thousand dollars' worth of the bonds was to secure a loan of eighty-seven dollars and fifty cents. On the farming lands of Colonel Rockingham, Judge Pendergast was able to obtain, on a ninth mortgage, the sum of fifty dollars. You will find the amount, one hundred and thirty-seven fifty, correct."

 

"A railroad president," said I, looking this Tucker in the eye, "and the owner of a thousand acres of land; and yet—"

 

"Gentlemen," says Tucker, "The railroad is ten miles long. There don't any train run on it except when the crew goes out in the pines and gathers enough lightwood knots to get up steam. A long time ago, when times was good, the net earnings²⁴ used to run as high as eighteen dollars a week. Colonel Rockingham's land has been sold for taxes thirteen times. There hasn't been a peach crop in this part of Georgia for two years. The wet spring killed the watermelons. Nobody around here has money enough to buy fertilizer; and land is so poor the corn crop failed and there wasn't enough grass to support the rabbits. All the people have had to eat in this section for over a year is hog²⁵ and hominy, and—"

 

"Pick," interrupts Caligula, mussing up his red hair, "what are you going to do with that chicken-feed?"

 

I hands the money back to Major Tucker; and then I goes over to Colonel Rockingham and slaps him on the back.

 

"Colonel," says I, "I hope you've enjoyed our little joke. We don't want to carry it too far. Kidnappers²⁶! Well, wouldn't it tickle²⁷ your uncle? My name's Rhinegelder, and I'm a nephew of Chauncey Depew. My friend's a second cousin of the editor of Puck. So you can see. We are down South enjoying ourselves in our humorous way. Now, there's two quarts of cognac to open yet, and then the joke's over."

 

What's the use to go into details? One or two will be enough. I remember Major Tallahassee Tucker playing on a jew's-harp, and Caligula waltzing with his head on the watch pocket of a tall baggage-master. I hesitate to refer to the cake-walk done by me and Mr. Patterson G. Coble with Colonel Jackson T. Rockingham between us.

 

And even on the next morning, when you wouldn't think it possible, there was a consolation²⁸ for me and Caligula. We knew that Raisuli himself never made half the hit with Burdick Harris that we did with the Sunrise & Edenville Tap Railroad.

 

1 acting   

n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的

参考例句：

• Ignore her,she's just acting.别理她，她只是假装的。
• During the seventies,her acting career was in eclipse.在七十年代，她的表演生涯黯然失色。

2 lookout   

n.注意，前途，瞭望台

参考例句：

• You can see everything around from the lookout.从了望台上你可以看清周围的一切。
• It's a bad lookout for the company if interest rates don't come down.如果利率降不下来，公司的前景可就不妙了。

3 ransom   

n.赎金，赎身；v.赎回，解救

参考例句：

• We'd better arrange the ransom right away.我们最好马上把索取赎金的事安排好。
• The kidnappers exacted a ransom of 10000 from the family.绑架者向这家人家勒索10000英镑的赎金。

4 lobster   

n.龙虾，龙虾肉

参考例句：

• The lobster is a shellfish.龙虾是水生贝壳动物。
• I like lobster but it does not like me.我喜欢吃龙虾，但它不适宜于我的健康。

5 rehearsal   

n.排练，排演；练习

参考例句：

• I want to play you a recording of the rehearsal.我想给你放一下彩排的录像。
• You can sharpen your skills with rehearsal.排练可以让技巧更加纯熟。

6 apron   

n.围裙；工作裙

参考例句：

• We were waited on by a pretty girl in a pink apron.招待我们的是一位穿粉红色围裙的漂亮姑娘。
• She stitched a pocket on the new apron.她在新围裙上缝上一只口袋。

7 disseminate   

v.散布；传播

参考例句：

• We should disseminate science and promote the scientific spirit.普及科学知识，弘扬科学精神。
• We sincerely welcome all countries to disseminate their languages in China.我们真诚地欢迎世界各国来华推广本国语言。

8 convoys   

n.（有护航的）船队( convoy的名词复数 )；车队；护航（队）；护送队

参考例句：

• Truck convoys often stop over for lunch here. 车队经常在这里停下来吃午饭。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• A UN official said aid programs will be suspended until there's adequate protection for relief convoys. 一名联合国官员说将会暂停援助项目，直到援助车队能够得到充分的保护为止。 来自辞典例句

9 lair   

n.野兽的巢穴；躲藏处

参考例句：

• How can you catch tiger cubs without entering the tiger's lair?不入虎穴，焉得虎子？
• I retired to my lair,and wrote some letters.我回到自己的躲藏处，写了几封信。

10 overalls   

n.（复）工装裤；长罩衣

参考例句：

• He is in overalls today.他今天穿的是工作裤。
• He changed his overalls for a suit.他脱下工装裤，换上了一套西服。

11 inebriety   

n.醉，陶醉

参考例句：

• His only opportunities for ineBriety were the visits to town. 他只有进城的机会才能开怀畅饮，一醉方休。 来自互联网

12 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

13 confession   

n.自白，供认，承认

参考例句：

• Her confession was simply tantamount to a casual explanation.她的自白简直等于一篇即席说明。
• The police used torture to extort a confession from him.警察对他用刑逼供。

14 creek   

n.小溪，小河，小湾

参考例句：

• He sprang through the creek.他跳过小河。
• People sunbathe in the nude on the rocks above the creek.人们在露出小溪的岩石上裸体晒日光浴。

15 segregated   

分开的； 被隔离的

参考例句：

• a culture in which women are segregated from men 妇女受到隔离歧视的文化
• The doctor segregated the child sick with scarlet fever. 大夫把患猩红热的孩子隔离起来。

16 proceedings   

n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报

参考例句：

• He was released on bail pending committal proceedings. 他交保获释正在候审。
• to initiate legal proceedings against sb 对某人提起诉讼

17 engulfed   

v.吞没，包住( engulf的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He was engulfed by a crowd of reporters. 他被一群记者团团围住。
• The little boat was engulfed by the waves. 小船被波浪吞没了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

18 concocted   

v.将（尤指通常不相配合的）成分混合成某物( concoct的过去式和过去分词 )；调制；编造；捏造

参考例句：

• The soup was concocted from up to a dozen different kinds of fish. 这种汤是用多达十几种不同的鱼熬制而成的。
• Between them they concocted a letter. 他们共同策划写了一封信。 来自《简明英汉词典》

19 savory   

adj.风味极佳的，可口的，味香的

参考例句：

• She placed a huge dish before him of savory steaming meat.她将一大盘热气腾腾、美味可口的肉放在他面前。
• He doesn't have a very savory reputation.他的名誉不太好。

20 cuisines   

n.烹饪( cuisine的名词复数 )；菜肴；（通常指昂贵的饭店中的）饭菜；烹饪艺术

参考例句：

• Could you tell me the different features of these cuisines? 能不能告诉我这些不同的烹调流派各自有哪些特点？ 来自地道口语脱口SHOW 高中超越版
• Ice sculptures are used as decorations in some cuisines, especially in Asia. 冰雕在某些菜肴中被当作装饰品，尤其在亚洲。 来自互联网

21 instigated   

v.使（某事物）开始或发生，鼓动( instigate的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The government has instigated a programme of economic reform. 政府已实施了经济改革方案。
• He instigated the revolt. 他策动了这次叛乱。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

22 agglomeration   

n.结聚，一堆

参考例句：

• The Guangxi's sugar industry has the characters of industrial agglomeration.广西糖业在发展过程中体现出了产业集聚特征。
• This agglomeration of funds resolves a number of problems.这种集资的办法解决了以下几个问题。

23 depreciated   

v.贬值，跌价，减价( depreciate的过去式和过去分词 )；贬低，蔑视，轻视

参考例句：

• Fixed assets are fully depreciated. 折旧足额。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• Shares in the company have depreciated. 该公司的股票已经贬值。 来自辞典例句

24 earnings   

n.工资收人；利润，利益，所得

参考例句：

• That old man lives on the earnings of his daughter.那个老人靠他女儿的收入维持生活。
• Last year there was a 20% decrease in his earnings.去年他的收入减少了20%。

25 hog   

n.猪；馋嘴贪吃的人；vt.把…占为己有，独占

参考例句：

• He is greedy like a hog.他像猪一样贪婪。
• Drivers who hog the road leave no room for other cars.那些占着路面的驾驶员一点余地都不留给其他车辆。

26 kidnappers   

n.拐子，绑匪( kidnapper的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• They were freed yesterday by their kidnappers unharmed. 他们昨天被绑架者释放了，没有受到伤害。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The kidnappers had threatened to behead all four unless their jailed comrades were released. 帮匪们曾经威胁说如果印度方面不释放他们的同伙，他们就要将这四名人质全部斩首。 来自《简明英汉词典》

27 tickle   

v.搔痒，胳肢；使高兴；发痒；n.搔痒，发痒

参考例句：

• Wilson was feeling restless. There was a tickle in his throat.威尔逊只觉得心神不定。嗓子眼里有些发痒。
• I am tickle pink at the news.听到这消息我高兴得要命。

28 consolation   

n.安慰，慰问

参考例句：

• The children were a great consolation to me at that time.那时孩子们成了我的莫大安慰。
• This news was of little consolation to us.这个消息对我们来说没有什么安慰。